Pliant
by FlowerPot21
Summary: Not everything is made strong at first; it has to be bent and molded and flexed to be made solid, unbreakable. R/N, E/C.
1. One

Pliant

**One**

She'd felt the heat of his stare all day long, and quite frankly, it was bugging the hell out of her.

Of course, he's not being quite as conspicuous about it as he'd been earlier, but every now and then, she can feel his eyes on her, even whilst sitting at the table with their other coworkers.

Natalia pushes her hair behind her ears before she takes another sip of her wine. She feels the liquid, tingly warmth spread throughout her body and relax her, easing the undercurrent of irritation she feels as she makes awkward eye contact with Cardoza. She quickly turns her attention back to the scratched up oak table. It's obvious that he can't sense her discomfort right now, and thank God everyone else is distracted by the side conversations going on right now because otherwise, it'd be even more embarrassing.

It'd been a long, frustrating day filled with the usual disappointments.

Triple homicide in the Gables, all hands on deck.

The team had labored all day until they tracked down a suspect. _A_ suspect. One, who'd fed Frank a line of bullshit.

Frank put him in holding, last Natalia heard.

That's one of the aspects of working at CSI that gives her career the edge she'd always wanted. It's the unpredictability that gets her adrenaline pumping and keeps her mind constantly working. But it's that same unpredictability that causes her to crave normality when she gets off from work. Things that are familiar can bring so much comfort. Things _to be_ expected can and are a good thing. She doesn't want to have those guessing games after work. Her mind shuts off and she no longer wants to think critically about anything, really. She doesn't have to put a a lot of thought into what drink she's going to have, or what she's going to eat for dinner. She's completely at her own mercy once she takes her gun and badge off and it's liberating because she can make decisions that directly affect her, not other people.

But she's gotten so used to the expected in her life that she forgot that sometimes unexpected can happen.

She leans back against the cracking pleather of the booth, stretching her legs under the table and her feet collide with Ryan's. She opens her eyes and she moves her feet aside.

"Sorry."

"Comfy?" He asks with a chuckle and it makes her smile.

"As much as I can get in this place."

There's some kind of relaxing jazz music playing over the radio and she takes another sip of wine as she sinks into the lulling rhythm. There goes his stare again! Even when she's trying to relax she can feel it and it makes her stiffen a bit.

"Hey, you're not passin' out on me, are ya?" Calleigh giggles as she gently nudges Natalia with her elbow.

"I know," Maxine chimes in. "You know we've got a few more bars to hit before eleven."

"Oh please," Natalia snorts. "I'll be in REM sleep by eleven."

"Not if you have any hopes of finding yourself a hot, virile man beast to ravage you," Maxine teases.

"You are sick, Mimi, you know that?" Calleigh laughs.

"She's known that for years," Ryan grins before he finishes off his beer.

"Well excuse me for being single," Maxine says indignantly. "You already have your own hot, virile man beast that ravages you daily, I'm sure..."

"Maxine Valera!" Calleigh chides, a pink blush rising in her cheeks.

"What? Like it's not true," Maxine says before she sips at her martini.

"That's not-" Calleigh pauses then she starts again. "Eric wouldn't appreciate being called a man beast."

"That's 'cause you've got him on a shorter leash these days," Natalia grins.

Calleigh smiles. "Trust me, Eric isn't on any kind of leash."

"You all up for some more drinks?" Jesse asks.

"No thanks," Calleigh says. "I'm good."

"I'll have a beer," Maxine orders.

"Same," Ryan says. "Nat?"

"Ryan and I will go order them," she speaks up.

Calleigh slides out of the booth to let her out and Ryan gets up, looking a bit annoyed at being volunteered against his will.

He follows her to the bar and they order the drinks.

He leans up against the bar and he looks at her. She is looking down at her finger nails, looking visibly peeved and concerned. He's always known when she's agitated, there's a pulsing vein that runs right down, like a sinewy marking of a river on a map, the middle of her forehead, accentuating a faint scar that rests there. Most people don't know that she's got a scar on her forehead, but Ryan has noticed for some reason. He supposes that his OCD tendencies allowed him to catch that.

He also supposes that her concern is stemming from the way Cardoza can't keep his eyes from flitting back to her. He's been sizing her up from the moment he met her, and they've had a tit-for-tat thing going to most of the year. Ryan doesn't really know what to make of it though. He won't deny it; Natalia is a gorgeous woman, and he's had the pleasure of sharing her company once, but that was years ago. Still, she's fascinating and he certainly can't blame Cardoza for being interested.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

She opens her eyes and looks at him.

"Hmm?"

"You look like something's bothering you..."

"Oh," she sighs, her face relaxing. "It's nothing."

He sighs. "Does it have to do with Jesse?"

"He won't stop staring at me," she says quietly, discreetly. "It's annoying."

Ryan laughs. "Well, have you seen you?"

She glares at him. "Not funny Ryan."

"I'm just saying," he shrugs. "Anything I should know?"

She can't help but smile at his nosiness.

"I'm not interested in him," she shrugs. "I mean, not in that way."

"Well, he's obviously not getting the message," Ryan observes.

Their drinks are served up and Ryan takes the tray. Natalia struts a little ahead of him and he can see the source of Cardoza's confusion.

Calleigh is the first to leave, bidding everyone good night.

Damn it.

Now Jesse slides into the booth next to Natalia, and Ryan looks down, grinning a bit.

This is damn uncomfortable, and Natalia scoots a little.

Maxine slips into the booth next to Ryan as she drinks down some of her beer.

The foursome lapses into silence as they sip at their drinks.

Natalia sips at her wine and she once again relaxes, trying to shut out the world and the uncomfortableness of the current seating arrangements. She stretches out her legs again, and they collide with Ryan's and he gently shoves her foot aside. She opens her eyes and looks at him as she steps on his toes and he furrows his eyebrows.

Things haven't been quite right; that always happens with the addition of a new member of the team.

Ever since Eric's second brush with death, things have changed.

At that point, Eric and Calleigh's relationship became public knowledge, though out of courtesy and respect for both of them, it's been kept under the radar at work. Murmurings about the pair are few and far between because they've earned the right to privacy after what they've endured together.

Ryan is beginning to see less and less of the pair, though.

As for Cardoza, well, he's a good CSI, but Ryan knows that it will be along while before everyone completely trusts him. He'd gone through much of the same, Natalia too, as a new members in a close knit unit after a traumatic event.

"I'll be back," Maxine says as she gets up and heads to the ladies' restroom.

Ryan sighs as he too gets up. "I'll just be a minute," grinning a bit at the pleading in Natalia's eyes not to leave her alone with Jesse.

Cardoza takes a long drink of his beer and then he looks at her and she sighs.

Jesse is a good looking man, he's intelligent and there's been some playful banter, but Natalia doesn't feel any sort of deeper feelings for him beside a tentative friendship. She doesn't even yet fully trust him, not like she trusts the rest of the team and her other coworkers. Jesse is simply just that, a coworker and she knows that she needs to set him straight on the issue because she thinks that she will go completely insane if she doesn't.

"Let's just cut to the chase," she begins bluntly. "I like you, Jesse. I think you're a great guy, a great CSI, but I'm not interested in..."

He swallows thickly and nods. "Right...okay."

"I mean, I know that we've kind of flirted and stuff since you've been on the team, but-"

"I got it," he chuckles.

She can relax now.

"I should have known," he grins. "So uh...you and Ryan have a thing?"

She sits up straight.

What the fuck?

O-o-O

They've moved to a smaller booth in the corner.

Ryan is leaned back in the booth, watching one of the TVs in the bar. Natalia has been distant, quiet, but considerably more relaxed since Cardoza and Maxine left together. She's reclined up against the wall and her feet are up in the seat, her heels long abandoned under the table, her eyes closed. She finishes off the last of her wine and she feels gooey with the warmth the Merlot has provided her. She's un-tucked her silky blue blouse and the top two buttons are undone. Ryan chances a glance at her and he catches a teasing glimpse at caramel skin sloping to the beginning of the slight curve to her bosom.

He's always liked her skin. It always makes him think of those butterscotch candies...Werther's Original. He knows that it's got to be the beer because he has the urge to just stream his finger down that little show of flesh into her-

She opens her eyes and he flits his eyes back to the TV and she looks over at him, Cardoza's question echoing in her mind. Ryan has long ago taken off his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. He's got his head leaned back against the seat, eyes glued to whatever sport that's on the tube.

"So did you talk to Cardoza?" He asks as he looks at her and there's that vein again.

She sighs. "Yeah. I did."

"How'd he take it?"

"Well."

"Then why do you still look annoyed?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not."

"Yeah you are," he says, leaning in to press his elbows onto the table. "When you're upset or irritated, there's a vein that pops out and it goes right down the middle of your forehead."

She frowns. "Nuh uh."

He grins as he leans back in his seat, beer in hand and drinking down the rest, and she doesn't know whether it's the alcohol in her bloodstream or just a simple observation, but she notices the distinctly gruff and alpha-male air he's taken on in the last year or so. He's definitely come into his own as a CSI, but right now, with his sleeves rolled up, top buttons undone, and looking a bit scruffy, she can see the Boston cop in him, and if she were more drunk, she'd say it is oh so sexy.

But she's not _that_ drunk...is she?

"What time is it?" she asks.

He looks at his watch.

"Ten thirty."

She groans. "I don't want to move."

"Why do you still look annoyed?"

"Why do you want to know?" She snaps.

He shrugs. "Sorry for being concerned."

She sighs, rubbing a hand over her face.

"I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have pressed you," he apologizes. "You want one more drink?"

She nods.

O-o-O

They both did a couple of shots, already feeling the burn of a little too much alcohol churning in the backs of their throats and in their stomachs.

"Everything has just...changed," Natalia sighs, shaking her head as it rests on her fist as she swirls the little shot glass around with her finger.

"I know," Ryan says, thinking that he hasn't been this buzzed in a while.

"For better?" She asks him.

"Jury's still out," he shrugs. "I mean, I know that change can be a good thing, but I just want things to get back to normal. I don't feel like things have really...settled."

"They will," she assures. "I think we just have to get into a rhythm again. H is the glue though. Sometimes it scares me to think what we'd do without him."

"Me too," he says.

She sinks back into the booth.

He suddenly wants to feel her lithe, alcohol-limbered body leaned up against his. They'd had their moment of closeness before; it'd been after their "date" that wasn't really a date for her, but a way to get back at Eric when they'd had their fling. She let him put his arm around her shoulder and she'd rested her head onto his chest when they'd gone to a movie. It'd been completely innocent, the date somewhat lame, but still no less fulfilling. He knew they weren't going anywhere, but it'd been nice.

"You still wanna know why I was annoyed?"

His interest piqued, he nods.

"When I told Cardoza I wasn't interested," she begins. "He asked if you and me had a thing."

"We did have a thing," he grins. "I don't know if it was good or not."

She smiles. "It was good, Ry. You were very sweet."

He chuckles. "Not what I was going for at the time...besides, you were still kind of with Eric."

Natalia bites her bottom lip. There's the vein again.

They have never talked about their brief, platonic courtship before now because it'd been just what it was. More than anything, it helped to develop their friendship and get to know one another. Ryan's intentions may have been romance, but a friendship bloomed from it and that is just as valuable. Still, they've never talked about the circumstances surrounding that time and Natalia realizes that she'd been wrong for playing with Ryan's emotions.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly. "If you felt like I used you...I-I don't know what I was trying to do since I certainly wasn't making Eric jealous...I mean, no offense to the man he is now. It's just that he was-we were different."

"I didn't feel used," he says. "It was fun and I knew what was up anyway."

She grins. "What time is it?"

"After twelve. Ready to go?"

She nods, slipping on her heels.

They walk outside together and Ryan looks at her.

"Where are you parked?"

"Parking garage down the block," she says. "You?"

"Same place," he says. "The walk should do some good."

Natalia wants him to wrap his arm around her shoulders like he'd done a few short years ago. Now more than ever because she wants to feel just how solid he's become since then, she wants to feel his visible strength. It felt _good_ when he held her. Eric had been a good lover, but where he was good in bed, he lacked in romance. Of course she knew that she couldn't have her cake and eat it too; she knew that her date with Ryan had to stay platonic, it was an escape from her frustrations with Eric. Ryan actually took her places. First to dinner and wrestling, the next time to the bookstore, the next for coffee...he sent her flowers and made her feel beautiful. It felt good to be courted.

They walk in comfortable silence and they make it to the parking garage.

"What level?" He asks.

"Third," she says.

They take the steps up to the third level and walk through the dimly lit parking area.

Natalia sighs as she points to her car.

They stop and she turns to him.

Ryan shoves his hands into his pockets. "Are you alright to drive?"

"Yeah, you were right, the walk did me some good," she smiles. "I'm glad we did this, Ryan. I mean, going out with the team again. Kind of feel normal, right?"

He smiles. "Yeah."

She nods as she steps closer to him and leans up and kisses first his cheek, then she slides the silky softness of her own cheek against the slight stubble of his, around to his lips and she brushes her lips against his feather soft, looking into his glazed eyes.

Natalia presses her lips fully into Ryan's and closes her eyes, sending the numerous receptors in the sensitive, plump flesh of her lips into a frenzy.

Ryan feels his mind go blank when her lips press against his and he takes his hands out of his pockets, but he doesn't know what to do with them. Her lips feel amazing; they are soft, perfect. They didn't kiss like this when they spent time together. Just a peck on the cheek. But he certainly would have kissed her then if he knew that it'd feel like this. If he'd known that fire would consume his entire body.

His hands tentatively rest on her hips as he begins to take control of the kiss. He gently tastes her bottom lip, gently coaxing her lips apart. She invites him in and she feels her knees turn to jelly when his tongue slides effortlessly into her mouth and slides against hers. _God_. He tastes so good; the tangy sourness of the alcohol they'd consumed, like spices from dinner, like _him_. She's dizzy as she sinks into him, and she can feel the muscles in his chest supporting her, rippling slightly.

Ryan gently places a hand on her lower back and draws her even closer as he deepens the kiss, changing the pace from a slow exploration to a hunger-inspired search for pleasure. She tastes sweet, like candy, and then he thinks of the perfect caramel tint of her skin and wonders if a morsel of flesh would taste just as sweet and be just as addicting.

Then came her moan.

It vibrated in his mouth, the whimper of it so full of need and completely arousing.

Emboldened by intoxicating arousal, his hands began to caress over her curves. Her hands have found his chest and they are caressing up and down slowly.

When the need for air becomes emergent, they break the kiss, and Natalia rests her head onto his chest, hearing his heart racing. He kisses her hair, taking in long breaths to fill his tightened lungs. He feels his slacks becoming tight, his cock stirring. He is trying to will it away because he certainly doesn't want to ruin a good thing. He hopes that she can't feel anything going on below. That will be embarrassing.

Satisfied that they've both gotten enough air, she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him down to her to pick up their kiss where they left off. Ryan groans and the sound sends a rush of pleasure and arousal through her entire body, and she presses herself into him more, her hips pressing into his. She can feel him hard against her, and she grinds her hips, making him groan again, pulling away.

"Natalia...I'm sorry if this is-"

"Ryan," she breathes, looking into his eyes. "Shut up."

He captures her lips again, and they are both kissing hungrily, passionately as their hands explore their bodies through clothes. Natalia made the first move and began to yank his shirt from his slacks and unbutton it.

Ryan goes straight for the waistband of her pants and makes a quick work of the button and zipper before sliding his warm hand into her panties and into her hot, wet core. She gasps and grips his shoulders as his fingers gently caress over her clit.

"Ryan..."

He grins proudly at her reaction and at finding her so aroused. He slides his finger over her clit again, determined to hear her gasp his name again.

"_Ryan_..."

He pulls his hand out and she whimpers into another kiss as she finally undoes the last button on his shirt. Her hands keenly feel the muscled plains of his chest and abdomen as she caresses softly, her fingernails gently scraping against his skin.

He unbuttons her blouse and he leans in and kisses her neck, and she tilts her head back, obliging him in his exploration. Her skin does smell and taste as sweet as he'd imagined since he got the tiniest of glimpses of what she hides underneath. Full, firm, lace-covered breasts are exposed to him and he's at full attention now. He kisses down her chest and places soft kisses on the tops of her breasts before kisses her again.

This is going two hundred miles per hour in a thirty mile per hour zone.

His mind is telling him to _stop_, _stop_, STOP this. But his surging hormones and his throbbing hard on are telling him differently.

Ryan gently backs her into her car and he helps her push her pants and panties down and off; never-mind the fact that they are in a parking garage, three stories up..._in public_.

He picks her up and sits her onto the hood of the car, the coldness of it on the bare skin of her ass.

She pushes his pants down and off and they pool around his ankles.

Nope, it makes no never-mind to them that they are committing public indecency as they prepare to have sex on the hood of her car.

He tugs a down a cup on her bra and frees a breast and he leans down and sucks a nipple and she cries out into the night as she combs her fingers through his thick, dark hair. She brings him back up to her lips as her other hand slides between them and grips him, stroking.

He growls against her lips. She smiles into their kisses as she firms her grip and strokes harder. His eyes roll back and he catches her hand.

"God Natalia," he shudders. "Much as I _really_, _really_ enjoy that, I'd rather be inside you."

She releases him then she wraps her arms around his neck.

"Now."

Ryan grips her hips as he enters her with a hard thrust and she cries out again.

"Ryan!"

He gently lies her down, his body on top of hers, her back pressed onto the hood.

Natalia tilts her head back in amazing, brilliant ecstasy as he fucks her, her body jolting with his thrusts into her.

Their growls, grunts and moans echo in the near-emptiness of the parking garage as bodies in motion move in frenetically, desperate to reach what promises to be a spectacular end.

"Natalia..." Ryan groans into her ear as he thrusts.

She arches up slowly, feeling her inner muscles tightening, bringing her legs up higher on his waist, tightening them, bringing him into her deeper.

"Don't stop," she moans, her palm slapping onto the glass of her windshield and the other fisting into his hair. "Right there..."

He slides his hand between them and he finds her clit, flicking his thumb quickly over the nervous flesh and soon, she comes hard, yelping into the night as she tilts her head back against the car as her muscles spasm uncontrollably around him.

Ryan pushes himself into her undulating core one last time before he comes with a grunt of her name, collapsing onto her, panting and a little sweaty.

She brings him to her lips for a deep, slow kiss, moaning her satisfaction.

He kisses her cheek, then down her neck to her breast before giving her nipple a gentle lick and kissing his way back up to her lips, smiling and laughing along with her. They lay together on the car for a few long minutes, coming down from their mutual high. He gently pulls out and then pushes himself up and off and she sits up.

A cold wind whistles through the garage and she shivers as she slides off the car and begins to redress. The cold wind of regret is already blowing between them now that the reality of what'd just transpired hits them. She fixes her bra and then buttons up her blouse as he buckles his belt. She pulls her pants back on and slips into her heels. Once they are both fully dressed, she pulls him into an awkward, quick, now perfunctory kiss. She pulls away and fishes her keys out of her purse.

"Night," she says quickly before she opens up the door and gets into her car.

"Night," he says before he closes the door and then steps back.

She starts her car and she drives off.

Ryan sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair, an icy block of regret settling in the pit of his stomach.

_Dammit_.


	2. Two

Pliant

**Two**

Natalia strums her fingers on the glass table as she waits for a hit on the finger print she'd fed the computer. AFIS is going at light speed, searching through one finger print after another and she sighs and pushes her hair behind her ears. She turns away from the computer and she begins to pace in her lab. It's been two days since the night she and Ryan had sex on her car, and she can't seem to erase her mind of it. Part of it had to do with the alcohol, the reminiscing and lamenting about how things are changing around them...alcohol and pity parties don't mix. But they weren't really drunk per se. They had their faculties, could think clearly.

She'd kissed him first.

But at least she can understand the kiss. That can be explained.

The sex, incredible, hot and quick as it'd been, she can't explain. It came out of nowhere as if they'd been possessed, as if she'd suddenly turned into a nymph. She did nothing to stop it from happening. Ryan had been rather sheepish at first, but she felt him. She felt his hard length against her thigh and she had no idea that she inspired _that_ just from a deep kiss. When she gripped him with her hand, she'd felt her thighs clench at the thought of what she'd had in her hand inside her. He'd _wanted_ to be inside her, but he also liked her touch.

She groans as she tries once again to push the image of them rutting and carrying on like uncouth exhibitionists on the hood of her car. The day after, she'd found her handprint on her windshield, evidence that the sex had been real; her bare ass had been on the hood of her car, her legs had been spread eagled, she'd had Ryan pumping away on top of her and the bottom halves of their bodies exposed.

The computer beeps and she's thankful for a reprieve from her thoughts as she goes over to it and looks at the result. She pulls out her cell phone and she calls Horatio.

"H, it's Nat," she begins. "I've got a match to the print you found at the scene. It came back to a Donald Trainor...yeah, he's got priors for three home invasions, two attempted rapes and an assault collar."

"Thank you Ms. Boa Vista," he says gratefully.

"You're welcome."

She ends the call then she sighs as she crosses her arms over her chest, walking out of her lab. She needs a cup of coffee, or a soda...something.

On the way to the break room, she runs into Calleigh who is carrying an evidence box, looking a bit flustered, sweaty and tired.

"Hey Cal, you need some help?" Natalia asks.

"Oh no," Calleigh says stubbornly. "I'm almost to the layout room."

Natalia follows the other woman into an empty layout room and Calleigh sets the box onto the table heavily before she sighs, pushing her hair behind her ears before opening it up. Natalia gazes at Calleigh's ring for a moment. She still can't believe that Calleigh is a married woman now. If she could read minds, she'd probably kill her on the spot for thinking that she's still glowing from the pleasures and indulgences of new marriage. It's not uncharacteristic of her to be infinitesimally happy, but Natalia doesn't think she's ever seen her _glow_. There's a new brightness to her eyes, beyond the glimmer of emerald, and her cheeks are particularly rosy in hue. She's actually much more attractive than she normally is to the men lately, though her demeanor at work hasn't changed. She gets prickly at anyone who uses her married name on the job. She wonders if Eric ever has a problem with the fact that she has chosen to keep her maiden name on the job instead of switching it to his name.

"What's this from?"

"The Gillard case," Calleigh sighs. "H thinks that there might be a link to the case we have now. I'm just looking for anything that might help out."

Calleigh pulls out the file and opens it up, taking out the crime scene photos and spreading them out on the table.

"I got a hit off AFIS on the print Horatio found at the first scene," Natalia explains. "It belonged to Donald Trainor. Horatio and Frank are tracking him down now.

"I remember that name," Calleigh says. "He came up once in the Gillard case, but nothing came of it."

"Well I guess Donny boy is in trouble now," Natalia sighs.

"Mmhm."

Ryan comes walking in and he makes eye contact with Natalia and they both avert their eyes.

"Hey."

Calleigh looks up. "Hey Ryan. Come to help me out?"

"Uh, yeah," he says then he looks at Natalia again. "Hey."

Natalia offers a curt 'hi' and the level of tension has gone up ten fold. Calleigh looks between the two of them and Natalia makes her exit.

Calleigh looks at Ryan.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothing," he says too quickly.

Calleigh raises her eyebrow suspiciously. "Ryan, if it's something between you two that needs to be resolved..."

"It's fine," he says. "Can we uh, get to this?"

She nods. "Okay."

Ryan sighs as he rubs his hand over his face.

That night he didn't get much sleep. His body had been reeling from the whole thing, in shock, disbelief that he'd actually done something like that. In public..._with Natalia_. He didn't know what to make of the whole thing.

He'd woken up the next morning with a splitting headache not from too much alcohol but with the burden of the biggest mistake he's ever made where Natalia's concerned. He'd been angry at himself, confused...still is. And the fucked up part is that he liked it. The sex was fantastic and he can't forget how incredible she felt inside.

The problem is the fact that it'd just been so _random_.

It happened so quick that he didn't have time to process as his mind went from zero to eighty with the deepening of the kiss. Everything about her had been intoxicating and all-consuming and he didn't really want to stop, but he'd tried. She'd persisted though, and he was happy to oblige.

Still, the question remains.

What the fuck had happened?

Natalia is his friend.

It seems like they've made an odd quantum leap from what they had, which had been comfortable, easy, into _this_. Yet _another_ work relationship complicated by sex and romantic leanings. He'd watched that drama unfold between Eric and Calleigh, the way they tried to deny and had made pathetic attempts at trying to be with other people when they knew damn well that they were meant to be.

As for himself and Natalia, he's not quite sure if it's that star-crossed, but..._something_ has definitely changed literally over night.

Now the awkwardness and the weirdness of it all is seeping into work and the last thing he wants is to compromise his working relationship with Natalia.

But that's quite hard not to do when he's touched her intimately, seen her breasts, heard her scream his name and felt her when she came around him. How many times a day did that study say men think about sex? Several hundred times a day? That's how many times he's replayed the whole sordid, tawdry scene in his head. He wonders if his handprint is on the hood of the car still. He'd pressed his palm to the ice cold metal for support as he made sure to go as deep as he could to draw out those breathy, husky moans of his name from her and keep his steady rhythm. He's pretty sure that her handprint is on her windshield where she'd placed it before she came.

Even upon close scrutiny of the situation, Ryan still doesn't know _what happened_.

Sex happened, he resolves. This doesn't have to be a bigger deal than what we're making it out to be. Really good, awesome sex happened and that's all.

He curses his OCD tendencies.

_Why_ had it just happened?

Ryan isn't that man. He doesn't do that, he's not impulsive, especially when it comes to sex. He's always been selective when it comes to his sexual partners, he's always practiced self-control where his sexual urges are concerned. He respects women, has been taught since he was a boy to respect women and to treat them right. He's never entered into a relationship with a woman that was purely sexual. He's old fashioned that way, he supposes; romance and chivalry aren't dead, he likes to go out and have a good time with a woman and get to know her.

When he met Natalia a few short years ago, he immediately liked her, pined after her even. She'd been with Eric at the time, and he didn't want to wreck that, awkward and incompatible as they'd been. He'd asked Eric if Natalia was available, if their relationship was over. Given the green light, Ryan took his chance. There was no chemistry between them, but they'd had a good time together. The boundary was clearly drawn and he knew where he stood with her in the grand scheme of things.

Since then, they've been good friends, there's been some playful platonic flirting...

Nothing like what'd happened that night and he feels like a complete asshole, a bastard. He can't imagine what must be going through her mind right now. He should have been the one to stop them; he'd tried but she told him to shut up and the rest was all history. Lustful, fucked up history.

At least it'd been with someone he trusted, but still, the fact remains that it'd happened between _them_ for some inexplicable reason and that's a problem.

A big goddamn problem that he doesn't want or need.

He'd been happy with the kiss.

He could've handled an amazing kiss and some heavy petting.

But taking her on the hood of her car in public? That little stunt he just couldn't deal with.

Now Ryan doesn't know what to do or say...all he can think is that if he is feeling this awful about it, Natalia must be feeling that tenfold.

"_Ryan_..._"_

He can still hear her moaning as her body arched into his.

"_Ryan..."_

This needs. To. _Stop_.

"_Ryan...Ryan..._RYAN!"

He jumps and he looks at Calleigh, who is regarding him strangely.

"Yeah?"

She tilts her head to the side.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asks. "You look a little...preoccupied. Your face is kind of flushed."

He chuckles a bit. "I just haven't been drinking enough water."

"But it's only like seventy five degrees out," she mentions. "Have you been listening to me?"

"Yes, you said to look at the photos and compare the scene to our current case," he says.

"Yeah," she sighs, concerned. "Look Ryan...if there's something going on between you and Nat, you can tell me. Especially if it's something that's going to affect work..."

_You seriously do not want to know_, he thinks to himself.

He shakes his head. "I'll take care of it."

"Please do," she says.

She's still curious about the little exchange between Ryan and Natalia, but she will not press him anymore, hoping that he will keep his word. Calleigh certainly can't recall any instances of late that might have caused the tension between the two, but then again, she could be just misreading the whole thing. Assuming that the problem is between them when it could be one of them.

Nah. To question it, she would be going against everything she'd been taught and her instincts as a CSI.

She's right on the money.

O-o-O

The vending machine ate her money.

That'd been the icing on a perfectly shitty day.

Natalia sighs as she plops onto her couch at home and sighs, rubbing her hand over her forehead. Well, at least she's home and able to relax a bit. She doesn't know what she's going to do for dinner, but at the moment, all she wants to do is lie down for a bit and stretch her feet. She sighs as she grabs the remote control to her television and she puts her feet up and turns it on. She flips it to some movie channel and then she closes her eyes.

She's got to think of a way to resolve the situation with Ryan. Calleigh has caught on to the strangeness, but Natalia is confident that she won't pry. But the fact is that she still has to work with Ryan and she doesn't want this to turn into a full blown drama. It was just one night. Why can't she just leave it at that? It was just one night and it was a crazy moment of weakness.

How long has it been since she's been in a relationship? Let alone had sex?

It's been a good year and half since she's had both.

She thought she'd found a prospect, one of those corporate types, but he'd been too busy to nurture anything between them and she gave up on that one. After that, she didn't give her love life much thought because she'd busied herself with work, and spending time with friends and family and her church. It's easy to forget the pleasures and fulfillments of sex and being in a relationship when they're replaced with other things for a long while.

Above all else, she is just so confused.

She's gone over that whole night in her head a thousand times, trying to pinpoint when she and Ryan decided it would be a good idea to have sex. She can't even figure out when they decided it was a good idea to even kiss.

Things don't "just happen." There's always an explanation, she just can't figure out what that explanation is quite yet. Her mind and heart are screaming at her to stop hiding and to face Ryan and talk to him about what happened face to face. They can't avoid the subject forever, and she knows that unless they talk about it, there won't ever really be any closure; their friendship is what's important now more than anything. There is nothing worse than a bad friendship in the workplace, especially in law enforcement. They have to have each other's backs, the bond has to be unquestionable or else the weaknesses will be seen and exploited.

Her doorbell rings and she sighs, wondering who that could possibly be at eight o'clock at night.

Natalia gets up and she goes over to the door.

She looks through the peephole and she sees that it is her sister, Anya.

She opens the door.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

Anya comes in, carrying some grocery bags. "We were supposed to make dinner together, remember?"

Natalia closes her eyes. "Right...I forgot, honey. I'm sorry."

Anya sets the bags down onto the counter in the kitchen.

"You're forgiven," Anya smiles.

Ever since her sister got kidnapped and nearly killed, Natalia has spent more time with her sister and is much more protective of her. She'd been terrified that day; she didn't know what to tell their parents, she didn't know what to tell Christina...she thought that she was going to lose her little sister. Anya is her heart, has always been. Because she's the baby, she'd naturally been spoiled by their parents, often disliked by Christina who is the oldest, but Natalia has always been close to Anya. The thought of losing her absolutely broke her heart.

Now she keeps a close eye on her twenty-two year old sister.

She's young, unsure of where she wants to go in her life, having fun with her friends and enjoying her still ripe independence. Natalia likes to keep an eye on her and talks to both her sisters at least twice a week. Family is more important to her now more than ever.

"So what are we making?" Natalia asks.

"What we?" Anya retorts. "_You_ are making your French Fry casserole while I raid your pantry for snacks. I haven't eaten since yoga."

"How's school going?" Natalia asks.

"Pretty well," Anya says as she grabs a bag of potato chips. "I'm only going part time because I got a job as a receptionist at this agency."

"That's good," Natalia says as she opens up the bag of frozen French fries.

She goes over to her stove and preheats the oven.

"So, solved any good murders lately?" Anya asks and Natalia grins.

"You know I can't discuss my job, babe."

"Okay," Anya sighs. "Well I got nothing else because that's all you do is work. All work and no play make Natalia dull girl."

Natalia laughs.

"That's not the only thing I do."

"Melissa and I were thinking of setting you up," Anya says.

"Please don't," Natalia says. "I'm not...I don't have the time."

"Make time," Anya insists as she licks her fingers of salt. "Besides, mom says that if you don't make babies now, your eggs will dry up and turn to mill dust."

"Ah mom," Natalia grins tightly. "Anya, that's not a good reason to be in a relationship. And kids are out of the question right now."

"Kids or no, you should at least go out just to have a good time..." Anya says, her voice trailing as she fiddles with a chip. "Get laid..."

"Anya!"

"What? I'm just saying, guys always brag about how they somehow find the time to get some. Women should too. And-"

"Okay, we're not talking about my sex life," Natalia huffs.

"Can I talk about mine?"

"No."

"C'mon...you said we can talk about anything," Anya whines as she comes over and wraps an arm around her sister's shoulders. "You've never been uptight about this stuff."

Natlaia sighs.

"I know, I just...I had a rough day at work."

"Is it guy related?"

"Yes, but I'm not ready to talk about the details," Natalia says. "Now make yourself useful and get me the pot to cook the beef."

Anya takes the pot down from the rack and sets it onto the stove.

"Okay you've got your pot," Anya says. "Now, I get to play CSI lady. Who, what, where, when and why...c'mon. Give it up."

"Anya, seriously," Natalia sighs. "I-I can't really talk about it because _I _don't even know what happened or what to make of it. I'm not purposefully keeping you in the dark I just...I have to figure it out for myself before I tell you about it."

Anya sighs. "Well, maybe I can help. Is it really bad? Did something bad happen?"

"No, it's not bad at all," Natalia assures. "It's just...a misunderstanding."

"I hope it gets resolved soon then," Anya says sincerely.

"Thanks," Natalia says. "Love you little sis."

"Love you too," Anya smiles. "Now, make with the casserole, CSI Lady."

The doorbell rings again and Anya gets up and goes over to answer it.

Natalia preheats the oven then she takes out some spices from her spice rack for the beef. French Fry Casserole is a family favorite. Natalia came up with the recipe and it's nothing but pure, greasy, cheesy goodness. She doesn't make it often because it is a completely fattening dish, but when she does make it, it is a treat that doesn't last long between herself, her sisters and her parents.

"Thanks," Anya says before she closes the door.

"Who was that?"

"Some delivery guy," Anya says, carrying a bouquet of yellow carnations in a ceramic vase. "Somebody sent you some flowers."

Natalia looks up and she sees the carnations, her favorite flower. It's an odd choice for a favorite, but there's a certain uniqueness about them that she likes. Anya picks up the envelope and opens it, about to read the card.

Natalia quickly snatches it away. "Uh, can I read the card addressed to _me_ please?"

"What does it say?"

Natalia opens up the card and reads it.

_I know that this isn't a solution to our problem and I know that this isn't an alternative to talking, but I just wanted to show you that I do care about you and I apologize if what happened between us has hurt you. I'm hoping that we can talk about this. Whenever you're ready. I hope you enjoy the flowers._

_ -Ryan_

Natalia bites her bottom lip as tears prick at her eyes.

Anya notices and she furrows her eyebrows. "Everything okay?"

"Not exactly," Natalia sighs as she gently touches her fingers to the flowers.

O-o-O

"Your dad's on his way," Ryan announces to Billy as he ends the call on his cell phone. "Go get your stuff ready."

"Just one more game, please?" Billy asks.

"Sorry dude," Ryan says as he changes the setting on his TV. "Go get ready."

Billy puts down the controller and goes over to the kitchen table to pack up his things.

Ryan had agreed to pick up Billy from school and watch him because Mark had an emergency at work and didn't want Billy at home by himself. It is now well after ten, and Ryan has since fed Billy, made sure he got his homework done, and he let him play some video games to pass the time.

Much as Ryan respects Mark, he feels like he's been more of a father to Billy than he's been. Mark is a workaholic. He'd gone from one addiction to another, and Billy is often caught in the middle. Despite that, Billy is a pleasant, polite kid to be around, and Ryan has enjoyed being a part of his life. Ryan takes being an influence in Billy's life seriously because he wants Billy to understand that there is someone that cares about his well being. That's not to say that his father doesn't, but Mark cares about Billy having things...the best toys, the best clothes...things that are ultimately empty and meaningless compared to just having a _dad_.

Billy plops onto the couch again with a sigh, backpack on.

"Why can't I just stay here?" The boy laments.

"Because it's a school night and I have work in the morning," Ryan explains.

"Can't I just skip tomorrow? It's almost the weekend."

"Billy, you can't skip school," Ryan chuckles. "That's a bad habit, man."

"It's only like the second week of school and we're not doing anything. No one really cares. Please?"

"I care," Ryan asserts. "You're going to school. Besides, what if I wanted to spend time with my girlfriend or something?"

At that, the boy raises an eyebrow.

"You don't _have_ a girlfriend Uncle Ryan. You don't even have a _something_."

Ryan frowns at Billy as he puts his hand on his shoulder. "I'll help you improve your game."

"My what?" Ryan asks. "My game? Where'd you hear that from?"

"Everybody says that," Billy shrugs nonchalantly. "I mean, people see me with you and they assume you're my dad...the chicks dig the single dads..."

Ryan looks at him incredulously.

"Where are you getting this from? Okay, first of all, I don't ever want to hear you refer to women as 'chicks,' that makes them sound cheap, which they're not. Secondly, if you're confident in yourself and you're really interested in dating a girl, you shouldn't need a game. She's worth your time and attention and she deserves the real you. Not some as-butthole who's only using her. And thirdly, even if I did follow your cockamamie scheme, it wouldn't work because you're not even my kid."

"You're a cop, you can hide stuff and get away with it."

"Look that's not the-" Ryan pauses and sighs. "A relationship based on lust, 'game' and deceit is only going to fail and hurt both people. I guess what I'm trying to say is do the right thing, Billy."

The ten year old nods, then he furrows his eyebrows.

"You know I was kidding right?"

"I know," Ryan says as he pulls him into a hug. "I'm sorry to be a killjoy, but I don't want to see you following the wrong advice."

He's a hypocrite.

Here he is telling a ten year old how to conduct himself with women, and he, a grown man can't even face what he'd done to Natalia. He sent her flowers, carnations because he knows that they're her favorite and sent a note saying that they need to talk. He knows that he's just trying to put a Band-Aid on the situation, but he earnestly hopes that she could see the sincerity with which he'd given her the flowers come out in the note.

He hears a car horn blare outside and Billy gets up and goes over to the door. Ryan follows and opens the door and he goes down the steps.

"Be careful," Ryan advises.

Billy runs over to the car.

"Bye Uncle Ryan!"

"Night," Ryan calls as he stands at the foot of the steps that lead back up to his apartment.

Mark waves before he pulls off.

Ryan heads back up to his apartment, and just as he lands on the second floor, he hears his phone ringing, and he runs up the remaining flights and rushes into his apartment. He picks up the phone and looks at the caller ID.

Natalia.

Before he can answer, it stops ringing.

He dials her number and waits for her to pick up.

She doesn't.

He sighs and hangs up the phone.


	3. Three

Pliant

**Three**

Ryan carefully sidesteps a pool of blood on the floor before he takes another picture of the body. He looks around the room, and he sees Calleigh picking up a shell casing from a bullet and examining it before she puts it into an evidence bag. She places it gingerly into her kit before she stands up straight and looks around, thinking of a possible theory for what exactly went down. She furrows her eyebrows as she takes off her gloves, and out of the corner of his eye, Ryan catches the glimmer of her sizable wedding ring and he can't help but grin a bit.

The wedding had been elegant, if not hastily thrown together, because neither she nor Eric wanted a long engagement. They extended a verbal invitation to the rest of the team two days before the wedding, and everyone scrambled to get cards and gifts before going to the beach wedding. It'd been simple, intimate; Calleigh's father walked her down the aisle, Horatio had been the best man, Alexx the maid of honor.

Four months have passed since then, and they still look very happy.

"What're you thinking, Mrs. Delko?"

At that, she looks up and glares at him, sending a chill down his spine as he scratches his head.

"I'm sorry, alright?" He chuckles. "But...you are."

"Ryan."

"I'll shut up now."

"Thank you," she smiles.

Her cell phone rings and she answers. "Duquesne...yeah, Ryan's already here. We need you to help finish processing because I've got to get to the lab...okay, see you in a few. Bye."

"Who was that?"

"That was Nataila," she explains. "She's going to come help you process the scene."

Ryan's heart leaps into his throat.

For the past week, he's been actively avoiding any contact or communication with Natalia of any kind because he still hasn't formulated exactly what he wants to say to her beside "I'm sorry." He's tried calling her, but they've been playing phone tag as well. She's probably thrown the flowers away by now, he figures.

"I-I thought she was on that smash 'n grab across town with Cardoza?"

"Cardoza's got it under control," Calleigh explains. "I have three other priority homicides I need to work on. Natalia's going to give you a hand with this scene. Is there a problem?"

"No," he shrugs. "Just...asking."

Calleigh tilts her head to the side.

"Are you able to stay focused?" She asks. "Because you two have been acting very weird around each other. If there's going to be an issue-"

"No issue," he assures.

She nods. "Alright. I'll see you later."

Calleigh gingerly steps out and heads to her vehicle to pack up her things.

Natalia drives up and she steps out and Calleigh waves.

"Hey," Natalia smiles.

"Hey," Calleigh says. "Thanks for offering to help out. I'm swamped in the lab and Horatio will have my backside if I don't close my priorities."

"It's no problem honey," Natalia says.

Calleigh sighs and pushes her hair behind her ears. "Are you two going to be alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I'm really concerned about you and Ryan," Calleigh says sincerely. "You've both been strange and it's not good having coworkers at each other's throats."

"It's nothing," Natalia waves off with a slight smile. "It's fine, I promise."

Calleigh nods. "Alright, then I'm off. I'll see you later at the lab."

"Okay," Natalia says before she goes inside.

She has a sinking feeling as she approaches the scene. And Ryan.

She walks in and Ryan looks up.

"Hey," she says quietly.

"Hi," he says.

They both stand across from each other, the dead body between them. They both know that this isn't the time nor the place for the conversation they know they need to have.

"The ME should be here soon," Ryan reports. "Calleigh's already recovered the bullets, we just have to process the rest of the store. The witnesses said the suspects made their way from front to back."

"Yeah," Natalia says. "Okay, I'll take the back. Is there a uniform posted?"

"Yeah," Ryan informs her.

She nods.

"Um...Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

She grins a bit. "Thank you for the flowers...they were very beautiful."

"You're welcome," he smiles a bit.

She then heads to the back of the store.

They spend about three hours processing the damage caused by the suspects; Ryan recovers a few fingerprints, finds a blood spatter pattern and another pool of blood, indicating that the suspects may have turned on each other and that there just might be another dead body out there somewhere. Natalia collects samples of blood and an unknown substance.

Once they are finished, they head to Natalia's vehicle.

"I'll put the stuff in the back," he says and he takes her kit for her.

"Thank you," she says before she gets into the driver's side.

After a few moments, he gets into the vehicle and she starts it and they begin to head back to the lab. The silence between them is overwhelming, and Ryan shifts uncomfortably in the seat. In the last week, his feelings on The Night have become even more confused. Yesterday, he saw her in the lab, and the blouse she wore (a V-neck, royal purple sleeveless satin blouse that clung to her figure) didn't help things when it showed off cleavage, glowing, healthy bronze skin and the curve of perfect, round breasts. He's never looked that closely before, never wondered what lacy surprise she has under it and if the panties match. He thought about how amazing she looked with her hair in soft waves and pulled back half up-half down with one of those clip things. He's never had thoughts like that about her before. Of course, he's always appreciated her beauty, but not like that.

And right now, she looks...incredible.

She's got on a peach colored, casual cotton blouse today, and her hair is pulled back into a ponytail; she's got on a pair of khaki slacks and brown boots. Again, he finds himself wondering, as he traces his eyes over the curve of her breasts, if she always matches her underwear or if she mixes and matches-what the hell?

_Dammit_, he thinks to himself as he looks away.

Natalia is nearly suffocating under the stifling silence and she presses the button to roll down the windows. The cool breeze immediately comes through and offers some fresh air, pushing out the uncomfortable tension. She'd felt Ryan's eyes on her and she should have been offended, annoyed like she'd been with Jesse, but no. Instead, she took great pleasure out of it, pretending like she'd been focusing on the road, which she had been, but she also sensed Ryan sweeping his eyes over her. She's caught in a tug-of-war. She doesn't know whether to frown or smirk at the question of if Ryan goes commando _all_ the time. She shouldn't even be thinking about that, but she can't help herself. She'd felt her thighs clench involuntarily when she remembered how he felt in her hand and the firmness of his muscled body over hers...

_Shit_.

Natalia searches out the nearest parking lot and she finally pulls into a gas station and parks the Hummer haphazardly and kills the engine.

Before Ryan can react to the sudden veer off course, she turns to him and speaks.

"We need to talk. **Now**."

He clears his throat and nods. "Okay."

She sighs. "Ryan...I can't take this anymore. It's been a week and three days since that night and I'm confused and I'm afraid that we're going to ruin our friendship over it. God...what the hell were we thinking?"

"I don't know," he says, rubbing his hands over his face.

She sighs, rubbing her temples. "I don't know how to feel...I want to get a new car because every time I look at it, all I see is the image of the two of us fucking on it. And when I do think about it...I...well-"

"It kind of...turns you on?" He asks sheepishly and she flushes.

"Kind of," she admits. "But it was just so...weird and spur of the moment, like we both had an itch to scratch and by the time I got home I felt so bad, I felt like I used you..._again_ and I'm sorry."

"I should be the one apologizing."

"I'm the one that started it."

"I should have stopped it, and I'm sorry," he apologizes. "I really am, Natalia. I uh...I'm not that kind of guy. I respect you, and I wasn't anticipating that. Sex in parking garages or any public place isn't really my thing. I don't do that."

"I don't either," she says.

They lapse into silence for a few minutes before Ryan speaks again.

"Nat..."

"Hmm?"

"Do you...regret it?"

She sighs and looks out at the street. "I-I don't know, Ryan. I'm still trying to figure out why it happened. I don't want to regret it, but...maybe I do. I just don't know. Do you regret it?"

She can see the hurt in his eyes and he looks away.

"I don't know," he says. "I honestly don't know, Natalia."

She nods. "I still want us to be friends, Ryan. So let's just try to forget about it. It was just a weird night...can we leave it at that for now?"

He grins. "Okay."

She smiles. "Okay...gimme a hug."

He leans over and they hug each other tightly.

After a moment they pull away then they make their way to the lab.

O-o-O

Ryan feels like his eyes are going to begin to see in fuzzy black and white after closely inspecting the security cameras from the store. He is in need of a cup of coffee and maybe one of those cheap, dry sandwiches from the vending machine. He prefers the coffee, his mouth is fixed for it; high octane black, two or three sugars and piping hot.

He walks into the break room and heads straight for the coffee machine. He pours himself a cup and nurses it to his liking. His mother prefers coffee the same; black, two sugars and so hot she could barely sip it and the steam would fog up her glasses. He thinks she'd just liked the warmth of the mug in her hands because she's cold natured, always wearing a sweater. He misses her, tries to call her as often as he can because he barely gets to make it up to Boston to visit. He misses his mother, his sister, his grandparents. He barely gets to see the uncle that lives here in Miami as often as he should. Work has taken over his life.

Calleigh comes into the break room and goes over to the fridge.

"Hey Ryan," she says as she opens it up and retrieves a bottle of water.

"Hey," he says.

She sits next to him on the couch before she drinks down nearly half the bottle of water.

"Thirsty?" Ryan chuckles.

"Mmhm," she nods, looking at him. "Did you and Natalia...work things out?"

Ryan grins. "There was nothing to be worked out I assure you, _Mrs._ _Delko_."

"Oh no," she says firmly. "And would you cut that out? First of all, you know the rules about that. Secondly, we're not talkin' about me, we're talkin' about _you_ and Natalia. I've never seen the two of you tiptoeing around each other like you have been lately."

He sighs. "Things are fine with me and Nat. I promise."

She looks at him doubtfully.

"How come you get to speculate on everyone else's personal lives, but I can't speculate about yours?"

"Because unfortunately for you, I don't have much of a personal life for you to speculate on," he quips.

"C'mon, Mr. Wolfe," she insists. "You can talk to me, you know that right?"

He sighs, nodding slightly.

"Is it bad?"

"It's not anything bad," he says. "There was a situation...and I don't think it's really resolved. We made peace for right now, but I'm still confused."

"What was the situation?" Calleigh asks.

"Natalia and I...we-"

"Ryan..."

He looks up and he sees Natalia standing in the doorway, her eyes wide, incredulous.

She turns on her heels and walks down the hallway.

Ryan quickly gets up and follows.

"Natalia, wait a minute," he says, gently catching her arm and pulling her into an empty layout room.

"You are unbelievable!" She hisses quietly.

"Wait a minute," he says. "I didn't say anything when you came in..."

"But you were about to," she argues. "Ryan...I trust Calleigh, but still...my personal life is _my_ business and it should be at my discretion whether I want Calleigh or anyone else to know about it!"

"What about me? Calleigh's my friend too," he argues. "Forgive me if I'm still a little fucking confused about what happened that night, okay? I just wanted another perspective."

"About the night we had sex on the hood of my goddamn car?" Natalia asks.

"I didn't tell Calleigh about it," he insists. "Okay? She's still in the dark, alright? Trust me."

Natalia sighs and puts her hands on her hips.

"I thought we were supposed to just forget it?"

"I can't," he says. "I-I don't know what that says about me, but I can't forget about it. I can't forget the fact that I...saw you and touched you and kissed you..."

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry...it's hard for me to forget too, but I don't want things to be like this between us from now on. We have to forget about it, Ryan. I never said it was going to be easy."

He crosses his arms over his chest. "It's not easy because it must've meant something."

She looks away.

"I came to tell you that the AV guy was able to isolate another possible suspect from the security tape. Frank is tracking him down now."

With that, she walks out.

O-o-O

Curled up on the swing in the enclosure looking out into her backyard, Natalia looks out as the rain continues to fall. It's been raining for a long while now, and it's soothing. She sips at her tea, letting the warmth permeate every cell in her body and she closes her eyes. The rain is soothing as it falls, and it helps her to relax even more, clear her mind. The last three weeks have been stressful and intense for her, and today she's taking a sick day because she doesn't feel well and she just can't do it.

When she was a little girl, she'd actually been afraid of thunderstorms. She used to get an odd, nervous convulsion in the pit of her stomach whenever she saw dark clouds closing in and heard the first roll of thunder, caught the first flash of lightning. She'd actually had a traumatic event concerning rain; when she'd first gotten married to Nick, they'd had their first physical altercation and she grabbed a few things and left...in the middle of a storm. Just wanting to get out of the house, she drove out onto slick streets. Fueled by adrenaline, she drove fast, ignoring the fact that she was out in driving rain. It hadn't been long before she found herself caught in a low water crossing with another car. She felt the water spilling into her car as it stalled and she couldn't push the door open because the current was so strong.

She was absolutely terrified, cold, shivering...

She'd finally been rescued.

Even with that traumatic experience, she still likes the rain. Has more respect for it now because of her experience.

It feels good to not have to go to work today, even though she's not in the best of moods.

She has barely had a conversation with Ryan or anyone else for that matter except about evidence and cases. She's still irritated about the little stunt he was about to pull by telling Calleigh about them.

Them.

What them?

She feels so guilty about the way things are between herself and Ryan.

He'd sent her those beautiful flowers as a sign of...what, exactly?

She doesn't know if he regrets that night, thinks it's a mistake.

"_It's not easy because it must've meant something."_

Natalia supposes that he'd been trying to tell her, in a round about way, how he felt overall about the situation.

She sighs and groans as she gets up.

Time for another Ibuprofen.

She trudges into her kitchen and she opens up the drawer in the island and takes out the bottle. She pours one into her palm and she pops it before washing it down with a sip of tea. She replaces the bottle in the drawer before she goes back outside to the swing.

The rain is subsiding, becoming softer, and it is even more relaxing now.

She sighs as she rests her head back and closes her eyes.

She hears the doorbell ring, and she furrows her eyebrows.

She isn't expecting anyone over today except her sister, who is way late with her Ben and Jerry's.

She sighs as she gets up and goes back into the house, frowning as she makes her way to the front door. She looks through the peephole and she sighs and rests her forehead against the door before she opens it.

"Ryan..."

"Hey," he says, holding up a container of chicken soup. "I heard that you weren't feeling well so I thought I'd drop by and bring you some soup."

She grins a bit.

"Ryan...it's not that kind of sick," she explains. "I'm...it's..."

He sighs. "Is it because of me?"

"No," she assures quickly. "No, it's not you. It's...I'm uh..."

He furrows his eyebrows then he nods his understanding. "Oh...well I guess I should've brought you a chocolate bar or something."

"My sister's got it covered," Natalia says.

"Okay," he says. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," she sighs. "It figures you'd stop by when I'm fat, hormonal and unattractive."

"Hormonal maybe," he sighs. "But fat...?" He pauses and inspects her figure, gently turning her around.

He's actually never seen Natalia this dressed down before; she is in a pair of pink pajama pants and a plain brown spaghetti strap shirt with a knit white sweater over her. Her hair is down and tussled slightly, probably from a nap she'd had earlier, and her skin looks even more soft without the makeup. She looks so cozy and natural in this moment.

"Well this is comfortable," she snorts as he turns her back to him.

"No fat anywhere and as for you being unattractive? Impossible."

She chuckles as she closes the door.

"I'll put the soup in your fridge," he says.

"Is it any good?"

"Yep, it's my mother's recipe," he says.

She sits on the couch and he sits next to her, but not too close.

"How are you feeling?" He asks. "Do you need anything?"

"No, but thank you," she says as she rests her head into the cushions.

Ryan nods, then he gets up.

"So uh...I guess I'll let you get some rest-"

"You don't have to go, Ry," she says softly. "Look...I'm sorry if I've been unbearable about the whole..._thing_. Your friendship is so important to me, it really is, even though I haven't been showing it. We should be able to hang out together without it being weird. I-I don't want that night hanging between us all the time."

He sits down. "We had sex, Natalia."

"So? It was just...an error in judgment," she says.

"No, it was more than that..."

"Ryan-"

"It was more than that for _me_..."

"_...it must've meant something."_

She swallows the lump in her throat.

"I regret..."

Her heart clenches at those words.

"I knew that you did," she says quietly.

"I regret that it happened like that," he explains. "I regret that it was on your car in a parking garage."

Natalia looks at him. "What?"

Ryan sighs. "I think that you are a beautiful, courageous and intelligent woman."

Her heart begins to race within her, and she hears the blood rushing in her ears, tears pricking at her eyes.

"I like you, Natalia," he continues. "From the moment I met you, I've always liked you. I like who you are, I like the way your whole face lights up when you smile, I like the way your eyes do all the talking for you and I like it when you do that thing when you bounce on one hip when you're waiting for a result."

She blushes and covers her face. "Oh God...I knew _someone_ saw that, I just didn't know who..."

Ryan gently lifts her chin so that she can look at him.

"I think you're..._amazing_, Natalia," he says. "I liked the time I got to spend with you, and that night when we talked about when we dated...I wanted to hold you again so badly."

Natalia grins a bit.

There's always been an undercurrent of attraction between them, but she had no idea that he felt this way about her, that his feelings have deepened. She is relieved because she doesn't regret that they actually had sex, she'd just wished it'd been some place else, preferably in one of their beds. It'd been _so_. _Good_. So damn good, and hell yes whenever she thought about it, it more than "kind of" turned her on. It turned her on _completely_ and it made her body tingle and crave and singe with the residual heat from his kisses. No matter how hard she tries to rationalize the situation, she can no longer deny that on that night, she'd wanted Ryan Wolfe. And he'd wanted her.

Ryan is thoughtful, sweet, patient to a fault, caring...damn sexy with his large, brown eyes, his commanding presence, his strength. That night, he'd left her wondering what he'd be like when he slowed it down and exercised the self-control he usually has while he took his time with her.

"You're a good man, Ryan," is all she can manage to say at the moment once she makes her way out of the haze of her thoughts. "You're a wonderful, good, incredible man...I've always known that, but...I took you for granted. I don't regret the sex, but I feel guilty because I'm the one that's confused, I guess. You knew what you wanted out of that, I didn't."

"Do you know what you want now?" He asks.

She looks away, but he turns her face back to his, looking into her eyes.

Her body wants him, that's for sure.

She remembers how she felt, how Ryan made her feel when they'd dated; he treated her like she was the only woman on earth, he made her feel _worth_ the time and effort, _worth_ every moment. It hadn't been about sex; he didn't want to posses her, he'd wanted to be a _part_ of her. A part of her life, and she'd pushed him away because she'd been trying to hold on to a relationship that was going nowhere, and still sleeping with an ex-husband who continually used and abused her...but she's different now, right? She's a different person, he's a different person, yet still so much the same.

He gently cups her cheek in his hand and caresses his thumb over her cheek bone.

He's so, so patient!

He's not pushing her nor trying to coax an answer out of her. She thinks this man just might wait for her answer, good or bad, forever...

"Ryan I want...to be with you again," she says quietly. "God Ry...the way I felt when we were together and just having a good time, I want to feel that way again. I want to make you feel like you made me feel...I want _you_."

He grins before he leans in and gently captures her lips with his.


	4. Four

Pliant

**Four**

They are supposed to be taking this revival of their romance a few years ago slowly.

They're not off to a good start.

Ryan has his hand exploring under her top, glad that he's found bare breasts underneath. Natalia is slowly fumbling with the buttons of his shirt as she drapes her leg over his lap, deepening their kiss. He tastes even better than he did on the night they were together and she notices how his lips mold and mesh easily with hers as he explores her mouth further. His hand gently cups and massages her breast and she arches into his touch and releases a husky cry as his fingers brush over the nipple of one breast before he caresses his hand along the side of it then around to her back, pulling her closer to him. She gently nibbles at his bottom lip before she gently licks over it before inviting him back into her mouth. Her hand has undone three buttons and she skirts her fingers across the exposed flesh of his lower abdomen.

He kisses the corner of her mouth and then along her jaw and she tilts her head back when his lips make their way down over her neck. She moans when he begins to leave scorching, hot, wet kisses along the cord of her neck and over her shoulder as his hand comes out of her top and then gently tugs a strap down, kissing over her chest and the top of one breast before he kisses his way back up to her lips, tangling his fingers into her hair.

Ryan thinks that he will never tire of kissing this woman. The sensations he feels just from the touch of her lips are sensations that he wants to never give up. His mind is screaming at him to stop because he'd been earnest in telling her that they should slow it down and just let the feelings between them kind of flow and happen and spread so that the strangeness, the hurt feelings and the crudeness of their previous session can ebb and eventually ease away so that the second time, it won't simply be just scratching an itch, it won't be crude and it most certainly won't leave them unsatisfied and with stirrings of regret.

Natalia wraps her arms around his neck as she presses her breasts into his chest, wishing like hell that neither of them had clothes on right now. She wants to push him down onto her couch and divest him and herself of every stitch of clothing and make him moan her name. But she understands and respects his wanting to take things slowly and explore the deeper feelings that have taken root within her. Even though the idea of making him moan her name is tempting, she's menstrual right now and that wouldn't be a pretty sight.

They are so caught up in their kiss that they don't hear the door unlock and open.

"Okay, 'Lia, I got your Ben and J's right-"

Anya stops dead in her tracks when she sees her sister and some random guy (well, random to her) making out on the couch, feeling each other up.

"_WHAT_ is going on here?"

Anya's voice makes them both start and pull away quickly. Natalia fixes herself, and Ryan buttons up his shirt and combs his fingers through his hair. They are both breathing hard and flushed and Natalia gets up and goes over to her sister, who has a cheeky grin on her face.

"So I'm guessing someone already satisfied your craving..."

"Shh!" Natalia hisses as she takes the ice cream. "Don't you know how to knock?"

"Not when your older sister gives you a key," Anya teases, side stepping her sister and looking at Ryan. "So...Mr. Craving..."

Ryan waves nervously, standing up.

Natalia smoothes over her tussled hair. "Ryan, this is my little sister, Anya, Anya, this is Ryan Wolfe."

"Right," Ryan says. "Nat talks about you all the time...I remember you from the kidnapping thing..."

"Oh, you're a CSI?" Anya asks.

"Yeah," Ryan says.

Anya looks at her sister, still smiling that shit eating grin of hers.

"Anya, can I...let's put the ice cream in the freezer," Natalia says, gently taking her sister's hand and drags her to the kitchen.

"Oh my God, 'Lia!" Anya marvels. "You are so damn lucky to work with him everyday...he's hot. Good job."

"You have excellent timing, you know that?" Natalia says as she opens up the ice cream and grabs a spoon, eating a spoonful.

"Yep," Anya nods as she picks up another spoon and eats some ice cream. "So..." She begins quietly. "Is he the one you fucked with on the car?"

"Yes," Natalia says regretfully as Anya laughs.

"This just keeps getting better and better," Anya chuckles as she looks over at Ryan, who is looking at some family pictures on the wall. "And you were about to get it on again?"

"Not exactly," Natalia explains. "We're kind of taking things slowly."

"Oh, okay," Anya chuckles doubtfully. "Yeah, what I walked in on...that looked real slow."

"Shut up," Natalia chuckles. "We really are going to take it slow."

"Alright," Anya says. "I like him. But if it doesn't work out, I'm calling second dibs."

"I don't think so. You're too young for him, he's in his thirties."

"How old is he exactly?"

"Thirty four. He'll be thirty five in November."

"I'm twenty two...that's not too old."

"He is for you. Even if I wasn't kind of with him right now, I wouldn't let him date you. You need to date guys your own age. And anyway, there's no such thing as second dibs."

"According to me there is."

"Thanks for the ice cream, sweetie."

"No problem."

Natalia kisses her sister's cheek. "Don't eat it all."

"Can't guarantee that."

Natalia goes back over to Ryan and he grins.

"My sister."

"I'm glad she's doing well," he says.

"Me too," she sighs, stepping closer to him.

He leans down and kisses her softly.

"Do you want to get some dinner sometime this week after work?"

"Yeah," she smiles. "That'll be nice...definitely slow."

"But slow is good," he assures before he captures her lips again. "Feel better."

"Thank you."

"It was nice meeting you Anya," Ryan says as he opens up the door.

"Mmhm, likewise," Anya smiles.

He walks out and closes the door behind him.

Anya comes up behind her older sister and wraps her arms around her shoulders.

"Are you sure you want him?"

Natalia laughs. "Yes, I'm sure, Annie."

"Damn."

O-o-O

Eric opens the front door and enters his home, immediately greeted with the smell of spices and the sound of soft music playing on the radio. He sees Calleigh in the kitchen, her back to him, and he doubts that she even heard him come in. She is humming along with the music and she is swaying her hips to the slow beat. She is clad in a pair of blue cotton sleep pants and a tank top with a light sweater over it. He is sure that she's wearing her favorite, tattered and well-worn pair of green fuzzy, sparkly slippers she's had since college. While endearing, it's frustrating because he can't get her to part with them so that he can buy her a new pair. There is a serene look on her face as she stirs the contents in the pot on the stove while sipping at a glass of wine. Cooking is Calleigh's pleasure, and he didn't know until they began their relationship and then married that it's a stress reliever for her. Some people write, some drink, smoke, exercise...his wife cooks.

"Hey _carina_," he greets her, and she turns and smiles.

"Hey you," she says. "You're just in time."

He comes into the kitchen and he wraps his arms around her small waist and begins to kiss her neck. She flushes and she hooks an arm around his neck.

"Smells good," he comments. "What's for dinner?"

"Jambalaya," she grins. "I think you'll be pleased to know that I went out of my way to make you my grandmother's recipe."

He smirks. "Not as pleased as I am to be able to kiss you after a long day."

She turns and she wraps her arms around his neck and she kisses him softly.

"How was that?" She asks.

"Perfect," he says, caressing over her lower back. "I'm going to go shower."

"Okay," she says as she kisses his cheek.

He retreats to their bedroom and Calleigh takes down two bowls and sets the table. She makes sure to turn off the stove before going upstairs to the bedroom. She hears the shower going, and she sees that he has left his clothes on the bench at the end of the bed. She gets a little incensed because that annoys her to no end, but she lets it go as she goes into the steamed up bathroom. She sheds her own clothes and drops them into the hamper before she knocks on the door to the stall.

The door opens and he smirks when he sees a naked Calleigh waiting for him.

"Hi," she says, hands clasped behind her back and a seductive look on her face.

"Well hello," he says, raking his eyes over her body.

"Mind if I join you?"

"What about dinner?"

"There's this wonderful little invention called the microwave, dear," she drawls. "So...how 'bout it?"

He holds his hand out and she takes it as she steps into the shower and closes the door, surrounding them with steam.

She wraps her arms around his neck and he leans down and kisses her softly before she turns him and begins to gently massage over his shoulders, placing a kiss to the back of his neck. He won't admit it, but his muscles are tense and she hears him groan when her hands rub away the tightness in his back. He visibly relaxes even more and she kisses over his shoulders, loving the way his skin feels.

"Hard day at work?" She asks.

"Not really," he says, turning to face her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her body flush against his. "I think I spent too long in the same position at the last leg of my shift."

"Mm," she says as she puts her hands onto his chest. "You like your new position?"

"Yeah," he chuckles. "But it's not exactly _new_."

"I know," she smiles. "But new for us."

"Yeah," he says. "I'm just glad we're settled now. Nothing's hanging over our heads."

This is one of the many reasons why she loves Eric. He just keeps going, never stops, never gives up. It tickles her to think that after months of discussing over and over again about the possibilities for their future, his career path, he ended up back in his natural habitat: the water. He made his way back to the Underwater Recovery unit, this time as a lieutenant, with a better paycheck and more vacation time and with regular hours. He is happy, and that makes her happy.

"Eric..."

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you," she says sincerely. "I really am. I know that it hasn't been easy for you, transitioning, but I'm proud of you and I'm glad that you're happy."

He grins. "Thank you, _querida_."

"I love you," she whispers against his lips.

He kisses her fully on the lips then he drags his lips over to her cheek, to her ear. "I love you too."

The sound of his voice and the heat of his breath in her ear makes her shudder, and she whimpers a bit when he gently nibbles at her ear lobe then kisses down her neck and she tilts her head back to grant him more access. He caresses his hands over her back as he laves his tongue over the curve of her neck before nipping along her jaw line before kissing her tenderly. She smiles, hooking her arms under his arms before deepening the kiss. His hands caress over her back as he kisses her.

He breaks the kiss and she looks up at him and he gently caresses over her cheek before kissing her softly again. She can feel the metal of his wedding band against her skin and she takes his hand and kisses over his knuckles then kisses the silver band she slid onto his finger on their wedding day four months ago. Seeing the ring on his finger does something to her, and she knows that by now he knows that. Only, she can't quite figure out what exactly it does to her; every time she happens to gaze at his ring too long, she feels a different emotion and it makes it harder to pinpoint what exactly it does to her. The sensations and the feelings are always different.

Right now, Calleigh is feeling complete confidence. Eric is loyal, sometimes to a fault, and she is confident that he only has eyes for her and that out of all the other women he's been with in his life, she gives him the most pleasure, the most satisfaction...she'll even go so far as to say the most joy; he's reserved the real passion for her. _All for her_.

When they rekindled their relationship after spending months and months apart, Calleigh had been so afraid; her heart had been broken, his too, and she just didn't know if she had it in her to be able to start over again. She thought about what she'd gone through with Jake, how he came in and out of her life for the last few years previous as if it were a revolving door, and she just couldn't go through that ache again. The fear had been overwhelming, consuming and she almost didn't try, but she knew that she and Eric had come to an impasse. They'd made a mark on each other's lives with nearly ten years of friendship, a few wonderful months of exploring deep love they'd developed for each other...and then a single event tore them apart and threatened everything they had left between them.

For weeks, they talked, and talked and talked about what to do next, trying to find some sense of closure and figure out where to go next. They argued, they yelled, they cried together...their only closure was to be together. After a few short months of dating again, Eric proposed to Calleigh and she readily said yes without a moment's hesitation and from the second they made their commitment at the altar, they haven't looked back.

Sure, there have been changes; Eric's career shift, moving into a new home, getting used to daily life with each other...sometimes, she worries, but Eric makes her strong. They make each other strong.

"I can almost see the cogwheels spinning," he whispers into her ear with a chuckle. "What's on your mind, Mrs. Delko?"

She looks at him. "Well, Mr. Delko, if you must know I was thinking that I've got a steamin' pot of jambalaya waiting to be eaten."

He grins. "Hmm...well you know if you hadn't come up here and interrupted my shower, we'd be having that jambalaya right now."

"You could've said no," she shrugs a she presses her body against his and caresses her hands down his arms. "Turned me away..."

"Turn _you_, my lovely wife, away?" He chuckles. "Never."

She leans up and kisses him again.

After taking their time in the shower, they step out, dry off, dress for bed then they go downstairs to eat dinner. Sure enough, the microwave came in handy.

O-o-O

Natalia checks her appearance in the visor mirror in her car. She touches up her makeup a bit then she pushes her hair behind her ears before she gets out of her car and goes into the restaurant. As she tries to spot Ryan, she realizes that it has been a long while since she's been on a real date with anyone. She is not nervous though, she's actually quite excited because her relationship with Ryan means so much to her already; so many feelings have bubbled up inside her, coming faster than she can sort them out.

She spots him at a booth and she smiles.

"Hey."

Ryan looks over at Natalia approaching him and he stands up.

"Hey," he says as he hugs her then he gently cups her cheek in his hand and kisses her softly.

She smiles as she kisses him again before they sit down.

She takes off her sweater and places it on top of her purse at the end of the booth.

Evidence of the beginnings of fall are finally showing in Miami. The ocean air is turning from a sultry, humid wind to a brisk, slightly chilled breeze and the sun is shining in such a way that it seems as though everything is fresh and bright. Natalia loves this time of year, especially because the weather becomes so temperate and comfortable.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Ryan asks.

"Uh, a glass of wine would be so nice," she sighs, resting back into the plush booth.

They chose Bortella's, an Italian restaurant on a pier with an excellent view of the water and the sunset. It's a cozy little spot, and the food is good, it's one of Ryan's favorite restaurants.

The waitress comes over to their table and Ryan orders two glasses of wine.

"So," he begins, smiling. "I heard you and Calleigh did some old fashioned police work today."

She chuckles. "Yeah, we did, just to find that no one in the neighborhood knows anything."

"At least you did it in style," he teases when he sees her kick off her heels under the table.

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, sore feet and blisters are the new black. Calleigh took off her heels in the car on the way back to the lab."

Natalia flexes her feet, frowning.

"So I guess taking you dancing is out of the question?"

"Yeah, can you just feed me and rub my feet afterward?"

He smiles. "You girls and your heels. Why bother?"

"First of all, they're irresistible," Natalia explains. "I mean...do you have any idea what the _smell_ of new shoes does to me?"

"I know what _other_ things do to you," he smirks and she rolls her eyes.

"Secondly, you guys know you love them," she says smugly.

"So you wear heels to impress us?"

"Nope," she sighs. "Just for the heel of it."

"That was so corny, Boa Vista," he chuckles.

She shrugs as she giggles.

It feels good, having the easiness they had before back in their relationship. The hurt, confusion and awkwardness of their encounter has begun to disappear and it's made the transition into the start of their exploration of the deeper feelings and intentions with one another.

Their wine comes and Natalia sips at it before she rests her elbows on the table.

"So, I just realized that I know very little about your family," she says. "I mean, I know you have an uncle here and that you're Jewish, but that's about it. I mean, you never really talk about your family much."

He shrugs. "What do you want to know?"

"Siblings?"

"A sister up in Boston," he explains. "Her name's Ever. She's the baby."

"Ever?"

"I have no idea to this day."

"Are you close with her?"

"We're pretty close," Ryan says.

"What about your mom and dad?"

"My mother, Joy, she was a single mom for a long time before she met my step-dad Harry."

"What happened to your biological father?"

Ryan tenses a bit and she senses his discomfort. She reaches out her hand to his and laces her fingers into his.

"You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable," she says. "I'm sorry, Ryan."

"No, you don't have to be sorry," he says, caressing his thumb over her knuckles when he holds her hand. "My dad, Norman...he's uh...not a nice guy."

She nods. "Is your step-dad nice?"

"Yeah," Ryan says. "Harry's a good guy. They both live in New York. He runs his own business...makes my mother happy which is good. She's comfortable now because she's been working hard her whole life, especially when me and my sister came along. It's hard for her to sit down."

Natalia nods. "Yeah...it's always good to see your parents kind of slow down after a while. My dad was kind of a workaholic, but it was only to give me and my sisters a good life. He's a great dad, great husband to my mom and he hated that he had to work so much because it took time away from us, but...you gotta put food on the table, right?"

"Yeah," Ryan nods.

After a while, their food arrives.

"This is a big freakin' bowl of spaghetti," Natalia says as she takes some and puts it onto her plate.

"I told you," Ryan chuckles. "Why don't you believe me about these things, huh?"

"Please don't tell me you've eaten a whole bowl by yourself," she says.

"No, this is usually dinner for a week," he says. "But it's good. Especially the meatballs and the sausage."

"Yeah, which you're hogging," she laughs.

They spend a few minutes eating in comfortable silence before Ryan speaks up.

"Okay, so I know Anya," he says. "You have another sister...Christina?"

"Yes, she's the oldest," Natalia smiles. "Me and her used to get into it all the time. My mom couldn't stand it."

"She used to pick on you?"

"The other way around, actually," she explains. "Christina was the shy, quiet one and I was the vain, smart one and I always used to mess with her."

"So you were a bully?"

"Yeah, kind of," she admits. "I mean, I had lots of friends, I got the good grades, but I was a little snot...I guess one day I got on Christie's last nerve because next thing I knew, she'd slapped the shit out of me and we were rolling on the floor fighting in the kitchen."

"Got your assed kicked?"

"Oh big time," she laughs. "I had a bruise on my cheek and a huge goose egg on my head. Never messed with her again."

"Are you close with her now?"

"Not really, but it's not because of that," she assures. "We were just stupid girls then...she just has her own life...she's a mom, always busy...I call her every week to make sure she's doing alright."

"That's good," Ryan says.

They finish up dinner and ask for to-go boxes.

Natalia finishes off the last bit of her wine before she stands up.

Ryan takes care of the bill before he escorts her out to the parking lot to her car. She smiles.

"That was very nice," she says.

He leans in and kisses her and she wraps her arms around his neck.

She gently nips at his bottom lip before she pulls away. "You want to come to my place?"

"Sure," he says.

"Good," she smiles. "You still owe me a foot rub."

He kisses her again.


	5. Five

Pliant

**Five**

"So...um, you look pretty happy," Calleigh says with a smile as she looks at Ryan.

"What?"

"You look happy lately," she repeats.

"Oh," he says. "I guess I am."

He and Calleigh are on their way back to the lab after processing a scene in a dive hotel in the metro area.

The last couple of weeks, he and Natalia have spent more and more time together and tonight, he is making her dinner at his place. It's been interesting learning the more intimate details about each other; more likes and dislikes, idiosyncrasies (which Ryan has a lot of), a mutual love of movies, completely different tastes in music...he's learned so much and he finds that the care he feels for her and the value with which he treats her has deepened.

"I'm just glad that you and Natalia have resolved whatever was going on," she says. "Life's too short, right?"

"Yeah," he agrees. "We have. It was completely stupid...a misunderstanding."

"We all have those."

Her cell phone rings and she looks at it before answering, a slight smile on her face when she sees that it is Eric calling her.

"Hey love," she says in a sweet voice. "We're on our way back now...uh, yeah, I guess...okay...I'll meet you there..."

Her face softens and she sighs. "Yeah...love you too...that'll be great. Bye."

Ryan looks at her. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," she smiles. "Eric is taking me to lunch."

"That's nice," he says.

"Yeah, that is if we get there on time," she teases. "Step on it a little, Ryan. You drive like a grandpa."

He furrows his eyebrows. "First of all, unlike you, I obey traffic laws and secondly, isn't the phrase 'grandma'?"

She laughs. "No grandmother of mine ever drove like you."

They make it back to the lab and she hops out. "Can you take the evidence for me?"

"Sure," Ryan says. "Have a good time."

"Thanks, Ryan."

With that, Calleigh heads off.

Ryan takes the evidence they collected first to Valera before he goes into Natalia's lab. She is focused intently on her analysis, and she's scribbling notes down as she waits for the centrifuge to finish spinning. She's got on a dress today, a light blue one, and he thinks that he likes light colors against her skin. Her hair is wavy and swept over to one shoulder as she leans in to take a closer look at her results. Her lab coat drowns her profile a bit, but he can still see her curves through it.

She is absolutely breath taking and gorgeous.

"I have a gift for you," he says, and she looks up.

She smiles.

"What kind of gift?"

"The gift that keeps giving," he says as he hands her the box containing the Q-Tip. "Seminal fluids found in the bed at the Green Hotel."

She rolls her eyes and chuckles.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it," she says sarcastically.

"Thought you might like that," he grins, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"So uh," she begins quietly as she opens up the box and takes out the swab. "You still cooking for me tonight?"

"Of course," he says.

"You better impress me, Wolfe," she warns playfully. "I'm talkin' candles, music...the works."

"You want me to make you dinner or seduce you?" He asks stepping closer to her and she feels a rush of heat at his closeness.

She is still amazed at the desire this man inspires within her. It's more than just a physical yearning, she's found; she desires his company, his friendship, his care and comfort. She desires the solid strength of his arms wrapped around her, the softness of his kisses and the sound of his voice. It's just _so much more_. She's amazed at how far they've come since their carnal tryst because she didn't think that they had anything like this between them. She didn't think that she'd dig deeper and find intimacy, safety and a happiness she hasn't felt in a long time. And so quickly, too...she deduces that what she and Ryan have between them now has lain dormant until it boiled over and forced them to dive into it and not look back.

"Hmm," she begins. "Maybe I want you to do both."

He smirks. "Well that's encouraging..."

She raises an eyebrow at him then she tilts her chin toward the door.

"Mind out of the gutter, Ryan. Get outta here."

"I'll see you tonight," he says before he heads out.

It's only because he has something to look forward to at the end of the day that the shift seems to drag on.

He and Calleigh spend most of the shift in the lab, going over their evidence photos and physical evidence they picked up at the scene. Calleigh had been rather quiet, just taking notes and voicing her observations here and there.

It is evening now, after a monotonous shift, and Ryan is checking in the evidence into the locker. He signs the paperwork then he signs out and takes out his cellphone and dials Natalia as he heads down to the parking garage.

"Hi," she says.

"Hi," he grins. "What are you doing right now?"

"I'm getting ready to go home to change," she says.

"Really?"

"You should be thinking about getting a jump on the fabulous dinner you're going to cook for me..."

"I'm on my way home to get started now," he says. "I'll see you at eight thirty."

"Okay," she says. "Bye."

"Bye."

O-o-O

Natalia sighs as she puts her hands on her hips, looking between the two dresses she's draped onto her bed. She hasn't had to do this in a long time, try to decide which dress would be best for the evening. She doesn't want anything too revealing, but she doesn't want to necessarily cover up, either. She's got her heels on, now it's just a matter of choosing the right dress. She's chosen her underwear carefully, black lace...even though she's not entirely sure that the evening will end with Ryan getting a chance to see it, but just in case. Now she needs to make a decision about the dress. She is leaning toward the deep green satin dress with the plunging neck line, but the black strapless dress with the polka dotted belt is a more tempting choice because it's a little more elegant and teasing.

She feels her heart skip a beat as she gently bites her lip, trying to decide. It's exciting, thinking about which dress would tantalize and tempt Ryan more.

Who's seducing who now?

She picks up the black dress and she slips it on, grinning at the result. She pulls on her black cover up and then sighs.

Natalia quickly gathers up her purse and checks herself in the mirror one last time before she heads out, digging in her purse for her perfume. She sprays a light mist of her Perry Ellis and then she heads out to her car.

She makes the thirty minute drive over to Ryan's apartment complex and she gets out and goes up the steps to the third floor where his apartment is located. She takes a deep breath before she knocks on the door.

After a few moments, Ryan opens up and he takes her in, raking his wide, beautiful eyes slowly over her body. The dress she is wearing hugs her curves in all the right places and it shows just enough cleavage; the belt is a nice touch, her hair is curled and tussled and voluminous, and her makeup is perfect, her lips are glistening and full...she smells incredible too...

Damn, she looks _fucking. Hot_, he thinks to himself. God, I'm staring...let her in the house, idiot.

She giggles as he stands in the doorway, drinking her in.

The black dress had _definitely_ been a good choice.

"Ryan, you gonna let me in?"

"Yes," he says, snapping out of it.

He takes her hand and gently brings her into his apartment then he closes the door. She takes her sweater off and he sees her bare shoulders and he puts his hands on her hips and kisses her shoulder before kissing her lips. She wraps her arms around his neck as she gives him a feather soft kiss, smiling.

"You look completely sexy," he compliments. "You're going to make this evening very difficult for me."

She gives him a once over and raises her eyebrows. "I think you're going to make it difficult for me too...I like this shirt on you..."

"Do you now?" He asks. "How come you never said anything before?"

"I don't know," she chuckles. "But now you know...I like yellow on you."

"I like anything on you," he grins.

She blushes then she looks into his eyes as she caresses the nape of his neck. "So, you gonna feed me or what?"

"Is that all I'm good for?"

"For now," she says, stepping away from him, teasingly dragging her fingers over his chest as she saunters her way over to the kitchen. "What'd you make?"

He watches her hips sway as he follows her into the kitchen.

"I made lamb," he says proudly and she raises her eyebrows.

"Mm, I'm impressed," she says, opening up a pot and looking into it.

"That's exactly what I was going for," he says.

"I like lamb," she says. "Actually, I just like meat period."

"I like a woman who likes her meat," he says.

"Hell yeah," Natalia says. "My French fry casserole didn't give me away?"

He grins.

He'd made lamb, following his grandparents' recipe to the letter, potatoes, asparagus, a sauce for the meat, salad, and he'd bought some bread and for dessert he bought a chocolate cheesecake.

"This looks really good," she says and he leans down and gives her a quick kiss.

He takes her hand and takes her over to the table, and just as she'd wished, there is a single candle lit in the middle of the table. She laughs when she sees it.

"I was kidding!" She laughs.

She looks absolutely beautiful when she laughs.

"I hope you weren't kidding about the music," he chuckles as he pulls the chair out for her and she sits down.

He turns on the stereo and after a few moments she hears Harry Connick, Jr. crooning. He has taken the time and effort to make this evening nice for her, and he listened to her, even when she'd been joking about the candles and the music, he _listened_ to her and took it to heart. From this and other moments they've had together, she knows for sure where his heart is concerning her.

Once he serves their dinner, Natalia can't help the surge of emotion as she looks at Ryan.

"This is very beautiful, Ry," she says in a watery voice. "This is more than what I imagined."

He nods. "I wanted tonight to be nice for you...I care about you Natalia, and I like making you happy. I'm glad you gave me a second chance to do that."

"I'm glad you gave me a second chance too," she says. "We gave _us_ a second chance."

They begin to eat and they talk about everything, their families, work, crazy, off the wall things...they talk like they've been doing this together for years. The pretense of them being coworkers has crumbled and now they are just two people exploring the best relationship they've probably ever had. They've opened up their hearts to one another and laid them bare for the other to see.

"Who was your first love?" Natalia asks before she sips her wine.

Ryan rests his elbows onto the table. "Zoe Leibowitz. We'd grown up together, our families knew each other, went to temple together...she was my best friend all through school. I dated a lot of other girls, and I don't know what made me do it, but I asked her out. I thought it was going to be really weird because we grew up together, but it wasn't. We dated for six months, we fell in love and moved in together. Then things went south."

"What happened?"

"We got engaged..."

"You were engaged?"

"Yeah," he grins. "I proposed to her and she said yes. Then a couple weeks later, the reality set in...I wasn't ready for marriage, she wasn't ready...we were both broke, and I think our families wanted it more that we did. They kind of expected it, I guess because we grew up together. We broke up shortly after."

Natalia swallows thickly. "Do you...still love her?"

"I do, but not in the same way," he explains. "I love her as a friend. What we had just wasn't in the cards."

She nods.

"What about you?" He asks. "Who was your first love?"

She sighs. "Believe it or not, Nick was."

He can see the flash of pain in her eyes, and he sighs. "It's best to remember the good times, Natalia."

She looks at him, nodding slightly.

Ryan remembers how terrified Natalia had been of her ex-husband. He harassed her, showed up at her job unexpectedly, and the guy definitely got under his skin as well as Eric's; Nick and Eric got into a scuffle and Ryan remembers breaking it up, despite his own urges to beat the shit out of Nick as well. The worst part of it all was the thought of what he'd done to Natalia over the course of the marriage. Ryan didn't even want to venture to guess what kind of cruelty he bestowed upon her, but he'd been so angry when he heard that Nick had gone to prison for breaking her arm. That knowledge caused the deepest hurt within Ryan for Natalia.

"You know, Horatio said something to that effect when Nick died," she says with a slight smile. "Everyone was probably wondering what I was doing with him...I was stupid to stay with him..."

"No, you weren't stupid, and you shouldn't say that about yourself," he says firmly. "You just ended up with the wrong guy. But the important thing is that you got out, right?"

She nods. "Yeah...after he broke my arm. But before that, our marriage...it was great, passionate, intimate, and Nick was so loving and a wonderful husband. Then things changed and he became a different person. I never thought in a million years that he'd hurt me, I never thought that I'd be _that_ woman. I-I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry," he says. "This is good...you can talk to me about anything, Natalia. We can talk to each other."

She sighs. "When Nick died, I was...sad at first because you never really stop loving someone, especially a person that you shared part of your life with, but...when it finally set in, when the fact that he was really _gone_ hit me, I felt free. He was out of my life for good and I was glad. I know that sounds cruel, but Nick would have never let me go. He'd follow me wherever I go, I wouldn't be able to do this with you because he'd find a way to ruin it. He wouldn't let me be happy. With him gone, I can do my job and live my life without having to constantly look over my shoulder."

Ryan takes her hand in his.

"We move on, right?"

Natalia turns her hand over and she presses her palm to his, nodding, a smile forming on her face.

"Yeah."

"You want to dance?"

"Sure," she says and they stand up together.

They step closer to each other and Natalia wraps her arms around his neck and he rests his hands on her hips. They gently begin to move to the rhythm of the bluesy, sensual beat of some John Mayer song, they don't care to pay attention. After a few minutes, they mold into each other's bodies, and Natalia rests her head onto his shoulder and Ryan gently caresses over her back. She feels so comfortable, so safe and alive in this moment in his arms. This is one of the most amazing moments she's experienced in a long while.

He leans in and presses a tender kiss to her neck and she moans softly.

She can hear his heart beating in his chest and it lulls her as she closes her eyes, losing herself in his scent, in his heart and just in _him_. She feels as though she is floating, feeling warm and light as his hands caress over her back. The physical yearning she has for him is extraordinary, but the emotional yearning she has for him is _powerful_. She's never felt such a deep connection with any man in her life before. Since the age of fifteen, she's had many boyfriends and lovers and a husband and what she'd had with them can't compare to what she's stumbled upon in such a short amount of time.

Ryan savors the feeling of her body against his. They fit perfectly together, and he's addicted to holding her, he's addicted to everything about her. He doesn't think he will ever be able to cure himself of it, not that he wants to anyway. Natalia is the one he looked to when his addiction to gambling nearly cost him his entire career. He saw the strength with which she handled the situation with the FBI and the public knowledge that she'd been the mole, he saw how courageous she'd been when she faced her ex-husband and continued to stand her ground against him when he tried to hurt her again. He knows about her volunteer work at the Battered Women and Children's shelter and how devoted she is to it. She may as well have a second job because she's always got something to do there. And when her sister got abducted...she remained strong and focused.

Just seeing how she somehow made it through gave him the courage to be able to face his own problems.

He gently takes her hand in his and kisses it.

"Thank you, Natalia," he says.

She looks up at him. "For what?"

"For being you," he says quietly.

She smiles bashfully, burying her face into his chest and he lifts her chin with his finger and looks at her.

"You're so beautiful," he says. "Everything about you is incredible and beautiful."

She gently pulls him into a sweet, slow kiss, which quickly turns passionate as he gently draws her tighter against him, arms embracing her small waist. She puts her hands on his cheeks as she gently licks over his bottom lip before she brushes her lips against his, smiling.

"What's a dinner without dessert?" She asks before she kisses him again.

He grins as he takes her hand and leads her to the kitchen again.

"I bought some cheesecake," he says as he opens up the fridge. "Triple chocolate something..."

"Say no more," she smiles excitedly. "You had me at triple chocolate."

He takes out the box and he opens it up and takes the cheesecake out. He gets a knife and a plate and cuts a slice and hands it to her. Impatient for a fork, Natalia breaks off the very tip with her fingers and pops it into her mouth. Her eyes close when the decadent chocolate begins to melt in her mouth, setting off a chocolate orgasm.

"Oh my God," she sighs rapturously. "This is delicious. Here, taste."

She breaks off another piece with her fingers and lifts it to his lips.

Ryan looks into her eyes before he eats the morsel of cheesecake from her fingers, and he makes sure to gently nip, suck and lick at her index finger, setting every sensory nerve ending aflame and causing a tingling to spread throughout her body. She takes in a shaky breath before he releases her finger, grinning proudly at his foul, but oh so sexy play. She raises an eyebrow at him before she sets the plate down and steps closer to him, giving him a heated once over before she looks into his eyes again. She puts one hand on her hip.

"Is this the part of the evening where you seduce me?"

He puts his hands on the small of her back and gently pulls her into a deep, scorching kiss and she feels a flash of heat rushing through her entire body and then straight to her already yearning, clenching center. She presses herself against him wrapping her arms around his neck as she explores his mouth with her tongue, stroking his tongue and moaning into his mouth. He breaks the kiss, much to her chagrin and begins to kiss over her jaw then her cheek before pulling away and looking into her dilated eyes, sighing.

"I'm not sure," he teases. "You want me to?"

Natalia whimpers her consent as she kisses him again.

Ryan caresses his hands over the curve of her ass then over the back of her thighs before he caresses over her back again. He pulls away again and takes her hand in his and they make their way quickly to his bedroom.

Once there, he closes the door.

She grins as she tugs him toward her by his tie and kisses him softly.

She loosens the tie and slides it from around his neck, dropping it onto the floor before she un-tucks his shirt from his pants and begins to unbutton it. He leans in and kisses her neck, nipping in just the right spot to get her to gasp.

"Ryan..."

There's that heavenly sound again.

She finishes unbuttoning his shirt and she pushes it off his shoulders before she caresses her finger tips over the skin of his chest, also enjoying the kisses he is pressing to her neck and her chest. He cups her breasts through her dress before he reaches around her and unzips it, slowly pushing it down and off her body, revealing black lace underneath. He feels all the blood rushing from his head to his dick at the sight of her in skimpy, black lace. The color against her silky skin alone is enough to arouse him. He cups a breast, rubbing his thumb over the already sensitive and taut flesh of her nipple. She moans softly, tilting her head back as he touches her other breast, giving it the same treatment before he leans in and licks and sucks at one nipple through lace as his hand continues to rub over the other.

Natalia slides her hands down to his belt and she unbuckles it and tugs the belt from around him before chucking it across the room somewhere, causing it to land with a soft clank. He kisses over a perfect, round breast before capturing her lips again. He gently sits her onto his bed and he gets on his knees in front of her, caressing his warm hands over her thighs. She looks at him with both hesitation and excitement as he gently parts her thighs.

"I've been wanting to do this for a _very_ long time. Move up on the bed a little bit."

She scoots up and then he hooks his fingers into her panties, slowly sliding them down.

"As sexy as this lace is on you," he says as he pulls her panties down and off. "It's gotta go."

She laughs when he tosses them haphazardly over his shoulder.

Natalia settles back onto her elbows as she rests her legs over his shoulders. He gently takes one thigh and pushes it up and open a bit more before kissing it. She gently bites her bottom lip as he teases her, kissing over the skin of her thighs and dipping his thumb into her wetness to touch her clit, making her gasp and tilt her head back.

"Ryan," she moans.

He swipes over it slowly, sending electricity in waves throughout her body and she closes her eyes, smoothing her hand over her abdomen, up to cup her own breast before she replaces her elbow onto the bed again.

His pants are getting tighter as his cock twitches and turns to granite at the sight of Natalia open to him. She is scorching hot, wet...tight and he releases a slight groan at the thought of how amazing she's going to taste and how she's going to feel when he enters her body, keenly remembering how her muscles inside stretched and brought him deeper-

"Goddamn it Ryan," she growls.

"Impatient are we?" He asks against the skin of her thigh.

"Mmhm..."

He wants to take his time with her because that night in the parking garage, he couldn't see as much as he's seeing right now. The lamp casts a creamy, sensual glow on her skin, and he can see the nuances in her reactions to his touch.

Natalia furrows her eyebrows and glares at him.

"Tell me what you want," he whispers against her hot center and she groans.

"Ryan..."

"Tell me," he says.

"I want you," she breathes. "I want your mouth on me..."

"You gotta ask nicely," he says before kissing her lower abdomen.

"Just do it," she groans.

"Nah, I think I'm perfectly good right here," he says, nipping at her thigh.

He is making her beg. She's hot, dripping and swollen and he's making her _beg_?

Her resolve to be defiant crumbles and she moans.

"_Please_," she nearly cries.

She yelps when he finally obliges her and she gasps and then arches her back, purring as he covers her with his mouth.

"Mm," she moans, caressing her hand down her abdomen and tangling her fingers into his hair as he keeps her thigh open and tucks his thumb into her folds to press and swipe at her clit. "Oh my-that's good, that's good...mm..."

He moans against her sensitive flesh and the vibrations of it make her moan and buck her hips. He pulls away then, using his free hand to press her hips down.

"Uh uh," he whispers gruffly. "None of that yet."

He presses his palm into her pubis firmly and she can't move then. He continues pleasuring her and her eyes roll back as she pants and arches her back, bending her other leg and resting her foot on his shoulder. He sucks gently at her clit and she hisses as she opens her eyes and watches him intently, feeling even more pleasure at this erotic display. He is moaning against her, laving his tongue over her, savoring her as if she is a delicacy and damn if that doesn't make her desire him that much more.

She's been fantasizing for weeks on end about what Ryan would think to do with her and to her in a more controlled, slower setting and what she's feeling now...humming with need, teetering on that brilliant precipice before she comes, the comfortable lightheadedness...it's so much more than what she came up with.

He releases her thigh and he opens her folds and sucks the morsel of nervous flesh as he slides first one finger into her hot, slick depths then a second and she releases a shuddering cry of his name as he slowly thrusts his fingers inside her, reaching that delicate spot within that makes her feel as though he's touching her all over at once. She feels a light sheen of sweat forming on her skin as he begins to finger her, sucking and licking over her clit. She is panting now, caught up in a dizzy trance of intense sensation and pleasure as she bucks her hips slightly.

"Yes," she pants, gripping the bedcovers into her fist as she flicks her thumb over her nipple, bringing her higher. "Ryan...Ryan...don't stop..."

And he doesn't.

It just keeps getting better and better and better...

He opens his eyes and catches sight of her. Her mouth is agape, her hair is tussled, she is moaning for him, her head tilted back, back arched and hands caressing her own body. She is a stunning, gorgeous vision.

She lies onto the bed, eyes closed as he slides his hands onto her ass and brings her closer to him as he redoubles his efforts to bring her over.

She arches her back again as she reaches her hands over her head, gripping a pillow in her fists as she falls deeper and deeper into ecstasy, and suddenly, as if a button has been pressed, she's feeling the tight coil of pleasure in her lower belly, the pressure building within her and she presses her calves into his back as she tilts her head back even more, moaning and purring her enjoyment. He whispers sweet nothings against her as he slides his fingers back into her, telling her how sexy she is, how sweet she tastes, how she feels inside...coaxing her to come as he licks over her clit.

Her head thrashes from side to side, and she feels a bead of sweat on her brow as she babbles on and on, letting Ryan know just what he's doing to her.

"Ryan...yes, right there," she pants, her face sweaty and scrunched up with pleasure as she comes up to rest on her elbows again. "Right...there...just...like...that..."

Natalia gasps then she screams when she finally comes.

"Ryan!" She screams. "Oh my God!"

She bucks her hips as her inner muscles convulse and spasm and she gasps, her mouth agape as she soars higher and higher. She is panting as she moans his name over and over before she collapses onto the bed, sweaty, limp, boneless and shuddering. She is dizzy and over heated, her whole body hypersensitive as she twitches and gasps when he kisses his way up her body as he rests next to her.

He takes her hand and kisses it before he turns his head to the side to take her in. Her eyes are closed and she is still panting. Her face, neck and chest are glistening with sweat and she has one arm resting over her head. She covers her face with her hands and wipes the sweat away before she furrows her eyebrows, turning onto her side.

Ryan caresses over her cheek, kissing her lips softly.

"Are you okay?" He asks and she smiles.

"I'm more than okay," she says, her breathing slowing as she presses her forehead to his. "Jesus Christ, Ryan...what was I to you? A Tootsie Roll Pop or something?"

He laughs. "I will _never_ think of Tootsie Roll Pops the same again."

She giggles before she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him languidly, stroking her tongue against his. He tastes like her and him and she sighs as she gently laves his bottom lip with her tongue.

They slowly shed the rest of their clothing then they move to get under the covers even slower, entranced with the sight of one another's bare bodies. There is so much more intimacy in being able to really see one another bathed in just enough light to really enjoy and appreciate what is before them. In the parking garage, there'd been too little light, too little warmth, but now, their awkward encounter being a little over a month ago, it is like a distant memory.

Nestled together under the bedcovers, Natalia gently pulls Ryan onto her, and he kisses her neck as he settles into the cradle of her hips, his hardness pressing against her scorching core. He cups a bare breast and licks at her hard peak, making her moan softly. He gives the other breast the same attention, licking, kissing, sucking before she brings him up for a passionate kiss. She slides a hand between them, gripping his cock in her hand, gently stroking over his hard, throbbing length. He groans against her lips, thrusting into her hand as she grips him a little firmer, stroking harder. He gently wraps his hand around her wrist, stopping her as he kisses along her cheek. He laces his fingers into hers as he brings their joined hands over her head.

Natalia opens her legs a little wider and she squeezes his hand as Ryan enters her slowly, kissing her neck as he slides deep inside her, feeling her tightness surrounding him as their bodies become one, molding and fitting just right.

He moves slowly, drawing himself almost all the way out before thrusting back in, making her whimper. He keeps the pace slow, kissing and nipping along her neck, steadfastly holding her hand, his free hand gripping her hip as he goes even deeper inside her, his hips lazily rolling against hers.

She uses her free hand to caress over his back, raking her fingernails over his rippling muscles as he moves over her.

They look into each other's eyes and they both hold happiness and contentment as their lips meet for soft kisses over and over.

"You feel so amazing," he sighs against her lips.

"You too," she smiles.

He kisses her deeply, his hand releasing hers as he gently caresses his fingers down over her arm then to her cheek, caressing his thumb over her cheek bone softly as he explores her mouth. She bucks her hips against his, putting her hands on his hips, bringing him deeper moaning as he angles himself, hitting a spot inside her just right and she whimpers.

"Ryan..."

He increases the pace, rising up over her, one hand on the side of her head and the other sliding down to grip her thigh and bring it higher up on his hip, changing the angle again and going impossibly deeper inside her as he thrusts into her harder.

Natalia tilts her head back into the pillows, lifting her hips to meet his, moaning her pleasure as he leans down and kisses her again, resting onto his elbows as he kisses along her jaw and neck, leaving a hot, wet kiss on the cord, making her shudder. He tangles his fingers into her hair as he tilts her head toward his and gives her a chaste kiss, moving faster still, building the friction between them. She wraps her arms around Ryan's neck and digs her fingernails into his flesh as he grinds his hips into hers, brushing against her clit, sending rolling waves of electric pleasure though every single nerve ending within her body and her eyes roll back as he grips her hip, pushing harder, grunting as his hips collide into hers over and over.

"Yes...yes," she moans.

He gives her a quick kiss before he gently wraps his arms tightly around her waist and pulls her up to his chest, Natalia settling into his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck and her legs tightly around his waist. He puts one hand on her ass before he continues to thrust into her. She is bucking her hips against his as he moves her against him, setting an easy, quick rise and fall motion. Their bodies are becoming slick with sweat as the friction burns between them and Natalia puts a hand on his cheek as she kisses him passionately, whimpering, purring and groaning into his mouth as she lets him guide her.

"Natalia," he groans as he thrusts up into her.

He feels her inner muscles begin to tighten around him and he lies her back down and she swiftly rolls him onto his back. He tangles his fingers into her tussled, wild hair and pulls her into a lusty, deep kiss, caressing his other hand over the silky smooth skin of her thigh to her hip. She begins to move over him and she sits up, placing her hands on his sweaty chest as he puts his other hand on her hip. She rides him, closing her eyes as she feels herself nearing her spectacular pique.

"Oh...Ryan, yes..." She pants.

He presses his thumb to her clit and she gasps as she tilts into the contact.

"C'mon," he encourages with a grunt, roughly flicking over her clit. "That's it...c'mon..."

She tangles her hands into her hair and rides him harder, tilting her head back as she once again feels herself falling into bliss.

"Ryan...yes..._yes_!" She cries out into the bedroom as she surrenders to the overwhelming sensations coursing through her body when she comes. Every nerve ending in her body explodes with sensation and she becomes dizzy once again as the ecstasy ripples outward in tingly waves and she sees stars in her eyes as she moans his name.

He rolls her onto her back and swiftly brings a leg over his shoulder as he thrusts into her undulating canal once, twice, three times before he comes inside her, groaning her name as he gently lowers her leg before burying his sweaty face into her neck, groaning with satisfaction and pleasure.

"'Lia," he sighs softly as he kisses her cheek.

He's been using her nickname lately, quickly turning it into a term of endearment.

Natalia caresses over his back as she kisses him softly, smiling and combing her fingers through his hair before affectionately caressing over the back of his neck.

Ryan gently nuzzles his nose to hers before giving her another sweet kiss.

He goes soft inside her and he gently separates them, making her whimper, missing him already. To make up for it, she cuddles into him, his arms wrapping firmly around her, holding her tightly as she pulls the covers back over them. She drapes her arm over his abdomen, kissing his chest as he kisses her forehead. He gently brushes her tussled hair from her face and she traces oblong, indiscernible patterns on his chest with her fingers, comfortable with staying right here in his arms.

Ryan kisses her forehead again, giving in to the possibility of having her like this for a lifetime.


	6. Six

Pliant

**Six**

Ryan feels Natalia stirring, whimpering softly as she opens her eyes slightly, taking in the now dark bedroom. He has turned off the lamps and now the room is bathed in lulling moonlight. She relaxes further into him, going back to sleep. He smoothes over her hair before caressing over her back. Even though the prospect of getting up and going to work lay on the horizon, he hasn't drifted to sleep yet. He's been watching Natalia sleep, and she looks so serene and beautiful as she always does. They've fallen asleep together as they've spent time with each other, and he's noticed that she prefers sleeping along his right side, cuddled into his chest. She's taken to putting her hand right over his heart lately.

He'd had this once.

With Zoe.

Sometimes, it's hard not to think about her because they lived together for four years, had been engaged to be married.

Zoe had been the perfect, typical Jewish girl. She took her responsibilities to the temple seriously, citing once when they were kids that she'd wanted to become a rabbi. They'd been about nine or ten, stuck at some other friend's bar mitzvah, picking at too sweet cake and some kind of fancy beef patty. Zoe mentioned that she wanted to be the first girl in her family to become a rabbi. He'd laughed at that, telling her that she was too pretty to be a rabbi. What her being pretty had to do with it, he didn't know, but she never did become a rabbi. Nor a model.

She'd grown into a bookish, mousy young woman, intensely focused on her studies in psychology and mythology. She'd still been beautiful, but in a homely, academic way with a propensity for being eager to please. She had long, dark hair and narrow but alert eyes and a sweet, shy smile. She had a desk job at some printing company owned by one of her relatives to help pay for college. They both attended Boston College and while he'd been holed up in Chem lab, she'd been lounging at the library, soaking up Greek, Roman, Chinese and Nordic myths and the theories of Freud, Jung, and Maslow.

Ryan remembers that he'd been dating another girl, a Hispanic girl who'd been wild, beautiful and clingy. He broke up with her the same night he asked Zoe out when he met her at some function at the Student Center. She'd been dressed modestly, dark hair in soft curls and daintily sipping at some punch and he remembers just marveling at what a good woman she'd become. She reminded him of his mother.

When their relationship turned serious and they'd already begun to have sex, she would lie on his chest, as Natalia is now, only Zoe would stay awake for hours more, telling him about the myths she'd read...about how ironic it'd been that the most beautiful goddess of love Aphrodite became the wife of Haphaestos, the deformed, hideous armor making god, and about her favorite myth, the myth of Persephone and Hades. The myth goes that Demeter's daughter, Persephone had been young, beautiful and innocent, all of which appealed to the god of the Underworld, Hades. She'd been wandering in a field collecting flowers-nothing ever went well for a young and beautiful maiden wandering in a field in any of the myths apparently-and Hades opened up the earth and reached a cold, calloused hand up from the Underworld and dragged Persephone down and made her his queen.

The whole point of the myth had been to explain why there were seasons. Spring and summer represented Demeter's happiness at Persephone's return from the Underworld and fall and winter represented Demeter's sadness at Persephone leaving her again.

Stupid Greeks, he'd said and she'd laughed.

It'd been good, what he and Zoe had. When it ended, it'd been for the better because life and circumstances got in the way and turned them into different people and their relationship into something he hated.

He kisses Natalia's forehead again.

It should feel weird, maybe even slightly wrong to him that he's thinking about another woman with Natalia sleeping in his arms, but he doesn't. He's simply taking stock of all that he'd left behind, only to now revel in what he's gained.

Sleep finally overtakes him and Ryan turns onto his side and he kisses Natalia's lips softly and she grins a bit in her sleep before she turns onto her side, her back against his chest and she gently takes his hand and brings his arm over her waist.

It isn't long before they both fall into a deep, sated sleep.

O-o-O

Natalia can't help the uplifted mood she's been in all day. Her body is still humming in sated delight as she thinks about last night. It'd been an incredible night, and so much more than she could have ever imagined. Ryan is so invested in this relationship they've begun, invested in her and that makes her yearn for him that much more. This morning, he'd woken her up with soft kisses and then she gently pulled him to the bathroom to join her for a shower. She'd left his place with one of his travel mugs full of coffee and the lingering feeling of his skin against hers, his lips on hers.

She can't help but feel a bit rapturous and wistful today because she is _happy_. Ryan makes her _happy_. She knows for sure that she makes him happy; she's found that all she need do is be near him and the man is complete.

She can't help the smile that blooms on her face as she walks down the hallway with a stack of files that need to go to the evidence locker. She hasn't seen Ryan for much of the day; he and Jesse are working a shooting and they've been chasing leads on that for the better part of the afternoon. He'd called her and she asked if he wanted to go to her place. He'd agreed and said that he and Cardoza were almost finished doing the knock and talk around the neighborhood.

That'd been a little over two hours ago, and it is almost near the end of the shift.

She signs into the evidence locker and hands off her files to the clerk before she quickly signs out, looking at her watch.

Natalia heads back to her lab and begins to shut down her equipment and her computer. She puts away her tools and organizes her files and puts them into the drawer in the counter. She gathers up her pens and puts them into the pocket of her lab coat before she hangs it up on the hook. She pushes her hair behind her ears before she goes over to the dry-erase board and writes down her times. They have a whole other procedure for shift change and it requires about the last thirty minutes of previous shift in order to get everything done.

She hears footsteps approaching her lab, and in her peripheral vision, she sees Ryan leaning up against the doorframe. She smiles as she looks over at him.

"Hi," she says.

"Hi."

She can tell by the contentment on Ryan's face that he's also been in a very good mood.

"Did you clock out?" She asks as she comes over to him.

"Yeah," he says. "Did you?"

"Getting ready to," she says as they walk out together. "I've got to get my stuff from the locker room too."

"I'll meet you in there," he says.

Natalia goes down the hallway to the HR office and it is there that she swipes her ID and presses her code into the machine. It beeps and then she is clocked out and she sighs as she walks out of the office, anxious to see Ryan.

Natalia meets Ryan in the locker room and it is then, in the privacy of dim, shallow light that he gently pulls her into a deep kiss. She wraps her arms around his neck and returns the kiss in kind, softly moaning against his lips. She presses her body against his and he growls as he backs her into the lockers. His tongue parts her lips and she purrs when he deepens the kiss, their tongues stroking and exploring. His hands slide down over her hips then onto her ass, pulling her hips into his, and she whimpers when she grinds her hips slowly against his. Her whole body is now sensitive to his touch and she feels arousal coursing through her body, heat spreading through her limbs.

Ryan breaks away from her lips and begins to kiss over her neck, and she tilts her head back to accommodate him. Somewhere in the rational part of his mind, he knows that they are taking a huge risk in doing this. The locker room, though private, still carries a probability of another walking into it at any time and that wouldn't be good to be caught kissing Natalia when they are supposed to be professional. But the more impulsive side of his mind wants to fulfill his need to touch and kiss this woman before him because he hasn't seen her all day. He is still thinking about last night, his body is still sensitive and reeling and he felt stirrings of desire at just the mere thought of Natalia. His desire for this woman has only increased, and he's never felt so much passion and such a deep connection with any other woman he'd dated before like he feels with Natalia. Touching her again, kissing her again, he feels the sparks of arousal shooting straight to his groin and he presses his hips into hers.

He finds a sensitive spot on her neck and she rolls her eyes back and she feels her knees going wobbly but he holds her up to keep her from sliding down the lockers. He nips again at the same spot and she purrs.

"Mmm...Ryan," she says, putting her hands on his shoulders. "_Oh_...not here..."

He kisses her lips again before he pulls away and looks at her.

"I missed you," he says, caressing her cheek.

"I missed you too," she smiles, before kissing him softly again. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," he says as he brings his hands to rest on her hips.

"Ry, we can't slink into every dark corner and make out," she says with a sigh. "Much as I would like to..."

"I know," he says as he kisses her cheek. "Boundaries...I wouldn't want to be sued for sexual harassment."

She chuckles. "Yes, I do think it's time for a refresher. Just keep your hands off me at work, then harass me all you want at home."

He laughs. "Are you sure that's department policy?"

"It's _my_ policy," she says as she gently pushes him away and steps out of his embrace.

She bends down slightly to gather up her things and he pinches her between her legs, making her gasp and start before she turns to look at him, feigning offense when she sees the playful smirk on his face.

"Cheeky."

Once she has everything, they walk out together.

Confident that they are out of sight of anyone they know, Ryan takes her hand in his as they walk to his car hand in hand. Like the gentleman he is, he opens the door for her on the passenger side and she smiles as she gets in. He closes the door and then goes round to the driver's side and gets in.

Natalia wishes that Ryan would drive a little faster. Calleigh is right about that; Ryan drives slow as _hell_ when there isn't an emergency and it's maddening because she feels the desire she has for him building within her body. She gently bites her bottom lip as she shifts in the seat a bit. Throughout the day, she's been thinking almost obsessively about ripping off his mint green shirt, and she could just hear the rip of the thread and the pop of the buttons and the tiny clack from them falling this way and that. She sees herself shoving the shirt off his shoulders before shoving him onto her couch and-

Stop it, she thinks to herself. Last night was..._fantastic_ but I don't want to jump Ryan's bones every time I get the slightest urge.

After about thirty minutes, they make it to her house.

She opens it up and they step inside.

She kicks off her heels and then she tosses her purse onto the couch before she looks at him.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" She asks, hoping that her voice isn't shaky and unsure because she feels a faint layer of perspiration forming on her skin from the erotic thoughts that have been plaguing her on the ride home.

Ryan steps closer to her and she feels her thighs clenching when his hazel eyes turn dark with arousal and desire. He can see right through her flimsy attempt at suggesting that they'd do anything other than what's been on both their minds the whole day. Her body is aching for him to touch her, kiss her...she wants him to get rid of the barrier that is her clothing and his and she wants him to get inside her again, make them one. Her entire body is radiating heat and his stare is making her melt like chocolate.

"Not really," he answers her finally. "Do you?"

"No."

With that, he leans down and crushes his lips to hers and she immediately wraps her arms around his neck as he picks her up. She wraps her legs around his waist and she kisses him deeply as he carries her into her bedroom and sets her down onto the bed.

He unbuttons her blouse and pushes it off before he leans in and kisses her neck, cupping her breasts in his hands. She begins to unbutton his shirt, but she loses focus when he sucks a nipple through lace and she moans. He tugs a strap on her bra down and kisses over her shoulder and her hands fumble with the buttons on his shirt. She purrs and closes her eyes when he finds that sensitive spot on her neck again. Damn, Ryan has a good memory.

"Ryan," she moans as she tilts her head back.

He reaches under her and unhooks her bra and he slowly, teasingly slides it off of her, sliding down her arms, his fingers brushing over her warm flesh. He gets it all the way off and drops it over the side of the bed. She combs her fingers through his hair when he licks over her taut nipples and she brings him back up to her lips, parting his with her tongue and kissing him languidly, deeply as she sits up. She makes a quick work of the rest of his buttons and he takes his shirt off and it joins her bra on the floor. He gently covers her body with his and she can feel his hardness pressing against her.

He kisses her softly as he gently tangles his fingers into her hair.

She caresses her hands over his muscled chest down to his belt and she unbuckles it before she slides it off, giggling against his lips as she quickly undoes his jeans and slides her hand into his pants and wraps her hand around him, stroking. She's found that he _does_ go commando all the time.

He groans against her lips and she smiles as he pulls away, his eyes closed as he clenches his jaw.

"This is funny to you?" He asks.

"Absolutely," she giggles.

He kisses her again and he stops her hand.

She pushes his jeans off and then he unbuttons and unzips her slacks and pulls them off, along with her panties and chucks them onto the floor. He caresses his hands over her nude body, his hands making her muscles flutter and he feels arousal course through him as he caresses over the softness of her flesh.

They get under the covers and he kisses her softly as he settles over her again.

Natalia wraps her arms around his neck as he kisses her cheek.

Ryan looks into her eyes.

"Uh, there isn't a chance that your sister might come over and interrupt us is there?"

She laughs. "I don't think so."

"Okay good," he grins before he kisses her.

She sighs with pleasure as he enters her, sliding into her depths effortlessly.

He draws himself almost completely out, then he thrusts back in, making her moan softly.

"You feel so good, 'Lia," he whispers.

She whimpers.

He begins to move faster because arousal is coursing through him and the need to release after a long day thinking of last night with Natalia and fighting off an erection all day. He's been actively trying to focus his attention on other things, trying to get the way she sounded, tasted...felt out of his head long enough to be able to do his job. He still couldn't curb the stirring in his dick at just the mere mention of her name.

Natalia rolls them over and a wicked smile graces her face as she caresses her hands down his chest as she lazily rolls her hips over him and he closes his eyes as he puts his hands on her hips. She leans down and kisses him languidly, letting him guide her hips and set the pace, moaning into his mouth. Ryan breaks the kiss and tilts his head back into the pillows as she rides him, going a little faster, a littler harder.

"Natalia," he groans as his thumb finds her clit. "'Lia..."

His other hand travels up from her hip to her breast, twisting the nipple between his thumb and index finger before cupping her breast and flicking his thumb over her hard nipple.

"Ryan...yes," she moans. "So good..."

She feels his hardness inside her, stretching and stroking and she feels him tangling his fingers into her hair as he gently pulls her down to his lips for a deep, hot kiss. He takes the opportunity to roll them over again and she is now on her back and she arches up, bucking her hips into his. He grips her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh and meets her thrust for thrust, and she wraps her legs around him tighter as she arches up again. He leans over her and grunts as he continues to grind his hips into hers. He feels the tingle of pleasure in his spine radiating up and out, permeating every nervous layer in his body at the feel of her tight canal around him.

He presses his thumb to her clit again, and she hisses as she arches up again, feeling her pleasure heightening as he flicks over her clit.

She rolls them over again and she rides him hard, her hips crashing into his, his thumb tucked securely on her clit, and one hand on her ass to keep her rhythm steady. He opens his eyes and first encounters hers before he glances quickly at their joining.

"Yeah," he pants, now putting the other hand on her ass. "That's it 'Lia...c'mon...you're so beautiful...c'mon...c'mon..."

"Oh God," she cries out, feeling herself nearing her climax. "Ryan..."

He lifts his hips slightly to thrust up into her, and she places her palms onto his chest to use as leverage.

"Ryan, yes, yes," she moans, dizziness overwhelming her and climbing higher and higher when he finds her clit again and presses and swipes as he guides her over him. "Oh!"

Somewhere in her pleasure soaked mind, she registers the sound of him groaning, hears his encouragements. She hears him whispering sweet nothings, telling her how sexy she is, how beautiful she looks right now and coaxing her to come with caresses over her sweaty skin as he teases her nipple again.

Ryan feels the pressure building in the base of his spine and he grabs her hips and thrusts up into her, bringing her hips over him just right before he comes, moaning her name as he arches up into her and Natalia loses her rhythm a bit as she revels in his release, but he gets her back into rhythm, wanting to bring her over with him.

One more swipe over her clit, one more gentle twist of her nipple, and one last swift motion of her hips and she is gone. She shudders hard and slows her hips as her climax convulses around him and sends her into a dizzying trance of moaning his name like a mantra and trembling whimpers when she begins to come down, her muscles fluttering with a gentle, but short second climax before she collapses onto his chest. He brushes her hair away from her face and kisses her forehead, both of them gasping for air. She peppers kisses over his chest before she sits up a bit and gets off of him.

She lies down beside him, eyes closed and floating from the surge of endorphins that have flooded her mind and body.

Blissed out isn't quite adequate enough for Natalia to describe how she is feeling at the moment as she slows down her breathing, still riding the waves after reaching her incredible pique. Her skin is hypersensitive and tingling, making her muscles twitch at the slightest brush against it. She feels the covers being pulled over her again and she grins a bit when Ryan, who is in the same state as she, rests onto the pillows again, eyes closed, face slightly sweaty.

She twitches then relaxes when he turns onto his side and splays his hand over her abdomen as he kisses the side of her breast. She smiles and caresses her hand over the back of his neck as he rests onto her chest, hearing her heartbeat slowing back to normal. He begins to trace invisible patterns on her abdomen and she places a tender kiss to his forehead. This feels _so_ good, being with him like this and she wouldn't trade this for the world. And to think that they could have had this for the last few years, but she knows that good things happen in good time. This right here is _good_.

She can't help it when her mind drifts off into memories of Nick.

The early stages of her marriage had been good, wonderful...much like this. Making love for hours, resting in each other's arms, spending so much time together that they forget what it's like to be apart. She's not comparing Ryan to Nick, though. He doesn't deserve that, mainly because Ryan is a thousand times the man Nick had been toward the end of their marriage. It's just that she never thought she'd be able to have such intimacy and closeness with another man again. But she'd been wrong, so incredibly wrong. Ryan makes her believe that she can have all of that again. He wants to be the one to give it to her.

She has no idea how much he wants to give that to her.

Ryan caresses over her abdomen, fingers gently brushing over silken skin, completely enjoying this with her. _This_ is what is most satisfying; sure, the sex is quite satisfying in and of itself, but what comes afterward and in between...lying in each other's arms, whispered conversations, soft touches and caresses, even softer kisses...it's beyond the expectations that he'd had for this relationship. His heart races again at how much his feelings have deepened for Natalia in just weeks. His desire for her is not only physical but emotional because his heart is in this relationship. He wants to be the man in her life that will protect her, make her happy, ensure that she's not lacking in anything and be there for her whenever she needs. It's a desire he's afraid he can never snuff out now that he's let it erupt. It's always been there, he just subdued it for what he admits had been selfish reasons. Selfish but necessary reasons that hadn't been so different from hers. The fear of getting hurt..._again_ always loomed, but there was also a fear that their past relationships would forever ruin any future they might possibly have with anyone else. For Ryan, he'd had a fear that he'd be the same man to Natalia that he'd been to Zoe and he recognized that he needed to change so that he doesn't make the same mistakes.

Now though, he's ready for this.

"Are you okay?"

Ryan sits up and looks into her eyes.

"Yeah," he says before he kisses her softly. "You?"

Natalia sighs and tilts her head back when he drags his lips over her neck. "Mmhm...I'm great."

He chuckles against the curve in her neck before pressing a kiss to it.

"You want some coffee?" She asks.

"That'd be great," he says.

She kisses him again before she sits up, stretching luxuriously before she gets up.

Ryan rests back into bed, and Natalia can feel his eyes inspecting her nude body, and thinks she may have heard a slight groan from him when she picks up his shirt and pulls it on.

"Mind if I wear this?"

He joins his hands together behind his head, shrugging a bit. "Not at all...but I wouldn't mind if you walked around naked either."

She smiles as she buttons up his shirt, loving being wrapped up in his scent.

She makes her way to the kitchen and she opens up the cabinet and takes out the coffee and the filters. She scoops some coffee and puts it into the filter before she places it into her coffee maker. She pours some water and then presses the button to start the machine.

She heads back to her room and Ryan steps out just before she enters and they both smile before he leans down and gives her a quick kiss. She giggles as she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him into another kiss and he gently presses her up against the wall as he deepens the kiss. She whimpers, putting her hands on his cheeks as his tongue gently teases against hers before he pulls away. She smiles as she puts her hands on his chest.

"What are you doing out of bed, Mr. Wolfe?" She asks as she caresses her fingers down his chest to the waistband of his jeans.

"I wanted to come bring you _back_ to bed, Ms. Boa Vista," he teases. "But I'm hungry so I figure since we're up, we should make something to eat."

They decided, since there was coffee brewing, to have breakfast for dinner. Natalia made French toast and scrambled eggs while Ryan worked on cutting up some fruit and sauteing some potatoes.

They make their plates and respective cups of coffee before they get back into her bed.

Some syrup spills onto Natalia's chest, dripping down to the valley between her breasts and Ryan can't help himself as he quickly leans in and pulls a lapel of the shirt aside and licks the syrup away. His action makes her shudder as arousal courses through her.

"Did I ever tell you that you've got a wicked tongue?" She purrs.

He chuckles. "I think you just did, 'Lia."

She pulls him into a soft kiss.

"You know," he begins, his eyes darkening as he puts his plate onto the nightstand and then caresses his warm hand over her thigh, hiking up the shirt. "I'm starting to think of ways to put the syrup to good use..."

Natalia laughs as he scoots closer to her and kisses her neck.

After getting up and taking their plates to the kitchen, he returns to the bedroom, maple syrup in hand, a smirk on his face as he undresses himself and then Natalia again.

And put the syrup to good use he did.

O-o-O

It isn't hard for Calleigh to miss the noticeable bounce in Ryan's step as he makes his way into the break room. She's always known that personality wise, Ryan is a rather placid person, just right; slow to become angry, very rarely in a bad mood, and generally content, even during the worst of cases, though his sarcasm cuts sometimes. So whenever there is the slightest shift in his mood, she can see it, sure that he thinks he is hiding it. For the last few weeks, she has been suspecting that his happier mood of late is because of Natalia, because, well...Calleigh is a CSI after all, and her entire career deals in subtleties. Hell, it'd been hardly a secret when she and Eric began to have feelings for each other; everyone but them seemed to know that there was something bubbling underneath the surface of their deeper friendship.

Nothing is ever said, mainly because personal and professional boundaries need to be maintained, but all formalities and policies aside, her team is her family, they are her friends and there is so much more to all of them than just the job. She has yet to figure out Jesse and Walter, they still need to be properly broken in, but Ryan and Natalia have been around long enough for her to know when something's amiss with them...amiss in a good way. She knows that Natalia is more likely to cave more than Ryan if Calleigh were to ask. Natalia wears her heart on her sleeve most of the time, her tendency to be over-emotional a dead giveaway. Ryan, on the other hand, puts on his poker face and plays it straight, to show off how deviously intelligent he is and she knows that he is rather enjoying keeping his own little secret.

She figures that she will find out what is going on between them sooner or later, that she will catch them in a moment or happen by some gossip, not that gossip is every a reliable source anyway.

Calleigh clears her throat before she takes a drink of her water and swishes it around her mouth before spitting it out into the sink. She turns on the water and washes out the sink with the towel and the rag before she turns and he walks in, grinning a bit.

"Hey," he says, furrowing his eyebrows. "You alright? You look kind of pale."

"Gee thanks," Calleigh chuckles, rolling her eyes as she sits down. "I'm fine."

"Course you are," he quips and she again rolls her eyes as she leans up against the counter.

Ryan opens up the fridge and takes out two sodas and two salad containers.

"Alright, who is she?" Calleigh asks, her curiosity piqued at the doubled portions of Ryan's lunch.

"What?" He asks.

"You have two salads, two sodas...either you're going through secondary puberty, or you're having lunch with someone...I'm guessing the latter."

Ryan looks at her. "Is it alright if I have some privacy for just a little while?"

She looks at him incredulously. "You've got some damn nerve, Wolfe...you practically harassed me and Eric..."

"Only _after_ I gave you two at least a couple months," he reasons.

"Oh please," she giggles, then she sighs. "Alright..."

She feels a wave of dizziness and she closes her eyes, putting a hand on her abdomen. Ryan steadies her.

"Calleigh, you don't look good," he says, escorting her over to the sofa. "Sit...drink some more water."

She follows his instructions and drinks a little more water before she opens her eyes again.

"Maybe you should lie down," he says, his concern coming through in his voice.

She doesn't know where her complicit attitude is coming from, but she lies down, feeling much better and letting the exhaustion of the day catch up to her body.

"Do you want me to call H and tell him you're sick?"

"No," Calleigh says quickly. "I just need a rest. Don't worry about me. Go eat lunch with your lady friend."

Ryan grins. "I don't have a lady friend," he says as he puts a pillow under her head. "And stop prying because you don't like to do it and I know it's bugging you."

"Ryan, babe, please don't fuss over me," she frowns when he searches for a blanket. "I already have a husband for that."

Natalia comes into the break room and she raises an eyebrow.

"What's the matter, Cal?"

"Just a little bug is all," Calleigh drawls.

"Oh no," Natalia says as she comes over and sits at the end of the couch, bringing Calleigh's feet over her lap. "That sucks."

"You ladies need anything else before I take my lunch?"

"No," the women say in unison.

Calleigh notices through droopy, tired eyes that Ryan is a bit miffed.

"Lunch date?" Natalia asks.

"No it's not a date," he sighs. "Better get going..."

"Yeah, I guess you better. Wouldn't want to keep her waiting."

Calleigh thinks that her suspicions have been confirmed, just from Natalia's body language and the annoyance in Ryan's eyes.

Calleigh dozes off and when she wakes up again, Natalia is heading out of the break room in the same direction Ryan had gone in, and she smirks.

O-o-O

Eric sips at his wine as he sits back down onto the floor in front of the coffee table. He furrows his eyebrows as he eats some more popcorn.

"Did you play yet?" Calleigh asks as she comes into the living room, this time clad in a cotton lavender night gown and a sweater over it. Her hair is pulled back into a sloppy ponytail, and she's washed her makeup off. She looks incredible, and Eric grins a bit, taking Calleigh in. The gown comes to her knees and it has spaghetti straps and it hugs her in all the right places; he can see the valley between her breasts and the way they fill the cups of the gown just right, looking more pert and full lately.

She raises an eyebrow as she sips at her hot tea then she licks her lips. "What?"

"Nothing," he says, turning his attention back to the board."I hate Scrabble."

"Oh come on," Calleigh sighs. "It's been twenty minutes, Eric. You have a Master's in Chemistry and a Bachelor's in Ecological Sciences. You can think of _something_..."

"I can't top LAZIER...not with these letters."

"It's not about the letters, it's about the strategy, love..."

He smirks as he plays something. She loves the quiet evenings they spend together; it helps her to decompress after work because while she still loves her job, as the years go by, the cases seem to get more gruesome, more horrific and more senseless and she's glad that now she's been blessed with a constant in her life.

"Finally," she huffs as she spins the board around and looks at his word. She gasps and looks at him, blushing. "Eric that's _dirty_...and it's not even in the dictionary so you can't play that. It's against the rules."

"Well, we both know how we feel about rules," he quips and she smiles.

"Eric...much as I would _love_ to kick your ass in Naughty Scrabble," she begins confidently. "I'm not feeling so hot, and I'm tired, so...pick 'em up so I can play my one letter and kick your ass in regular Scrabble."

He rolls his eyes and picks up his letters.

She plays her lone I then she claps her hands victoriously.

"Game over, dear," she sighs as she gets up and sits on the couch.

She pats a place next to her and Eric quickly puts the game away before sitting next to her. She nestles into him, resting her head onto his chest. He kisses her forehead and she groans as she rubs her stomach as it lurches and swirls.

"Want some more tea?"

"No thanks," she sighs.

He smoothes over her hair.

"You know," he begins as he caresses over her back. "You'd get over this stomach virus a little faster if you'd just do this thing called rest..."

She chuckles. "Really? What's that?"

"It's when you take time off from work and you stay in bed and drink fluids and try and get some food down."

"Ah..."

"Yeah," Eric grins.

She looks up at him. "I'll be fine..."

"That's what you said last week," he reminds her. "Only you were less sweet about it."

Calleigh traces oblong shapes over his chest through his shirt.

"I think Ryan and Natalia are dating."

"You do realize you're changing the subject, right?"

"I think they had lunch together."

"And she ignores my question..."

She sits up, eyebrows furrowed.

"I guess they'd make a cute couple," she hypothesizes. "I mean, if that's the case...but maybe that's why they were acting so weird a couple months ago."

Eric chuckles. "You know, I can actually picture those two together."

Calleigh smiles. "Yeah, me too...but I don't know if they are or not. But they're a good love match, right? Beside the fact that Natalia isn't quite as...particular as Ryan about certain things."

He nods his agreement. "Yeah, Natalia's not the uh..._neatest_ person around."

"Still, if they are," Calleigh shrugs. "I'll be happy for them."

She kisses his cheek before she takes a pillow and rests it onto his lap before she lies down. He smoothes over her hair then he rests his hand into the dip of her waist.

"You should probably go to bed," he advises. "Get some sleep."

"I'm good right here," she drawls. "Besides, I'm not _that_ tired."

"You are so stubborn."

"Eh, you love it."

It isn't long before Eric asks himself a question because Calleigh has fallen into a deep sleep. He gets up carefully, so as not to wake her, then he scoops up her lithe body into his arms and carries her upstairs and into their bedroom. He gently sets her down onto the bed and brings the covers over her. She sighs and burrows into the covers and pillows and he leans down and kisses her forehead before he goes out and closes the door softly.


	7. Seven

Pliant

**Seven**

By Thanksgiving, Ryan and Natalia have both exchanged keys, left several changes of clothes at each other's respective residences, personal items and hygiene products in each other's bathrooms. Her sweaters and jackets are piling up in the closet at his place, and his shoes are mixing in with hers in the laundry room at her house. They have made love in varying places in each other's homes...her laundry room, his table, her coffee table, his couch, her kitchen. Even when they are exhausted from work, Natalia is always flexible when Ryan slips off her clothing and his in the bed and then drowsily rolls onto her and fills her with his cock and moves inside her slowly, deeply, sleepily, their eyes barely awake for it all, but still so damn good as he presses kisses to her neck and along her jaw. And when they come, it is with contented sighs and feather soft kisses before they drift asleep, tangled in each other.

They make meals together, watch TV or movies together, spend hours talking in bed...there are lazy morning showers, languid kisses before leaving for work, long conversations at their favorite cafe and evenings spent just listening to their favorite songs as they both catch up on some reading.

The newness of what they have together is extraordinary, yet so natural. They just fit so well with each other in every way imaginable and the connection they have to and with each other is ever deepening as the days go by.

"Natalia, can you get the yams out of the oven for me?" Calleigh asks of her.

"Sure," Natalia says, putting down her glass of wine.

Calleigh had extended an invitation at work to the team to come and have Thanksgiving dinner with she and Eric because she is cooking this year. Natalia saw that for what it was; it is the first Thanksgiving for Eric and Calleigh as a married couple and they wanted the chance to be the hosts in their new house. When she mentioned as much to Calleigh, the wife of course denied it, but Natalia knows.

"You want them right here?"

"Please," Calleigh says as she clears her throat and dabs a bit of sweat away from her forehead.

"You alright, Cal?" Alexx asks. "You look a little pale."

Calleigh smiles faintly. "It's just a little warm...I have to go upstairs for a bit. Excuse me."

Eric comes over and asks if she's alright, and she nods and tells him not to worry.

He has been given the task of greeting people coming and making sure everyone has something to drink. Calleigh has been running up and down the stairs all afternoon, and he wishes that she'd just listened to him and gone to the doctor. She's running a slight fever now, but she insisted on hosting Thanksgiving dinner for their friends.

Alexx and Natalia go over to sit at the table in the breakfast nook, and Alexx grins.

"What?" Natalia asks.

"That girl was determined to have Thanksgiving," Alexx says. "I just hope I don't catch what she's got."

"I know," Natalia grimaces.

Just then, Ryan and Eric come into the kitchen.

"Are you ladies doing alright?" Eric asks.

"We're good," Natalia says.

"Where's Calleigh?" Ryan asks.

"Upstairs," Alexx says.

Both the men pick up a few more beers for Henry, Calleigh's father Duke, and themselves.

Ryan grins at Natalia and she tries not to blush but she can't help it.

Natalia is starting to think that she just might be falling in love with this man. She's not afraid of that notion either because she knows that what they have is genuine and intimate, despite how quickly things have progressed between them. Everything that she liked about him is morphing into things she loves about him. She loves the way he smells, the way he kisses her, the way he unconsciously whispers his dreams in her ear at night, how he holds her, his expressive eyes that communicate for him half the time...just...everything. Of course, he does things that get on her nerves; she can't stand it when he goes behind her and re-cleans or the way he separates his food, but she's starting to love that too because all of his quirks are a part of him.

She just knows that she does things that bother him, like the way she kind of lets things pile up (she still has boxes stashed away from when she moved in in corners here and there in her house full of things she has yet to go through) and her rather lax cleaning habits...she knows that must really irk him. He's voiced his displeasure at her closet and how she just hangs up her clothes rather haphazardly and her shoes stacked on top of each other, but that makes no never mind to her other than the fact that now his things are starting to appear in her closet and he has to look at her side every time he's at her place.

Still, she's never been more sure or happy about anything in her life, and the words are right there, waiting to be said.

Calleigh comes back into the kitchen, looking a bit more sick than when she'd gone up.

"You should lie down," Alexx says, concern on her face. "Baby girl, you don't look good..."

"I'm okay, I promise," Calleigh insists as she sits at the table, drinking some water.

"Okay," Alexx sighs, looking at Natalia. "So...what was that?"

"What?"

"Nuh uh," Alexx says. "Don't think I didn't see you and Ryan making goo-goo eyes at each other."

"We weren't-"

"Not to mention a few days ago in the break room," Calleigh chimes in, and Natalia sighs.

"How long?" Alexx asks. "Spill."

"A few months," Natalia confesses.

"I knew it," Calleigh says victoriously. "That's so sweet. Is it serious?"

"It's pretty serious," Natalia smiles. "It's been so amazing."

"I'm happy for you honey," Alexx says.

"Me too," Calleigh says.

Ryan and Henry come into the kitchen.

"What are you ladies giggling about?"

"Man, don't you know to steer clear of women in the kitchen?" Henry says.

The women all look at Ryan, who looks between all of them.

"What?"

"I'm out," Henry says, quickly grabbing the snacks and heading out.

"Seems I already know your lady friend," Calleigh teases.

Ryan grins, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"As long as you're both happy," Alexx says.

"Thanks Alexx," Natalia says.

Ryan picks up a soda. "Well, I'm gonna let you ladies carry on..."

He comes over and kisses Natalia softly before he goes back to the den.

After another hour, Eric's parents, Horatio, and Maxine arrive and it is time to eat.

"Everyone help yourselves," Calleigh announces happily.

Ryan ends up next to Natalia and he glances over at her. She looks beautiful, with her hair curled and framing her face and her makeup just right. She is wearing a brown sweater dress that hugs her figure just right, and he loves the leggings she has on with a pair of gold heels. She'd taken a long time getting dressed, but she looks gorgeous. She looks up at him and smiles. God, does he love that smile, that genuine smile that makes her look radiant and incandescently happy.

"Hey, quit holding up the line, Love Birds," Alexx says. "We've got hungry people here."

"Sorry," Ryan chuckles.

The men all gather back in the den and take over the television after sitting together at the table for the first plate. They are all discussing the game, arguing about who should get MVP and who is going to the play offs this season while the women still sit at the dining room table, enjoying some pie and coffee.

"Calleigh, can I come live with you guys?" Maxine asks as she eats some cherry pie. "This pie and everything else is delicious."

"Thank you," Calleigh smiles. "But I don't cook like this everyday..."

"You're lying," Maxine says.

"Nope," Eric sighs as he brings Calleigh a cup of tea. "Most days I have to fend for myself."

"Oh please," Calleigh chuckles before she kisses him. "Thank you, love."

This is but a mere glimpse at Eric and Calleigh's married life. At work, she's so focused and guarded, but at home, she's sweeter, very hospitable, and much more relaxed, though Natalia suspects that Eric has contributed greatly to Calleigh's demeanor. She can tell that for the most part, they are very happy, very much in love and she is happy for them. Natalia remembers wondering, though, what made Calleigh decide to take the plunge because she never thought of Calleigh as the marrying type. She always thought that Calleigh took a more liberal stance on the matter, considering her trail of unsuccessful relationships and her parents' divorce. Natalia hadn't been so much surprised that Eric proposed to Calleigh as much as she'd been at the fact that Calleigh said _yes_.

But it's not as though Eric is making Calleigh regret her answer.

Calleigh is Eric's very heart, the man loves her so much.

Natalia can only pray that she and Ryan will eventually have that kind of love because life's too short not to have it. She's been through the pain of losing a spouse, both due to divorce and then to death, and even though she saw the worst parts of Nick, she also saw the best parts of him, the part that felt the deepest sense of love and care for her. Sharing in that is what makes being together great.

Now that he is gone, Natalia knows that she has the freedom to be able to share in that again, watching as Ryan sits and talks with the other men, his friends. He's definitely a man's man, he's very laid back, he likes to watch sports, like any other red-blooded American male, and drink beer with either a plate of food or chips and salsa. It turns her on slightly, watching him, liking the way his dark blue sweater looks on him, thinking that she's found a new favorite color on him.

Without doubt, Natalia knows for sure that she is in love with Ryan Wolfe.

O-o-O

"I feel like a fat pig."

Ryan smirks as he takes off his sweater and pulls on an undershirt before getting in bed, lying alongside Natalia and he puts his hand on her bare abdomen, splaying his fingers over her skin.

"Hmm, I wonder how the pigs feel," he teases and she looks at him, feigning offense.

"You know, that kind of stuff can get you kicked out of bed," she warns him playfully.

"You wouldn't do that to me, 'Lia," he says confidently as he kisses over her collar bone and into the curve of her neck.

"You don't think so, hmm?" She purrs. "You better watch it, Wolfe."

"Yeah, yeah," he says as he kisses her cheek again.

She turns onto her side and wraps her arms around his neck.

"Are you sure you're okay with people knowing about us?"

"Yeah," he says, caressing over her back. "Better to put them out of their misery."

She gently rakes her fingernails over his shoulders.

"So the other guys told me I'm fair game for an ass kicking if I screw up," he grins.

"Well, I don't think that's going to happen," she smiles. "They only do it because they love us. Especially me and the girls."

"Yeah, you ladies put us guys in some pretty tight spots," he chuckles.

"Of course," she smiles, kissing him softly. "Because you're our heroes."

He gently cups her cheek.

"I'll always protect you," he says quietly. "I give you my word on that. You mean _so much_ to me, 'Lia. You've always meant so much to me...I..."

The words are right on the tip of his tongue, but he thinks that perhaps it's too soon. But maybe not because it's what he feels deep in his heart. He knows that he's been falling in love with Natalia for a long time, and he thinks that's why it's all so easy right now. His heart has always been in the right place concerning her and even if she doesn't quite feel the same way yet, he doesn't want to lead her into any confusion about his feelings or intentions.

"Ryan?"

He looks into her eyes.

"I love you, Natalia," he confesses. "I'm in love with you."

Her eyes glisten with tears and she grins a bit, snuggling closer to him, her heart pounding in her chest, her mind in a haze and her stomach swirling with excitement, nervousness and relief all at once. To hear him say the words in his heart touches her own in such an amazing, profound way and she's not afraid, not one bit because it feels _right_. She has no doubts, she has no fears or regrets...this is how it's supposed to be.

She smiles. "I love you too, Ryan. I'm so glad you said it first..."

He chuckles.

"I feel better about telling you," she giggles. "I'm so in love with you Ryan."

They kiss softly, lovingly, and Natalia caresses her hands over his back, pressing her body against his. Ryan skims his hand along her side, gently caressing the side of her breast then around to her back. He deepens the kiss, his tongue stroking hers, tasting the sweetness of her mouth from the wine. She moans and that sends waves of arousal surging through his body and he pulls her closer.

She gently nips at his bottom lip before soothing with her tongue and they break the kiss and she rests her forehead against his. After a few more moments, she gets up and puts her night clothes on before she gets back into bed with him. She kisses his cheek as she stretches out along his body and drapes her arm over his abdomen, getting closer to him, settling into the incredible intimacy.

Ryan gently traces his fingers over her back and kisses her forehead and Natalia sighs as she listens to his heartbeat, letting it lull her.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He says as he plays with a lock of her hair.

She smiles, feeling the flush of heat in her cheeks. "Ryan..."

"You are," he insists.

She leans up and kisses him. "You sweet..."

"'Lia," he says, cupping her cheek gently and caressing his thumb over the bone. "I can see in your eyes that you have a hard time believing that, but...I'm gonna keep telling you you're beautiful until you believe it. And even after you do believe it, I'll still keep telling you."

She feels the prick of tears in her eyes and she thinks that she has fallen even deeper in love with this man; there is so much promise in his eyes, his heart and in his voice. There is no question that he is deeply, perhaps passionately in love with her and there is no question that, when the time comes, he will make it so he can always give her his love and always have her love. The prospect of his intentions, the direction they're going in is all at once terrifying, unnerving, exciting and almost unreal.

Thank God it is real.

"Ryan..." She says in barely above a quivering whisper.

He kisses her again softly.

"I love you," he whispers against her lips.

"I love you too," she says with a smile. "I love you so much."

O-o-O

Eric puts away the last of the food before he washes out the sink, grinning a bit, proud that the first Thanksgiving he and his wife hosted had been a success. Calleigh had been excited to have so many of their friends and family over to celebrate, although her mood had been dampened by her illness. She'd been running up and down the stairs all evening, either to lie down for a few minutes or to go to the bathroom. She barely had anything to eat, just some bread, tea and a small helping of green beans, but other than that, she didn't want to eat anything. As soon as everyone left, Calleigh retreated upstairs on the promise that she will only need five minutes before she came and helped him clean up.

Well, he figures she must have fallen into a deep sleep since she never came back down, and he'd been glad that she was finally getting some rest.

He makes Calleigh another cup of tea and makes her some toast before going upstairs into their bedroom. The bathroom door is closed and he sets her tea and toast onto her bedside table then he goes over and knocks on the bathroom door.

"_Carina_, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute," she calls from within.

He goes over and turns down the bed, then he changes into his night clothes.

Calleigh emerges from the bathroom, clad in a robe and Eric comes over to her.

"Hey," he says, kissing her softly.

She hugs him.

"I love you," she says sweetly, but quietly. "You made Thanksgiving lovely...I kinda threw you under the bus disappearing off and on."

"No, you did great," he compliments. "I know how much this meant to you...you did great. I just hope you didn't give everyone else the stomach bomb you've got."

She chuckles.

He helps her into bed then hands her the cup of tea.

"Thank you," she says.

She drinks down half of the tea, then she eats a few bites of the toast before she lies down. Eric rests behind her, and she brings his arm over her waist and he splays his fingers over her abdomen. She closes her eyes, reveling in the warmth of his body against hers, his hand on her skin. The warmth spreads throughout her entire body and calms her, lulls her.

He kisses her shoulder as he slips his hand under her tank top and caresses over her abdomen.

She turns and faces him, nuzzling her nose to his.

"Eric..."

"Hmm?" He asks, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She smiles a bit, caressing over his cheeks.

"I'm pregnant."

He sits up, looking at her.

"What?"

"I-I'm...I'm pregnant," she repeats, this time more meekly.

He feels his heart pounding in his chest.

Calleigh is pregnant.

_Pregnant_. She is pregnant with his baby. Calleigh is pregnant with his child, and he furrows his eyebrows.

Calleigh sits up, waiting for his response, but it doesn't come, and her vision blurs with tears. She has just found out herself, earlier this evening. She'd come upstairs for the umpteenth time to escape the smell of the turkey and she finally decided to take a pregnancy test. Her nausea and vomiting were beginning to linger, she realized that she missed a cycle, and she has been more irritable lately. She bought a home pregnancy test, yesterday after work, but didn't take it when a sudden burst of doubt entered into her mind. But then today, with her symptoms worse, she took the test, and the result came back as positive for pregnancy. Her first thought was that it's too soon. She and Eric have been married barely six months and now she is pregnant. They weren't even trying, riding on the decision to wait until they hit a year before they start trying for a baby. She doesn't know how he will react, her stomach is swirling with anxiety over what he will say...if he says anything.

"Eric?"

He looks at her.

"You're pregnant for sure?"

"Well, I took a test this evening," she confesses. "But...I _feel_ pregnant. I'm tired a-and moody. I haven't been able to eat much...Eric, are you mad at me?"

"No," he says quickly. "No, I'm not mad at you."

"It's too soon, isn't it?" She cries. "You don't like it...it's my fault..."

"_Querida_ it's not your fault," he insists, caressing over her cheek.

"Yes it is," she sobs. "It's my fault..."

"No," he chuckles. "_Carina_ if anything, it's actually my fault."

She frowns at him. "Eric, please don't joke."

"I'm not joking," he grins. "It's Sex Ed 101."

"This isn't funny!" She huffs tearfully. "Why is this funny to you? I'm pregnant and it's too soon, and you-you're making jokes because you're upset!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," he says. "I'm not upset. This is...good. This is great, Calleigh. It's not too soon."

"Really?" She asks, sniffling. "Because I know we said we weren't going to try until we made it a year..."

"I know, but this is great. Besides, who knows what can happen in a year, right? I want to make a family with you, Calleigh. I think we're ready to start now."

"So, you're happy?"

"Yeah," he says, putting his hand on her abdomen.

She wipes her tears and looks at him, putting her hand over his.

"I'm going to make an appointment for the doctor," she says.

"Good," he grins. "Does it feel like a boy?"

She laughs. "It feels like seasickness."

He leans in and kisses her softly. "You're amazing, you know that?"

She smiles.

"So are you. I love you."

"I love you too...so, any cravings yet?"

"God no," Calleigh grimaces. "I can barely stand the thought of food...the turkey was making me sick. I'm tired all the time, I get dizzy a lot, and..."

"What?"

She blushes. "I think...I-I think my...my breasts are a little sore and swollen."

"I've noticed," he smirks, raising an eyebrow at her.

She groans tearfully. "I feel self conscious now. It's fine if _you_ look at them, but I don't want other people looking at my boobs."

He sighs. "They're not..._that_ swollen. I mean, I noticed because I see them everyday, but...are we actually having a conversation about your breasts?"

"In the privacy of our own bedroom," she smiles.

He leans down and kisses her belly. "Be nice to your mommy," he says and she laughs.

They both settle back into bed and Calleigh rests on Eric's chest, listening to his heartbeat. Eric gently smoothes his hand over her hair, thinking that he's fallen even deeper in love with his wife. She will be the mother of his child, and he's incredibly thankful that she wants the same thing with him. There's no more fear between them now, and they are on the cusp of what they want together for their lives, their marriage.

"Do you really want a boy?" She asks, caressing over his arm. "Because I always figured you'd want girls to spoil rotten."

He laughs, brushing a lock of her hair from her face. "Okay...honest answer, it doesn't matter what we have, I just want us to have a healthy baby."

"And the dream answer?"

"Dream answer, it would be nice to have daughters," he admits. "I wouldn't mind a house full of girls."

"You want it exactly the way you grew up," she muses. "Boy, you must be a glutton for punishment, love."

"Eh, I won't be afraid of a mini-you," he says.

"What if I have a mini-you?"

"Bonus. I have an ally."

She kisses his chest. "It's good to know that you'll be using our future child against me."

"Nah, I wouldn't do that to you," he says, gently pushing her onto her back and kissing her neck.

She purrs when he licks along the curve in her neck before kissing down to her breasts, gently sliding her tank top up her belly so that he can caress her skin.

"You're going to look so gorgeous pregnant," he whispers. "I can't wait to see your tummy."

"I have a feeling you're going to enjoy this way more than I am," she giggles.

"We can enjoy it together."

"Well, _I'm_ not enjoying this...whenever sickness," she frowns, gently pushing him off of her. "I have to sick up..." She gets out of bed. "You better start enjoying the toilet, because that's where my head will be for the next few weeks."

He smiles, shaking his head.


	8. Eight

Pliant

**Eight**

Since Natalia grew up with sisters, she isn't quite familiar with the world of prepubescent boys, with their ravenous appetites, constant need for activity and endless knowledge of video games. She feels as though she's observing an experiment as she watches Ryan's pseudo-ward, Billy, come into the kitchen again and open up the pantry, looking for something else to eat. The child has just had dinner, two helpings of her French Fry casserole, a salad and some green beans. And he's still hungry?

This is her first time ever meeting Billy, and she thinks that he's an amazing kid, well-behaved, well-mannered, and she knows much of that has to do with Ryan's influence. She's surprised that the kid is so comfortable with her presence in Ryan's apartment now. He didn't seem too bothered by the fact that his previously single uncle now has a woman living with him on a part time basis and that some of her things have made their way into the bathroom and that the apartment will look and smell a little more feminine these days. But the ten year old seems to be taking it in stride, and Natalia is pretty sure that he likes having her around, especially since he's fond of her casserole.

"You cannot still be hungry..."

"But I am," he shrugs.

Natalia turns off the water and dries her hands off before putting her hands on her hips.

"What else could you _possibly_ be hungry for?"

"Can I have some popcorn?"

"Alright," she consents, in disbelief of Billy's appetite.

She finishes cleaning up the dishes and putting away the leftovers before she goes to the bedroom. She finds Ryan at his desk on the computer.

She goes over and wraps her arms around his shoulders from behind, kissing his cheek.

"What are you doing?" She asks.

"Checking my email," he says. "Most of them are from my mother."

"Aw," she says looking at the list of mail and she chuckles. "You're a good son, Ry...you friended your mom..."

"Yeah, yeah. Did Billy finish his homework?"

"Mmhm...does he always eat like a starving child?"

"The kid's like a garbage disposal," he confirms.

He turns the chair around to face her and he puts his hands on her hips and she straddles his lap and kisses him softly. He puts his hands on her hips as he kisses her deeper before she pulls away.

"You look worried about something," she says as she kisses him again.

"You...you don't have to stay tonight, if you're uncomfortable," he says.

"Why would I be uncomfortable?" She asks. "Because of Billy?"

"I just don't want things to be weird," he shrugs. "Especially for him."

"You think that me staying here is weird for him?"

"'Lia, I don't want you to think that I don't want you here," he explains. "It's just that...I've been taking care of him a long time and it's always just been me and him whenever he comes over. Now he comes over and there's a woman practically living with me...that can be kind of strange for some kids."

"Ryan, I want to stay," she says. "Billy seems to be fine with me...us. I think Billy is a wonderful boy and I want to spend time with him too. He's a part of your life and...I want to be a part of that too. Am I making things lame for you and Billy?"

He grins. "No. Billy is pretty much doing what he normally does when he stays over. Sometimes I take him to his friend's house, sometimes we go do some activity but...no. You're not making anything lame. Billy's had a lot of shakeups in his life and well...you're a welcome one, 'Lia."

"Well good...besides, if you're worried about me making a good impression on a ten year old, well, then," she sighs as she gets up. "I think my casserole did the trick."

"That's how you got me," he chuckles and she smiles.

"Billy wants to watch all three _X-Men_ films plus _Wolverine_. Why?"

"Because he's a ten year old boy."

Natalia rolls her eyes and heads to the living room.

Billy is sitting on the couch, a big bowl of popcorn at his side and a soda in his hand.

"So I'm guessing you weren't planning on sharing," Natalia comments.

He holds the bowl out to her and she takes a handful and eats some before she goes back into the kitchen.

"Are you sure you want to watch all of the movies tonight, honey?" Natalia asks.

"Yep," Billy says.

Ryan comes into the kitchen and he kisses Natalia's cheek.

"He'll pass out in the middle of the second one," he whispers.

She nods her agreement.

Sure enough, upon completion of his bowl of popcorn, his bag of candy from school and a cup of hot chocolate, Billy fell asleep on the pillows on the floor just as the second _X-Men_ was starting to get good.

Natalia gets up and she kneels down.

"Billy," she says as she pats his back, trying to wake him. "C'mon honey, get up and go change."

Ryan is absolutely loving seeing Natalia's motherly side right now, and while he knows it is way too soon, he can't help but indulge in his imagining Natalia pregnant with his child. He knows that she'd be gorgeous and curvy, and he's sure that she will be a wonderful mother. It's certainly not hard to imagine making a family with Natalia, it feels like they have one now, even though Billy is not his child. This feels more normal than anything he and Billy have even known, that's for sure.

Billy gets up, stretching, then he picks up his overnight bag and finds his night clothes and goes into the bathroom.

Ryan turns the movie off then the television before he gets up and picks up the pillows and puts them at the end of the couch. Natalia goes into the kitchen and quickly puts some coffee on.

Billy emerges from the bathroom now clad in his night clothes and he puts his school clothes into his bag.

"Night," he says as he hugs first Ryan then Natalia.

"Night," she says.

Billy gets onto the couch and covers up.

"Night buddy," Ryan says as he turns off the lamps, leaving the light over the stove on.

Ryan and Natalia go to the bedroom and close the door. Natalia takes off her track pants before she gets into bed. Ryan changes into a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt before getting in next to her. Neither of them are tired so Natalia rests against him as he turns the television on low.

Natalia smiles before she kisses him and Ryan puts his hand on her cheek as he deepens the kiss. She wraps her arms around his neck as she cuddles closer to him, laving his bottom lip before kissing him softly.

"I love you," she whispers against his lips.

"I love you too."

She gently pushes him onto his back and straddles him then she takes the remote and turns off the TV. She laces her fingers with his and brings his hands over his head before leaning down and kissing him. She kisses along his chin and jaw line to his ear before placing scorching kisses on his neck.

"Natalia," he groans.

"Shhh," she purrs as she looks into his eyes. "You're going to have to be very..."

She pauses to kiss him.

"Very..."

Another kiss.

"Quiet."

He raises an eyebrow at her. "You're one to talk, 'Lia. You know once I get you going, I can't stop you."

She chuckles. "Always so sure of yourself..."

He rolls her onto her back and slides his hands under her tank top.

"Nothing wrong with a little confidence," he says before he leans in and kisses her neck.

"Uhmm...I think the coffee's ready," she says as she sits up. "You want a cup?"

"Please," he says and he kisses her again before she gets out of bed and pulls her pants back on.

A few minutes later, Natalia comes into the bedroom with two cups of coffee and she tilts her head to the side as she noticies the perplexed look on his face as she gets into bed carefully.

"I turned on the tree," she smiles.

After Thanksgiving, there's a quick transition into the Christmas season. Now, instead of pumpkins and cornucopias with a tidal wave of fruit and other wares coming out of it, there are snowmen in front yards, Christmas lights, nativity scenes in front of churches and of course, Santa Claus air statues all over the place. Christmas is the most profitable commercial holiday second to Halloween. Even around the lab, there are a few decorations here and there, and someone, no one knows who, keeps bringing Christmas treats and putting them in the break room.

Everyone is excited about the Christmas season, and he knows that this month, the lab will be like a ghost town because a lot of people are planning on going on vacation with their families.

Ryan is rather indifferent toward the whole thing because he's not very religious anyway, but he didn't mind when Natalia put a mini Christmas tree up in his apartment. She loves this time of year, it's very important to her, more than Thanksgiving, he thinks because this is when she spends the most time with her family.

He had the pleasure of meeting the rest of her family last weekend, and he learned that her father, Raul, is Spanish and her mother, Lydia, is Italian and that they all share a mutual love of food. Lydia prepared a traditional seven course meal and Ryan swears he's never eaten so much food in one sitting in his life. Her mother and her sisters seemed to like him, but her father...the man stared at him the whole night and Ryan isn't sure if her father approved of him or not.

She tilts her head to the side as she notices the perplexed look on his face as she gets into bed carefully.

"What's the matter?"

"What?"

She hands him his cup of coffee. "You look confused about something."

"I was just thinking," he shrugs as he kisses her softly. "Thanks for the coffee."

"What're you thinking about?" She asks as she sips at her coffee.

He sighs. "I don't think your father likes me very much."

She laughs. "_That's_ what's got you all worried?"

"He stared at me the whole time," he says. "And he didn't say a word."

"My family loves you, I promise," she smiles as she kisses his cheek. "My dad's a big teddy bear. He'll warm up to you..."

He looks at her doubtfully.

"Eventually," she amends. "It's nothing personal, he's just being a good daddy. I'm sure if you were a daddy and your daughter brought her boyfriend over to meet you, you'd be the exact same way."

He nods. "You're right. Only, the guy would be shit out of luck."

Natalia laughs. "I can totally see it now. You, Eric, Frank and Horatio scaring the hell out of the poor boy."

"Not to mention Calleigh," he says. "And her private gun collection."

"Yikes," she muses. "That's pretty scary. Have you ever seen her gun collection?"

"Actually, no," he says. "But Eric says it's..._abundant_."

Natalia shakes her head. "Calleigh and her guns."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You know you can."

Ryan sighs. "Did your dad do the same thing to..."

Natalia catches on just as the mug touches her lips and she brings it down and looks at him.

"Nick?"

He nods.

She bites her bottom lip gently. "Um...no, it's kind of crazy, actually."

"Why?"

She pushes her hair behind her ears.

"I think the reason why my dad was tough on you," she begins. "Is because he liked Nick...a little too much. Those two hit it off really well."

Ryan looks down into his mug, watching the steam from the hot coffee waft into the air.

"I want your dad to know that I wouldn't hurt you," he says.

She grins a bit. "He knows that, Ryan. I think he just kind of held back a little this time. I think he kind of feels guilty...but he won't admit it."

He gently cups her cheek in his hand.

"I've made a lot of mistakes in the past relationship wise," he says. "I've made a lot of mistakes period, but I've learned from them, and I know what's important. I love you, 'Lia and I can tell you with absolute certainty that you can trust me."

Natalia leans into his touch. "I already trust you, Ryan."

"No," he says. "I mean...you can _trust_ me."

She understands and she nods.

Natalia knows the difference.

What she has with Ryan is different than what she'd had with Nick or with any other man she'd been with before. She knows what softness feels like compared to the grabbing and the possessiveness in an embrace that she's known for so many years. She feels the emotion that motivates Ryan when he makes love to her; he gives just as much as he takes instead of just taking, taking, taking and trying to own her. He's not trying to tell her what to think, how to do things...her body is still her own, she still has control; but he's so in tune with her anyway that he knows when she's ready, just like she knows when he's ready.

_So different_. She knows.

He kisses her lovingly before she rests her head onto his shoulder.

O-o-O

Calleigh rushes into the ladies' restroom and into a stall, just barely making it to the toilet before she vomits. She combs her fingers through her hair before she clears her throat and stands up slowly. She flushes the toilet and then she sighs as she walks out of the stall and over to the sinks. She first swishes some water around in her mouth and spits it out before she splashes some water on her face. She dries off and then she pinches her cheeks to put some color back into them.

Eric has become an expert in soups and broths lately because that's all she's been able to keep down, even though soup is a rather poor excuse for a balanced meal.

She exits the restroom and heads to the DNA labs. She still feels a bit dizzy, but her stomach is not as queasy. She finds Natalia in the lab, printing out some results.

"Hey," Calleigh says, pushing her hair behind her ears.

Natalia turns and smiles. "Hey Calleigh..."

She pauses when she takes in Calleigh's rather pale complexion and slightly wavering gait.

"Are you alright?" Natalia asks.

"I'm alright," Calleigh smiles.

Natalia crosses her arms over her chest. "Cal, you're in the first trimester of pregnancy, and it's a treacherous time for you and the baby. I-I'm not even sure you should be in the labs..."

"Nat, please..."

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest. Have your hubby take care of you."

"It's enough that Eric lectures me at home," Calleigh hisses. "I've been sick before, I know how to take care of myself."

"You've never been pregnant before," Natalia says. "I'm just saying that it's not a bad idea to slow down."

"You don't have to worry. Those the results for the Brenner case?"

"Yes ma'am," Natalia says. "I ran the sample against the exemplars and there were no matches to the coworkers. The DNA came back as a match to a close female relative."

Calleigh looks at the results. "A sister..."

"Yeah, only the husband didn't mention Carly having a sister...with priors."

"We should..."

Calleigh feels the color draining from her face and the room spins and she closes her eyes as she leans against the table for support.

Natalia pulls up a chair and sits Calleigh down.

"You really should go home," Natalia says. "You tell me not to worry, I'm worried."

"No, I'm fine," Calleigh assures. "We should bring the husband and the sister in. I'll call Tripp."

With that, she heads out and Natalia puts her hands on her hips, shaking her head.

She takes off her gloves and tosses them into the trash before she takes off her lab coat and hangs it up. She makes her way down the hall to the break room, which is past reception and she sees a woman standing at the front desk.

"Can I help you?" Natalia asks.

The woman looks to be in her mid thirties, with long, dark hair, narrow brown eyes, and fair skinned, too pale to be a resident of Miami.

"Hi, I'm looking for Ryan Wolfe," the woman explains. "I was told he was in today."

"Yes he is," Natalia says. "What's your name?"

"Oh, I'm Zoe," the woman introduces herself. "Zoe Leibowitz.

Natalia feels her heart clench and her head spin a bit.

Zoe.

_Ryan's_ Zoe.

Natalia feels her jealousy flaring up within her. Zoe doesn't look at all the way she'd pictured.

She's being irrational, she knows and Natalia pushes her jealousies aside because she trusts Ryan. But what possible reason could Zoe have for coming to Miami? What would she want to see Ryan for?

They did remain friends, perhaps she just wanted to drop by and catch up.

"When can I see Ryan?"

"Mind if I ask what for?"

There must have been something in Natalia's tone that alerted Zoe to the discomfort and awkwardness of the introduction. The woman before her is bronze skinned, buxom, with curled reddish brown hair...exotic...and judging from how tense the other woman is, Zoe can tell that this woman must be close to Ryan.

"You must be Natalia."

"Um, yeah, Natalia...Boa Vista. How'd you...?"

"Joy, Ryan's mother, and I still talk," Zoe explains.

Natalia nods.

"Anyway," Zoe says with a slight chuckle. "I was actually here to extend an invitation to Ryan...to both of you. I'm here for a book signing."

"Oh, Ryan never told me that you were a writer," Natalia says.

"It's my first book," Zoe smiles proudly. "I'm on a tour, and I have a signing at the University of Miami. There's going to be a reading and then a party afterward. It's on Saturday night, and I wanted to give an invitation to Ryan to come. But I guess I can give it to you."

Zoe rummages through her purse and finds an invitation and gives it to her.

"Thank you," Natalia says.

Ryan comes into the reception, and he stops when he sees Zoe and Natalia.

"Hi," he says. "Zoe..."

Natalia clears her throat.

"Well I'm gonna...get back to work," she says. "I'll see you later."

Natalia leaves Ryan and Zoe alone in the reception and Ryan sighs.

"So..."

"Yeah," Zoe smiles and Ryan shoves his hands into his pockets. "And you look..."

Zoe has not seen Ryan since he left four years ago, and she takes him in slowly now, seeing that he's become more muscled than she last remembers because he'd been lanky then. Now though, he looks more built, stronger, and quite sexy. Likewise, Ryan is taking her in, noticing that she herself looks quite different. She is still thin, but a healthy thin, still looks bookish, but in a more seductive way; she is now the kind of woman that sits in cafes with an espresso, legs crossed and an outfit that says she's intelligent and worth dating. Her hair is longer, but has more volume and body to it, and she actually has on makeup.

"You look great," he compliments.

"You too," she chuckles.

"So what are you doing here in Miami?" He asks.

"Well, I have a book signing."

"You wrote a book?"

"Yep," she smiles. "It's a book of short stories. Don't worry, none of them are about you..."

He grins. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," she says. "I gave the invitation to Natalia."

"Oh, thanks," he says.

Zoe steps closer to him. "She seems nice...she's very beautiful."

"That she is," he says proudly.

"I'm glad you're happy," she sighs. "I-I mean, you look happy...with her."

"I am," he says.

Again, she nods, pushing her hair behind her ears. "I was in a relationship but...I had to finish my book..."

Ryan crosses his arms over his chest.

"I still...think about us," she says. "What happened. The last few years have been tough, and I'm finally getting back on track. Maybe, we can have some lunch? Or coffee?"

"Zoe," he says. "I...I want you to enjoy Miami while you're here. This is your time to be a success and talk about your book...don't make it about us, okay?"

She bites her lip. "It's just a meal, Ryan."

He chuckles. "Look...if we're going to have lunch or coffee...then I'm bringing Natalia with me."

"Well, sounds like she's got you by the balls," Zoe snorts. "Why can't it be two friends out to lunch?"

"Because...it's not over for you," he explains. "It's over for me, and I want us to be friends because I love you as a friend. Nothing more."

Zoe raises an eyebrow then she walks past him and goes to the elevators.


	9. Nine

_Thanks for all the great reviews on this story so far! Patience is always appreciated, and the plot will pick up very soon. Ryan/Natalia are very complicated, complex, under-written characters with well-written and established pasts on the show, and exploring them in the context of a relationship first is necessary to the story so that they can be understood and more closely explored as individuals later. So, as stated earlier, the plot will pick up, promise. Enjoy.

* * *

_

Pliant

**Nine**

Eric looks upon his wife as she sleeps heavily, burrowed into the duvet, her hair tussled and framed around her face, which is unnaturally pale. She'd come home a couple of nights before completely exhausted and unable to stomach any kind of food. He tried giving her some toast, but after a few bites, she pushed it away, opting for sleep instead. He doesn't think he's ever seen Calleigh this miserable, and he prays that she will not feel like this for the whole pregnancy. Her irritability has reached an all time high because of how sick she's always feeling, and he does his best not to aggravate her, if he can help it.

Today, he took the extra step and he turned off the ringer on the phone in their bedroom, put both their phones on vibrate, and he turned off the alarm clock so that her rest will not be disturbed. Their doctor's assessment of the pregnancy so far unnerved him; Dr. Maynard, a woman of about fifty with long, graying hair, bony fingers, and glasses that aged her about twenty years, told them that Calleigh's pregnancy would be risky, that her labs weren't good. She basically told them that the baby was draining her because of the vomiting and the tiredness. She wanted to closely monitor her progress every four weeks instead of six because she was having a rough start. She was actually losing weight when she should have been starting to gain, and she presented slightly dehydrated.

Since then, Eric has been waiting on her hand and foot, determined to get her to drink fluids when he couldn't get her to eat. He discovered online that fresh fruit is the best to help the morning sickness ebb. He stocked up on pineapples, strawberries and kiwis because those are her favorite fruits. He makes sure now to put the mini trash can on her side of the bed, so if she feels the need to throw up right away, she can do so into the bag without getting out of bed.

Calleigh stirs, sighing as she turns onto her back, opening her eyes slightly before closing them again. Eric stretches his body along hers, his hand reaching over and gently pushing her tank top up to her breasts before he splays his hand over her abdomen. He's been doing that a lot lately, feeling her abdomen, ever since she told him that they were going to have a baby. Her belly is still toned and flat, but that will change soon. She's five weeks along right now, so of course she's not showing yet, but he thinks maybe in a few weeks, he'll be able to feel a slight change. The goal that they are both striving for is to make it to twelve weeks. The first weeks of the first trimester are a treacherous time for mother and baby, so, with as sick as Calleigh has been with this baby, Eric is worried. It's not so much the vomiting that makes it bad for him; a queasy stomach is to be expected with early pregnancy, but it's the malaise that has overtaken her that bothers him even more. She's become so weakened that the thought of getting out of bed makes her even more miserable.

Tiredness is one thing, but pure exhaustion is another. It's to the point where she can barely function and he wonders if they should make an appointment to see Dr. Maynard sooner.

Eric knows that once the nausea and vomiting passes, Calleigh will get her energy back. He knows that she can't wait to get back into her running routine. Up until the pregnancy, Calleigh has always been diligent about her daily runs. He knows that she must feel strange, not having done it in several weeks, but resting is the only way she can possibly accomplish anything else through the day.

Still, he is excited about the prospect of having a child with Calleigh. This is what they've been wanting, and it's finally happening. They are making a family together and he can't wait to have a house full of children eventually. God knows they have plenty of space.

He kisses her cheek softly.

She stirs and she turns onto her side and settles against him, burrowing her face into his neck.

"What time is it?" She asks quietly.

"It's three in the afternoon," he says.

She offers a hum of acknowledgement before she kisses just under his jaw.

"Why'd you let me sleep so long?" She drawls sleepily.

"You needed it," he says. "How's your stomach?"

"Better," she reports. "I'm actually kind of hungry."

He grins. "It's been a while since I've heard you say that."

"Well, it's been a while since I've felt hungry," she says as she sits up a bit. "I'm gonna go downstairs and get something."

"No, I'll get it," Eric offers. "Stay in bed."

Calleigh sighs. "Eric, don't do that...I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

"The doctor said that you need rest," he insists and she tilts her head to the side.

"I did...I am," she says. "But I think I'm allowed a little trip downstairs to the kitchen, love."

Realizing that he may be overreacting just a bit, he grins. "You're right...I'm sorry."

She gets out of bed and she stretches before she exits their bedroom.

He follows and they go into the kitchen together.

"I'll make you something to eat."

She turns to him angrily.

"Eric."

"Calleigh, don't look at me like that," he says firmly.

"Are you going to do this for my entire pregnancy?" She asks.

"What?" He asks, calming down. "Take care of you, let you get some rest, and feed you to your heart's content? You make it all sound _so_ bad..."

At that, she smiles, but still holding on to the last vestiges of her frustrations.

"I appreciate you taking care of me," she says, putting her hands on his chest. "I love you. But I don't like it when you hover."

He sighs. "I'm sorry, I just want you and the baby to be healthy, that's all."

She hugs him and rests her head onto his chest. "I know. I want what you want."

He holds her tightly.

"I won't hover," he compromises. "But no heavy lifting...and that includes laundry."

"Eric..." She groans.

"I'll do it..."

Calleigh looks up at him, shaking her head.

O-o-O

"I think we should start getting ready," Natalia says as she hooks her arms around Ryan's neck.

He kisses her cheek as he caresses over down over her arms, over her breasts to her abdomen. They are in the tub together, and the water is still warm, and they haven't quite finished their glasses of wine. They have to be at Zoe's party in less than two hours, and at the pace they're going now, they will not make it on time.

"You said that twenty minutes ago, 'Lia," he chuckles. "You don't seem to be in a big hurry."

"You don't either," she teases. "You know you have free will here."

"Not when it comes to you."

She turns to look at him incredulously. "That is totally not fair. How do I infringe upon your free will?"

"Well," he says, kissing her lips softly. "You're beautiful, ten times smarter than I am, amazing and quite persuasive and I love you. How could I _possibly_ have the will to say no to you?"

She smiles, straddling him. "So basically what you're saying is that not only are you my boyfriend..."

She pauses to kiss him lovingly.

"You're my man-slave..."

"Oh no, I didn't say that..."

"I think you did," she giggles. "You said you don't have the will to say no to me."

"Most of the time," he clarifies.

"Oh so now it's most of the time, huh?" She laughs as she settles back into him. "So, are we going to get dressed or no?"

"Yes," he says.

"Well you're not moving...do you want to go to the party tonight?"

"Only if you want to go," he shrugs and she turns to look at him again.

"Only if _I_ want to go to _your_ ex's party?" She asks.

He grins. "I think something's about to come up..."

"What?"

"That's what we'll tell her if she decides to call," he says. "Something came up and we couldn't make it. I'm comfortable right here."

Natalia smiles and kisses him.

O-o-O

Calleigh stalks into the break room and once there, she heads straight to the fridge, ignoring Valera, Natalia, and Walter when they greet her. She opens up the fridge and retrieves a bottle of water and she goes into the cabinet to get some crackers. She begins to eat them quickly so that she doesn't vomit. She is so sick of everyone hovering and asking her questions about the baby...she really just wants to be left alone.

She drinks down some water before she eats some more crackers.

"Calleigh..." Walter calls tentatively.

"What?" She asks more harshly than she intended and he takes a step back.

"Are you doing alright?"

"You know what, Walter?" She begins, now in a fury. "I swear to GOD if someone asks me that goddamn question one more time today I will shoot them! I'm not alright because people won't leave me alone!"

With that she walks out, crackers and water in hand.

"Whoa," Maxine breathes, that after holding her breath at Calleigh's obvious bad mood.

Natalia gets up and catches up with Calleigh down the hall, ticked off herself.

"Hey," Natalia calls. "Calleigh, stop."

"Leave me alone."

"No," Natalia says. "I hate to say it, but you're being a bitch today, and you know I wouldn't say it if it weren't true."

Calleigh gives her a scathing look.

"That's not going to work either," Natalia says. "Everyone in this lab cares about you...we're cops, we look out for each other, that's what we do. You're pregnant and it's great and everyone's excited and happy for you. We all just want the best for you. I get that you're hormonal and moody, and it's not you, necessarily, but you've got to cut us some slack, honey."

Calleigh deflates and she begins to cry and Natalia hugs her.

"I just don't feel well," Calleigh sniffles. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Cal," Natalia assures.

Calleigh pulls away and she wipes her tears. "I'm so miserable. I can't wait for this morning sickness to go away."

"I know," Natalia sympathizes.

"The doctor said I'm supposed to spend at least four hours out of the day resting," Calleigh laments. "I can't even sit still for thirty minutes. And Eric won't let me do anything around the house and we argued about that this morning...he's been doing all the cooking and cleaning...God love him, but that man is driving me crazy. I just want to think and do _something_ for myself!"

"Okay," Natalia says.

"I'm not an invalid."

"Yeah, but...you're pregnant," Natalia smiles. "That's one of the best parts of being a woman...we make the babies and get all the attention and love."

Calleigh nods, smiling.

She is excited about being pregnant, it's always what she wanted, but she honestly hadn't been expecting all of the attention and she hadn't been expecting that the first trimester would be so miserable. The doctor's words to her scared her, but she doesn't know what to do about the sickness other than what she's doing, and she is doing her best not to strain herself. But she's sure that once the morning sickness passes, she'll be able to enjoy the rest of her pregnancy. She now regrets being so mean to Walter, but that came out of nowhere. Her moods have been constantly shifting, and she tries to control it, but it feels good once she releases some of her irritation.

Still, Natalia is right. She is being quite the bitch, and she needs to try a little harder to keep her tone and moods in check.

"Feel better?" Natalia asks. "Get it all out?"

"Yeah," Calleigh sighs, then she hugs Natalia again. "Thank you darling. I love you."

"Love you too," Natalia says with a smile. "It'll be alright."

The women pull away and Ryan comes up beside Natalia and Calleigh hugs Ryan suddenly, catching him off guard. He furrows his eyebrows before he wraps his arms around her.

"Hey..."

"I love you," Calleigh says before she pulls away, smiling. "I feel so much better."

Ryan nods, not really knowing what just happened. "Good."

Calleigh heads to her lab.

Natalia chuckles and Ryan raises an eyebrow.

"What was that all about?" He asks. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah," Natalia grins. "Mood swing."

"Oh," he says. "Glad I missed out on that."

"Where are you off to?"

"AV lab," he explains. "You?"

"I'm going to get a soda," she says. "Wanna come with real quick?"

He nods and they walk together. His hand sneaks a caress down over her lower back before he playfully pinches her ass.

She smacks his hand away and looks at him.

"Stop it," she warns with little conviction, smiling.

"So it's been two days and Zoe hasn't called," he says once they make it to the vending machines.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" She asks. "I mean, since we didn't show up to the party."

"She's probably having a good time here in Miami," he shrugs. "I told her to enjoy herself while she was here."

She puts her dollar into the machine and punches the button for a Dr. Pepper.

"You two are friends, right?"

"Yeah. That's why I'm starting to feel kind of bad about missing her party."

Natalia smiles as she retrieves her soda.

"Well, something _did_ come up," she purrs as she steps closer to him.

"Mm, dirty girl," he whispers huskily.

"Hmm..." She giggles. "Then why don't we make it up to her? Take her out to dinner or something?"

He sneaks a kiss from her. "That's why I love you...ten times smarter."

"And don't you forget it," she says as they head out.

On the way back, they both find Zoe waiting in the reception area.

"Just the two people I wanted to see."

"Hey Zoe," Ryan says.

"Hey," Zoe says. "I missed you two at the party Saturday..."

"Yeah uh..."

Natalia grins. "Something came up. Got called in unexpectedly."

"Oh," Zoe nods. "Was it that murder at that school?"

"We can't discuss our cases," Ryan explains. "Anyway...uh, 'Lia and I want to make it up to you."

"No, it's fine," Zoe says.

There is an underlying tension between all of them, and they fall silent for a few moments.

"So I came here to ask if you two wanted to have lunch," Zoe says with a smile. "My flight leaves late tonight, so I can't have dinner."

"Well, I have some work to catch up on," Ryan says regretfully. "'Lia?"

"I can go," Natalia says.

"Then we can turn it into girls' lunch," Zoe says. "Besides, I'd actually like to hear more about you in person because Joy couldn't stop talking about you."

Natalia smiles bashfully. "Okay...let me get my purse and we can go."

"Alright," Zoe says.

Natalia heads to the locker room.

Ryan looks at Zoe.

"How'd the party go?"

"You'd know if you'd have come," she counters playfully, then she sighs. "Look, it's fine. And I'm sorry for the way I acted that day when I came to see you. It's just been so long since we last talked and then I saw that you were in a relationship and...I'm sorry."

He nods. "It's alright, Zo."

Natalia comes back, her clutch purse in hand. "Let's go."

"Great," Zoe says.

"I'll see you later," Natalia says, squeezing his hand.

The women get onto the elevator and wave. Ryan waves back.

O-o-O

Natalia laughs as she wipes her hands on her napkin.

"He did not..."

Zoe pauses to catch her breath between giggles. "Yes he did...Ryan's mom was so pissed, and as punishment, she made him take the class for a year."

Natalia laughs even harder and she inhales deeply.

"She has pictures," Zoe says.

"That is funny," Natalia giggles. "Ryan in tights."

"It was hysterical," Zoe adds.

Both women calm and begin to eat more of their lunch.

"Mm, this is so good," Zoe marvels. "They don't make food like this in Boston."

Natalia suggested that they go to Matilda's, a Cubano restaurant near the beach. It is Natalia's favorite restaurant, and she is glad that Zoe is enjoying it.

"The flavors are so different and they blend together," Zoe says. "This is so good."

"See? I told you."

Zoe takes a sip of her drink.

"So Natalia, how long have you and Ryan been together?"

"Four months," Natalia smiles. "It's been so amazing...Ryan is a good man."

Zoe nods. "I'm glad that you two are happy."

"Thanks," Natalia says.

Zoe takes another sip of her drink. She's trying to swallow the hard ball of jealousy and bitterness, but she can't. What she had with Ryan had been the best thing that ever happened to her. Even after they fell apart, she still loved him. She lived with him for four years, they shared everything, and she was his fiancee for a while, and the things they went through together had an impact on her, and that's hard to let go. So now, as she looks at Natalia, this exotic, gorgeous, and _different_ woman and thinks about how much Ryan obviously loves her, she can't let go of what she used to have with him.

"Did Ryan ever tell you about us?" Zoe asks.

"Yeah," Natalia says. "He told me that you two were engaged to be married."

"We were," Zoe confirms. "But a lot of things happened between us and we weren't ready...we weren't ready for any of it."

"What happened between you two?"

Zoe looks at her. "What did Ryan say?"

Natalia furrows her eyebrows. "Basically the same thing you said...why?"

"So, he didn't actually tell you what happened between us? Do you know about his gambling addiction?"

"Oh yeah," Natalia says. "Yeah, I knew about that long before we got together. But he's dealt with that...is that what broke you two up?"

Zoe sighs. "Not exactly...it wasn't the gambling. That I could've handled. I..."

"What?" Natalia asks with a nervous chuckle. "Did Ryan commit murder, or something?"

"I think that you should talk to him about it," Zoe says, deciding not to reveal everything to Natalia. She's not that kind of woman. But she will plant the seed in Natalia's head that Ryan was holding back partly out of jealousy and partly out of concern. "He should be the one to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Natalia asks.

"Talk to Ryan," Zoe insists. "It's best...you two are so happy, and...maybe it won't be a big deal, and maybe if you never ask him, it'll be alright. But...if it comes up, he should be the one to tell you because I know you two love each other. I can tell. I'll get the check."

Natalia picks up her drink and takes a long, thoughtful sip.

O-o-O

Calleigh walks into the house and she sighs as she kicks off her heels and then goes into the den and plops onto the couch, dropping her purse onto the floor. It has been a long, trying day, and she wants to sleep more than anything. She feels a bit achy, but more than that, she's completely drained physically and emotionally.

"Calleigh?"

"In here."

Eric comes out of the office and he finds Calleigh slouched on the sofa, looking worn out and pale. He's glad that he put on some water so that he can make her a cup of tea, knowing that she will appreciate it. He goes over to her, and he sits next to her and she looks at him, remorse in her glistening eyes. He reaches over and caresses her cheek and a tear falls onto his thumb. He gently draws her to him and she rests onto his chest.

"Don't cry, _carina_," he whispers.

"I'm sorry," she sniffles.

"Me too," he says. "I shouldn't have pushed you..."

She sits up and wipes her tears. "God...I've been unbearable lately, haven't I?"

"No," he assures. "_Carina_, you haven't been unbearable. I understand. Being sick everyday would make anyone a little cranky."

She looks into his eyes and he kisses her softly, smoothing over her hair.

"I love you," she says.

"I love you too," he says before he kisses her cheek. "Want some tea?"

She nods and he takes her hand and they go into the kitchen.

She sits down at the table in the nook and rests her forehead in one hand, and rubbing her stomach with the other. She swallows thickly as she feels what little contents she has in her stomach slosh around and swirl.

"What kind of tea do you want?" He asks.

"I don't care," she groans.

"How about peppermint?" He asks. "It's good for your stomach."

"Fine," she says.

He makes her tea then he sits it in front of her with a couple of slices of toast.

"Thank you," she says gratefully.

He sits at the table with her. "You need to eat a full, balanced meal..."

"I would if I could keep it down," Calleigh says.

"Well I was reading online about how to help with the morning sickness," he explains. "And it said that fresh fruit, carbs and incorporating exercise should help."

"Maybe we can go walking early tomorrow morning, then," she says. "I'm good with the toast right now."

"At least eat some soup," he says.

She shakes her head.

Once she is finished with her tea and toast, Eric picks up the dishes.

Calleigh stands up and a wave of dizziness befalls her, and she wavers on her feet. Eric catches sight of her wavering gait, he puts one hand on her lower back and the other on her abdomen to steady her.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Yeah...just dizzy."

He stands with her for a few minutes, holding her steady until the dizziness passes so that he can get her up to bed.

"Think you can make it upstairs?"

She groans, shaking her head. "I just want to lay down. I-I need to lie down."

He scoops up her lithe body into his arms and he carefully carries her up to their bedroom. She wraps her arms around his neck, her eyes getting heavy. Once there, he gently sets her onto the bed then he goes over to the dresser and fishes out a pearl colored camisole and a pair of pajama pants for her. She takes them gratefully when he hands them to her and she slowly, tiredly peels off her clothes one article at a time and he takes them for her. She takes off her bra and he takes that and then he puts her clothes into the hamper at the end of the bed.

She sits on the edge of the bed, summoning up the energy to put on her night clothes. Despite her being so sick, Eric thinks that Calleigh is the most gorgeous woman, with her long, blonde hair flowing over her shoulders, intensely beautiful green eyes, and soft skin. She is always a vision to him and nothing could ever change that.

She finally pulls on her camisole, but doesn't bother with the pants as she lays down.

"Get under the covers, _carina_," he says, turning down the comforter.

She gets under the covers and burrows, letting the exhaustion take over.

He leans down and kisses her forehead.

"Thank you," she says in barely above a whisper.

"Get some rest," he says.

"Stay with me, Eric."

He changes his clothes then he gets into bed next to her and she brings his arm over her waist. He slips his hand under her camisole and splays his hand over her abdomen. She closes her eyes, reveling in the warmth of his body against hers, his hand on her skin. The warmth spreads throughout her entire body and calms her, lulls her.

In a few minutes, she drifts off to sleep, her heart full of gratitude and respect for her husband.

O-o-O

Natalia is in the kitchen washing the dishes after dinner when she hears a _thump_ then a mumbled curse coming from the hallway.

"Ry, you okay sweetie?" She asks, turning off the water.

He comes into the kitchen. "Yeah I'm fine...just stubbed my toe on one of the many boxes you have yet to unpack."

She rolls her eyes. "You should be more careful."

"And you should finally unpack," he says, wrapping his arms around her waist. "How long have you been living in this place?"

"Few years," she says.

"'Lia..."

"I know, but it's just stuff I don't really need," she says.

"I'm just gonna go through them one day," he says.

"Don't go through those boxes," she says. "I'll find some place to put them."

"'Cause the office is already full," he mentions.

Her house is homey, he supposes, he likes being at her home with her, but she hasn't exactly moved in completely. But then again, he thinks that's just part of her personality, or a family trait, actually because her youngest sister, Anya, is much the same, with boxes and things hanging around that need a place. He's accepted that Natalia is not quite as neat as he is, she does just enough to where he is still comfortable. Her decorating sense she definitely gets from her mother, though. The warm color tones, the plush furniture covered in blankets for even more comfort, the large cherry wood dining room table for her family when they come over. The furniture is nice, a bit too big for the house she's in right now. Still, he loves her.

He kisses her cheek and she smiles slightly. He can tell that something has been on her mind, and he remembers to ask her about lunch with Zoe.

"How was lunch this afternoon?"

Natalia debates on whether or not to bring up the conversation she had with Zoe about the reasons why the engagement had been broken off. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things, whatever he told or didn't tell her will not matter because she loves Ryan so much. She's completely in love with him, and she trusts him implicitly, so she decides that she will not ask him.

"It was great," she says. "Zoe and I had a great time..."

"What?" He asks when she begins to giggle.

"She uh, told me about your stint in ballet school."

He chuckles. "Worst year of my life."

"You cut your sister's and her friend's hair!"

"I didn't mean to cut that much of it off," he explains. "So my mom made me take ballet with Ever. To make me more...sensitive to girls' feelings."

She smiles, caressing her hands down his chest. "Well, you are sweet, caring...and very sensitive to my feelings."

He raises an eyebrow at her. "You're never going to let me live it down, are you?"

"If your mom ever shows me the pictures," she says. "Nope."

He shrugs. "That's okay...your mom showed me pictures of the concert you and Christina went to so..."

"Okay, okay, I'll let it go."

He winks at her and that makes her heart skip a beat.

"I love you," she says.

"I love you too," he says before he kisses her lips softly.

"Yeah?" She asks, smiling against his lips.

"Mmhm," he says as he deepens their kiss.

He picks her up and sits her onto the counter as he kisses her. His hands slip under her blouse and caresses over her abdomen.

"Ry, much as I would love to make out with you," she smiles. "I made some food for Cal and Eric for a few days so I'm going to go drop it off at their house. She's exhausted and I know he's tired too."

"Alright," he says. "I'll go with you."

She kisses him. "I need to call first."

She slides off of the counter then she picks up her cell phone and dials the Delkos' house number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Eric," Natalia says.

"Hey," he says.

"I made some food for you and Calleigh for a couple of days," she says. "Is it alright if Ryan and I come over and drop it off?"

"Sure," Eric says. "But Calleigh's knocked out."

"I figured," Natalia says. "We were just going to stay for a few minutes."

"Alright. Bye."

"Bye."

Natalia packs up the containers then Ryan takes them before they head out.

They make the twenty minute drive over to Eric and Calleigh's house and they get out of the car.

The lights in the front room are on, and Natalia knocks on the door.

A few moments later, Eric opens up.

"Hey," he says, opening the door wider to let them in.

Natalia hugs him then Ryan shakes his hand and hugs him.

"I made Calleigh some soup," Natalia says. "It's in the big container, and then I made some lasagna, garlic bread, and salad for you. There's some plain bread and a fruit salad for Calleigh too."

They go into the kitchen and Eric puts away the food.

"Thank you, Natalia," Eric says. "I really appreciate it. Calleigh's going to enjoy the soup."

"It's no problem," she says. "Calleigh had a little mood swing today at work..."

Eric chuckles. "Yeah...the mood swings are...difficult. I have to get used to seeing Calleigh more emotional than usual. It's mostly the weepiness she's dealing with now. She cries about the littlest things."

"Aw," Natalia says as they walk to the front door. "Well, hopefully she'll start feeling better soon."

"She will," Eric says as he opens the door. "Thank you again. Calleigh will really appreciate this."

"You're welcome. Give Calleigh our love."

"I will," Eric says.

Ryan and Natalia head out and Eric waves to them before going back inside the house.


	10. Ten

Pliant

**Ten**

Ryan leans up against the side of the hummer while he waits on Calleigh. They have stopped along the side of the road by the beach. They are on their way to the scene of a home invasion/homicide, and Horatio is expecting them there soon. Calleigh wanted to get out in the field, insisting that she felt fine, but Ryan knew better. Now, he regrets having let her come along. He is now in a bit of a quagmire because if he arrives at the scene with Calleigh looking like death warmed over, he'll get his ass kicked, and if word gets back to Eric that he let her out of the lab period, he'll come and kick his ass...if he mentions anything about this whole situation to Calleigh, she'll shoot him.

He sees her bent over, vomiting what little food she'd eaten at work. He has a bottle of water in hand for her.

She straightens, one hand on her abdomen and the other combing through her hair as she makes her way back up to the truck.

"Here you go," he says, handing her the bottle of water.

"Thanks," she says as she takes it gratefully.

She takes a long drink before she sighs. "Ready?"

"Cal, you don't look well," he says. "I should take you back."

"No," Calleigh says. "Let's go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure," she says. "Let's go to the scene."

With that, she gets into the vehicle and he gets in as well.

She rubs over her abdomen, frowning. She takes a deep breath and rests her head against the window. She feels completely disgusting, with the sour taste in her mouth and the sheen of sweat covering her body. She has the sudden urge to take a shower because she feels grimy now, and the humidity isn't helping either.

She is ticking off the days until this morning sickness passes.

She is in her sixth week of pregnancy, and she only has six more before she gets out of this risky phase. Eric insisted that she stay home once again, and this time, instead of words, she let tears flow, and he gave in, feeling terrible about causing her to cry. She can't stand any of it; the sickness, the fluctuating hormones. It's all driving her mad, and she wants to start enjoying her pregnancy.

Calleigh shifts in the seat, still rubbing her abdomen.

Ryan glances over at her, and the discomfort she feels is etched into her face. He is willing to admit that she's terrifying when she's moody, and he doesn't want to get on her bad side at all today.

They make it to the crime scene and meet Horatio just outside the door.

Horatio takes in Calleigh's appearance, noticing how pale and weak she looks.

"Calleigh," Horatio begins. "Are you absolutely sure that you can work this scene?"

"Yes, I'm fine," she says, willing away the terrible nausea. "I can work."

Horatio nods and Ryan goes into the house. "I'll take the upstairs."

"Kitchen," Calleigh says.

"I've got the garage," Horatio announces as he heads over to the three car garage.

Ryan makes his way upstairs to the huge master bedroom and he photographs the bed.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Calleigh sets down her kit and she leans up against the counter for support as dizziness takes over. She tries to work through it, but the room is spinning and she feels her legs beginning to turn to jell-o.

She feels the urge to vomit and she is trying to make it to the sink, but she stumbles over herself and she vomits onto the floor, contaminating the crime scene. She begins to cry as she tries to make her way to the steps. Ryan is upstairs processing the bedroom, and Calleigh blinks her eyes several times to try and focus her blurry, spinning vision.

"R-Ry-Ryan...R-Ry..." She calls out, but her voice doesn't carry.

She steps forward and she trips over her own feet and the last thing she feels is a bang to her head before she blacks out.

Upstairs, Ryan completes a tape lift of the bed in the master bedroom before he puts his collections into his kit. He sighs as he closes it up and then begins to make his way downstairs to the kitchen. He wonders how Calleigh is faring because she knows that she's been feeling quite ill; normal pregnancy symptoms, with the nausea, dizziness, and moodiness. Walter, for some reason, has become Calleigh's unfortunate victim of her mood swings as of late and he chuckles a bit. He hopes that he understands that it's the baby, not Calleigh per se.

"Cal, I finished processing-Calleigh?" He inquires when he sees Calleigh lying unconscious on the floor.

He sets his kit down and rushes over to an unconscious Calleigh.

"Calleigh? Calleigh?"

There is blood running down from a large cut on Calleigh's forehead into her hair and Ryan presses his hand to the wound. His other hand grabs his radio.

"Horatio! I need help now! Williams!"

The uniform posted outside comes rushing in.

"Call 911 we've got an officer down!" Ryan says. "Calleigh...Calleigh..."

Horatio rushes into the kitchen and he kneels on the other side of Calleigh.

"Mr. Wolfe, what happened?"

"I-I don't know," Ryan explains. "I found her on the floor. Looks like she collapsed and hit her head on the counter."

After a few minutes, sirens can be heard in the distance, making their way to the house and Horatio wishes that they'd come a little faster.

Calleigh's eyes open up slowly and she groans.

"Calleigh, stay with me, okay?" Horatio encourages, his heart pounding in his chest. "The ambulance is on the way, sweetheart. Mr. Wolfe, I need you to notify Eric."

"Yeah," Ryan says, taking out his cell.

Calleigh begins to drift off again.

"No, Calleigh," Horatio says firmly. "Stay with me, sweetheart. Calleigh stay with me..."

Calleigh tries to keep her eyes open and trained on Horatio, but she feels the blackness around her closing slowly in and she blacks out.

"Calleigh, stay with me," Ryan says. "Cal...Calleigh!"

O-o-O

Natalia walks into the waiting room where she finds Eric, Horatio, Ryan, and Duke. Eric is pacing back and forth, unable to sit down, waiting on word about his wife's condition, and Horatio and Duke are sitting down, but no calmer, Natalia can tell, and Ryan is sitting motionlessly in a chair. Horatio called her while she'd been at another scene with Cardoza and Walter and told her that Calleigh was on her way to the hospital and that Ryan had been with her.

She hopes that Calleigh doesn't lose the baby. She knows that will devastate both Eric and Calleigh.

"Hey H, Mr. Duquesne," Natalia says. "Any updates?"

"Not yet," Duke sighs.

"Is she gonna be alright?"

"They're not sure," Horatio says.

She nods before she goes over and sits by Ryan, putting her hand over his. He sighs, shaking his head.

"I knew I should have followed my first thought and taken her back to the lab," he laments.

"Ryan, it's not your fault," she assures. "You know how stubborn Calleigh is."

He nods then he looks over at the rest of the family.

Eric sits down heavily into a chair, rubbing his hands over his face.

The silence and tension in the room is mounting, and his chest is tight, making him realize that he needs to breathe. He will be no help to Calleigh if he himself is not calm and collected.

Eric gets up again and begins to pace.

He'd been at work, out on the water with his new batch of trainees when he got the call that his wife was en route to the hospital. They escorted him to the hospital and he rushed into the ER in search of Calleigh. When he finally found her, they wouldn't let him in the room anyway because they were already working on her and hewas shooed away into the waiting room. Where he is still waiting.

How many times have they gone through this together? How many minutes, hours, days have they waited for each other? All he can pray for now is that he just doesn't lose her.

He prays that both she and the baby are going to be alright.

Though Calleigh has been sick, she still wants the baby so badly. Finding out that they were going to have a baby together was was just the realization of all of the things they've ever wanted in their lives. They got married with making a family in mind, both of them looking forward to a moderate sized family, maybe two or three children. He remembers Calleigh mentioning rather enthusiastically that multiple births run in her family and Eric secretly hoped that they'd be that lucky.

More than anything, he wants to be a father, he wants the chance to see Calleigh as a mother and see her truly happy.

Even through the morning sickness and the shifting moods, this morning, as Calleigh made it a point to X off another day of morning sickness on the calendar, she managed a smile after the little tiff they had and told him that she loved him. Her skin had been pale, but her eyes were bright and full of expectation for the coming months. Thinking about the coming months and possible themes for when they get to convert the guest room into a nursery is the only way that Calleigh can possibly muddle through the fatigue and dizziness and loss of appetite. All the hopes she shared with him kept her from completely lamenting the experience.

Now, a single call has changed the way Eric will deal with Calleigh's pregnancy.

After another anxiety-filled hour of waiting, Alexx finally appears in the waiting room. Everyone looks at her expectantly, and they all shift ever so slightly.

"Eric," she calls softly and he gets up and goes out into the hallway.

"How's my wife?" He asks.

Alexx sighs, grinning a bit. "Calleigh's going to be fine."

Eric breathes a sigh of relief and he leans up against the wall. "Thank God."

"She and the baby are fine," she explains. "The head trauma wasn't serious. We stitched up the cut on her forehead and the scans came back negative for any serious injury. We took some blood work, and her labs came back showing that her electrolyte levels were low, indicating dehydration. We've got Calleigh on IV fluids to help with that."

"Is she awake?"

"No, she's resting right now, but she should be awake in a couple of hours," she says. "But, Calleigh is going to need plenty of rest when she leaves here. She's very weak, so don't let her rush back to work too soon."

"Do you know what it's been like having to tell her that?"

"I don't care," Alexx says firmly. "I'll help you lock her up inside your house if I have to. That girl needs to suck it up and sit on her ass for a couple of weeks. You're the man of the house, you know. That's your baby she's carrying too. You got me?"

Eric nods, chuckling a bit. "Yes ma'am. Thanks Alexx."

She hugs him tightly before she goes back to work.

He goes back into the waiting room and he sees the anxious looks on everyone's face.

"Alexx said that Calleigh is alright," he says, and everyone visibly relaxes.

"What about the baby?" Natalia asks. "Is the baby alright?"

"The baby's fine," he reports.

Natalia smiles, thanking God that both Calleigh and the baby are okay.

Horatio stands up. "I'm sure Calleigh's going to need some time off, so I'll take care of that, alright? Don't hesitate to call if you need anything else."

"Thanks H," Eric says.

Natalia and Ryan stand up and come over to him. Natalia hugs him tightly, glad for him.

"I'm so glad they're both alright," she says happily.

Ryan hugs Eric and claps him on the back.

"Thanks Ryan," Eric says appreciatively. "Thank you for staying with Calleigh."

"That's what family's for," Ryan says. "Like H said, don't hesitate to call."

"I won't."

With that, Horatio, Ryan, and Natalia leave the waiting room.

O-o-O

Eric goes into the room, and he sees Calleigh sleeping. He goes over and he smoothes over her hair and kisses her forehead. She stirs slightly, and opens her eyes, smiling.

"Hey love," she says softly.

"Hey _carina_," he says as he caresses her cheek, looking at the angry, stitched up cut on her forehead. "You got a hell of a bump there."

She sighs. "I know."

He pulls up a chair and sits down, holding her hand. She looks so small beneath the covers and in the gown, and he warms her hand. She shivers.

"It's cold," she says, her eyes already heavy from fatigue.

He covers her up with the blanket and he kisses her softly.

"Is the baby okay?" She asks, a bit of fear in her eyes. "Did I hurt the baby?"

"Alexx said that the baby's fine," he assures as he kisses her hand. "And that you need to rest."

Calleigh turns onto her side and he caresses her cheek.

She is very pale, her face is thinner than normal, there are dark crescents under her eyes, and her hand feels so small in his, but she is still gorgeous and beautiful to him. He wants her to start feeling better, for both of their sakes because he'd been terrified when the call came that she was in the hospital. They now have another life to worry about between them, so anything that happens to her could potentially happen to the baby. Their baby's life is dependent upon Calleigh's health and safety, and if this recent scare isn't enough to convince her that she needs to slow down and get her strength back, he doesn't know what will. She's gotten to the point now where she's so weak, she can barely stand on her own two feet.

"I'm so tired," she says, closing her eyes.

"Rest," he says, gently pushing a lock of her hair from her face.

She opens her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. "I've been selfish about this whole thing, haven't I?"

"What do you mean?" He asks.

She wipes her tears then she caresses over his hand, grinning a bit.

"This baby is going to change our life together," she begins. "The baby is going to change everything and...I've been scared. I've been so miserable with the morning sickness and the fatigue, but working helps me to not think about not only that, but the sacrifices we'll both have to make."

He nods. "I know."

"So the thought of taking time off of work," she says. "Taking time away from the job that I love, scares me. It's enough that I'm sacrificing my body for this baby, but my job too? But I'm in the hospital, I'm exhausted, and I've got an IV hangin' on me. Guess it's not a bad idea to take time off, is it?"

He chuckles. "No, it's not."

She smiles faintly, her eyes closing again.

"I love you," she says quietly.

"I love you too, _carina_," he says, leaning in and kissing her again. "Go to sleep."

She nods then she sighs, falling into a deep sleep a few minutes later.

O-o-O

Ryan comes into his apartment with some groceries in hand. Natalia is sitting on the couch, enjoying a heaping, leafy salad while watching a movie. She beat him home from work, and she is nice and settled in.

"Hey sweetie," she says.

"Hey," he greets her as he goes into the kitchen.

She gets up and she goes over to him and he kisses her softly.

"I got some flowers and a card for Calleigh," he says. "And I got some flowers for you."

She smiles as he gives her a vase with some roses. "Thank you, Ryan. These are so beautiful."

She goes into the dining room and puts them onto the table, smiling. He loves seeing her smile, that's for sure, and he wanted to give her something to help cheer her up. Even with the good report on Calleigh, Natalia has still been worried about her, anxious to see her. Per Eric's request, they have not visited her yet, giving the couple some time to rest together. Calleigh had been exhausted and weak long before her collapse, and she needs as much down time as possible to get her strength back.

Natalia goes back into the kitchen and kisses Ryan's cheek.

He wraps his arms about her waist and she grins a bit, falling into Ryan's embrace. She rests her head back against his shoulder and he kisses her temple.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too," she says, resting her hands atop his arms. "You ever think about having kids one day?"

"Sometimes," he says. "It's a huge responsibility..."

"I know," she agrees. "But having a family is so great. I think it would be great."

"Yeah, it would be," he says before he kisses her cheek.

She turns and kisses him lovingly before going over to pick up her salad.

"Mm, you gonna share?" He asks, picking up her fork and eating the bit it had on it.

"Uh, excuse you, Mr. Wolfe," she giggles.

"C'mon, 'Lia," he says, kissing her. "Sharing is caring..."

He kisses her again, and she smiles.

"Mm," she says as she pulls away from the kiss. "Among other things..."

The phone rings and she goes over and answer it, while Ryan eats a little more of her salad before opening the cabinet to get some bread to make a sandwich.

"Hello?"

"Hi..."

The woman's voice sounds a bit raspy, with an accent, and Natalia furrows her eyebrows.

"Who's calling?"

"Uh, this is Joy O'Shea, I'm Ryan's mother. Is he there?"

"Oh, hi," Natalia says with a smile. "I'm Natalia."

"Natalia, hi," Joy says happily. "Ryan sent me a picture of the two of you...you are gorgeous."

"Well, thank you, and you're lovely," Natalia says, turning to Ryan. "It's nice to finally-well, not _meet you_, meet you, but it's good to talk to you."

"I can't wait to meet you in person," Joy says.

"I know," Natalia says. "Anyway, here's Ryan."

He takes the phone. "Hi mom...yeah, she is..."

"What are you doing for Christmas huh?" Joy asks. "You're not working, are you?"

"I'm not, but 'Lia is, why?"

"Well, your father is going to be away on business, and Ever is visiting her in-laws," Joy sighs. "So, I was thinking that maybe I could come visit my only son on Christmas and meet his girlfriend, who is absolutely stunning...just beautiful."

Ryan chuckles. "Thank you. That sounds good, Ma."

"Really?" Joy asks.

"Yeah," he says. "Let me buy you a ticket and-"

"I already bought a ticket," she explains.

He sighs. "You were going to surprise me, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but then I thought that would be kind of rude, since you're not much for surprises," she sighs. "You never were. Remember you cried on your fifth birthday?"

"I didn't cry," he corrects indignantly. "I was allergic to the Gubermans' cat..."

"Well, anyway, I'm glad that you're excited," she says. "So I'll be coming in to Miami Airport on the twentieth at five in the evening."

"Alright," Ryan says. "I'll be there."

"Okay," she says. "Can't wait to see ya. Love you, son."

"Love you too, mom. Bye."

"Bye."

He hangs up. "My mom's coming to visit for Christmas."

"That's so great," Natalia says excitedly. "I can't wait to meet her. Okay, so you've got to tell me more about your mom so I can get stuff for her."

He chuckles. "My mom...she's...my mom," he shrugs, much to her chagrin.

"She's still a human being, Ryan," Natalia says. "What's she like?"

"She's...Catholic," he begins, and she glares at him.

"Yeah, yeah, everyone's Catholic, c'mon, what else?"

"She's...particular..."

"Well, that I can handle because you're just like her," Natalia says confidently.

"No, I mean _really_ particular," he explains. "She couldn't handle _you_."

She pouts. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"'Lia...it's okay," he chuckles. "She likes toupe..."

"No, don't change the subject," she huffs. "Are you saying I'm a slob compared to you and her?"

"You said it..."

"Ooh!"

"No, you're not a slob," he says. "No, honey. You're just not...as concerned, I guess."

She raises an eyebrow at him. "Well is she staying here?"

"We'd have to sleep on the couch," he says.

"That's not practical," she says. "Why don't you just stay with me the week of Christmas? Your mom will have privacy and we'll have some privacy, unless your mom's _really_ Catholic and we have to do that whole, wait-til-marriage innocent courtship thing..."

He chuckles. "She's not like that."

"Well then stay with me," she says, putting her hands on his chest. "I promise I will clean the house from top to bottom. It'll really shine."

"'Lia, it'll be fine," he insists.

She kisses him, then she smiles as she turns and brings his arms around her waist again. "I'm sure that your mom will love me."

"She already loves you," he says.

"And I know I'm going to love her," she says, hooking her arms around his neck. "Because she raised you, and you're wonderful."

He leans down and kisses her.

She turns and wraps her arms around his neck as she deepens the kiss. He picks her up with ease and sits her onto the counter, moving his lips over her cheek then down her neck and she tilts her head back, moaning when he involves his teeth and his tongue in his ministrations.

"Hmm," she purrs as he makes his way back up to her lips. "I think we should go to the bedroom..."

"You do, huh?" He whispers against her lips as his fingers begin to unbutton her blouse.

"Mmhm," she says as she kisses him softly, her hands slinking up under his shirt.

He gently pushes her unbuttoned blouse off of her shoulders and kisses along her collar bone. She pulls him up into a passionate kiss and he pulls away for all of two seconds so that she can push his shirt up and off before he reclaims her lips with his. She wraps her arms around his neck and deepens the kiss, allowing him to slide his tongue into her mouth to stroke and taste hers.

He picks her up and she wraps her legs around his waist and he carries her into the bedroom and gently closes the door.


	11. Eleven

_Thanks for all the patience on this story. Plot picks up, as promised. Enjoy.

* * *

_

Pliant

**Eleven**

Calleigh awakens, coming out of the darkness of a dreamless slumber. There is a dull ache where the cut on her forehead is, but other than that, she feels a bit more rested. This is her third day in the hospital and she can't wait to go home. The doctors told her that she was dehydrated and a bit malnourished, so they kept her.

She looks over and she sees Eric sleeping in the chair beside her bed. She smiles a bit, glad to see him, glad that he is with her, but he needs to go home and get some rest. She knows that he hasn't eaten, not since yesterday afternoon, and that chair can't be comfortable for him. She sighs as she looks over at the window. It is a beautiful day outside, and she wants to get out and take in fresh air instead of the smell of her sterilized environment.

Calleigh tries to sit up, but she feels dizziness take over and her stomach swirls a bit, and she lies back down, groaning.

Her groan wakes Eric up, and he sits up in the chair, and he rubs out a kink in his neck as he looks at her.

She smiles at him, holding out her hand. He takes it, standing up and smoothing over her hair. He leans down and kisses her lips softly.

"How are you feeling, _carina_?" He asks.

She sighs. "Better. Did you sleep here all night again?"

"Yeah," he says.

"Go home," she says. "I'm okay, Eric. You're gonna regret sleepin' in that crazy chair."

"Never," he grins, caressing her cheek. "I just didn't want you to wake up alone. We never wake up alone."

"I know," she says. "Well, now that we woke up together, go home for a bit...for me. You need to rest too."

"Alright," he says. "You want me to sneak you in anything?"

"Strawberries," she says. "But don't let that head nurse see you. She's a Nazi."

He chuckles. "Well, if she catches me, I think I can take her."

She laughs.

There is a knock on the door and it opens up, and Natalia and Ryan come in.

"Hey," Natalia says as she comes over and first hugs Eric then she goes to the other side of the bed and hugs Calleigh.

"Good morning," Calleigh says as she hugs her friends.

Ryan kisses her forehead. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good," Calleigh says. "Well, beside this knot on my head."

"Well, knots have never look so good," Ryan teases. "We got you some flowers."

"Thank you," Calleigh says appreciatively. "They're lovely."

Natalia sits them on the window sill.

Calleigh looks much better, better than she has in weeks. Her skin doesn't look as pale, it has some of it's color and blush back, her eyes are brighter, and she's smiling. Natalia is relieved to see Calleigh feeling better and a little happier about the baby.

They stay and chat for a bit, and Calleigh loves that her friends have come to see her.

"Well, you keep resting," Natalia says. "When do you get discharged?"

"Hopefully this evening," Calleigh says.

"Good," Ryan says. "So we won't be seeing you at work for a couple weeks, then, right?"

"Right," Calleigh says begrudgingly. "Don't rub it in."

Ryan and Natalia begin to make their exit.

"Hey, take Eric with you," Calleigh says. "Go home, love."

"Okay," he says, kissing her. "Strawberries?"

"Mmhm."

With that, he leaves too.

O-o-O

Natalia rushes through the house, doing some last minute tidying up, making sure to push any and all extra boxes and clutter lying around into the laundry room and closing the door. She closes the door to the office too, and opens the fresh, clean guest bedroom. She wants to make a good impression on Ryan's mother, and she certainly didn't want her to think that her son was halfway living with a pack rat for a girlfriend.

She goes into her bedroom and she smoothes out her dress and pulls on her sweater. She quickly sprays some perfume then she gives her hair a quick curl.

Ryan will be coming to drop off his things for the week and pick her up so that they can go to the airport together to meet his mother. She is nervous and excited at the same time, and part of her still marvels at how fast things are going. He's met her parents, now she's meeting his mother, which is important. Natalia knows all too well about mothers and their sons. Nick's mother had been a terror, though she did the best she could to help when she found out that her son was an abuser. Still, the bond between mother and son is strong, and when a woman, an outsider threatens that bond, it's not easy to take.

But Natalia has hope because Joy seems so enamored by her already and they haven't even met in person. She is probably one of those mothers who wants their son to be happy in a relationship and of course, reach the ultimate goal of giving her grandchildren.

Natalia shudders at the thought of being pressured to have children. She wants children, but in her own time, and Ryan is certainly in no hurry either. Her mother is always on her case about having children, always including a rather graphic, dramatic fate of her reproductive organs.

She shakes her head.

"No," she says as she touches up her makeup then she goes and finds a pair of shoes.

She casts a bitter glance at Ryan's side of her closet; the few things he's left are perfect, neat, and organized. His shoes are lined up perfectly, his shirts are hung up and organized according to color, and his suits are nice and ready. He makes her look bad, real bad as she tips her toes into one black heel, then pushing her other shoes aside to find the other.

"Ha!" She exclaims triumphantly when she finds her other heel.

She hears the front door open.

"'Lia, you ready?"

"Just a second, sweetie," she calls as she grabs her purse.

He comes into her bedroom and sets his bag down onto the bed.

"Alright," she says. "Do I look okay?"

"You look beautiful," he says, taking her hand. "Ready?"

She nods.

The drive over is full of excitement for both of them. Ryan hasn't seen his mother since he left Boston five years ago, so he is looking forward to seeing and talking to his mother and spending time with her during Christmas. He knows that Natalia and his mother will hit off well, and get along, he just hopes that his mother doesn't start pressuring him to have children. He hates those conversations, because kids are a lot of responsibility, and seals relationships literally forever. He loves Natalia, and eventually, children with her may be a possibility, but not right now. Sure, he likes to fantasize every now and then about her being pregnant, conjure up an image of her pregnant with his baby, or holding their child, what their child will look like.

Other than that, he has no desire to make that a reality, and he's sure that Natalia has the same sentiment.

They are enjoying being with each other right now.

Besides, he can't imagine all the details of dealing with a pregnancy. Eric is having quite a trial with Calleigh and this is their first child together. Morning sickness, tiredness, mood swings...God help Eric.

They make it to the airport, and he parks in the garage.

Natalia smiles as she hooks her arm in his when he offers it.

They go to the Delta terminal and wait in the baggage claim for Joy.

After about fifteen minutes, Ryan spots his mother.

"Mom!"

Joy looks over and she smiles.

They walk over to her and Natalia takes Joy in. She is very thin, with long, wavy hair pulled back with a simple black headband, and she has on a pair of slacks and a sleeveless blouse. She notices that she doesn't look like Ryan much, the resemblance only in the nose and lips, but other than that, it's hard to tell that she is his mother.

He hugs her.

"My boy," she says happily. "Oh I'm so happy to see you."

He pulls back and she inspects him.

"Look at you," she says, squeezing his arm. "Been working out all these years out here, huh? Worked to your advantage...you snagged a beautiful girl."

He chuckles.

"Mom, this is Natalia."

Natalia smiles excitedly, and just as he'd predicted, the two women immediately take to each other, hugging.

"You are gorgeous," Joy compliments as she puts her hands on Natalia's shoulders. "Even more than your picture. And you look so happy."

"I am," Natalia says. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"Likewise," Joy says.

"I'll go get your bags, Ma," Ryan says as he goes over to the conveyor belt.

"You are just so lovely," Joy says, gently touching her hand to Natalia's cheek.

"So are you," Natalia says. "I'm so excited you're here."

"I'm excited to be here," Joy says. "So, Ryan says it's serious between you two."

"Yeah. We're both really happy together."

"I'm glad," Joy sighs. "That's all a mother ever wants is for her children to be happy. Ryan's my only son, and I want him to be happy. And, between you and me, he's not gettin' any younger."

Natalia laughs. "Well, I'm not too far behind him, so..."

Ryan comes over to them with his mother's suitcase in hand.

"Ready?"

"Yes," Natalia says.

"Do you mind if we go to the grocery store?" Joy asks. "To get some stuff to make dinner."

"Well, we were going to take you to dinner, Ma," Ryan says.

"No, I'd rather cook," Joy says.

"I'll cook for you then," Natalia says. "All you have to do is relax."

"How about we cook together, huh?"

O-o-O

Joy and Natalia are getting along better than he thought, and Ryan grins a bit as he is shooed out of the kitchen by his mother.

"Are you sure the guest room is comfortable?" Natalia asks as she cuts up some potatoes. "Because you can take the master if you want."

"No, no, the guest room is a dream," Joy says. "So uh, are you two living together?"

"No," Ryan says. "We spend a few nights a week at each other's places."

Joy grins. "Your father and I did that. Not too practical, if you ask me. My mother, your grandmother Glynda, had a fit when she found out Norm and I were getting a place together. Not saying that shackin' up is right, but...certainly saves on the gas."

Natalia chuckles.

"You two work together?"Joy asks.

"Yeah," Natalia says.

"That's allowed?"

"Not really," Ryan and Natalia say in unison and Joy smiles.

"I mean, our friends know, but we have to stay under the radar."

"Well isn't that something," Joy marvels, then she pauses and looks at the way Natalia is peeling the potatoes. She is _scrape, scrape, scraping_ away at them.

"Oh no, sweetheart," Joy says, gently stopping Natalia's hands, then she hands her a knife. "This'll do you better."

Natalia declines. "I always peel potatoes with a peeler."

"But you're movin' slow as Methuselah," Joy chuckles. "We're hungry here. Use the knife, huh?"

Natalia puts down the peeler and takes the knife and uses it, finding that it is faster.

"That is better," Natalia says, after putting aside her mild irritation.

"I hope my boy cooks for you every now and then," Joy says as she opens up the oven to check the meat.

"He does," Natalia says.

"I do," Ryan adds proudly. "She liked the lamb I made her on our..."

"Official date," Natalia reminds him.

"Your grandparents' recipe?"

Ryan nods.

"I taught you well," Joy says. "His father always got mad at me for teaching Ryan how to cook, but we showed him, didn't we, son?"

Ryan chuckles. "Yeah mom."

Once dinner is made, they sit at the table and begin to eat.

"So Natalia," Joy says. "Now that I'm seeing you in person, tell me more about yourself."

"I was born and raised in Tampa," Natalia begins. "My parents moved down here to Miami, and I relocated when I got a position at the FBI headquarters here."

"You worked for the FBI?"

"As a DNA specialist," Natalia says. "And then I ended up working at the crime lab."

"So you work with spit and stuff all the time?"

"When you put it that way," Natalia chuckles. "I actually do. But I also work on cold cases too."

Joy smiles. "Well, I'm sure you two always have something to talk about. Very intelligent, she is, Ryan."

"Thank you," Natalia says.

They finish eating dinner and Ryan cleans up the kitchen while Natlaia helps Joy settle in.

"The drawers are empty if you like to unpack the suitcase," Natalia says. "Let me go get you some fresh towels."

Natalia goes out of the room and Joy begins to take off her jewelry.

Ryan comes in.

"You getting comfortable?"

"Yeah," Joy says as she takes off her earrings. "This is so nice. Smells good in here too."

Ryan grins. "You sure you're alright? I mean, with dad being away for Christmas?"

"I'm fine, Ryan," she insists. "Besides, it's been so long since I last saw you..."

"What do you think of Natalia?"

Joy nods. "I like her a lot. She's uh...not the tidy one, though. Bit of a pack rat."

"That's not exactly a deal breaker," he chuckles.

"I know, I know," Joy smiles softly. "I um..."

She pauses and puts her hands on his shoulders, her eyes glistening a bit with tears. Joy O'Shea is short, thin, but tough, and it's a rare occasion that she sheds a tear. Only when something really touches her heart does she let a few go. Ryan never thought this would be one of them.

"You look good," she says, fixing his collar. "You look healthy, and you're happy. Natalia is so beautiful and smart, and you two have got somethin' good. You're doing so well for yourself, and...I'm proud of you, boy."

Ryan hugs his mother, then she sniffles and quickly wipes her tears. "Okay. Enough of that."

He kisses his mother's cheek. "Thanks, Ma."

Natalia comes in and she sets the bath towels onto the dresser.

"If you need anything, we'll be down the hall," she says. "The bathroom is right next to this one."

"Thank you sweetheart," Joy says. "Well, goodnight you two."

"Night," Ryan says.

They walk out and Joy gently closes the door softly behind them.

Natalia smiles brightly, giddy as she takes his hand and leads him to their bedroom.

He closes the door and when he turns, she pounces him, kissing him lovingly.

"I love you," she says happily.

"I love you too," he says.

"So, do you think she likes me?"

Ryan gently lies her onto the bed and kisses her neck.

"Yeah," he says. "She loves you. You two are acting as if you've known each other forever."

"That's a good thing, right?" She asks nervously. "The thing with the potatoes wasn't bad?"

"No," he says, kissing her softly. "You're amazing, and...my mom appreciates that."

Natalia chuckles a bit. "She keeps telling me I'm gorgeous..."

"Because you are," he says, gently combing his fingers through her hair. "You _are_ gorgeous. I honestly wish that you could see what I see, what other people see. You're incredible, 'Lia, and to my mom, you're like family now. She's never taken to anyone in her life like this, it usually takes her a long time to get to where she is with you."

"Really?"

Ryan nods. "Yeah."

Natalia grins as she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him softly.

He caresses his hand down over her neck before he kisses her lips again, then down her neck, following the warm trail his hand left and her eyes slide closed when he finds that succulent, sensitive spot on her neck that drives her wild.

"Mm," she moans softly, quietly. "Ry...sweetie..."

"Hmm?" He asks, gently nipping at her neck.

"Not tonight," she says, gently pushing at his shoulders.

"Why not?"

"Your mother..."

He sits up and looks at her.

"Okay..."

She bites her bottom lip. "It feels a little weird...your mom's just down the hall. What if she wakes up in the middle of the night..."

He raises an eyebrow at her.

"You'll have to be quiet," he says, kissing her cheek.

"Ryan, we shouldn't," she says.

He groans.

"I thought it wouldn't be weird, but it is," she shrugs, caressing her hands down his chest.

"Honey, please don't tell me what you're thinking," he sighs.

"It's just for a week..."

He rolls off of her and lies onto the bed, groaning again.

She burrows her head into his chest. "C'mon...you can exercise self-control for a week."

"I can," he affirms. "But I'd rather not and make love to my girlfriend."

"It's not that bad," she says, kissing his chest.

"It is that bad," he laments. "What am I supposed to do?"

"It's not like I'm cutting you off forever."

"It feels like forever already," he sighs.

"Don't be so dramatic."

O-o-O

"Day three," Ryan grumbles as he puts his hand on Natalia's lower back.

"Hush," she grins as she kisses him. "You want your eggs spicy?"

"Please," he says.

"Is your mom awake yet?"

"She's in the shower," he says as he opens up the fridge and takes out the orange juice. "So, since you don't have to work, where are you two going?"

"Christmas shopping," she says, smiling mischievously. "And don't even think about asking me what I'm getting you."

"I'll just give you my wish list," Ryan smirks. "Uh, let's see...I want to see you in new lingerie, and...oh, make love to you."

"Again with that?" She laughs.

"Would you at least...consider?" He asks, putting his hands on her hips, kissing along the back of her neck. "Please, 'Lia? C'mon, honey...it's not like my mom is going to ground me and separate us."

Natalia sighs, turning to him.

"You big baby," she chides playfully. "_Maybe_. I just want to make a good impression on her..."

"You already have," he assures, kissing her cheek.

Natalia is excited that she gets to finally spend some more one on one time with Joy. She and Ryan have had to work this week, but Ryan is off on Christmas, and Natalia is not, much to her dismay, but she only plans to work half a day and then return home. She and Joy have had fun together and Joy seems to really like the idea of her and Ryan together. Natalia has been so relieved and encouraged because Joy hasn't said anything negative about the relationship.

Natalia takes that as a good sign that she and Ryan are headed in the right direction.

Joy comes into the kitchen, looking prim and proper.

"Good morning, Joy," Natalia says. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Yes, please," Joy says as she sits down at the table across from her son.

"Hey mom," he says, finishing up his breakfast.

"You have to work again today?"

"Yeah," he says. "But I'll try to come home early."

Joy nods.

Natalia serves Joy her breakfast before she sits at the table with a cup of coffee.

"So, Natalia, where should we start shopping?" Joy asks.

"There's this fabulous mall in Coral Gables," Natalia begins. "They always have sales and the best deals."

"Then we'll start there," Joy says.

Ryan gets up and he washes out his plate, then he grabs his jacket. He kisses his mother's cheek, then he kisses Natalia.

"Have a good time today," he says before he heads out.

O-o-O

Joy picks up a pair of baby booties and smiles.

"These are so adorable," she sighs. "I wish Harry and I had a child together."

"Why didn't you?" Natalia asks as she picks up a pack of onesies.

They have stopped at Tender Bonds, a maternity/baby store. Natalia wanted to get Calleigh and Eric something special for Christmas. Considering her delicate condition these days, a gift for the baby is appropriate. She thought about buying Calleigh a few maternity blouses, but she scrapped that idea because Calleigh is already self-conscious enough. She thinks that she will get the picture frame set that she saw. It has a ceramic yellow picture frame with an angel on it, and it comes with a scrapbook and mini album for both parents.

"Well, by the time Harry and I got married, Ryan was seventeen and Ever was thirteen," Joy sighs. "Having a step parent was hard enough on them...they were just too old for a new sibling, and I was up in age, if you catch my drift. But I can dream, can't I?"

Natalia laughs. "Yes, you can. Well, Calleigh is the first one one of our friends to have a baby, so I'm excited for her. Hopefully she and Eric have a few before the magic lands on someone else."

"Aw," Joy says. "Having a child is a beautiful thing, Natalia."

"It is," Natalia agrees as she looks at the frame set. "But only if you're ready. Calleigh said they were going to start trying after their first anniversary, but..."

"A little too much honeymoon, huh?" Joy snickers.

"Way too much," Natalia laughs.

Natalia purchases the frame set, completing her Christmas shopping.

Joy still has some things left to get, so the women continue to walk about the mall, browsing.

"It's been so long since I've seen Ryan," Joy says. "Not since he left for here from Boston. Nothing makes a mother more happy than seeing her son happy. Ryan's in a good place right now, and I know that has a lot to do with you."

Natalia blushes a bit. "Ryan is amazing. You raised him to be a good man."

Joy looks at her. "I'm glad that things are good with you two. I mean, Ryan wasn't exactly a ladies' man. I always taught him to respect girls and women, and I think that he couldn't think of little girls as more than a sister until he was about sixteen and even then, he was so shy, a bit of a nerd."

Natalia laughs. "Well, he's among friends now, trust me."

"He was this lanky boy with scruffy hair and wonderful eyes," Joy reminisces happily. "But smart. Never fooled around with his studies. He always thought about things carefully, thought it through. Now don't get me wrong, what you two have is great, but...did he tell you about Zoe?"

"Yeah," Natalia says. "You know she came down here for a book signing. We had lunch together."

"So you two have met?" Joy asks incredulously.

"Yeah," Natalia smiles. "She's very nice, if not a bit...mysterious. I guess it's an author thing. She told me that you two still talk."

Joy nods. "Yeah, we do."

Natalia stops and looks at Joy, remembering the conversation with Zoe and remembering the look she had, which is now on Joy's face. That same look of nervousness, avoidance.

"Joy...I have a feeling that you and Zoe know something that Ryan and I don't," Natalia says. "I mean...I trust that Ryan told me the truth about their relationship. He never gave me a reason to doubt him."

"Let's just keep shopping," Joy says.

"No," Natalia says. "Look, I talked to Zoe, and she alluded that something serious happened that made them break up. She said that I should talk to Ryan about it."

"Have you?"

Natalia shakes her head. "No. It's been driving me crazy, Joy, but I don't know if I should bring it up or not. I don't want Ryan to think that I don't trust him, especially where his ex is concerned."

Joy gestures over to the bench by the fountain and they both go over and sit down.

The mother looks down at her hands.

"Like I was saying before, Ryan always thought things through," she continues. "When he and Zoe started dating, we all thought it was a match made in heaven. They grew up together, were always friends. I thought they were a sure thing. They moved slowly...it took him two years to tell Zoe that he loved her."

Natalia shakes her head in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"You two have only been together a few months and you're both completely in love and practically living together," Joy explains. "I'm glad that you two are happy, I really am. Maybe the reason why things are going so fast is because Ryan's done some growing up, but I-I don't think that Ryan quite settled what happened between he and Zoe within himself yet."

Natalia crosses her arms over her chest. "What are you saying? That I-I'm his rebound? What happened between he and Zoe was years ago, wasn't it?"

Joy hates that she's placed herself in this position.

"Yeah," Joy assures. "But there's some things you should know about my boy that he's probably too ashamed of to tell you himself. I-I tell him all the time not to be ashamed of where he was, but to look back and be proud of who he is now..."

"I don't know what to think now, Joy. What happened to him?"

"Things were good between Ryan and Zoe at first," Joy says, sighs. "You see, Ryan always swore that he was never going to be like his real father, Norman. After Ryan was born, Norm started smackin' me around...he started acting real strange, keepin' journals with pages full of numbers, just numbers...I didn't understand what it meant, and I thought Norm was going nutso on me. Then money started slipping through our fingers, and we were about to be evicted so I says, 'Norm, what's happening with all the money?' and he punches me straight in the jaw. Come to find out he's been pouring his paychecks into Atlantic City."

"Norm was...brilliant," Joy reminisces. "He coulda done anything he wanted. When we got married, he just, lost himself, I guess. He became addicted to gambling...putting all his smarts and our money into that and get rich quick schemes. It was even harder when the kids were born."

"So Ryan's father was addicted to gambling?"

Joy nods. "I stayed with Norm too long. He was so hard on Ryan...I could take Norm smackin' me around, I held my own, but when Ryan turned nine and got a mouth on him, Norm started beating the hell out of my boy, and I knew that I had to get out."

Natalia feels her eyes stinging with tears. Ryan never told her any of this, only alluded to the fact that he and his father didn't get along. But she never expected anything like this, not this checkered past of abuse. She can understand why he would be hesitant to talk about it, Natalia did not speak to anyone about Nick until he became a problem. She can't blame him for wanting to keep that to himself, though he has nothing to be ashamed of, that is not his fault.

"I wanted my kids to be safe," Joy says. "To have a normal life...Ryan took care of me and Ever. He was the man of the house, and very protective over his sister. He hated his father, and I told him that he shouldn't hate him. Without Norm, I wouldn't have him or Ever."

Natalia sighs. "Joy, what does all this have to do with what happened between Ryan and Zoe?"

"Like I said, for a while, things were good between them," Joy says. "They were both in college...doing well. Ryan had just gotten done with the academy and working as a police officer. When they moved in together, things turned. I don't know if it was the stress of college and working...Ryan worked the night shift, and that put a lot of strain on his relationship with Zoe. I prayed to God that it wouldn't happen, but Ryan started gambling."

"He's smart, like his father, savvy, if you will. He told me 'Ma, I know where the line is.' It wasn't long before he got in way over his head, in with loan sharks. He and Zoe were fighting all the time, he was having a tough time at his job...the bills were barely being paid and I was scared for him. One night, it all just came to a head. He and Zoe were arguing, and...he hit her."

Natalia's heart leaps up into her throat when she hears those words.

"He came over to the house," Joy continues. "He was so angry and upset and he just hugged me and cried into my shoulders. He couldn't believe what he'd done to her. H-he couldn't believe that he'd actually hurt Zoe."

Natalia swallows thickly, her heart pounding in her chest.

"H-he...Ryan hit Zoe?"

"He admitted that he'd never hurt her as bad as he did that night,"Joy explains. "The arguments before...they were both going at it, but he never...not like he did."

Natalia begins to cry and she turns away.

"Natalia..."

"No," Natalia sniffles. "W-why are you telling me this? If you don't want me to be with Ryan, then just say so. But don't...don't tell me this...please..."

"It's true Natalia," Joy insists. "Sweetheart, I'm not telling this to hurt you."

"Well this is hurting me," Natalia says, wiping her tears.

"I'm sorry," Joy says. "That's not my intention. You're in love with Ryan. You both are in love, and you know how he is. You've worked with my son for four years, you're in a relationship with him...you know him."

Natalia shakes her head. "But what am I supposed to do with what you told me?"

"I don't know," Joy says. "And I'm only telling you this because you're a beautiful, intelligent girl, and I know how much you love my son...you should talk to him about it, but I thought maybe hearing it from his mother would make it easier."

Natalia sighs.

"I thought maybe if I told you, that when you talked to Ryan about it, you'd have a calmer head about it," Joy says. "That information can be a hard pill to swallow...it's touchy for every woman. But the way Ryan loves you...I've never seen Ryan more sure about anything in such a short time."

"I um..." Natalia begins. "I don't know what to do now."

"Talk to him," Joy insists.

"Let's go home."

With that, Natalia gets up and begins to walk slowly, her mind trying to sort through the information she has just been given.

O-o-O

It is Christmas Eve, and Ryan is excited for Christmas for once. It's been a long time since he's really been this involved in Christmas. What with a partial Jewish upbringing, he has always been indifferent to Christmas, mostly celebrating out of respect for his Catholic mother. He doesn't care much for religion, but this year, because of Natalia, he has a reason to celebrate. He feels even better because his mother is with him as well.

It has been a blessing that his mother and Natalia have gotten along so well, and have spent some time together. Though, a couple of days ago, there'd been some awkwardness between them during dinner. Natalia has been ruminating about something lately, and she will not reveal to him what that is.

Anyway, he is looking forward to Christmas and the New Year, what that will bring with Natalia as their relationship deepens.

He opens the door for the women as they walk into the house after attending mass. Ryan went with them because he wanted to make his mother happy, and just be there with Natalia. He knows how much church means to her, and to his mother too, so he went along. The mass was nice, if not a little too ritualistic for his taste, and the kids' pageant was just funny and adorable. He should feel more horrible about laughing about a three year old tripping down the steps and forgetting a line, but it'd all been in good fun.

"That was a beautiful sermon," Joy sighs as she takes off her scarf.

"It was," Natalia agrees. "Father Lopez always has some funny story to go along with the sermon."

"I'm glad we went together," Joy says. "That was lovely. Well, I think I'm gonna turn in."

"Okay," Ryan says. "Night, mom."

Joy kisses Ryan's cheek then she kisses Natalia's cheek.

"Night you two," Joy says before she goes down the hall to her room and gently closes the door.

"Good night," Natalia says.

Ryan wraps his arms around Natalia's waist and kisses her cheek.

"This is all going so much better than I expected," he says. "You are amazing."

She turns and wraps her arms around his neck.

"So are you," she says, caressing her hands down over his chest. "I have a present for you."

He raises an eyebrow. "Is it something off my list?"

She rolls her eyes. "No. Just wait out here."

He goes over and sits on the couch, sighing as Natalia goes into the bedroom.

He looks at the Christmas tree and he looks at all of the ornaments and the gifts surrounding it. For the first time, his indifferent and sometimes apathetic attitude toward Christmas has changed. As he's watched his mother and his girlfriend become good friends, almost like family over the past week, he finally begins to understand the importance of the holidays. Natalia's love for Christmas and church and family has given him a new perspective on how he wants to live his own life. His childhood was riddled with hardship and disappointment, and he lamented that there was never much to be happy about.

Since being with Natalia, he's opened his eyes and his heart to new things that he'd never wanted to before.

He furrows his eyebrows when Natalia takes a bit too long in retrieving his gift.

Rather impatient, he gets up and goes to the bedroom. He opens up the door, and his eyes behold Natalia, reclining on the bed with nothing but large, red bows covering all the essential parts of her-just barely, and her abdomen dotted with a few Hershey's Kisses. Her hair is tussled and she has a devious smirk on her face, and Ryan gently closes the door behind him before he takes her in. She looks insanely sexy, and he rakes his eyes over her body, admiring her curves and her beautiful, silky skin. The prospect of eating the chocolates off of her sends a thrill through him and he feels his pants becoming tight as he thinks about tasting and devouring as much of her sweet skin as he desires.

She raises an eyebrow.

"Ryan," she begins in a sultry voice. "Why don't you come over and unwrap your gift?"

He comes over to her and he gets on the bed, caressing his hand over her thigh.

She smiles wider and he leans in and kisses her passionately.

She moans softly into his mouth before he pulls away and begins to leave a trail of kisses down her neck, pulling away only to rid himself of his sweater before getting back to the business of kissing his way down her body. He finds that she's added some red satin fabric to keep the bows on with some red metal snaps. He swiftly unsnaps the bow with a grin before he takes the bow off, revealing her breasts to him. He immediately licks over a nipple, and she gasps, combing her fingers through his hair. He kisses over to her other breast and gives the nipple the same attention before he eagerly kisses his way down to the chocolate. He licks the skin around the morsel, and her muscles flutter and she giggles. He takes the chocolate into his mouth with a gentle suck of her flesh, and she purrs. He moves on to the second chocolate and does the same before picking up the third piece. He kisses her lips softly before he pulls away. She opens her mouth and he puts the chocolate right onto her tongue before she begins to eat it, grinning mischievously.

"So, Mr. Wolfe," she begins. "You want me to be naughty, or nice?"

His hand caresses down to the remaining bow as he looks into her smoldering eyes, his lust matching hers.

"Hmm," he says, toying with the bow. "I'm leaning toward naughty..."

He takes the bow off of her and she is now completely naked.

"Lie down," she commands gently.

He lies onto the bed and she unbuckles his belt and she takes his pants off before she straddles him. She leans down and kisses him deeply, tasting the lingering sweetness of the chocolate on his tongue. She kisses over his chin, over his jaw before making her way down over his neck. She leaves a hot trail of kisses down his chest, caressing her hands sensually down his shoulders, then down his chest. He is hard, throbbing, becoming even more aroused by the anticipation of what Natalia is about to do.

Ryan growls low when she grips him and begins to stroke him. His eyes close as he tilts his head back into the pillows.

"'Lia," he sighs as she uses her other hand.

"Feel good?" She asks.

He can only nod.

She licks her lips before her mouth descends upon him and his eyes open and he looks at her, slowly taking him in. He puts a hand on her shoulder and the other grips the comforter.

"Mm," she moans softly, the vibrations of her voice further arousing him. "Mm..."

"'Lia," he groans. "Natalia..."

He watches with fascination as she works him with her mouth, and his entire body tenses, feeling the tension tighten his balls, her hot mouth igniting flames in every sensitive nerve in his cock as she laves her tongue over him in slow, wet, hot strokes. She takes him in again, gripping the base of him with one hand and holding his hips down with the other.

The pleasure Natalia feels in her own body is almost blinding, her inner muscles fluttering and clenching with desire as she becomes more slick between her legs. The eroticism of the moment is astounding because this is more than just a risque performance; she is giving him pleasure in a way that is not one-sided. Whenever they make love, it is reciprocal, an equal balance between giving and taking. She has placed enough trust in him to know that she can do this for him with comfort and peace of mind.

Ryan watches as her head bobs up and down and he clenches his jaw, feeling electricity sparking up his spine in endless currents.

Needing to feel him inside her, Natalia releases him and she straddles him.

He puts his hands on her hips and she slides onto him, taking him into her tight, fluttering canal and they both sigh together as they become one. She smiles as she leans down and kisses him lovingly as he begins to guide her hips over him.

"Ryan..." She purrs as she lets him set the pace, which is torturously slow.

He sits up, and they maneuver a bit so that she is sitting in his lap, her legs around his lower back and he kisses her neck, caressing over her back.

"I love you," he whispers into her skin. "I love you so much, 'Lia."

Her heart is racing and she smiles.

"I love you too," she whispers, before she wraps her arms around his neck, giggling.

"What?" He asks with a smile.

"I think we're moving into nice," she jokes.

He kisses her passionately as they begin to make love.

O-o-O

Natalia stirs as the first rays of sunlight hit her eyes and she sighs, stretching languidly and letting a smile form on her face as she thinks about the night before. They made love several times through the night before falling asleep wrapped up in each other. It's too bad they can't curl up all day long and get lost in each other again, but she's still glad because it's Christmas Day, and she can't wait to open the gifts and spend the day with her family.

She sits up and she wraps the sheet around her, looking around the room. Ryan is already up, but not in the room. She spots a large white teddy sitting on the dresser with a note on it that reads: MERRY CHRISTMAS. She smiles as she gets out of bed and picks it up, hugging it to her before she sits it back onto the dresser. She pulls on her robe, then she opens the door, only to find another plush teddy bear with a note saying I LOVE YOU. She picks it up, smiling, but also curious as to what Ryan has up his sleeve and she goes into the living room and she finds a bouquet of roses and another teddy, and she gasps, tears springing into her eyes when she sees the note on that one:

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

"Oh my God," she whispers.

"Natalia..."

She turns and she sees Ryan approaching her and she lets a tear fall when he gets down on one knee, opening up the velvet box in his hand.

Inside is a princess cut diamond engagement ring, and she feels a bit dizzy as her heart races.

"Natalia Boa Vista," he begins. "Will you be my wife?"

She laughs and cries at the same time, and she sniffles, smiling.

"Yes," she says happily. "Yes."

He takes the ring out of the box and slips it onto her finger. He gets up and she wraps her arms around him and kisses him lovingly.

"Yes," she repeats against his lips. "I love you, sweetie."

"I love you too," he says.

She pulls away and she sits onto the couch, looking at the diamond on her finger, mesmerized.

"It's beautiful, Ry," she says. "God...I hope you didn't go bankrupt."

He laughs as he sits down next to her. "It was worth it. The moment I saw it, I knew it was perfect for you."

Natalia smiles. "This is a perfect Christmas."

He kisses her softly again.

After another hour, Joy wakes up, and they tell her the news, which excites her even more.

"Would ya look at that?" She says tearfully. "I'm so happy for you two. This is great, absolutely great. Let me see the ring."

Natalia shows off the ring to Joy, who looks at it closely.

"This is just beautiful," she says. "It's perfect. Good job, son."

Ryan grins proudly.

He can't believe how fast things are happening. His mother and Natalia have bonded and become close already, and he has just proposed to Natalia, who said yes to him. The love he has for both of the women in his life deepens as he watches them hug and look at the ring together. This is real, this is really happening and it's all even better because it feels right. He has no reservations about anything.

This is a perfect Christmas indeed.


	12. Twelve

_A little EC smut thrown in this chapter, because they're just too hot a couple to ignore. Enjoy.

* * *

_

Pliant

**Twelve**

Just like that, the holidays were over, and it wasn't without tears that Natalia accompanied Ryan and Joy to the airport. Joy too had been in tears as they hugged, and Natalia almost couldn't compose herself because she truly feels like family now. They had been practically floating since the engagement, and Natalia didn't want it to end. Joy departed and Ryan hugged and kissed Natalia softly, to calm her tears as they walked back to the car.

Now, as Natalia makes her way back to her lab, she has cleared her mind of the euphoric fog she's been in since Christmas and she begins to think about all that Joy told her about Ryan's past and the details of his break up with Zoe. Every time she replays that conversation, the more she begins to doubt the solidity of her and Ryan's relationship. Why didn't he tell her the truth? It bothers her that he pretended as though they were just incompatible were better off as friends. The fact that he hasn't even made an attempt to begin to tell her the truth about the whole thing. They've established that they can talk to each other about anything, that they don't need to hide from each other. She feels the weight of her ring heavy on her finger, and every time she glances at it, it brings more doubt, not happiness.

News of the engagement is the latest buzz in the lab, and Ryan is surprisingly not quite as peeved about it as she. She wears her ring, though, and even though it irritates her, she bears the questions and the comments graciously.

"Hey, Nat."

Natalia looks up and she sees Calleigh approaching and she smiles.

"Hey Calleigh," Natalia says.

Calleigh has been back at work for just a couple of days this week, trying to get back on her feet since taking some time off. She looks so much healthier and she looks radiant. She is eleven weeks along now, and she is just barely beginning to show, and Calleigh has begun to wear looser fitting blouses to cover up the fact that she is wearing the waistband of her pants low on her waist to give her more comfort because her belly has grown just enough to where they don't fit.

"Do you have the results from that swab I gave you yet?" Calleigh asks as she follows Natalia into the lab.

"Uh, no I haven't run it yet," Natalia sighs and Calleigh tilts her head to the side.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing...it's nothing."

Calleigh inadvertently puts a hand on her abdomen as she casts Natalia a doubtful look.

"It's not nothing," Calleigh says. "Is everything alright? You've been kind of mopey."

"Calleigh, I'm okay," Natalia insists.

"Does it have something to do with the engagement?"

"No," Natalia says. "No...I'm happy, we're happy. It's just there are some things..."

"Things...?" Calleigh presses.

"I don't know," Natalia sighs. "Let's just drop it, okay?"

"Well alright," Calleigh concedes, then she frowns.

"What?"

Calleigh waves her hand. "God...did you have something spicy for lunch?"

"No, I haven't even eaten yet," Natalia says.

"Ugh...good Lord, it smells like...kimchi..."

Natalia raises an eyebrow at her friend and Calleigh rolls her eyes.

"All the sudden, last week, I could just smell everything...who the hell had kimchi?"

Just then, Walter and Jesse come strolling into the lab, and Calleigh grimaces.

"Ew..."

"What?"

"Kimchi."

"We had it for lunch," Walter explains warily. "Please don't yell at me."

"I'm not going to yell at you," she sighs. "Ugh...Nat, call me when you've got the results. I've got to get out of here, you guys smell **so** gross and I can't stand it."

With that, Calleigh exits the lab.

Jesse and Walter begin to smell their clothes and their breaths.

O-o-O

Natalia walks into Ryan's apartment and she closes the door. She smells dinner, but doesn't see him as she kicks off her heels and tosses her purse onto the couch.

"Sweetie I'm home," she calls as she goes into the kitchen and looks in the pot.

Ryan comes into the kitchen and he wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck.

"Hey," she smiles, turning to kiss him softly.

"Hi there," he says, kissing her again. "I made some chili."

"Mm," she purrs as she presses her forehead to his. "My personal chef."

He laughs. "Don't get too comfortable, 'Lia," he chuckles as he goes over to the fridge. "We're going to have to work out who does the cooking and cleaning once we get married."

She grins a bit. "Well, that's easy...you already do the cleaning, so I'll do the cooking."

He hands her a soda. "I think I'll take cooking and laundry."

She raises her eyebrows at him. "You'd really leave all the cleaning up to me? _Me_?"

Ryan sighs. "Yeah, we better rethink that. Your mom spoiled you."

Natalia shrugs with a smile. "Eh, you love me."

He leans in and kisses her before they go to sit on the couch together. Natalia un-tucks her blouse before she rests against Ryan's chest. He smoothes over her hair before resting his hand on her abdomen. She decides to broach the subject of Zoe.

"Sweetie..."

"Hm?"

"Was there...something more about Zoe that you wanted to talk about?"

She feels him tense ever so slightly, then relax. "No, why?"

She shrugs, trying to be casual about it. "Just wondering. It just seems like there was more to it...well, at least, Zoe said there was more to it..."

"What'd she say?"

Natalia sits up and looks at him. "She said that I should talk to you."

He furrows his eyebrows. "There's nothing to talk about, 'Lia."

With that, he gets up and goes into the kitchen.

"Ryan, if there's something you want to tell me, then tell me," she insists. "You don't-"

"Honey, there's nothing to talk about," he interrupts gently. "I told you all there is to know about me and Zoe."

Natalia stands up and she grabs her purse, sighing.

She goes over and slips into her heels again.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"To my place," she says.

"C'mon, 'Lia," he says, coming over to her and gently taking her hand. "Don't go."

For the past week, Natalia has been quieter, withdrawn, and now she wants to leave, and Ryan is confused. Everything seemed fine, and now things have become tense and he doesn't know why.

"What do you want me to tell you?" He asks.

"The truth, Ryan!" She yells, then she calms down. "I'm sorry..."

"The truth?" He asks. "I told you about me and Zoe. What's really going on with you?"

Natalia sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. "I-I don't know, Ryan. Maybe..."

"What?"

"We need a break," she says. "Maybe we just need to...cool it for a bit."

He shakes his head. "'Lia, just tell me what's been bothering you."

"I just need some time to myself," she says, then she kisses him. "Just for tonight."

Ryan nods. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then. I love you."

"I love you," she says softly.

He kisses her again. "I'm sorry."

"Sweetie, you didn't do anything," she insists with a smile. "I'm just...in a funk."

"You smell great to me," he jokes and she chuckles.

"I'll see you in the morning, Ry."

With that, she heads out.

The drive to her home is a blur, and she goes into her house. She eats a sandwich then she goes into her bedroom and changes into her nightclothes then gets into bed. She lies onto her back and stares up at the ceiling, then she brings her hand up to look at her engagement ring. The diamond sparkles in the dim light of her bedroom, almost tauntingly, considering the state of turmoil and confusion she is in. She has no doubt in her mind about how much Ryan loves her; the depth of his love and affection toward her has been made apparent in the way he holds her, his actions, his words. But now, knowing what she knows about him, she doesn't know if she will ever quite trust him like she did before.

Natalia turns onto her side, hugging the pillow he sleeps on to her, one glaring question in her mind: is getting Ryan to tell her himself about his painful past worth everything they have together?

Before she can stop them, tears come.

She doesn't know the answer to that question.

Her phone rings, and she sighs, knowing that it's Ryan calling to apologize again.

She turns over and picks up the phone, looking at the caller ID. She sees that it is her parents calling, and she sniffles and answers.

"Hi mom."

"Hello Natalia," Lydia says. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Natalia sighs.

"You don't sound like it," Lydia says.

Natalia rolls her eyes.

"Why'd you call?"

"Your Papa and I are so excited about the engagement," Lydia says. "So we are taking you and Ryan out to celebrate."

Natalia smiles. "That's sweet, Mommy. Did Papa have a change of heart about Ryan?"

"Didn't Ryan tell you?" Lydia says. "He came over and talked to Papa, and asked for his approval."

"No, he didn't tell me," Natalia says, feeling the sting of more tears at the knowledge of Ryan's gesture. "Apparently he's gotten used to not telling me things."

"Natalia, what is going on?"

"I don't know. I just need to think about some things, that's all."

"Do you still want to celebrate or shall I tell your Papa to cancel?"

"No, if Papa already made reservations, then of course, we'll make it," Natalia assures. "Is it okay if we invite our friends, Eric and Calleigh?"

"Sure," Lydia says.

"Thanks Mommy," Natalia says. "I love you. Tell Papa I love him."

"I love you too," Lydia says. "The party is on Saturday at Gorgonio's. Eight o'clock. Don't be late."

"Alright," Natalia smiles. "See you and Papa then. Bye."

"Bye."

Natalia hangs up then she turns onto her side again.

She glances once again at her diamond, and she closes her eyes tightly, trying to push the negative, doubt-inducing thoughts trampling upon what should be one of the most exciting moments of her life. Her heart is telling her to let what Joy said go, to let Ryan reveal to her what happened in his own time. Her heart is telling her that she is passionately, insanely in love with this man, and that she wants more than anything to be his wife and, eventually, the mother of his children.

Then her mind creeps in.

He hurt Zoe.

Ryan abused Zoe, and then left her alone to deal with the aftermath.

The man that couldn't hurt a woman, did.

She is trying to make sense of it all.

Despite the mistakes he's made, it is clear that he's learned from them. From the moment they got together, he's treated her with respect, has spoken gently and lovingly to her, even when he's cross, his touch is soft, comforting, never hard or possessive, and tonight, he's proven that he's capable of giving her freedom and space when she needs it. Above all, she may be his fiancee, but it's clear by his actions that Ryan still values her as an individual.

He trusts her.

She begins to cry again as memories of the abuse she suffered at the hands of Nick creeps back into her mind. She opens her eyes and wills the thoughts away, reminding herself that Ryan is different, that he is a different person, that he changed.

Natalia takes a deep breath and closes her eyes again.

O-o-O

Eric sighs as he makes sure to lock up the house, set the alarm, and turn on the patio lights. He's been subconsciously making things safer and more comfortable for Calleigh around the house. He makes sure to carry the groceries, he's been the one driving her around more often, and he has taken on most of the cleaning because he doesn't want any of the chemicals to affect her or the baby. If she's noticed, he hasn't noticed, but even if he did, he wouldn't stop anyway. He wants to make Calleigh comfortable and keep her as happy as possible. After the rough start she had, he wants her to start to enjoy her pregnancy.

Calleigh's health has improved greatly, and Eric is relieved to see that she is physically feeling better with the baby. Her body has changed, too, he's noticed...well, as much of it as Calleigh will let him see. She has become even more self-conscious since she's begun to show a bit, but he thinks that she looks incredible, and, when he's being completely honest, sexy. Her hair is longer and thicker, her lips are a bit swollen and cherry red, her breasts are visibly larger than usual, and her cheeks have taken on a rosy hue as of late. Her eyes are bright green, almost peridot, a color he hasn't seen in her eyes before. She looks stunning, and she's gotten her appetite back. The only other thing that seems to bother her now is her heightened sense of smell. It has been driving her crazy, and she has banned Miracle Whip, hotdogs, and potatoes, as they disgust her.

Other than that, she seems happier, and she's glowing and she looks gorgeous.

Upstairs, Calleigh is standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, taking in her changing body. She doesn't know what to do with her hair, it is growing thick and the length is almost unmanageable. She puts a hand on her abdomen and gently presses the bump in it, tilting her head to the side. She rubs over it gingerly, turning to the side before facing the mirror again. She opens her robe a little more and inspects her figure. She feels a bit disproportionate now, everything feeling just a little bigger than normal. She combs her fingers through her hair and sweeps it over her shoulder, thinking that maybe she should get a haircut, a real haircut. But she knows that Eric will have a fit if she does; he likes her hair, and even before they began their relationship, there wasn't a time that he's seen her hair short. Still, she doesn't know what to do with the new texture of her hair, thinking she just might cut it-Eric doesn't have to deal with it, she does, she often thinks bitterly. Men and their obsession with long hair on a woman.

She rolls her eyes at the thought.

Calleigh glances over at the scale, and she bites her bottom lip.

She goes over to it and steps on it.

Three pounds.

She feels as though she's gained fifteen, she feels bloated and a bit uncomfortable.

When she turned thirty, she found herself weighing in at a petite one twenty five, then when she hit thirty two, she finally made it to a healthy, rejuvenating, and fit one thirty and has been maintaining it ever since. Now that she is thirty four, and she wonders if her body will ever be the same after this baby. She wonders if Eric can get used to the possibility that she may not be so tiny anymore.

She steps off of the scale then she goes back to the mirror.

Her breasts have swelled and she's noticed that Eric has taken to staring at them. _Shamelessly_. Not that she minds, but it tickles her because he thinks she doesn't notice, pretends like she doesn't, but she does.

The intimacy between them has deepened significantly over the last few weeks. Taking time off allowed her to spend more time with Eric, and when she was still sick those weeks before, he did everything for her, took wonderful care of her and now that she is better, she's starting to love him more passionately because he made a baby with her. His baby is inside her, growing, and he's been so proud.

She frowns at her belly, though.

It's soft, doughy, making her look pudgy rather than pregnant, and she hopes that she doesn't gain too much weight. She's heard horror stories about how it is miserable, absolutely miserable being pregnant during the summer time, and she's due in August.

Her frown deepens.

"_Carina_...?"

Eric pushes the door open and comes into the bathroom and she quickly covers herself with the robe.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey," he says with a grin as he steps closer to her, his hands landing on top of hers where they are holding her robe together.

He looks into her eyes, then he gently pushes her hands aside, letting the cotton robe hang loosely on her. She is blushing, and she downcasts her eyes, but he lifts her chin up gently with his finger before he gently pushes her robe off of her shoulders.

"Eric..."

"You're beautiful," he whispers, caressing her cheek. "God, you look...so amazing."

She tilts into his touch.

"I don't feel beautiful," she pouts as she goes over and plops onto the bed, covering herself with her arms.

He grins a bit. When she pouts, she is just plain adorable.

"_Carina_," he says as he gets onto the bed behind her, gently placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Don't try to make me feel better..."

"What do you want me to do?" He asks, kissing her cheek.

"Eric, I don't want you to do anything," she sighs.

"C'mon, _carina_," he whispers into her ear as he caresses his hands down over her sides to her waist. "There must be _something_ I can do..."

She closes her eyes and moans softly when he gently nips at her neck.

This is one of the many reasons why she loves Eric. He is a very patient man, considering they haven't made love in weeks.

She hooks her arms around his neck and his hands caress over her small bump as he kisses along her neck and jaw line. He gently cups her breasts and she gasps against his lips as he kisses her softly.

"Mm," she moans, smiling a bit. "I love you."

"I love you too," he says, gently prodding her lips with his tongue.

She parts her lips and invites him in, and he deepens their kiss, causing her body to ignite. His hand travels down over her abdomen and into her panties, sliding his finger into her folds. She whimpers and parts her thighs slightly as he begins to play with her clit, making her slick and hot.

The feeling is beyond intense, and she pulls her lips away, gasping and leaning her head back against his shoulder, putting her hand on his wrist. Her body is flushed, and the feel of his skin is torturing her. She hisses when he nips at her earlobe before kissing in the curve of her neck.

"Mm...oh God," she gasps, feeling her body go wild with sensation. "Eric...ooh..._oh_..."

"You're so beautiful," he whispers, his breath against her ear driving her further into ecstasy. "You look so gorgeous and sexy right now..."

She bites at her bottom lip, getting lost in the sea of pleasure she is floating in. Now, making love with Eric has always been amazing; he is an incredible lover, always attentive, and gentle, even when it's frantic and passionate. Calleigh loves that her body is so attuned to his, but this...she can't even make sense of it, much less describe it in words. _This_...

"Oh, Eric!" She cries out when he works her clit a little faster, presses a little harder.

_This_ is almost surreal, the way the haze of sensual delight is closing in on her, how her body is being taken above and beyond what she is used to. It's all so overwhelming...and all from Eric just teasing her with his finger.

He knows that he can drive her crazy when he fingers her, but he's never seen her just lose all sense of control and so quickly. She's writhing and squirming and bucking and he is amazed, his arousal growing as he watches his wife being possessed by raw desire. He wants to be smug about it, but Eric is actually fascinated. If Calleigh is rapidly unraveling like this at just his touch, what will she be like when he...

He groans at the thought, and he redoubles his efforts.

"Yes," she whimpers, gripping his wrist, her fingernails digging into his skin. "Don't stop...Eric..."

Her moans turn more husky and wanton, and she turns and burrows her face into his neck, her tongue darting out to taste his skin and mumbling words that he never thought his demure, Southern Belle wife would ever say, not even in the heat of passion.

Her eyes roll back and she becomes dizzy.

"You're close aren't you?" He whispers hotly. "Aren't you, _carina_?"

"Goddammit Eric, shut up!" She yells, shuddering hard against him. "Oh yes...oh yes...YES!"

He shoves two fingers into her scorching canal as she comes hard.

She tilts her head back against him, crying out his name, her eyes closed tightly and her hair tussled as her muscles clench and flutter around his fingers.

He kisses her softly, helping her to float back down, even though he is about to explode with desire himself. She is panting, a light sheen of sweat glistening on her flushed skin, and her body is going helplessly limp and boneless in his arms.

It isn't long before she smiles, gently caressing the back of his neck as she kisses along his neck.

"Eric," she purrs in that sexy lilt she puts on just for him. "Mm..."

He slips his fingers out of her and he kisses her softly again.

"You look so amazing," he whispers against her lips. "You're so gorgeous. I love your body, _carina_."

He puts both hands on her abdomen as he kisses her again.

She helps him push her panties down and off before she gets up, turning to him.

"I'll be back," she purrs before she scurries into the bathroom and closes the door softly.

Eric quickly turns down the comforter all the way to the end of the bed before he rids himself of his clothes and gets into bed. He has never desired his wife more than in this moment.

He lies against the pillows, waiting for her anxiously. Deciding to try and win more points, he turns on the stereo and slow, bluesy jazz begins to play. Not exactly what he was hoping for, but it gets Calleigh going even more, which gets him going. He puts his hands behind his head, shamelessly aroused and eagerly anticipating what he hopes will be a long night.

The phone rings, and Eric glances quickly over at the bathroom before he picks it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Eric, it's Natalia."

He leans his head back against the headboard.

"Hey, Natalia. Uh, listen, I'm kind of in the middle of something..."

"Oh, well I'll be quick."

Calleigh emerges from the bathroom, and he nearly dies.

"Uh..." Is all Eric manages when he beholds his wife.

Calleigh has put on smoky, shimmery make up, her lips are shiny and swollen, and her hair is tussled just right, flowing over her shoulders, framing her face. She has on a sheer lingerie top and nothing else, and she smiles mischievously as she presents a bottle of edible oil that they've been saving for such an occasion as this.

"My parents are treating Ryan and I to an engagement dinner..."

"Great," Eric says as he looks at Calleigh.

She yanks the sheet away before she straddles him.

"So can you be there?"

His eyes darken as she begins to grind her wetness against him and she pours the oil onto his chest.

"Yeah," Eric says quickly, not really knowing what he just agreed to. "Bye."

"Eric were you-"

He hangs up and quickly unhooks her top and brings her down into a scorching kiss.

O-o-O

Ryan grins a bit as he saunters into Natalia's lab. He looks around before he steps up behind her and she starts a little, then she turns to him, irritated.

"Ryan..."

He presents a single rose to her.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

She grins slightly as she takes the rose then she side steps him and goes over to the printer.

"'Lia, what did I do wrong?" He asks. "Tell me if I did something wrong so I can fix it."

She turns to him.

"Ryan, I can't talk about this with you now," she huffs. "Not here, okay?"

With that, she walks out.

On the way to the break room, she runs into Calleigh, who is carrying a few files a little too blissfully.

_Well, at least Preggo is happy today_, Natalia thinks bitterly to herself.

"Hey Natalia," Calleigh says.

"Hey Cal," Natalia says. "Uh, did Eric tell you about dinner on Saturday night?"

"No," Calleigh says as she pushes her hair behind her ear. "We were actually going to see a movie..."

Natalia looks at her incredulously. "Really? Oh my God. I told Eric that my parents are treating Ryan and I to an engagement dinner on Saturday at eight last night over the phone. But I guess I should have asked for you because he sounded distracted. Probably had his eyes glued to the television."

"Hey, don't talk about my hubby," Calleigh pouts. "And he wasn't watching TV..."

Natalia catches on when Calleigh blushes and smiles coyly.

"Oh...that explains his monosyllabic answers," Natalia chuckles.

"Where are you going to have dinner?" Calleigh asks.

"Gorgonio's."

"Mm, I love that place," Calleigh says. "I love the chicken mole."

"So can you two make it?"

"Yeah," Calleigh says. "And I shall relay that to Eric. I'll see you later."

"Alright," Natalia says before she goes into the break room.

O-o-O

Natalia is putting on her makeup in the mirror in the hallway of her house when Ryan comes in.

"Hey," he says.

She looks over at him. "Hey sweetie."

There is tension between them, and Natalia just wants to make it through tonight so that she can just tell him outright that his mother told on him. It makes her mad just thinking about it, about how Ryan continued to lie, continued to hide what happened. Shame or no shame, he should have just told her the truth. And she wonders what Zoe must be thinking. From the sound of things, the two of them never talked about the events that led to their break up. It was just easier to part ways under the guise of friendship.

She has to stop thinking about it or else she won't be able to enjoy tonight.

Natalia doesn't want things to go bad between herself and Ryan. She loves him so much, but she can't take the information Joy told her floating around in her head anymore.

"You look beautiful," he compliments her. "Did I mention that I like purple on you?"

"A few times, yeah," she smiles as she grabs her purse.

He puts his hands on her hips.

"'Lia, I know that things have been kind of weird between us lately," he says. "And I want to fix it. I love you, and I don't want whatever it is hanging between us."

She looks away from him. "Ryan, you _know_ what the 'it' is. I-let's just go to dinner, okay?"

He nods.

They sat in silence during the drive into the city to the restaurant, and once they made it, they met her parents in the waiting area.

"Mommy, Papa," she says happily as she goes over and hugs her parents.

"My beauty," Raul Boa Vista says before he turns his attention to Ryan. "And here is the man that's going to marry my daughter."

Ryan grins as he shakes Raul's hand.

The man still makes him nervous, even though he approved of the engagement.

"Mr. Boa Vista," Ryan says.

"Ryan," Lydia says happily as she hugs Ryan and kisses his cheek. "My future son-in-law. So handsome. Where are your friends?"

"They're on their way," Natalia says.

"Let us go to the table," Raul says.

After another ten minutes, Eric and Calleigh arrive hand in hand, and Natalia goes over and greets them.

Calleigh is wearing a flowy deep blue knee length dress with a black shawl and open toed high heels. Her hair his curled and pulled back with some clips and her makeup is soft and shimmery. Eric is in a black sweater and slacks, and he can't keep his eyes off of Calleigh.

"Hey Eric," Ryan says as he stands up and claps his hand on his shoulder. "And there's the little woman."

Calleigh rolls her eyes. "Ha, ha."

"I only say that because I love you," Ryan grins as he hugs her and kisses her cheek. "Eric, Calleigh, this is Natalia's father, Raul, and her mother, Lydia. Raul, Lydia, this is Eric and Calleigh Delko."

"Nice to meet you," Lydia says as she hugs Calleigh.

Raul shakes Eric's hand.

"How are you doing, sir?"

"I am fine, thank you," Raul says.

They all sit down and begin to chat while waiting on their server.

"So, I hear you two are expecting," Lydia says.

The Delkos both smile proudly.

"Yes we are," Eric says proudly, putting his hand on Calleigh's belly.

"Congratulations," Raul says happily. "We have two celebrations tonight. A new life, and a wedding."

Everyone except Calleigh orders wine, but that makes no difference to her. She is hungry, and she steals Eric's bread and eats it, and he doesn't mind.

Natalia sips at her wine slowly, and she feels Ryan's hand on her thigh. She looks at him and she smiles, trying not to let those offending thoughts into her mind again. She has been fighting herself since the night she declared that they needed a break. Everything she was so sure of before, she is now questioning, and she finds the nervousness and the pressure crushing her.

"So, have you two set a date?" Lydia asks.

"No, not yet," Natalia grins.

"Yeah, but unlike Mr. and Mrs. Delko over there," Ryan begins with a smirk. "We're actually going to send invitations, not spring it on you the day of."

Calleigh shakes her head. "Okay, first of all, it was the day before, and secondly, Eric and I wanted something intimate, but spontaneous."

"It was beautiful," Natalia concedes. "But we're not thinking about planning yet."

"We haven't even moved in yet," Ryan chuckles. "Guess we should huh 'Lia?"

Natalia chuckles slightly. "Yeah."

There is a sudden awkwardness, and everyone can feel it.

"So how long have you two been married?" Raul asks Eric and Calleigh.

"Six months," Eric says.

"And already a baby?" Lydia asks.

"Yeah," Calleigh says happily, putting her hand on her abdomen. "We're happy though. After me, it's Nat's turn."

"Oh no, no, no, Missy," Natalia laughs.

Their entrees come, and everyone begins to eat in comfortable silence.

Natalia eats rather slowly, pushing her food around.

She can't do this anymore.

"Excuse me," Natalia says as she gets up and heads to the ladies' restroom.

She goes in and she goes over to the sink.

Before she can stop it, the tears come and she covers her face as she cries softly.

She sniffles and wipes her tears before she crosses her arms over her chest.

After five minutes, Calleigh comes walking in to the restroom.

"Hey, I thought you fell in-what's the matter?" Calleigh asks, coming over to Natalia.

Natalia sniffles.

"Nothing..."

"C'mon, we're celebrating and you're crying," Calleigh says. "You've been kind of tense and mopey."

Natalia sighs.

"I can't talk about it. Not right now."

With that, Natalia walks out of the restroom.

She goes back to the table.

"Ryan, I need to talk to you," she says.

"'Lia, what's wrong?"

Natalia goes over by the bar, and Ryan follows.

Calleigh returns to the table, and she shrugs when Eric asks what's going on.

"Natalia, what's wrong?" Ryan asks, noticing her wet cheeks. "Have you been crying?"

"I-I can't do this anymore," she says. "I can't pretend that this is right anymore, I just can't."

"What are you talking about?" He asks. "Would you just talk to me?"

"I can't right now," she says. "I-I don't know what to say...I just can't do this, Ryan."

Natalia shakes her head. "I'm sorry," she pauses as she takes the ring off of her finger and puts it onto the bar. "I don't want to marry you anymore."

With that, she goes over to the table and she picks up her purse.

"I'm sorry," she says to Eric and Calleigh then she turns to her parents. "I'm sorry Mommy, Papa. The engagement is off."

"What?" Lydia asks. "Natalia...?"

"I'm sorry," Natalia says tearfully before she leaves.

Ryan picks up the ring and then he sighs and rubs a hand over his face.

* * *

_What a depressing end! This was hard to write, but that's the fun in it because happy, hunky dory stories are easy. Angst is hella hard. Brought forth tears. Patience is always appreciated with the posting. Thank you all for the great reviews and just reading this story period!_


	13. Thirteen

_Very angsty chapter. Thank you for all the reviews and thanks to all the readers who are sticking to this story. Again, patience is always appreciated with the posting. Enjoy._

* * *

Pliant

**Thirteen**

Eric sighs as he sits on the stool next to Ryan at the bar.

Ryan is staring at the ring, his jaw set firmly. Eric knows for sure that Ryan must be humiliated; ending an engagement in front of everyone like that was a bad move on Natalia's part. When she took off, Raul had been livid, and her mother was hurt and disappointed. Ryan couldn't bring himself to face either of them, knowing that whatever he had to say would not be enough to make up for this disaster of an evening. Eric offered to stay and talk with Ryan, and Calleigh offered to drive Natalia home.

"You want a beer?" Eric asks, taking out his wallet.

Ryan exhales and nods. "Thanks."

Eric smirks. "Figured it's the least I could do since you just got dumped...and because you're driving me home."

Ryan chuckles slightly. "Your sympathy is endearing." He rubs a hand over his face, feeling angry, embarrassed. He can't believe that Natalia would wait until tonight to do this; over the last couple of weeks, he's seen her confidence in their relationship beginning to waver, and he had to keep reminding himself that she's been down that road before, getting married, that her fears are warranted, but they've already agreed that they aren't going to rush to the altar. The plans can happen gradually, a date can be set in their own time.

He has also realized that there are some things that they haven't talked about. They've been so caught up in the newness of their relationship, drugged by the chemistry that kept them from confronting their deepest fears about what they are getting into.

"Goddammit," he huffs, putting the ring into his pocket.

The bar tender serves them their beers and Eric pays for them, with extra for a tip.

"Thank you sir," the bartender, by the name of Lowell, says.

Eric nods then he turns to Ryan.

"Look, I know it's kind of old, but, it's true what they say," he begins. "That issues just don't crop up suddenly in a relationship. So if you're arguing about leaving the cap off the toothpaste, it's not really about the toothpaste."

"What are you, Dr. Phil?"

"All I'm saying is that they fuss about the little things," Eric grins. "All to cover up the big thing. The elephant in the room."

"In my case it's more like a two ton hippopotamus," Ryan sighs.

"What's been going on between you and Natalia?"

Ryan sighs. "I..."

Ryan knows that he has to tell Natalia the truth about the breakup with Zoe, how it really happened and all that led up to it. When she asked him about it the other night, he seriously considered telling her the truth about it, but he was afraid because he wanted the prospect of getting married to sink in first before he broached the subject. He has no doubt in his mind that he is in love with Natalia, and he certainly has no anxieties about marrying her. But he also realizes that with his past hanging over his head and over their relationship, that he needs to finally face it all with her.

The last four years, he has been actively blocking out that part of his life, working on becoming the man he is now. He hates thinking about what he's done because it makes him hate himself, makes him hate his father even more than he normally does. How can he possibly tell Natalia about something that he hasn't even come to terms with himself?

"I um," Ryan begins again. "I've made a lot of huge mistakes in the past...mistakes that brought me here to Miami. Honestly, I never thought that I would ever have a relationship like I do with Natalia ever again. I just want her to understand how much she means to me, how much our relationship means to me."

"Then whatever it is, you've got to come clean," Eric advises. "My dad used to say, on the few occasions he actually did speak, 'То, что сделано в тайне, войдет в свет.'"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"What is done in secret, will come into the light."

"I didn't do anything..."

"You've been hiding the truth about you and your ex from Natalia. Essentially, lying to her."

"I haven't been lying," Ryan says defensively.

"Well," Eric pauses to take a sip of his beer before continuing. "You know there's lying by omission."

"You married people have all the answers, don't you?"

"Don't be an asshole, Wolfe," Eric huffs. "I've been in the pile of shit you're in before."

"I'm just trying to make this work," Ryan sighs. "I don't want to completely lose Natalia because of this. That's why it's been so damn hard talking about what happened with me and Zoe with Natalia. I need Natalia to always know the man I am now. Not the man that I was."

Eric nods. "Well all I can say, is that if you don't talk to her now, you will end up losing her. She's a good woman, Ryan, and you know she deserves better. She deserves to hear the truth from you."

Ryan nods.

"You're right."

"And maybe," Eric rationalizes with a shrug. "Natalia will love and appreciate the man that you are even more now, if you tell her about the man that you were."

Ryan looks at his friend. "Speaking from personal experience?"

Eric grins. "Can't know where you're going unless you know where you came from."

The men sit in silence for a few minutes, both drinking their beers.

"So, how much did you spend on the ring?"

"I'll probably die of a heart attack if I even think about how much I paid for it."

"It's nice."

"Thanks," Ryan says. "Not that Natalia will want to wear it again any time soon. And you wanna know what the fucked up part about this whole thing is? I've given 'Lia's father an actual reason to hate me."

"You'll work it out," Eric assures.

"Really?" Ryan asks with a doubtful glance. "I thought you said you had the mother-in-law from hell?"

"Or from the mother planet in the universe," Eric says, rolling his eyes. "Or the cradle of Buddha..."

"Weird."

"Yeah, but we can tolerate each other. I'm sure once everything settles, you'll be back in Natalia's dad's good graces."

Ryan sits back into his chair. "It hurts me to know that I've made her so upset."

"Give her a day or two to calm down," Eric advises. "Then talk to Natalia."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Ryan sighs, feeling completely disappointed and crushed. "I'm not ready to go home yet."

Eric sighs. "Well...следующий раунд находится на Вас, приятеле."

"More pearls of wisdom from your dad?"

"No."

"Then what'd you say?"

"The next round is on you, pal," Eric chuckles.

Ryan rolls his eyes as he takes out his wallet. "Cheap bastard..." He pauses, opening it up. "Alright. But only 'cause you've got a kid on the way and you need to save money."

Eric claps his hand on Ryan's back.

O-o-O

Calleigh pulls up to Natalia's home.

The drive over had been tense and silent, Natalia unable to stop crying. Calleigh felt for Natalia and Ryan, swearing no allegiance to either side. Both of them are obviously laboring under a severe case of miscommunication, that much is clear. She doesn't agree with the way Natalia ended things, that had been just rude and disrespectful all the way around. And she did it so easily, too, not thinking twice about how she'd embarrass Ryan in front of her parents, how she would just leave everyone in a state of shock and disbelief.

But Calleigh isn't taking sides. Both Natalia and Ryan are responsible for this mess. Calleigh is peeved about dinner, mostly because she is hungry, and she didn't have a chance to eat much more of her dinner because she and Eric had to work out the logistics of their divide-and-conquer-and-glean-intel-on-the-break-up strategy.

Natalia sniffles a bit, and turns to Calleigh.

"Thank you," Natalia says softly as she leans over and hugs Calleigh.

"No problem, darling," Calleigh says. "Are you sure you're going to be alright? You want some company?"

Natalia shakes her head. "No. I'll gorge myself on ice cream and egg rolls all by my lonesome."

Calleigh grins a bit.

"Whatever is going on between you and Ryan...it'll be okay. It's not worth throwing everything you have together away, is it?"

Natalia shrugs. "I don't know, Calleigh. I just don't know anymore. I thought I was so sure of everything, but now it's all changed, all of it has come into question, and I can't drive myself crazy wondering."

Calleigh puts a hand on her abdomen. "I can see how much Ryan loves you, and I can see how much you love him."

"I do," Natalia says. "I do love Ryan, but...it's not enough."

With that, she gets out, and Calleigh sighs before she pulls off.

Natalia walks up to her front door and she opens it up and walks in.

Tossing her purse onto the kitchen table, she heads straight to her bedroom and changes out of her clothes and into her night clothes before she goes into the kitchen to find something else to eat. She'd left her food at the restaurant, and she sighs, picking up the container of left over egg rolls. Why does she always do this?

At the very least, she could have held out until dinner was over.

It was a terrible thing to do, calling off the engagement like that.

She has been so afraid, more of just the information that Joy gave her, but afraid of what the engagement meant. They've been moving so fast; she found herself completely in love with Ryan before she knew it, blindsiding her with everything that implied. Everything was _so_ good, just right, and she thought that she wasn't afraid of moving too fast. When Ryan proposed that Christmas morning, a morning that she will always cherish, no matter what happens between them, she said yes because she thought that she could handle what Joy had told her, that maybe she could even live with it.

But she couldn't, for reasons that she's been trying to ignore.

She stares into the container, and her heart sinks. _This_ is the life she is willing to accept? Eating lukewarm left over Chinese on a too-big couch with no other sounds in the house but her TV and her private thoughts? She is willing to accept waking up alone, having to relearn all of the takeout numbers again because she is too tired and lazy to cook for herself, when she'd had Ryan, whose mother reared him for just that sort of thing, in mind?

She begins to cry and she puts the container onto the coffee table and covers her face with her hands.

O-o-O

It is near midnight when Eric returns home.

He makes his way upstairs and he sees that the lamp is on. He quietly enters his bedroom, and he stops and grins as he beholds Calleigh. She has finished the dinner she had packed up to-go at the restaurant, and the plate is sitting on her bedside table. The stereo is on, playing some soft music, which has, along with the meal, probably put her to sleep. She has a magazine-_Cosmopolitan_-sitting face down in her lap, and little stuffed lamb he bought for her and the baby is tucked into her side, along with one of her many pregnancy books. She is fast asleep, her hair framing her face and a bit tussled from the pillows, and her hand resting gingerly over her abdomen. She looks beautiful, and he goes over to his side of the bed. He changes into his night clothes before he carefully gets into bed beside her, leaning over and kissing her cheek softly.

She stirs and turns her head, opening her eyes. She smiles sleepily and puts her hand over his on her bump when he splays his hand over her abdomen.

"Is Ryan okay?"

"Yeah," he says, gently caressing her belly. "Your tummy's cute."

She giggles. "You guys didn't drink too much, did you?"

"Of course not, _carina_," he grins.

He gently pulls up her tank top, revealing her belly to him and he leans in and kisses the bump there before he caresses over it.

"How's Natalia?"

Calleigh sighs. "She couldn't stop crying on the way to her place. I feel so bad for them, Eric."

"I know, _carina_," he says. "But they'll work it out."

"What if they don't?" She asks.

"I think they will," he assures. "But it's gonna take time."

Calleigh nods, smoothing over his wavy dark hair when he rests his head onto her belly.

"Have fun in there while it lasts, baby," he says, and she giggles again.

He places another soft kiss to her abdomen before she turns onto her side, reaching over to turn off the lamp. She snuggles into him, his arm draped comfortable over her waist, and his hand splayed low over her belly.

She caresses her fingers over his large hand, pausing for a moment at the wedding band around his finger before she rests her much smaller hand over his.

O-o-O

Natalia walks down the hallway of the lab into the layout room. She finds Calleigh in there, and she slows a bit, sighing. She is in no mood to deal with Calleigh, but she has to because she can't avoid her coworkers forever. She goes into the layout room and Calleigh looks up.

"Hey," she says with a slight smile. "I was just getting ready to call you. I checked out the previous case you asked for."

Natalia nods. "Thanks."

"From the photos from the other case," Calleigh says. "It looks like there's a pattern. The daughter has killed before."

Natalia puts her hands on her hips.

"Well this should be enough to get a judge to sign a warrant."

"Yeah," Calleigh says. "So um...how're you doing?"

Natalia grins. "I was wondering when you were going to ask me that question..."

"I'm just worried about you. And Ryan."

"I'm...not crying as much," Natalia says honestly.

"Nat, it's been two weeks," Calleigh says. "Don't you think you two should talk? And what about your parents?"

"I know, Cal...I just..."

Calleigh sighs. "It's okay...I understand."

Natalia shakes her head. "How did you and Eric get back together? I mean, after everything?"

Calleigh pushes her hair behind her ears then she steps closer to Natalia.

"I forgave him," comes her simple reply, and Natalia looks down at her hands, her eyes fixating on her now naked ring finger.

With that, Calleigh gently touches her hand to Natalia's arm before heading out.

O-o-O

Ryan makes his way up the steps to his apartment, a stack of files tucked under one arm, and a bag of a few groceries in the other. He had to remind himself that he's only cooking for one these days. Since that evening, he has been sucked into an undertow of anger, frustration, and guilt. At work, he and Natalia have made sure not to cross paths, and it's fortunate that Natalia got stuck with a cold case of Horatio's; she's been holed up in the labs since then, and he's been out in the field. Work has made it easy not to think about her, but going home is another story. Her things are still in his apartment, along with her scent. Her makeup and shampoo are still in his bathroom, her shoes and clothes are still in a hanging mess in his closet. Every time he walks in to his closet, he grins a bit, thinking about how when it comes to organization, they are polar opposites.

He sighs as he opens up his apartment and walks in.

He looks up and he sees Natalia sitting on the couch.

She grins a bit. "Hey."

"Hi," Ryan says, going over to the table and setting the files and the bag down before turning to look at her. "You okay?"

She stands up and shrugs. "No, but..."

He crosses his arms over his chest. "You came to get your stuff?"

"I-I came to talk to you," she says, stepping over to him. "First off, I'm sorry for breaking off the engagement like that...I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't want things to end that way..."

He sighs as he sits down. "But you wanted to end it," he states more as a fact than a question.

She puts a hand on her hip. "Not end _us_...just the engagement. I-I didn't know how to tell you-"

"So you decided to wait until we had our friends and your parents around to tell me?"

"Dammit Ryan, I didn't want it to turn out the way it did," she says tearfully. "Don't you believe me?"

"No, I don't," he says, becoming angry. "You waited until that night because you were too damn scared to tell me the truth yourself."

She chuckles bitterly. "You're one to talk about the truth..."

"Goddammit, 'Lia," he huffs, combing his fingers through his hair. "Would you just tell me what the hell has been going on with you?"

"You know damn well what's going on," she accuses. "And you know what this is about!"

He sighs. "Me and Zoe."

"Yes, you and Zoe," she repeats.

"What makes you think there's more to know?" He asks, getting up. "What did Zoe say to you?"

"This isn't about what Zoe said to me," she argues. "This isn't about what your mother-"

She stops when she lets it slip, and she takes a step back as he looks at her incredulously.

"What does my mom have to do with this?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing..."

"Natalia," he says in a low voice. "Answer me."

She crosses her arms over her chest. "That day your mom and I went shopping...she told me about you and Zoe. She told me _everything_, Ryan."

He looks down, sighing. "Natalia..."

She turns away from him, beginning to cry.

"'Lia," he says, gently touching her arm, but she walks away from him and turns.

"No," she sniffles. "Y-You hit her, Ryan. You hurt her...how could you do that? God...my whole...perception of you has changed now. Why didn't you just tell me yourself? Why did your mother have to be the one to tell me about you?"

He shakes his head. "'Lia...I wanted to tell you about what happened between me and Zoe. Especially after you two met, but, I was afraid you'd do exactly what you're doing now."

Natalia furrows her eyebrows.

She doesn't want to do this; she can't do this because it hurts too much, and she is not ready. She is not ready to face this issue with him.

"I-I can't do this," she says, heading to the door.

"You don't get to run away again," he says, stepping in front of her.

"Get out of my way, Ryan..."

"You can't tell me that you want the truth and then run," he says.

"What do you care?" She asks tearfully. "You haven't been truthful with me anyway! Not since Zoe came here, and not since your mother was here! Now get out of my way!"

"No!" He yells. "You wanted the goddamn truth, so you will stand here and listen to it!"

She steps away from him.

Ryan calms and he rubs a hand over his face.

"Yes, I did hurt Zoe," he admits, ignoring the pain and fear in his heart. "And I hated myself for it. 'Lia...addiction makes you a different person, and I was there. I was addicted to gambling, and I didn't know how to stop. I became my old man. I always swore my whole life that I wouldn't be like him. Ever and I watched as he ruined our family, I watched him beat my mother until she could barely stand. I hated what he did, Natalia. So when my relationship with Zoe turned violent...it made me sick."

He goes over and sits down again.

"But I couldn't stop," he says. "I was throwing both of our lives and our money away, and it didn't matter. I wanted what I wanted, and I was selfish. The night I hurt Zoe the worst, is a night that I've been trying to block out. Sometimes, I still can't even believe that it was me."

"Why did you hurt her?" Natalia asks. "Y-you always said you could never hurt a woman, and you did."

"Like I said, I had an addiction, and...I wrecked everything because of it," he continues. "My mother convinced Zoe not to press charges, even though I deserved it. Zoe and I could barely pay the rent and the bills, she wasn't doing well on her job, her parents disowned her for being with me. I had fucked up her life as badly as I did mine, so she could've pressed charges, and I would have gone to prison. But she gave me a chance. Everyone in my life gave me a second chance."

"My step-father paid the debt I owed, paid up the bills for Zoe," he explains further. "That's when I moved down here. I could barely live with myself, 'Lia."

"You ran away," she accuses. "Y-You just left Zoe to deal with everything...did you even talk to her after that?"

He shakes his head. "I couldn't...not for a long time. But when I got here, the first thing I did was go to gamblers' anonymous and anger management."

"But you slipped up here too..."

"I know," he says. "When I lost my job as a CSI...I knew I had to deal with it, really deal with it. I wanted my life back, Natalia. And I got it back. It was hard, but I got it back. I've changed, 'Lia."

She shakes her head, tears falling down her cheeks. "No...not everyone changes. You could barely tell me the truth about what happened..."

"Because I knew that you would use it as an excuse to walk out," he says.

"That's not true..."

He frowns at her. "Now you're just insulting me. I was there, Natalia. I was there when your ex got released from prison and stalked you and had you scared out of your mind. You don't think that I took that into consideration when we started dating? God, Natalia, I wanted to be the man to you that you deserve. I wanted to show you that people can change for the better and that not all men are monsters."

She wipes her tears. "But...it wasn't real..."

"What are you talking about?" He asks. "Of course it was real. All of it was real, Natalia!"

"You were just trying to prove it to yourself!" She argues. "This is the first time that you've really had to open up about what you did! So once again, it was all about you, Ryan."

He shakes his head. "You are so insecure, it's pathetic."

"Excuse me?"

"You're insecure, and you're afraid," he says. "This isn't about what I did to Zoe...this is about what Nick did to you."

She glares at him.

"I'm leaving now."

He stops her. "You're not leaving. I have to deal with the shit in my life, and so do you."

"Leave me alone!" She cries. "Nick has nothing to do with this!"

"He does, and you know it," he says. "You say that when he died, you could live your life, but that isn't true. You're still letting Nick control your life from the grave."

"Stop it, Ryan," she says firmly.

"If you let what we have go, then you'll never let yourself trust another man again," he says, lowering his voice. "And that would hurt me, Natalia."

"Just stop!"

"I am not Nick!"

"But you were like him!"

"I'm not going to let you hold it against me forever," he says. "When you and Eric were together, you kept him at arms' length, you kept me at arms' length because you were terrified of Nick."

Natalia doesn't want a recap of those terrible few months. She'd been so confused, scared, and still in love with Nick all at once. She managed to let him manipulate her again, just when she thought she had gained her freedom back. All of those classes and the counseling did nothing as she allowed Nick to seduce her with his charm, and his smile, right back into his bed. She wanted so badly for it to be true that he changed, but he didn't. She'd been stupid, and she knows that now. She doesn't need Ryan to remind her of that.

"You didn't know my relationship with Nick," she says indignantly.

"I know that he hurt you," he says. "I know that he broke you down physically and emotionally to the point that you can't even see how beautiful and amazing you are. You can't even allow yourself to believe it. I can only do so much by telling you, but you have to tell yourself. You have to love yourself, 'Lia, and you don't."

"And I would imagine that you did the same thing to Zoe," she snaps.

"I'm not saying I didn't," he says. "But...even though it's been hard for me to deal with, I apologized to Zoe. I begged her to forgive me..."

"Did she forgive you?"

"It took her a long time, but yeah, she did."

She closes her eyes as more tears come and pain washes over her at the memories.

"I just...I could barely believe it when your mom told me...what am I supposed to do with this?"

"I don't know," he says.

"And you have some nerve turning this around on me," she cries. "Nick is gone! He is out of my life!"

"But you haven't let him go," he continues, caressing her wet cheek. "I'm sorry for not telling you everything about me and Zoe, but...I let her go. We let each other go, because if we hung on to what happened, then our lives would still be as messed up as it was before."

"I have let Nick go..."

"Then why do you still have his things in your house?"

She pulls away then. "I specifically told you not to go through those boxes!"

"It was an accident," he explains. "There were boxes in the laundry room, and I tipped one over. There were some pictures and some of his stuff in there. It's been three years since he died. Why do you still have his stuff?"

"I haven't gone through them," she explains. "His mother doesn't want any of it..."

"You haven't let him go," he says.

"Stop making this about me! You lied to me, you pretended like nothing happened with you and Zoe! You've made me rethink everything about you!"

He shakes his head. "Natalia-"

"I-I can't do this," she says. "I don't want to be with you anymore, Ryan."

"Don't do this," he says. "I love you, Natalia. I want us to work through this."

"I can't," she says. "I don't want this anymore."

With that, she pushes past him and heads out.


	14. Fourteen

_Hope people are heeding the M rating, as this and other chapters contain some smut. Don't know how many chapters left, exactly...but again, the patience is appreciated. Again, please heed the M rating for this story. It is not all smut, but there is sexual content meant for grown folks...and R/N and E/C.

* * *

_

Pliant

**Fourteen**

"Uncle Ryan, where's Natalia?"

That was the first question Billy had asked him when he came to stay over for the weekend. A couple of days after the argument he and Natalia had, she came over with her sisters to drop his things off and to pack up hers. They didn't speak, just spared a few passing glances as she and her sisters packed up her clothes, books, and other items. Anya had been quite sad during the task, and Christina only gently patted Ryan's shoulder, assuring him that there's a hope that they'll work it out before they all left, just like that.

When Billy came over to stay last weekend, he clearly noticed how empty it'd become, the lack of that feminine smell that was there before and the absence of that softer touch that Natalia had added to the place. It was then that Ryan realized how much just seeing her belongings meant to him. Even when she didn't come over, those rare nights they spent apart, just seeing the book she brought over from a few nights before, or a pair of her heels in front of the door, or the faint, lingering smell of her perfume in the air was comforting. Now he had nothing but the vacant spaces she left behind to remind him of just how badly he'd managed to ruin his chances of a life with Natalia.

Valentine's Day came and went, and now here he is.

It all ended just as quickly as it'd began.

At work, they are civil, professional, they both automatically knew that. No matter what's happened, they still have respect for one another. He still loves Natalia deeply, and he supposes that maybe this is what they need, to slow it all down. He hopes that this isn't permanent, that they will have the opportunity to talk through this and give them a second chance. It hurts him every time he comes into contact with Natalia at work, every time he thinks about her. He's never wanted and loved any woman in his life as much as he does Natalia; he let that be the motivation he needed to propose to her on that Christmas morning. He was hesitant about it, though, thinking that perhaps it would be too soon after they'd just admitted feelings of love to each other, but the impulsive part of him was already ahead of him. Before he knew it, he was buying Natalia a ring that definitely set him back, but he didn't care. She deserved a beautiful ring, and he gave that to her.

All he could think was that he couldn't even think of going any further without the prospect of making her his wife. For once, he'd thought then, I did something productive with my impulsive side. He didn't want to think, didn't want to wait a year or more to propose to her. He was ready, together they seemed ready. Or maybe it was just him.

He doesn't know now, doesn't care to know because it doesn't matter.

Ryan walks into the garage, pulling on his lab coat.

"Hey Jesse."

Jesse looks up.

"Hey. Well, this is the car from the robbery. It's already a piece of shit, I don't know what H wants us to look for."

"H thinks that there might be another casing," Ryan says, snapping on a pair of gloves. "So I guess we've got to turn this piece of shit into...several pieces."

Jesse sighs. "You saw, I'll separate."

Ryan nods as he picks up the saw.

"So uh...I'm sorry, man."

"About what?" Ryan asks.

"You and Natalia," Jesse says.

"I don't want to talk about that," Ryan says. "Let's just...get to this."

Jesse nods.

O-o-O

Natalia walks around to the back patio of her parents' home in Loma Vista, an old, predominately Spanish neighborhood. Her father worked hard enough to earn quite a modest retirement, and now he and her mother travel often, and visit their grandbabies. Natalia is proud of her father, and she likes to think that she got her business sense and work ethic from him. It is in striking opposition to how Natalia and her sisters grew up though. With Lydia being a home maker, she spoiled her daughters.

For herself, Natalia recalls never having to lift a finger at home, and that is where her lax cleaning habits hail from. Her father bought her whatever she wanted, whether it be riding lessons, new outfits, or a car...Christina was spoiled, but in a different way. She was always an overachiever and expected some reward for her hard work, and Anya was just naturally spoiled rotten, as she was the baby. Still, she and her sisters all have their own lives and are productive and never ask their parents for a dime.

"My beauty," Raul says as he stands up and comes over to his daughter.

"Hi Papa," she says, hugging her father tightly.

They pull away, and Raul gestures over to the table.

Natalia sits down, pushing her hair behind her ears.

"Where's Mommy?"

"She had some errands to run," Raul says. "But she made your favorite coffee cakes."

He opens up the container and Natalia smiles, taking one and biting into it.

"How have you been?" Raul asks. "I have not spoken with you in a few weeks."

"I'm okay, Papa," she grins. "Just...working, trying to get my mind off of everything."

"And Ryan?"

She shrugs. "We haven't really talked."

Raul sips at his coffee before he sits back into the patio chair, lacing his fingers together as he rests his elbows onto the arms of the chair. He looks pensive now, and Natalia braces herself for a lecture. Unlike Eric's father, who really is a man of few words, her father is a man of many words.

"My beauty," he begins. "When I first met Ryan, I liked him."

She raises her eyebrows. "Daddy, you stared a hole through his head during dinner."

"He was nervous," Raul recalls. "He was trying to impress me for you. The way he looked at you, the way he held your hand, and the way you smiled at him...I knew that you were happy, happier than I've seen you in a long time. Since..."

He pauses, and Natalia knows what he's about to say.

"Nick?"

Her father visibly tenses at just the mention of Nick.

"Yes. Since he died, you have not been as open as you used to. Not with your sister, not with your mother and I. It was bad enough what Nick put you through-"

"Papa, please don't bring it all up," Natalia whines. "Please..."

"Natalia, I am only saying this because it needs to be said," Raul insists. "Nick was a horrible man, God rest his soul. After the divorce, you were all alone in that big house..."

Natalia closes her eyes and shakes her head.

"Papa-"

"Be quiet," he commands sternly, but gently, and she obeys. "Even when he went to prison after he hurt you the worst, you couldn't sleep for days, you could barely leave the house. You almost lost your job, the job that you love because you would nearly panic if you left. Your sisters watched you and stayed with you day and night for a week to get you to eat and to sleep..."

She wipes a tear that escapes, her heart pounding in her chest at the memories that she has tried so hard to push out of her mind forever.

"You lost twenty pounds," Raul continues. "You had to cut your hair because it was falling out from all the stress..."

"Papa, please stop," she cries

"The woman you became, she was not my daughter. Your mother and I were scared for you. we didn't think that you would ever be the same. I was proud when you finally got some help, but...you still changed."

"How did I change?"

"You've stopped trusting everyone. You hold everyone, even your family, at arms' length. When I call you 'My beauty,' instead of owning it, you-you downcast your eyes, as if you don't believe it's true. You always look so ashamed. I don't see that light you used to have when I called you that. Do you remember why I call you that?"

She sniffles, smiling a bit. "You still remember that? From when I was seven?"

Raul laughs. "Yes, you were seven. You were playing in your Mama's makeup, you had on her favorite dress, and a pair of her shoes. I was watching you, but you did not see me. You were sitting so primly at the vanity, smiling, making faces. I came in and you started crying because you thought you would be in trouble..."

She smiles through tears. "You didn't get mad. You just picked me up and held me..." She keenly remembers the warmth she felt being wrapped up in her father's arms.

"And I wiped your tears, and you looked up at me and said that you just wanted to be beautiful for me like your mother always was when I got home. Then you asked me, 'Papa, am I beautiful?' and I said 'Of course...'"

"My beauty," father and daughter say in unison.

"What are you saying, Papa?"

"Even though Nicholas has been gone for three years, he took something away from you. You need to get it back, Natalia. No matter what you may have done, or what Ryan has done to cause you to separate, I know for sure that he is in love with you. I have never seen you more happy, more..._sure_ about anything in a long time. It's the first time you've let anyone _in_ for many years. Unfortunately, Ryan got too close, didn't he?"

She shakes her head. "Y-you don't know what he did, Papa. I had my reasons, okay? You don't know his past-"

"His past," Raul waves off. "Everyone has a past. You have a past. Every man has a past. In the early years of being with your mother, I did things that I am not proud of, but your Mama has never held those mistakes against me. We had too much to lose, and because I loved her, because I myself wanted to be a better man, a better husband and father, I changed. I changed because I didn't want to be the man I was. I knew I was better than that. Not every man is perfect, Natalia. You can't expect perfection in anyone. That is impossible. People can change-a man can change."

She crosses her arms over her chest.

"My beauty, you already know in your heart how you feel about Ryan," he says. "You also know who he is in your heart."

"What if I'm not so sure?" She asks.

Raul leans forward. "Weigh the good against the bad, and if one outweighs the other, then you have your answer."

Natalia tilts her head to the side, sighing as she takes another bite of her coffee cake.

"I shouldn't eat this when I'm depressed," she jokes.

Raul only chuckles, and leans back into his chair.

O-o-O

Ryan checks his phone when it buzzes in his jacket pocket for about the sixth time in an hour. He stops in the hallway on the way to trace, and he inspects the number. He sees that it is his mother that has been calling him. He calls her and she picks up.

"About time, boy," Joy huffs. "I've been callin' ya, leaving messages..."

"Ma, I'm at work," he explains, going to the break room. "I promise I'm not avoiding you."

"We need to talk, Ryan."

"I know," he sighs, sitting on the couch. He pinches the bridge of his nose before he starts. "I'm not mad at you for telling Natalia about me and Zoe...especially if she asked. I know that you're not one for lying, but...Ma, just this once..."

"I'm sorry, son," she apologizes sincerely. "I-I thought I was helping, like any other nosy, hopeful mother would."

Ryan called his mother soon after the argument he had with Natalia. He hadn't really been angry then, knowing that his mother didn't divulge that information out of spite or malice. She was being a mother, trying to protect both he and Natalia from what was coming, what has happened.

"Have you two at least been talking?"

"No," he says. "But Ma, it wasn't your fault. Please don't think that it was your fault."

"Well, you know I do," she sighs.

"Mom, what's wrong?" He asks, hearing the melancholy in her voice. "I know you didn't call six times for that."

There is a long pause, and Ryan sits up, now concerned. "Mom, what is it? Are you okay?"

"Ryan..."

"What?" He asks, almost impatiently. "Tell me."

"I called because it's about your father."

"Harry?"

"No, your _father_."

Ryan combs his fingers through his hair.

"What about him?" He asks indifferently.

Conversations about his father are few and far between, especially between he and his mother, because she has never said a cross word about him to he nor to Ever. The subject of Norman the Donor never really comes up because it only brings bad memories and anger to him. In many ways, he supposes he's kept his mother from ever really facing her own feelings about his father because he has always walked away, not wanting to hear her trying to defend him, or trying to show him and Ever that he wasn't all bad.

For Ryan, talking about his father will remind him too much of what he went through with Zoe.

"You need to see him."

He shakes his head. "Mom, I can't do that. I don't have any vacation time."

"I'm not askin' ya," she says firmly. "You don't have vacation time, find some."

"Why, Ma?"

"'Cause your father has been having some health problems," Joy explains. "He's real sick. He don't have good insurance, so...I've been paying a premium. Harry doesn't know."

"Mom-"

"I know what you're thinking," she interrupts. "But better me paying for his insurance than you or Ever. The doctors say that he has months, if that, left."

"You didn't even tell me he was sick."

"He didn't want me to. But he called yesterday, and he said he wanted to see you. Ever doesn't want anything to do with him, but...I wouldn't ask you if I didn't have a reason."

He hears her sniffle, and his heart immediately begins to clench and he caves.

"Mom," he sighs. "Ma...don't cry."

"I-I'm sorry," she says softly. "I'm sorry my boy, I really am, but...maybe you and your father will be able to make peace. Dyin' folk are always trying to make things right, you know?"

Ryan rubs a hand over his face.

"Alright, I-I'll think about it," he concedes. "I'll think about it and I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, Ma."

"Love you too, Ryan. Bye."

"Bye."

He hangs up and puts his cell phone back into his inside jacket pocket.

He leans back against the couch, resting his head back. He stares up at the ceiling, thinking about the news and the command his mother has given him. He didn't even know his father was sick, didn't know that he was knocking on Death's door and now wants to make peace. He wants to make peace after how many years? How many years of missed child support payments? Now he wants to make peace, after spending his whole, miserable life beating the hell out of his wife and kids, being a crap father, and leaving?

_Any of this ringing a bell_? He thinks to himself. _Look what you did to Zoe. Like father, like son_.

Ryan shakes his head of that thought.

He nothing like his father, not anymore. His hatred for the man kept him going, kept him motivated to change his life and to treat women the way his mother raised him to. He is not his father, doesn't want to ever _be_ like his father, not ever again. Those years ago, he was lost, and unsure of himself, but now he has a career, a life, and an understanding of how to live it with boundaries and how to resist those urges he gets every once in a while.

It is situations like this, the stress, the worry, the uncertainty that is his trigger. When he feels like he's climbing the walls, that is when he breaks and gives in and finds the nearest gambling ring or Casino he can find. It's a powerful urge, that is something that he doesn't think people-those who don't have the addiction-will never understand. It's not the money that drives gambling addicts, it's the compulsion, the _need_ to do it. When the compulsion intensifies, it doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's about satisfying that urge, that craving for the thrill, the counting, the cheating, and the strategy. There's highs and lows, just like any other addiction. His mother understood because she'd had first hand experience with his father, but it pains him to realize that she had to watch her son also sink into that pit, taking Zoe with him. But even still, his mother didn't shun him, she didn't yell at him, only told him that he had to make it right.

He is proof that people do change, and for the better.

Ryan looks up when the door opens, and he sees that it is Natalia.

She steps inside then she stops just short of the couch, arms crossed over her chest.

"Hey," she offers him quietly.

"Hi," he responds.

She tilts her head to the side. "You look worried. What's going on?"

He sighs. "My mother just called me. My dad is terminally ill."

Her eyes widen as she drops her arms to the side and plops onto the couch next to him, shocked.

"Your step-dad, Harry?" She asks, her eyes beginning to glisten with moisture. "Oh God...h-how-"

"Not Harry," he explains. "My biological father, Norman."

The news is no better.

"God, Ry I'm sorry," she says softly. "H-how long?"

"My mom said he's got months," he says, leaning forward and resting his elbows onto his knees.

"How is Joy taking it?"

"She's sad," he shrugs. "Even after what my dad put her through, she still cares. Turns out she's been paying for insurance so that he can get the care he needs."

She puts her hand on his back and caresses gently, soothingly. "That's awful...do you think you might go see your father?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen my father since I was twelve, thirteen."

Natalia pushes her hair behind her ears.

"Well, he's dying, Ryan. That's no way for someone to die...alone, without seeing his kids. What about your sister?"

"She doesn't want to see him," he says, sitting up and rubbing his hands over his face. "I feel like I don't really have a choice. My mother's paying for his insurance behind Harry's back...she shouldn't have to. He's been out of our lives for years, and now he expects us to do backflips for him because he's dying?"

She gently nibbles at her bottom lip, and before she can say anything else, Aaron walks into the break room.

"Hey."

They both wave, acknowledging that he is there.

"Listen, why don't we talk later?" She asks quietly.

Ryan looks at her, a slight grin on his face.

"We haven't really talked to each other in weeks," he says. "I'm sorry I put all that on you..."

"It's okay," she says. "Let's...just call me later, okay?"

He nods before Natalia gets up and heads out.

O-o-O

Natalia carries another box into the living room and sets it onto the floor. There are several boxes, and she sighs, sitting down and opening up one. She doesn't want to do this, but, after speaking with her father, she knows that she has to do it.

Ryan had been right.

She has been hanging on to Nick's things, and things from their marriage because she's still holding on to _him_. She didn't think that was ever possible, especially after what he put her through the last three years of their six year marriage. All she can see is the perverted glint in his eyes now, how he treated her like a piece of property, an object to be used and abused at will. When he got out of prison, he looked at her like she hadn't meant anything at all to him, not even during their marriage. His eyes changed, his demeanor changed, and he became a man that she feared, hated. She _did_ want to kill him; how many fantasies did she entertain? She always thought about just doing it and putting him out of his fucking misery because he was a miserable person who was going to torture her for as long as she walked this goddamn earth.

As she thinks about it, all the anger and fury she'd felt toward him comes back in full force. She thinks about that day she hit his chest as hard as she could, forcing him back, away from her because he was nothing but a harbinger, an inchoate mass of terror swirling around him. She didn't want that life again, she didn't want to be dragged back into that indescribable hell. Yes, _hell fucking yes_, she wanted to kill him, but slowly-she wanted him to suffer the cruelty and indignity that he put her through. She wanted him to bleed, to scream, to fall, just as he'd made her do. She wanted him to feel the years of pent up pain and hate she'd built up for him, feel the sharp kick into his stomach like he'd done her...she wanted him to _suffer_. She wanted him to feel the warm grossness of spit on his face, the sound of her yells ringing in his ears...

The memories and the fantasy become so real, so vivid in her head, that Natalia gasps and backs away from the boxes, getting up and shaking her head, crying.

"I can't do this," she cries to herself. "I-I can't do this..."

She is not ready, the memories are too strong, too painful, and she can't do it feeling like this.

She misses Ryan now; she is suddenly craving his touch, his strong arms around her, his soft kisses to her cheek...his _love_.

She goes and sits down on the couch, feeling confused and scared.

If he decided to go see his father, stay up there until he dies, will he come back?

How does she know that Ryan won't decide to stay up north with his family? She knows how much he loves and cares for Ever and Joy. Being the only son and firstborn son, he naturally protects his mother and sister. That's just who he is. He is protective over Calleigh, he is protective over her...all of this in stark contrast to how he treated Zoe. She can't reconcile the two images she has of him in her head, yet her heart yearns for him, her heart is telling her that out of love, she will not fall. She could never because he is the man that she has always wanted to share her life with. She will be thirty-five in this month, and she has nothing to show for it. She wants to get married, have a family, have a life with Ryan, and she fears that they will never get the chance again.

Her phone rings, and she wipes her tears and gathers herself before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey, 'Lia, it's me."

"Hey," she says, hoping that her voice sounds normal, not like she'd been crying. "You alright?"

"Yeah," he says. "Are you okay? You sound like you're upset."

She shakes her head. "No...it's nothing. So um, have you made a decision about your dad?"

"Yeah, but, can I come over?" He asks. "I want to talk to you in person."

She smiles a bit. "Sure."

"Okay, I'll be over in a little bit."

"Have you eaten yet?" She asks quickly. "Because I can make you some dinner..."

"How 'bout I pick up something?" He suggests.

"That sounds good," she agrees a little too enthusiastically. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

"Bye."

She hangs up and she gets up and she begins to move the boxes out of the way once again back to where they were.

She frowns when she takes in her attire: navy blue yoga pants, an old, oversized tee shirt with a few holes in it here and there, and hair pulled up into a sloppy bun like ponytail. She looks a mess, only because she'd been gearing up for an emotional evening of going through the boxes. She groans and begins to head back to her bedroom to change clothes, only the doorbell rings, and she furrows her eyebrows.

"Dammit!" She hisses.

She whips off her tee shirt and goes into her closet and grabs one of her casual shirts then she lets down her hair. The doorbell rings again.

She quickly runs her fingers through her hair before she goes out and heads to the front door.

Natalia opens it up when she sees that it is Ryan with the takeout, as promised.

She grins a bit, and he smiles.

"What took you so long?" He asks, coming in.

"Oh, I was just uh..." She shrugs as she closes the door. "Sitting."

What a pathetic excuse for a lie that was, and they both know it. He looks at her, the doubt about her answer written all over his face.

"I was..." She begins. "Changing."

That makes him raise an eyebrow and she rolls her eyes.

"I was in my night clothes," she explains, and he smirks. "The ugly ones."

O-o-O

After eating dinner, they both sit on the couch with cups of coffee.

Natalia sighs, tucking her feet under her and resting her head onto her fist.

"So...your dad...h-he beat you too?"

Ryan nods slowly. "Yeah."

Natalia has a wonderful, loving father, and she can't imagine what a childhood marked by abuse must have felt like. It's bad enough for a man to beat his wife, but for a man to beat his own children...that is...just incomprehensible to her. What could a child, _a child_, possibly do to provoke such anger and violence? Children are innocent, and it hurts her deeply, so deeply to know that Ryan had been abused by his father as a child. The more he reveals to her, the more she begins to understand the setbacks he's had here in Miami with his gambling. He is filling in the gaps, creating a complete version of the events of his life. He inherited his father's predilection for gambling, his low impulse control, his anger...and he overcame that.

"No matter what that bastard did to her," he continues. "My mother still loved him, supported him. I can't tell you how many times she would take the abuse from him for me. I would always feel so guilty whenever I did something, and my mother would step in front of me..."

His jaw clenches at the memory, and Natalia feels tears gathering in her eyes.

"'Not my boy,' she always said," he recalls. "And I would get mad at her. I didn't want my father hitting my mother or my sister. Ever was so fragile already...and you've seen my mom. She's always been tiny, thin as a reed. I almost couldn't live with seeing my mother and sister getting hurt like that. So when I did the same thing to Zoe, I...I felt like a hypocrite, a failure. I went from protecting the women I love to hurting them. When I look back on it, I just...it's shameful, what I did, 'Lia. I couldn't tell you the truth because I never wanted you to know that that part of myself ever existed. It's hard enough for me to know that part of me did exist, but I couldn't stand it if you knew. Sure enough, you looked at me differently, and...I just hurt you anyway, so there was no point, really."

Natalia sets down her coffee and she sighs, taking his words in.

"I'm sorry," is all she can manage.

"Don't be," he says, putting his hand on her knee. "It all had to catch up to me at some point. But...that doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you so much, honey. I'm still in love with you, 'Lia. That'll never change."

She grins a bit. "I love you too..."

"But?" He asks.

She shakes her head and looks away. "I-I don't know, Ry. Y-you tell me all these things about you, your past, and the more I hear, the more everything I've known about you changes. I mean...it explains a lot, and I'm just trying to figure out who you are."

He chuckles bitterly as he gets up. "You know who I am."

"I beg to differ," she huffs. "There you go again acting like I'm the one that has the fucking problem. You know damn well that from minute one, you should've been honest with me about all this."

"And we would have gone nowhere," he sighs. "Look, I didn't come over here to invite another argument with you..."

She stands up and walks over to him, standing close.

"What did you come over here for, then?" She asks, her breath shaky from the sudden shot of need coursing through her.

He gently puts his hand on her arm.

"I thought I was sure about my decision about my dad," he begins. "But, I'm not sure...'Lia...you're confused, I'm confused."

Her eyes sting with tears, and one escapes quickly and he puts his hand on her cheek.

"I-I've been thinking about what you said," she sniffles. "And you're right. You're absolutely right...I am hanging on to Nick, and I don't know why. God, Ryan. You have no idea how-how confused, angry, and lost I've been. Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing-"

He interrupts her with a soft kiss, and her body shakes a bit with the quickly rising level of need and want inside her. She feels his tongue gently licking over her lips, tentatively requesting access, and she parts her lips and as soon as his tongue slides into her mouth, tasting her for the first time in weeks, they both give up the fight, and let their weak, crumbling emotions get the better of them. Suppressed passion and lust come forth as they embrace each other.

She moans, and hearing her, feeling the vibration of it in his mouth just drives him _fucking insane_.

He pulls away, kissing along her jaw and over her neck, nipping and sucking at her favorite spot, and sure enough, she whimpers, and then purrs, melting against him as he licks and sucks and adds a little more pressure with his teeth. She is panting now, her thighs clenching so tight, it hurts; she feels the throbbing in her center, feels the wetness pooling already.

"God, Ryan," comes a moan mixed with a sob. "Please..._oh_, stop it..._stop_."

She tangles her fingers into his hair and brings him back up to her lips and she kisses him hard, frantic, nipping and sucking, teeth clashing as his hands caress down her lower back, over the curve of her ass and down the back of her thighs and back up again.

This woman has managed to make him hunger for her like never before, the stirring in his dick becoming more intense as he caresses over her body, kisses her hungrily, needfully, and the need to breathe is becoming a hinderance to their activity.

He pulls away, and she licks her lips, both of them panting, taking in as much oxygen as they can.

While they do this, Natalia grabs the hem of his tee shirt and quickly, urgently pulls it up, and he raises his arms and pulls it the rest of the way off and drops it to the floor. Her hands caress over his chest, familiarizing her hands to his skin again before she crosses her arms and grabs the hem of her shirt and peels it off quickly, dropping it on the floor so that it joins his on the floor.

The sight of her full, violet lace covered breasts makes his dick immediately turn to granite and he pulls her back to him, his lips capturing hers in a passionate, lustful kiss. He picks her up and she wraps her arms and legs around him and he carries her into the hallway and presses her up against the wall near her bedroom.

She moans as he grinds into her center through layers of fabric, but it doesn't fail to make her desire him more.

"Mm," she moans. "Ryan...bed..."

He carries her into her bedroom and he lies her onto the bed, and then he takes her pants off, along with her panties and slides them both down and off before he caresses his hands over her thighs, up over her abdomen and around her back and he unhooks her bra and she slips it off and tosses it over the side of the bed. She leans up and kisses him quickly before he pulls away and kneels before her, and she spreads her thighs for him. He grips her hips and pulls her closer to the edge of the bed, and she giggles a bit at the short ride. She sits up and she puts her hands on his cheeks, kissing him hotly, messily, before he pulls away and kisses his way down her neck, then he leaves hot, sucking kisses down over her breasts, sucking each nipple before he kisses over her abdomen, his warm hands caressing over her silky thighs.

Natalia finds her breathing deepening the closer Ryan gets to her scorching core. Her breathing quickens as she watches him descend upon her and when he gives her a gentle lick, she moans sultrily.

"_Unh_..."

He'd almost forgotten how sweet she tasted.

She leans back but a bit, planting one hand onto the bed, and the other tangles through his hair, watching him intently.

Another gentle lick, when she wants him to pleasure her more.

"Ryan...please..."

She need not say anything further.

He opens her folds and begins to ravage her center and she moans loudly, trying to keep her eyes on him as he swirls, licks, tastes, and sucks hungrily. She grips his hair, becoming dizzy with the consuming, intense inferno of pleasure. He sucks her clit and she gasps, panting as she finds herself rushing toward the brilliant end. She feels the coil of pleasure forming in her lower belly, drawing tighter, growing hotter as he moans against her, feeling the vibrations of it against her clit.

Her eyes roll back, and she takes her hand out of his hair and slides it up her moisture-dampened skin, over her abdomen up over her neck, over her face and into her hair as she feels him slide two fingers into her canal, fingering her as he sucks her clit again and she shudders as she now supports her weight on her elbow, head tilted back, moaning in amazing, passionate, ardor, her fingers gripping her own locks tightly.

"Ryan, Ryan, Ryan," she pants. "Oh God...I'm close..."

He adds a third finger and increases the motion, circling his tongue around her clit before he looks up at her. Her eyes are closed, her hair is tussled, and she is panting.

"Open your eyes," he whispers.

She opens her eyes, and he sucks her clit, circling his tongue around the tortured bit of flesh.

"_Oh_..._oh_," comes her shuddering moans. She hisses, then moans. "Mm..."

She gasps and arches up, tangling her fingers into his hair again.

"RYAN YES! OH!" She screams as she comes hard around his fingers. "_OH_!"

Her eyes close tightly, seeing stars and feeling breathless and lightheaded as her inner muscles spasm hard, making her arch and shudder and twitch.

Finally, ever so slowly, he brings her down, withdrawing his fingers one by one, before he gives her one last gentle lick as she collapses onto the bed, motionless, dizzy, and floating. It's been too many weeks since she's felt _this_ good.

Ryan kisses his way up her body and she somehow manages to lift her arms so they can wrap around his neck as he kisses her softly.

He takes his jeans off and they get pushed to the floor. She rolls them over so that she is on top of him and she kisses him deeply, her tongue stroking his before she breaks the kiss and caresses her hands over his abdomen before she leans down and leaves hot kisses down, down until she reaches his erection. She strokes him and he groans, closing his eyes.

"'Lia..."

She leans down and takes him into her mouth, putting her hands on his chest, gently raking her fingernails over his flesh as she bobs, her tongue stroking him. She grips the base of him and she releases him, kissing his tip before she takes him back in again.

"Mm," she moans.

"'Lia," he moans, gently tangling his fingers into her hair.

He feels himself getting impossibly harder, and he closes his eyes.

"Natalia..." He strangles out. "I need you..."

She releases him and he rolls them over, engaging her in a soul-stirring, passionate kiss.

"Ryan," she pants against his lips. "Inside me...I want you inside me now..."

He complies with her request and he thrusts into her swiftly, easily, making her gasp and then moan.

He thrusts slowly, grunting at how amazing she feels, how wet and tight her first orgasm made her as she fits snugly around him. He punctuates each torturously slow thrust with a kiss, and she is gently pulling at his hips, gently arching hers into him, urging him deeper.

"Ryan, more," she requests.

He pulls almost completely out, and thrusts back in, steadily increasing the pace until they adopt a frenzied rhythm, their hips crashing against each other, bodies in frenetic motion, the friction mounting at their joining as their sexes meet over and over again.

"Yes, yes, yes," Natalia pants, bucking against him as she puts one hand on the pillar of his strong arm, and the other on his hip. "Yes..."

"'Lia, you feel so damn good," he growls as he grinds his hips into hers, gripping her hips. "Yeah...uh, yes..."

"I want you closer," she whispers, bringing her hands to his shoulders. "I need you closer."

She gently brings him down to her, and she kisses him deeply before their bodies mold together, her legs draping over the back of his thighs.

"God, 'Lia," he moans into her neck, feeling that familiar tingle at the base of his spine and that surge of electric pleasure spark and travel through every part of his body. "So tight..."

"Yes," she moans hotly against his mouth when he kisses her, her hand caressing his sweaty cheek and an arm wrapped around his shoulders. "_Unh_!"

He thrusts hard, jolting her body and hitting that delicate spot inside her that begins the tingle of prickly heat that spreads through her body. He does it again, and she gasps, hooking her arms under his. He does it again and again, over and over, a steady staccato rhythm closing his eyes tightly.

Her eyes are closed as well, her mouth agape as she gasps with each hard thrust, her body jolting, breasts bouncing, and he opens his eyes and catches sight of her. She is gorgeous, beautiful, stunning, head tilted back, with her hair tussled, strands of it plastered to her sweaty neck and forehead, her skin slipping smoothly against his, her exquisitely full, buxom breasts bouncing with his thrusts.

He feels her tightening around him, arching up as her fingernails dig into his flesh.

"Yes..._unh_...yes," she moans with each deliciously hard thrust.

He brings his hand down and he presses his thumb to her clit, flicking over it as thrusts.

She bites at her bottom lip, feeling all of the tingling pleasure into a searing epicenter, and with one, two, three more jolting thrusts, and one more press to her clit and she arches up, moaning as she rakes her nails down his sweaty back, the waves of pleasure rippling outward as she comes hard once more.

"Ryan!" She cries out her inner muscles out of control with spasms. "Oh! Ryan, yes!"

He thrusts into her canal, the spasms gripping him like a vice with each thrust.

One, two, three, four more hard thrusts, Ryan grunting with each one, and he comes into her.

"Ohh," he groans as he sinks onto her body. "'Lia..."

She kisses his cheek as she caresses over his sweaty back, reveling in his release, feeling the hot spurts of his fluids deep inside her.

The trembles and flutters seem to last for ages, and when their bodies finally relax, Ryan lifts his eyes to Natalia's, and she caresses over his cheek as she brings him into languid, loving kiss.

"I love you," he says against her lips.

"I love you too," she whispers, licking his lips before he kisses her fully.

He goes limp, and he rises up and gently withdraws, lying beside her on the bed, sweaty, fatigued, and sated. They both lie next to each other, motionlessly, too exhausted and euphoric for any kind of movement.

"I've missed you," she whispers, still catching her breath.

"I've missed you too," he says.

She turns onto her side and snuggles to him, kissing his chest, and he wraps his arms around her as sleep begins to take hold of them.


	15. Fifteen

Pliant

**Fifteen**

The serene stillness of the late night fills the room and his soul as Ryan leans against the wall by the window, looking out across the lawn to the empty, quiet, dimly lit street outside. He sighs, now resting his forearm against the wall, jaw pensively set and his mind made up. He's been up for the past thirty minutes, just thinking, and instead of waking Natalia up with his tossing and turning, he got up. He doesn't regret making love with Natalia again, he has missed her, all of her, and it has been painful for him being away from her. However, being with her tonight hadn't been a part of his agenda when he came over; he really did want to talk to her, tell her what he planned to do concerning his father...but being around Natalia again and allowing himself to get caught up in her angry, yet beautiful energy made him want her even more.

He hears the covers rustle behind him, the mattress shift a bit before he feels a soft kiss to the back of his neck, and soft, gentle hands caressing up his back, over his shoulders, then slinking around to his front. He closes his eyes, groaning a bit when one of her hands caresses lower, lower, until she lightly strokes him.

She gives him a hot kiss to his shoulder as she strokes.

"Come back to bed," she whispers before nipping at the back of his neck.

He turns and wraps his arms around her waist and he kisses her lovingly, deeply and she puts her hands on his chest.

"I love you," she whispers against his lips.

"I love you too," he says, moving to kiss her neck. "Natalia..."

"Hmm...?" She hums, tilting her head back.

He kisses her cheek, then he caresses a hand over it.

"'Lia..."

She looks at him.

"I-I want to be with you," he whispers. "I want...everything with you, 'Lia."

She grins a bit, her eyes glistening with tears. "I want everything with you too, Ry. God..." She pauses as she hugs him, resting her head onto his chest. "I've missed you so much. I've missed you more than I've been angry at you."

He holds her tighter, kissing her forehead, then he pulls away, taking her hand and leading her back to bed. They both get back under the covers and she rests against him, caressing over his chest.

"Let's go have breakfast," she says, kissing over his chest. "Let's just go somewhere before work."

He sighs. "I...I put in for some time off."

She'd forgotten.

She's been so caught up in the afterglow and the comfort of being with him again, that she'd forgotten the matter at hand, the matter of his father.

She sits up.

"Your dad..."

He nods. "I decided to go up there. At first I was dead set against it, but...I don't want my mother being the only one trying to take care of him. I know she hates going behind Harry's back about the bills so...I'm going up there to help."

Natalia's heart melts and she kisses his cheek.

"I think that's incredibly brave of you," she whispers, kissing his cheek again. "I can't imagine that was an easy decision, considering what your father did to you."

Ryan only shrugs. "I wouldn't call it brave..."

"Ryan, your dad put you, your sister, and your mom through hell," she says. "I-I would understand if you didn't want to go."

"But I thought about what you said," he explains. "No one should have to die alone. That's no way for a man...a father, no matter how bad a father he was, to die. Not without seeing his kids. I just...I realized that if I don't see him now, I'm gonna always regret it. I don't want to live my life with regrets about my past anymore."

Natalia nods.

"When are you leaving?"

"Next week," he says.

She nods. "You know if you need anything, you can call me. And if there's anything your mom needs, I'll do whatever I can to help her too."

"Thank you, 'Lia," he says, kissing her.

She caresses his cheek.

"What does this mean for us?" She asks. "I mean, when you get back?"

Ryan looks at her, combing his fingers through her hair. "'Lia...I don't know. I want to be with you. You have no idea how much I want to be with you..."

She sits up, pulling the sheets over her chest as she pushes her hair behind her ears.

"But?"

"I just have to think about a lot of things," he sighs. "And you do too."

This is not going well, and Natalia swallows the lump in her throat.

"You-you are coming back, right?" She asks.

Ryan rubs his hands over his face. "I don't know."

She opens her mouth to say something, looking away, but then she closes it, shaking her head with an incredulous, bitter chuckle. She gets out of bed and she pulls on her robe.

"'Lia..."

"No," she says, feeling the sting of tears. "Don't. Don't say anything...you know what? I'm done, Ryan. I can't keep playing games with you about us...I knew that you were going to do this."

She turns away and she covers her face, feeling the hot tears soak her palms.

"Natalia," he says, getting up.

"No!" She yells. "There is nothing you can tell me now to make me believe you! How can you tell me you want to be with me when you're not even sure you're going to come back? God! What the hell is wrong with you, huh!? Is this why you came over? For one last roll in the hay just before you break my heart again?"

"No," he says. "You know I wouldn't do that to you..."

"Well that's what you're doing to me now," she cries. "I'm not going to sit around, putting my life on hold for you. How can you even expect me to do that?"

"I'm not expecting you to do anything," he insists. "Natalia, all I was saying is that it's going to take time to rebuild everything we had together. It's unrealistic to think that spending tonight together would make everything instantly better. That-that everything was going to go back the way it was."

She sniffles, turning to him.

Seeing her tears breaks his heart even more.

"I'm just so..." She pauses as a small sob escapes. "I'm so confused and hurt, Ryan. I am so goddamn tired of being hurt. I am _sick _of it. Y-you gave me everything I've always wanted and _needed_, and then you took it all right back away from me. And I should know better...you'd think that by now, I'd know better."

"Honey, what do you want from me?" He asks. "My father is dying, and I hate it. I fucking hate it because it's the worst timing in the world. You think I _want_ to leave? I don't want to leave, 'Lia. I would give everything to stay here and be with you. But I have to take care of my family, and if that means staying up North, then that's what I have to do. But I don't want to lose you."

Natalia wipes her tears.

He sighs. "'Lia...I'm sorry if you're feeling hurt. I didn't want to hurt you with this. But...there are so many things inside you that need to be built up and filled, and it's become clear to me that I can't do that, at least, not by myself. You expect me to give you back everything you've lost, but that's...that's impossible for me, Natalia. I'm not perfect. All of the insecurities, all of the hurts and the pain...you carried that into our relationship. It's kind of hard to break a heart that was never whole to begin with. Believe me, I want to help you get through that, but you have to do the work too, honey. You can't just make it all up to me and then walk away, you can't wait for the bottom to drop out...if you walk around thinking that every man or whoever else that comes into your life will only hurt you, you're going to be miserable."

She wipes her tears and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Just go, Ryan."

He picks up his clothes and pulls them on.

He reaches out a hand to touch her, but she steps away from him.

"Go."

He leaves her room and eventually the house and she feels a wave of pain consume her and she shakes with sobs as she goes over to her bed and sits down, covering her face as she cries. All of the sadness, all of the confusion and pain is swirling around her and she lies down, feeling worthless and stupid for ever thinking that she could be happy again.

O-o-O

Manhattan is a far cry from Miami. Sure, the only thing the two metropolises share in common is that there is no lack of tall buildings, but Ryan hadn't been prepared for the dramatic shift in climate. He had to be sure to pack sweaters and coats that he hasn't had occasion to wear in the last four years. The chill of March sank right into his bones the moment he left JFK airport, and he had to turn up his collar and shove his hands into his pockets.

He has been in New York for three days, and he has found that there has been a shift in his mood, his personality. It is dreary and cold in New York, and he misses the sun of Miami already. More than just the weather, the change of pace is overwhelming. Manhattan is in constant motion, lights on, sounds going all hours of the night. It is almost too much, but Ryan knows that he will get used to it. He paid up his rent at home for the next two months, just in case.

Ryan sighs, sitting up on the creaky, dingy couch, unable to sleep. He hears his father hacking in the only bedroom in the one room apartment in Queens. He gets up, and he trudges down the short vestibule and opens up the door.

Norman Wolfe is sitting on the edge of the bed, gripping his cane as his entire body shakes with coughs, his pot belly rumbling with it. he grabs his handkerchief and he coughs up phlegm into it. Ryan comes in, picking up the bottle of water and hands it to him.

Norman grabs it.

"Thought...thought you'd..." He pauses to cough some more before continuing. "Be asleep boy."

"Too much noise," Ryan shrugs. "Did you take your meds?"

Norman waves off the question. "Ah."

"Dad, you're never going to get any rest with that cough."

Norman frowns at his son. "Is that why you came up here, huh? To shove those damn pills down my throat? Worry and fuss over me like a little bitch?"

Ryan doesn't dignify that with a response.

"You good?"

Norman's face softens, and he smirks a bit. "Yeah, I'm good kid."

Ryan nods then he leaves the room.

He lies back down on the couch, taking out his cell phone.

He dials Natalia's number, and waits for an answer.

She doesn't pick up, and he sighs.

He misses her, misses her terribly.

But he also needs to take care of his family, for the sake of his mother. His father even accepting that she's paying his insurance is another form of abuse to him, that stronghold of control, and Ryan doesn't want her to experience that. Not again...he can take whatever his father comes at him with. That little dig earlier didn't faze him not one bit because he's not a little boy anymore, he's a grown man, and when he looks at his father now, all he feels mostly now is pity for the man.

He wonders if his father is afraid of dying, or if he's welcomed it.

Ryan supposes he will find out soon enough, but it is only his third day here. So far, Norman hasn't seemed too bothered by his presence, and Ryan takes that as a positive. Their conversations are short, few in between, and that is fine with him. He doesn't have much to say to his father; at least, nothing that can be said to make up for the last twenty or so years.

Time will only tell what's going on in the old man's head.

O-o-O

"I like the pink," Calleigh says as she looks at the color cards she picked up at the hardware store.

Eric sighs, focusing more on repairing the doorknob to their mud room than on the conversation they've had time and again.

"_Carina_, I thought we said we were going to paint the nursery a gender neutral color?" He asks, putting the plate onto the frame.

"That was before I saw the Sugar Fairy Pink," she shrugs.

She is sitting on a pillow on the floor a few feet away from Eric, watching him in his DIY endeavor. It is tickling her because this is the first time that she's been able to assess Eric's skills as a handyman. Ask her to polish, clean, or repair a gun and she will do it, but ask her to do a simple home repair and she heads for the phone to call the nearest service. So far, Eric has proven that he's got the knowledge; he knew exactly what to get at the hardware store, and he already had a toolbox, now she is interested in seeing if he has the skills.

"I think we should stick to yellow," he offers indifferently and she pouts.

"You're not even interested."

"_Carina_," he says rather shortly, looking at her. "It's not that I'm not interested, I'm trying to fix our door. Besides, we've had this conversation about the colors for the nursery a thousand times before and I thought we settled on picking gender-neutral colors because we want to keep the sex of the baby a surprise."

Calleigh puts a hand on her abdomen.

She is showing more now, her belly now a firm swell, and Eric thinks she looks amazing.

"Well, I have the right to change my mind, don't I?" She asks indignantly. "And you don't have to be so...weird about it."

"I'm not being weird about it," he argues, picking up his screw driver. "You're the one that keeps going back and forth."

She rolls her eyes. "I'm not going back and forth about anything. God, Eric...you're acting as if I do this all the time."

"No I'm not," he huffs. "Calleigh...it's not a big deal, _carina_."

"Not a big-?" She pauses as she looks at him incredulously. "Not a big deal?"

He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against the doorframe. He doesn't even know why he entertained her to begin with. He is frustrated, though not completely with her. Work has been stressful, it has been a rather long week so far, and he has had to go to the hospital twice-once for Calleigh's pre-natal check-up, and the second for himself. Now he has to fix a doorknob and endure a hormone-fueled sermon about colors for their baby's nursery.

"Not a big deal?" She asks. "Okay...you're right. You're absolutely right. I mean, it's not our first child's nursery after all..."

He scowls at her. "Don't do that."

She furrows her eyebrows. "What?"

"That manipulation thing," he says. "That may get me to go to Calle Ocho to get you those tamales you like in the middle of the night, but it's not going to work today. Not this time."

"I'm not manipulating you," she smiles. "Stop being paranoid."

"I'm not being paranoid," he argues. "You do manipulate me sometimes. You get the big, sad eyes, tilt your head to the side, and you pout...when you pout, it's all over for me."

She raises an eyebrow at him. "And who's fault is that?"

He smiles. "I know, I know."

She laughs, then she looks down to her belly. "You hear that darling? Daddy's a sucker!"

"Not a sucker," he shrugs as he turns his attention back to the door. "You're my beautiful, gorgeous wife, it's just hard to resist you."

She gets up, and she comes over to him, kissing his cheek as she caresses her hands over his arm, cuddling into him.

"And why would I get in the way of a good thing?" She purrs into his ear before kissing just under his jaw.

He puts down his tools and wraps his arms around her waist. She kisses him softly, sliding her hands under his tee shirt.

"Why don't we get back to this later?" She asks, caressing over his skin.

"We? What we?" He chuckles, leaning in to kiss along her neck.

"Okay, _you_," she giggles.

He kisses her again, more passionately and she moans as their tongues taste and explore.

"Mm," she whimpers as she pulls away, eyebrows furrowed. "Oh my goodness!"

Eric immediately goes into high alert and pulls away, his hands on her hips as he inspects her form.

"What? What is it?" He asks, in panic mode. "What's wrong?"

"Calm down, love," she huffs. "You are going to give yourself a heart attack...at a very young age I might add."

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing, I feel her kicking," she says with a smile. "It feels like butterflies."

He softens then, and puts his hand on her belly. After a moment, he shakes his head.

"I can't feel her," he says, feeling slightly disappointed.

"You will soon," she promises. "She's not strong enough yet, but she's getting there."

"I can't wait to feel her kicking," he grins.

They are both so sure that they are having a girl, and have already settled on a name: Sara-Lynn Marisol Delko. Sara-Lynn after Calleigh's grandmother, and Marisol after his sister. He'd been touched that Calleigh wanted to keep the memory of his sister alive through their daughter and he found himself loving his wife even more. However, they still agreed to paint the nursery a gender-neutral color, and yet, Eric finds that Calleigh's bent toward wanting purples and pinks is made stronger by him reinforcing the notion that they are going to have a girl, and picking a name for her.

"There she goes again," Calleigh smiles. "She's having a bit of fun in there."

Eric chuckles. "What are we going to do if _she_ turns out to be a _he_?"

She shrugs. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then, I'm thinking we should go for the Sugar Fairy Pink."

Pregnancy has made her sweeter (sometimes), more carefree, and genuinely happier. Everything about her that was beautiful before is now enhanced by her changing physique. Her hair is thicker, shinier, and she is having a bit of trouble managing it, but he loves her hair framing her face. Her eyes are brighter than he's ever seen them, more aware and clear and wide, her skin has a natural blush to it, her lips are fuller and cherry red, and her breasts have swelled. She is more plump and has filled out in all the right places, and she has been getting complimented at work about her appearance. The baby has made her just _prettier_ and more attractive to him and there is something about him that turns her on because her sexual appetite has increased as well as her appetite for food.

"Again with that?"

"What? Besides, who said pink was just for girls? You wear pink."

"With a suit," he reasons. "If we have a boy, no son of mine is sleeping in a pink room. You wouldn't want our daughter sleeping in a blue room, would you?"

"If it's a pretty blue," she appeals. "You are impossible."

"_I'm_ impossible?" He asks. "You're arguing with me about a color pallet."

She drops her hands from his chest. "Fix the doorknob, love."

She turns and picks up the pillow, the phone and the pallet.

"Hey, where are you going?" He asks. "I-I thought we were gonna...take a break?"

She glares at him, and he unconsciously takes a step back.

"What we?" She quips as she goes over to the sink and picks up the bottle of lotion sitting on the window sill.

She takes his palm and puts the bottle into it.

"D.I.Y," she says, then she begins to head upstairs.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Do it yourself!" She hisses.

He rolls his eyes. "Great..."

Eric knows now that he won't be getting anything for a bit.

The phone rings and he goes over and answers.

"Hello?"

"Hey Delko, it's Ryan."

"Hey, I heard you were up in New York."

"Yeah," Ryan sighs. "It's um...different. Cold."

"I'll bet," Eric says. "So uh, what's going on? How are things with you and Natalia?"

"Not good," Ryan reports. "It's too long of a story for me to go into, but I need to ask you a favor."

"What?"

"Can you or Calleigh check up on her?" Ryan asks. "I've been trying to call her, and she won't answer...I-I at least need to know she's alright. Things just didn't go well before I left, and I haven't been able to get in touch with her."

Eric smirks. "Well, Wolfe, if she's mad at you, then she's probably not going to pick up the phone."

"Eric, I'm serious," Ryan levels. "If it was just a matter of her being upset at me, I'd know...I'd feel it, but...she hasn't answered any of my phone calls, and I called her parents and they haven't spoken to her, and she hasn't even called her sisters, which is unlike her."

"Calleigh said she took some time off from work," Eric explains. "They're short handed now, with Cal working less hours, you gone and now Natalia out...what the hell happened between you two, Ryan?"

"What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything," Eric huffs. "But you're calling me, asking me to check up on Natalia, who hasn't spoken to anyone since you left, so you understand my concern, Wolfe."

"I know," Ryan sighs. "I know. Can you please just check on her?"

"Yeah," Eric says. "Calleigh and I will stop by her house tomorrow. We'll call you."

"Thanks," Ryan says. "I appreciate it."

"How's your father?"

"Okay," Ryan sighs. "He's uh...he's a tough old bastard, I'll give him that."

"Good luck," Eric says. "I hope that things will...be okay."

"Thanks Eric," Ryan says. "How's Calleigh?"

"She's fine," Eric chuckles. "She's pissed at me right now."

"Hormones?"

"You know, I don't really want to answer that," Eric muses. "I'm afraid she might be listening upstairs."

Ryan chuckles. "Calleigh's only five foot three, and she scares the hell out of you."

"Yeah, she's five-three and pregnant with my child," Eric says as he opens up the fridge and retrieves a bottle of water. "She's scary, dude, I'm telling you."

"Too bad I can't be there to be your wingman."

"I can hold my own," Eric chuckles. "Well, we'll go by and check on Natalia, have her call you."

"Thank you. Talk to you guys later."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Eric hangs up then he goes back to repairing the door.

Calleigh comes downstairs, clad in a robe, and she hugs him, kissing along his neck.

"_Carina_..."

"Who was that on the phone?" She asks, nipping at his earlobe.

"Ryan," he explains between kisses. "Calleigh...w-what are you doing? I thought you were mad?"

She shrugs. "I was, but I'm horny as a-"

"Calleigh...our baby has ears now."

"I know," She says. "I'm sorry, but it really should come as no surprise that I want to jump your bones every chance I get...what'd Ryan want?"

"He asked if we could check up on Natalia," he explains. "She hasn't been answering his calls, and she hasn't talked to her parents or her sisters."

"That's unlike her," she ponders. "She took time off from work before Ryan left...do you think something bad happened?"

"I don't know," he sighs. "But I told Ryan we'd go by her house and make sure she's okay."

She nods. "Good idea...now drop 'em."

"_Carina_-"

She takes off her robe, revealing her naked body underneath, giving him an eyeful and he smirks.

"Hmm," he marvels as he takes her in. "If I wasn't a sucker before, I certainly am now."

She smiles mischievously and takes his hand and leads him upstairs.


	16. Sixteen

Pliant

**Sixteen**

"The house is dark inside," Eric notes as he and Calleigh stand on the porch.

Calleigh sighs, pressing the doorbell. "Natalia didn't even pick up the phone when I called. I'm really worried about her now."

They wait, and there is no answer.

Calleigh presses the doorbell again, then Eric knocks.

Inside, Natalia sits up in her bed, pressing her hand to her forehead.

"Goddamn it," she hisses when she hears the noise.

She throws the covers off of her and she heads out into the living room, wondering who is knocking on her door and ringing her doorbell like a maniac. She feels her eyes fill with tears as the noise makes the pain in her head even worse and she is ready. To. Kill. She doesn't even bother to look through the peephole before she unlocks the door. She pulls it open angrily and she beholds the last two people in the world she wants to see.

"What!?" She yells. "What the hell are you two doing?!"

"We came by to check on you," Eric explains.

"You haven't spoken to anyone," Calleigh continues. "Ryan called us yesterday, and he was worried because you won't answer his phone calls."

Natalia looks terrible; she has circles around her eyes and she looks fatigued. Her hair is tussled, and she is in a tee shirt and yoga pants. She is pissed because Ryan called Eric and Calleigh, and even more furious that they came over at this time, when she is in terrible pain.

"What's going on?" Calleigh asks. "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright," Natalia sighs. "Look...I've got a migraine, and the Fiorenal hasn't kicked in, so yes, I'm still breathing, no, I don't want to talk to you, and hell fucking no, I'm not talking to Ryan."

Calleigh sighs. "Well, when you're better, will you please call us, or your family? You haven't even talked to your sisters and they're worried about you too."

Natalia rubs her hands over her face, the light from the sun making the excruciating throbbing in her head worse.

"Yeah. I'll do that."

"Can you at least call Ryan?"

"I don't want to talk to him," Natalia insists.

"He's really worried," Calleigh presses. "I'm sure he misses you."

"Calleigh, stop," Natalia groans. "What's going on between me and Ryan is our business, okay? I-I appreciate you and Eric coming by, that's very sweet of you, but I need to be left alone."

Calleigh tilts her head to the side. "Nat, why are you doing this?"

"What?"

"Pushing everyone away," Calleigh says, stepping closer.

Natalia is in no mood. "Cal...I have a migraine. I've been having this pain for the last three days. I'm drugged up and tired. I'm not pushing anyone away."

"You have been," Calleigh argues. "You never get migraines. This is stress, and you know it, and it's not going to get any better with you holing yourself up and pretending like none of the people who love you and care for you exists. Whatever it is between you and Ryan, you need to fix it because this isn't healthy."

Natalia frowns at her. "Oh, well thank you for those words of wisdom, Mrs. Delko. Thank you because we all know that you're perfect. You have the perfect marriage, and you're both happy and having a kid, about to make the perfect little family. That's great for you, but it's not. **Real**. One day you two are gonna wake up and realize that you're humans just like the rest of us and that relationships can get murky and just as fucked up as everyone else's. Not everyone can have a perfectly planned out little life, Calleigh! Now leave me alone!"

Eric looks to his wife, and he sees that her eyes have darkened with fury untold, and he is unsure of what she's going to do next. Natalia's statement has definitely hurt her, he can tell, but it has also drawn out that terrible fury she manages to keep dormant for years at a time before she unleashes it, with good reason of course. It is also her newfound motherly instinct; Natalia has gone beyond just insulting her and himself, but she's dragged their baby into her delusion and insults and to Calleigh, that is clearly crossing the line. After what she went through at the beginning of her pregnancy, being at risk of losing their baby, she is completely in love with their child now, and fiercely protective.

"Leave," Natalia commands, and begins to close the door, but Calleigh blocks it with her hand and pushes it open, stepping in to Natalia's house, nearly getting in her face.

"No," Calleigh resists firmly. "How dare you? _How_. **Dare you**?! Just because you're throwing everything you had with Ryan away **does not** give you the right to insult my husband and me...and what we have! You don't have the right to insult my family, friend or no. Now I love you, but you have got some serious problems, and I for one am not going to be a goddamn scapegoat. I think it's damn pathetic that you can't be woman enough to admit that you have done wrong too, and that you yourself are human and capable of making mistakes. It's not about the mistakes you make, it's about what you learn from them, and it's obvious that you'd rather be alone than dust off and get on with your life..."

Natalia crosses her arms over her chest.

"Ryan is a good man," Calleigh continues. "And he's been so hurt, and so concerned about losing you when it should be the other way around. _You_ should be worried about losing _him_. He has been trying damn hard to earn your respect again. He's been trying to move heaven and earth to make things work and you keep throwing his mistakes, his past in his face. Well, that song and dance is getting old, Natalia. You can't expect everyone else to fall on your sword. It's time for you to get cut and bleed a little bit, honey. Wake the hell up and stop running and hiding. Stop trying to drag the rest of us into your miserable hellhole of a rut, because if you really think what you just said to us is true then...you're sick, and I feel damn sorry for you. That just shows me that you're jealous and pathetic and you don't give a shit about us at all, so fuck you, Natalia. Fuck you."

With that, Calleigh turns and heads back to the car.

Eric glances at Natalia before following his wife to the car.

Natalia closes the door then she goes back to her bedroom, the migraine becoming worse, her heart swept into the maelstrom of her confused emotions. She enters her dark bedroom, thankful for the near blackness of it as she climbs back into bed, resting onto the plush pillows and pulling the covers over herself once again. Frankly, she could give a shit about what Calleigh just said because she is in too much pain to even think about anyone or anything. She knows that crying will only make the pain worse, so she does not shed a single tear.

She finally feels the pain beginning to ebb about thirty minutes later, and another fifteen minutes after that, it slinks off and she relaxes into her bed even more, feeling drowsiness. Her eyes finally close as she falls into a deep sleep.

O-o-O

Ryan has had a time sleeping in his father's dingy little domicile. He hasn't had a good nights' sleep because of both his need to wipe down everything, and because of his father's hacking all night and the sound of the oxygen hissing ever so subtly. He is trying to adapt as best he can, focusing solely on helping his father, but in the dead of night, when the front room of the tiny abode is only alit by the shady light of blinking signs and flickers of the street lights below, it is overwhelming. The sad part is that even sleep won't put the memories of the past months to rest. In his waking state, that's all he does is think about Natalia, how much he misses her and loves her. He keeps replaying the arguments, her tears, the flash of obvious pain and confusion in her eyes...it is always too much for him, and he has to think about all the good times they had together, the depth of what he had with her gives him comfort.

When and if he goes to sleep, it is only for a short time because then he dreams about her, about making love to her, about her smile, her laugh...it is torture because he can hear her voice clearly, as if she is right beside him, he can feel the warmth of her body against his. It is also vivid, so real, and he can't stand it, it hurts him deeply because then he wakes up and finds his dark, dank reality.

He gets up off of the couch and he goes over to the window, looking down to the street below. It is quiet, eerily quiet, and he sighs, taking out his phone. He opens up the folder with the photos in it, and he grins when he looks through the pictures of them, some separately, some together. He scrolls to his favorite one of her, the one of she and Anya sitting on the couch in her parents' house. Anya's head is resting in Natalia's lap, and she is grinning slightly, and Natalia is looking down at her baby sister, smoothing over her hair and smiling brightly.

He loves this picture because in it, he can see the very heart of Natalia. The bond she shares with her sisters is strong, and they protect each other. She looks incredible in that moment, with her hair wavy and framing her face, a casual blouse on and a pair of old jeans and flip flops. That'd been taken on a random weekend, when Anya was watching the house while her parents were away. Natalia brought him along, and he watched the two sisters carry on and on about anything and everything. He fell deeper in love with her then, watching the little girl inside her come out purely for her sister's benefit.

He finds another picture of them, with their friends at a bar near the beach, and he remembers how sexy she looked in that halter top and long, flowy dress. She rested against him, and he'd taken a picture of them, one arm wrapped around her waist and her arms wrapped around his neck. He'd been teasing her, telling her to look sexy like a model for the camera, and she laughed, striking a pose, which, wowed him because she did look sexy, and she did look like a model.

He hears heavy, slow moving footsteps behind him and he turns and sees his father lumbering into the living room.

"Dad, what are you doing out of bed?" Ryan asks, putting his phone onto the coffee table.

He tries to help his father over to the couch, but Norman waves him off.

"I got it," the old man says stubbornly, gruffly. "I don't need your help."

Norman hobbles a bit, resting his weakness onto his cane, dragging his oxygen tank along before he sits down onto the couch with a plop, his breathing labored and he inhales his oxygen deeply.

End stage lung cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, and heart disease has ravaged Norman's body, and Ryan finds himself recalling how his father was years ago, strong, burly, not tall, but still brooding and cruel. He remembers how big his arm seemed to him when he was younger. Ryan thinks about how much smaller his mother had been in comparison to Norman in their younger days. She is still so tiny, but much stronger than she'd been before.

He takes his father in, and after years of absence, he only sees a shadow of the man that he was. The years of abusing his body have caught up to him; gambling is a gateway to other addictive behaviors, and Norman had picked up smoking and drinking along with way. He'd smoke to keep his nerves in check before or during his games, and then he'd drink himself to blacking out either in celebration or in mourning of another lost paycheck. He has scars from bar fights, from run-ins with loan sharks. He still has the tattoo of an anchor on his right upper arm, from one of his many jaunts to Atlantic City.

Ryan finds that he knows this man so well, yet, he doesn't know the man. He knows him as Norman Wolfe, delivery truck driver or appliance sales rep, gambling addict, abuser, drinker, and piss poor father. But what's inside the man, he has no clue. He has found in the last week and a half that there are just so many _questions_. Questions that he had formulated over the course of many years but never seriously considered asking because that would mean actually talking to his father, something he'd never been willing to do. Thinking of his father always meant anger, pure anger and little else.

As a boy, he honestly thought he could ever end up like his father. The thought literally terrified him, kept him up some nights. He'd often had nightmares about beatings, about watching his mother and sister die right before him at the hands of his father. Ryan always hated bearing the brunt of his father's miserable last name. He hated being half Jewish because that had been a tangible reminder that he actually _did_ have a part of his father inside him. That cultural mark that never really meant much to him anyway. After he Bar Mitzvah, which had been a pathetically understated affair, considering the Wolfe family was very low on family funds, he never went to temple again. Now, as a grown man, he is much more likely to go to mass than to temple. He'd spent his whole childhood trying to disassociate from every aspect of his father, only to become a man and hurt the woman he'd been in love with.

Everyday, he looked at himself in the mirror, uniform on and ready for work and he'd ask himself, _What the hell are you doing, Wolfe_? He was supposed to protect women from men like the one he'd become to Zoe. How could he get in the middle of a domestic dispute, arrest those involved and yet, he was the cause of discord in his own house? He always made sure to call himself a miserable hypocrite several times a day.

He hated himself, wished he could blame his father, but he knew he couldn't do that, especially with the knowledge that his father was his own man, and individual.

Yet he couldn't deny the impact his father's actions had on his life, his thinking.

He admits now that there are some things that he'd inherited from his father: the analytical mind, the low impulse control, the addictive personality...those things he's learned to come to grips with, to control with age and with help. But the violence...he doesn't know. He won't say that it's something that can be inherited. It is a choice, and he chose to sink to that low, he chose to let his addiction get the best of him and ruin his life and Zoe's life for a time before he decided to get help and become a better man.

Ryan made a conscious decision to change, and he hasn't gone back. He doesn't want to ever go back, and everyday is a struggle, with the cases they get sometimes. To go back would be taking the easy way out, but it would only reap that same hatred of himself and that same misery he'd been in. He doesn't want that.

So when he reflects upon all of the changes he's made in his life, he also forms questions. More questions for his father that he now has the opportunity to ask. His father's life is drawing to a close, and he knows that he has to ask them, begin to put the pieces of his father together. He has decided that he can't let Norman die without understanding him.

"You want something to eat?" Ryan asks, going over to the small kitchen.

"Sure," Norman says. "But there's not much in there."

He begins to cough, and he takes out his handkerchief and coughs into it before he leans over and picks up Ryan's phone.

He touches the screen, marveling at how far technology has advanced. He sees a picture of his son and a very beautiful woman.

"You got a lady down there in Fidel-ville, USA?" Norman asks. "Suppose you can't help dating a Latina or Chica or whatever the hell they're calling themselves since there's so many of 'em."

Ryan sighs. "You want some takeout? 'Cause you've got spoiling food in here."

"Yeah, there's a Chinese spot I order from a lot," Norman says. "So what's her name? She's a cute little thing."

Ryan comes over and takes his phone away from his father.

"That is something you will never know."

Norman gives a raspy chuckle. "You know, I'm not going to argue with you about that, boy."

Ryan tucks his phone into his pocket before he opens up the drawer and finds the takeout menu.

He puts in an order before he turns on the TV.

"I heard that you were engaged to this girl here," Norman says.

"I'm not talking about my personal life with you," Ryan says as he sits in the chair by the couch.

Norman looks at his son, who is now reading a magazine.

"You ever finish your dissertation?"

Ryan doesn't respond.

"Hey. Hey...I asked you a question, I expect you to answer me boy. I'm your father."

"And a damn lousy one you are."

"Hey!" Norman yells with as much gusto as he can muster in his old age, pointing at Ryan. "You don't get to disrespect me! This is my house, boy!"

"What are you going to do about it, huh?" Ryan retorts. "I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a grown man and you don't have the right to ask me anything about my life after you've been gone for over two decades!"

"What'd you come up here for, huh?" Norman asks. "I don't need you. You've always been more trouble than you're worth."

"I came up here because I didn't want mom having to drag your sorry ass around _again_," Ryan explains angrily. "I came up here because I don't want the miserable burden of you on mom or on Ever."

Norman frowns. "You done? You think you're a big man? You're still that scrawny little smart ass I remember. You could never take a hit. Your mother had more balls than you. Bet your little Cuban sweetheart makes you feel like a big man, huh? You don't know what it means to be a real man!"

Ryan rubs a hand over his face.

"You know what? I don't need this."

Ryan grabs his coat then he walks out.

He goes downstairs and out onto the street, pulling on his coat. He looks up, and then he walks down the street.

When he can't sleep, he walks; he walks as far as he can, taking in the city, the smells, comparing/contrasting with Miami. He doesn't think he could ever live in Manhattan, he's gotten too used to the temperate climate of Miami, but he knows that if push comes to shove, he will have to go back to Boston for a while...but he is unsure because his father is quite resilient. He's learned so far that his father has lived long past the original prognosis. He may not die as soon as everyone believes, but when he looks upon his father, and sees how weak he becomes with each passing day, he thinks that it is getting close to time.

Still, in the days his father has left, he's got to understand that he is here as a courtesy, trying to be a good son and show compassion in spite of the cruelty and abandonment. He is trying to stay patient because Norman hasn't changed. He's still the same mean son of a bitch he's always been. Facing death hasn't and isn't going to change that. Ryan knows this very well, and that is why he decided to take a walk. It is all he can do to keep from completely losing his patience.

He doesn't want to regret coming up here. He has put everything on the line for his father, something he knows Norman will never come to appreciate. Ryan hates that his future with Natalia is currently at risk because of this, but his closeness to his mother and sister was established long before Natalia came into his life. He has a responsibility to his family because that's what he was raised to do. His mother always told him that a man, a real man, takes care of his family, makes an honest living, and raises his family up right.

That's what he is doing.

He still doesn't know if he will go back to Miami, and he realizes that because of that, he can't have both worlds. He can't want a life with Natalia, and face the possibility of moving back to Boston. He knows that Natalia will never leave her family, that she will not want to uproot herself. She is too close to her sisters to move out of state, and he knows that if she were to ever leave before she is ready, that she would not be able to handle it. The change in climate, pace, and scenery would be too much for her.

He knows that he needs to make a decision about that, hard as it is.

Natalia had been right about that much; he can't expect her to put her life on hold for him. He would never expect her to do that, especially when all he wants is for her to be happy. He hates that the night he spent with Natalia ended with her tears and an argument. She wanted so much from him in that moment that he couldn't give her, and he doesn't know whether to be angry at her about that, or to be angry at himself. Part of him thinks that it is unfair that she placed the burden of the entirety of her unfulfilled, deep-seated emotional needs onto him. When he finally spoke with her about what happened between he and Zoe, he knew that she would only see who he was and forget who he is to her. That is why he didn't tell her to begin with because he knew that she would put him in the same category as Nick.

Ryan tried so hard to be the man she wanted, to fulfill those needs, but he can't do that because she hasn't let go of the man who took everything away from her to begin with. He knows that she has to face the emptiness that she feels, she needs to get it back somehow, just like he needs to get back the confidence that he's changed, for good, for the better.

He doesn't want to be angry about it. He wants to fix it, he wants to help her get through this because he is in love with her. He could never stop loving Natalia; the moment he saw her, he couldn't deny that she was the most beautiful, exotic, and sexiest woman he'd ever laid eyes on, and when they began their relationship, it wasn't hard to fall madly in love with her. He fell in love with every part of her.

However, his love couldn't heal her, and that hurts him to realize that.

He wants to help her heal from the residual pain Nick's death caused her, he wants to take her hand and work through that with her, share the burden with her rather than him carrying it along because what he's been doing, what he's done in their relationship obviously wasn't enough. The specter in her life was still there regardless of him.

He decides to make his way back to the apartment, now that he's cooled off. He decided when he landed that he wasn't going to let his father intimidate him, that he wasn't going to let his father annoy him and push him away. He knows that he has to do this because he needs closure on that part of his life. He needs understanding and closure about his childhood so that he can let go of the hatred he feels toward his father. He doesn't want the man dying knowing that his son hated him. Ryan wants his father to die knowing that his son found it in him to love him and forgive him.

The night is quite breezy, chilly, and Ryan zips up his jacket as he begins to walk a little faster.

He feels his phone vibrating in his pocket and he takes it out and looks at the number before he answers it, stopping.

"Natalia..."


	17. Seventeen

Pliant

**Seventeen**

Natalia swallows thickly, and she pauses for a moment, not knowing what to say.

The next day, Calleigh's words finally had a chance to sink in. She hadn't meant what she'd said to them; she was irritable and angry because the migraines had been excruciating, never in her life has she had a migraine. It really is debilitating; the slightest sound caused her more pain, and all she could do was lay down, take pain meds, and rest until it went away. Calleigh had been right though, it was from the stress, and her body responded in kind. She took some time off after the night she argued with Ryan again, too distracted and upset to focus.

She hates to admit it, but she has been depressed about the whole thing. She was happy, hopeful, and glad the night she and Ryan made love again after weeks of separation, and it was amazing, it had her so caught up in all that she'd missed, and then she crashed and burned when it was over, and he told her that he may not come back. She thought she'd prepared herself for that possibility, but when she actually heard him say the words, it pierced her heart, because she knew that whatever he decided, the decision would be permanent. She knows how much Ryan loves his family, and she understands his need to be with them. It's just who he is, and she can't fault him for that, but she did. She became angry because Ryan leaving for Boston meant the end of them.

Natalia knows that she will never leave Miami. Her family is here, and if she ever left here, her very heart would be broken. She loves her family, needs them, and though she hasn't been as close as she'd like to be, moving away from them would cause an unnecessary strain. She knows that Ryan knows this. She is simply not ready to leave her home.

Not even for the man that she is desperately in love with.

"Natala, are you there?"

She blinks a few times.

"Yeah," she says, coming out of her thoughts. "I'm here..."

She hears him sigh. "God, honey it's good to hear your voice. I-I've been worried about you. You haven't been answering my phone calls."

"I know," she says, pushing her hair behind her ears. "I-I'm sorry."

"Calleigh said that you took some time off from work," he asks. "She called me back a couple days ago and said that you were sick..."

"I was, but I'm better now," she says softly. "I'm glad I was able to reach you. H-how's your father?"

Ryan chuckles. "Just as mean as ever. I was telling Eric that he's a tough guy, maybe it's because he's mean."

"Maybe he'll come around," she shrugs. "Death has a way of affecting people, you know?"

"Yeah," he says.

There is a short pause before she speaks again.

"Ry...I just wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

She gently bites her lower lip. "For making you think you had to choose between me or your family. I shouldn't have done that to you, it was selfish of me."

"It's okay, 'Lia. You were upset. I um...I'm sorry if I hurt you that night. I just missed you so much. I miss you..."

She begins to cry and she sniffles, wiping her tears. "I miss you. But, I understand how much you love your family, and if you do decide to stay...then I support you. Nothing, not even me, should come between you and your family, Ryan. You take good care of your mother, and you sister...and I wouldn't expect anything less from you because you're a good man. I know I haven't made you feel like you are lately, but you are. You really are."

"I appreciate that, 'Lia," he says sincerely. "And you're a good woman."

She shakes her head. "No I'm not..."

"See, that's what I'm talking about, honey," he says. "Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

She rubs a hand over her face. "Ryan...I-I don't know, okay?"

"You do know," he insists.

"What? You want me to say it's because of Nick?" She asks, in a trembling, angry voice. "Because you seem to think that he's the root of all of my problems..."

"Isn't it?" He asks. "If not him, then what, 'Lia? You wanted to know the truth from me, so I told it to you. How come you're the one that gets to run away and hide the truth from me?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not hiding...I just...I got over it, okay?"

"I got over what I did to Zoe...and yet you still wanted me to tell you everything. I told you everything because you deserved to know-"

"No, you told me everything only after your mother got to me first," she hisses.

"I would have told you in time," he says. "I knew that what's happening between us now would happen if I told you. It was too soon for you to know about all that because you're not...you're not confident enough in yourself to believe that you've actually learned from your mistakes. You don't trust yourself, and...I realized that you don't trust me."

A tear falls onto her hand and she closes her eyes. "Ryan...I-I do trust you."

"No you don't."

She begins to sob. "I'm so mad at you...I...I just don't know what to do. I'm so scared, Ryan. I know that you need to take care of things with your dad, and I know you have to take care of your family, but...I love you so, so much. It hurts to think that if you leave, there won't be an us anymore. We won't have a chance."

"We will have a chance," he assures. "Natalia, I want to be with you. I'm not...if I do decide to move back to Boston, I'm not leaving you behind. I know that right now, you're not ready to be away from your family, but...I'm willing to wait for you, honey. If you still want our relationship, then I'll wait until you're ready. I'll do whatever it takes, 'Lia, because I love you. Or if you never move, that's okay too...I-I just want you to be happy, and I want you to know that you're worth everything to me. You deserve to be happy and loved and respected. I would never force you to do anything you don't want to do, honey. You have a choice...you have choices, and I would never get in the way of that. I could never take that freedom away from you."

Freedom. Choices...Natalia falls silent as those two words swirl around in her head. She tilts her head to the side, thinking about his words, and she considers them, lets them seep into her heart. _Freedom_..._choices_..._freedom_...

She sighs, nodding. "I understand..."

"I love you," he says softly. "And I want to be with you, but I know I'm not exactly making it easy...but whatever you decide, I'll support you too."

"Okay," she says with a small smile. "Okay...say hi to your mom and sister for me, whenever you get a chance, okay?"

"Of course," he says.

"And good luck with your father. I hope everything will work out between you and him."

"Thank you," he says.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he says quietly. "Bye, 'Lia."

"Bye."

She hangs up, then she sighs as she dials another number.

It rings a few times, then someone picks up on the other end.

"Hello?" Comes that familiar Southern twang.

"Hey Calleigh, it's me."

"Hey Natalia," Calleigh says softly. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel good," Natalia says. "Thank you...I called because...I wanted to apologize."

"I wanted to apologize too," Calleigh says. "Not about what I said, I just...I could have said all that to you without all the expletives...Eric was cross at me about that, and I felt bad enough as it was. That's why I hate cussing to begin with. It's just not pretty. So I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Natalia grins. "I-I deserved it. You were right...about everything, and I'm so sorry for diminishing what you and Eric have. I didn't mean a word of it. You know I love you two to pieces...you're family."

"Apology accepted," Calleigh says sincerely, humbly. "I'm glad you're better."

"Thanks," Natalia sighs. "How are you with the baby?"

"I'm good," Calleigh says happily. "I'm excited because I'm not getting as fat as I thought I would. She's kicking around a lot and Eric's getting jealous because he can't feel her yet. It's so funny...but just between us girls, I have been horny as a jackrabbit in heat."

Natalia laughs. "Calleigh!"

"It is terrible," Calleigh laments. "Eric is exhausted, poor guy."

"Poor guy? Are you serious?"

"Yes," Calleigh chuckles. "Because before we used to relax and talk together...have some coffee or a glass of wine and cuddle after...now I just put him right to sleep. Going, going...out of the ballpark and then boom, he's out like a light...I think I overdosed him."

Natalia is laughing so hard, and she has to rest back into the couch and take deep breaths.

"Oh my God...I haven't laughed this hard in a long time."

"Glad I could brighten your day with pregnancy sex stories," Calleigh laughs.

Natalia laughs again.

"Have you spoken with Ryan?"

"Uh, yeah," Natalia sighs. "I just finished talking to him."

"Good," Calleigh says. "I hope you two work through everything. He loves you more than anything, you know that right?"

"Yeah," Natalia sighs. "Yeah I do. He may move back to Boston with his family..."

"Oh..."

"If he decides to do that...I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"You'll figure it out," Calleigh assures.

Natalia nods. "And the crazy part is that the things he said to me...it just made me love him even more."

"You've got to meet Ryan halfway," Calleigh advises. "He's told you everything about the situation with his ex, he's told you all the details about his father...I'm sure there are things that you need to share with him that you've been guarding so closely."

Natalia rubs her forehead. "I never hid anything from Ryan..."

"What about Nick?"

"Calleigh..."

"Natalia, we were all there," Calleigh reminds her. "We saw how Nick treated you up until the day he was murdered. After he died, you never talked about it...and it was no secret that you'd been sleeping with him again..."

Natalia closes her eyes, ashamed. "I know that was stupid..."

"Not stupid," Calleigh says. "Look, I don't know what kind of relationship you and Nick had...but you can't have your cake and eat it too, you know? Ryan loves you, and he protects you, he protects me and his family...what he did in his past, is in the past...he was given a second chance and he took it. Some people choose not to better themselves, but Ryan has been there for me, and when I look at him, I can see that. Instead of being mad about who he was, you should be proud of who he's become. There are so many people in his life that are counting on him...he not only changed for himself, he changed for us too."

Natalia nods. "I know...I know that, Cal."

"You two are so in love," Calleigh continues. "I mean, when you and Ryan started dating, I was so happy for you. I was glad to see you both so happy again. That's all friends ever want for each other is to be happy and to find the love of their life. I mean, I know it seems nearly impossible with the hours we work...I get a little scared thinking about work after the baby's born."

"You'll adjust," Natalia assures with a smile. "And she's going to be the cutest little baby, too."

"You know, we keep calling her a she, but I just may have a boy," Calleigh laughs.

"I think you're having a girl," Natalia says. "You better have a girl so I can spoil her and buy her cute little dresses."

"I know," Calleigh says happily. "I know Eric wants a little girl, but he'd be happy with a boy, too."

"Yeah..I'm so excited for you," Natalia says, the smile on her face fading a bit. "Children are a blessing...you don't know how lucky you are."

Natalia falls silent, and Calleigh senses the sudden change in mood.

"Nat? You alright?"

"Uh, yeah...sorry."

"You sure?"

"Yeah..."

"Alright. Well, I've got to run. It's my turn to do the grocery shopping. Dammit."

"You like to eat, don't you?" Natalia laughs.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I like shopping for it," Calleigh whines. "And Eric is at work today, so I have to bring in the groceries myself. If I weren't so hungry all the time, I would just make him do it."

"Calleigh...remember that talk we had at your wedding about fulfilling your wifely duties?"

"That didn't include grocery shopping. Besides, I'm pregnant and hungry."

"All the more reason for you to go to the store, lazy."

"I know...I am lazy, and it feels good. Usually I'm the one that's get-up-and-go, but now I just want to lie down and relax and stuff my face. But I guess I'll go because Eric has been getting up in the middle of the night to feed me so..."

"Keep sweet," Natalia reminds her.

"Yeah, yeah," Calleigh drawls. "I'll talk to you later. Love you, darling."

"Love you too."

"Bye."

"Bye."

O-o-O

There is a knock on the door, and Ryan wipes his hands on the dishtowel before he makes the short journey over to the door. He looks through the peephole, and he opens it up to his mother. He smiles and hugs her.

"Hey Ma," he says, kissing her cheek. "You know you didn't have to come."

"Well..." Joy sighs. "I came anyway..." She pauses and takes him in and she gently rubs his rough cheek. "You okay, son? You're gettin' a little scruffy..."

He sighs. "Yeah. I've been tired."

She notices that he's lost a bit of weight, and she becomes concerned that he's beginning to neglect his own well being, but before she can say anything, Norman comes out of his room, and he grins a bit when he sees Joy.

"Well, if it isn't my ex-ball and chain."

"How ya doin' Norm?" Joy asks.

She looks prim and proper, hair pulled back into a bun, a pair of black slacks and a simple pink shirt with a string of pearls and black boots. She has on a black winter coat. She is staying in a hotel, there is barely enough room in the apartment for two, let alone three, and Ryan knew already how his mother is, this place would drive her insane. She is very particular, OCD, and he can see that right now, she is slightly uncomfortable, but Ryan has been scrubbing, scraping, and washing, to make it a little more decent. Because of his father's bad health hasn't allowed for housecleaning, so Ryan has been laboring to clean it, to at least make it more comfortable for him. It is easier showering in a tub that he personally scrubbed, it is a relief to sleep on a couch that he has vacuumed and scrubbed as well with stain remover.

He and his father have ventured out together to the grocery store to stock up on some food, to get some more supplies, and to get some more medication for his father. The home care nurse came and adjusted his oxygen, gave Ryan more home care instructions, and then did a physical inquest before departing.

Things have been okay between him and his father, the last two weeks have been quite peaceful, as neither of them ever has much to say to the other, and that's fine by Ryan. For now.

He knows that he needs to begin really talking with his father because he is beginning to feel angry again, letting go of the sympathy and remembering all the things he'd done; he's had time to ruminate as he's been cleaning, walking, spending nights not sleeping and missing Natalia more and more. When he really aches for her, he wishes that he hadn't cared so much, he wished he could have done like Ever and turned her back on their father completely, but his conscience would never allow him to. He is hurt just as badly as Natalia is, and he meant what he said; he doesn't want to leave her behind if he decides to move to Boston. Either way, he knows that he can't expect her to pick up and move for him. That's why he told her that she had a choice. Whatever she decided, he would be okay with that because he knew that she need that. He has already had her see-sawing, so he had to let her know that she absolutely had a choice, and that he would accept it, as painful as it might be.

It causes Ryan deep pain to realize that his relationship could go either way. He can't say for sure if it will survive all of this.

"Ryan..."

He is shaken from his thoughts.

"You okay?"

He nods.

"He's fine," Norman chuckles in a raspy voice. "Been cleaning like a French maid. Told you you'd turn him into a pansy."

His jaw clenches, but he decides not to respond.

"Norm, c'mon, huh?" Joy says, then she turns to Ryan. "You're doing great, boy."

Ryan nods.

Norman goes to sit on the couch.

"What fancy place is she taking you?"

"I'm actually treating her," Ryan informs his father as he grabs his coat. "We'll be back in a while. You sure you're going to be alright?"

"Yeah," Norman says.

Ryan lets his mother out first then he closes the door.

He takes her to a nice lunch spot, Hallow's, in the middle of downtown.

They sit down, and Joy takes off her coat.

"This is too expensive, let me pay," she offers.

"No mom," he chuckles. "I want to buy you lunch. I've missed you, so I'm glad you're here."

She grins a bit. "Sweet boy."

He chuckles.

"Ryan, you've been doing great with your father," she says. "But you haven't been taking care of yourself. You felt a little warm to me, you might be catching a cold."

"Mom, I'm okay," he insists.

"Maybe you should come to the house for a few days," she suggests. "Rest up...have some peace."

"I'm good," he smiles. "I'm alright mom."

"You don't look it, son," she says, this time more firmly. "I never expected you to take everything on for your father...I just, wanted you to see him. I never expected you to stay as long as you have."

He leans back into the chair, sighing.

"Dad's stubborn, but everyday, he deteriorates a little more," he explains. "He tries to hide it, but I know that he gets worse. But the old man's so damn mean, he just might outlive all of us."

Joy laughs. "Wouldn't that be somethin', huh?"

She sighs as she takes a sip of water before she looks at Ryan.

"So...have you and Natalia been talking?"

He shakes his head. "Not much...I miss her. I've hurt her so much...sometimes, I just keep replaying the night we spent together, how it turned into a disaster. She just sobbed, and I want her crying because she's happy, not because she's hurt."

"You should go home," she advises. "I know how much you love Natalia. You don't want to lose her. There are people that can take care of your father...Natalia is a beautiful young woman, a little on the fragile side."

"She is fragile," he says. "So fragile emotionally. I have tried so hard to give her everything she wants and needs, but...it didn't seem like it was enough. Her self-esteem is so low, it hurts me...she doesn't believe that she is who everyone else sees she is. There are just so many things that she wants and needs, but I can give it all to her, because I don't have all the answers. I don't know what to do to make her realize how beautiful and amazing she is to me."

Joy chuckles. "Let me tell you somethin'. You know how badly your father treated me, and when I finally left him, I thought that was the end of my problems when it was the least of my problems, especially when I met Harry. The thing about women like me, and Natalia who have been abused and mistreated for any length of time is that deep down...we're little girls who need affirmation."

Ryan furrows his eyebrows. "But Ma, that's what I did, I always told Natalia how beautiful she is."

"But you've got to show her."

He shakes his head. "What other way can I show her other than what I've been doing?"

"See her through her insecurities," she explains. "Find out as you help her the way she really needs to be loved. I put Harry through the ringer because I wasn't confident in myself. Norm tore down everything I believed to be true about myself, and I knew I had to rebuild it. Harry helped me through it and he knows the way I like to be loved. Natalia already knows her weaknesses and she knows she's insecure, and she may have overcome them just enough to get through the day, but she needs to overcome them for good so that she can be happy with you."

That makes perfect sense. The kind of perfect sense only a mother could possess, and Ryan nods his understanding. "You're right. All I've been doing is pointing out her insecurities instead of helping her. The crazy part is that I'm just as screwed up...if not more."

Joy reaches her hand across the table and squeezes his.

"You're not screwed up, boy," she says.

"Natalia seems to think so."

"Then she's an idiot. I love her to death, but it's the truth. Doesn't she see how far you've come? Now, it's impossible for you to help her if she won't let you. If she won't trust you. For a while I was so worried that you'd never let yourself be happy again, that you'd always punish yourself for the mistakes you made, but...I'm so proud of you because you're so great at your job, and you're intelligent...I was lucky to be able to do a year of college. You got your degree, and you're helping people. You became the man I raised you to be, and as a mother...that makes me happy, and I know without a doubt that _I_ trust you. Fully. That tells me I did right by you and that I did what I was supposed to do."

"You're a great mom," he grins.

"And I'm sorry, for staying with your father as long as I did," she apologizes.

"No, don't apologize for that," he says. "Ma...I know that you were trying to keep our family together. Dad was the one that put us through hell, not you."

"I know, but...knowing you're here now," she sighs. "Taking care of Norm...I should be the one, Ryan. I should have left him when he started hurting you."

He grins slightly, shrugging. "The past is the past, right? Nothing we can do about that now, is there?"

Joy chuckles, patting his hand. "No, I guess not, son."

"I've been thinking about moving back up here," he says. "I don't know what me and 'Lia are going to do then. I-"

"You're not moving back up here," Joy says firmly.

"Mom-"

"Nuh uh," Joy says, pointing a finger at him. "What is wrong with you, boy? Are you insane?"

He sits back a bit. "I honestly thought you'd be okay with that."

"I most certainly am not," Joy says. "Is this because of your father is dying? Because I don't need any kind of help. I know why you want to move up here, and I won't allow it. Norm may have been a lousy husband and father, but I've got Harry, who makes up for all of that. You feel like you need to be the man of the house, but you already are, you have been. Now, it's time for you to be the man of the house you're going to make. Your own family, you understand, son?"

Ryan nods.

"So, this weekend, I want you on a plane back to Miami," she instructs. "I will buy you a ticket."

"But what about dad?"

"You talk to him with the days you have left here," Joy says firmly. "Say what you need to say to him now, make peace with him now. But you are _not_ staying here another day after Saturday. You are going to go back home and finish what you started. You are going to take care of yourself and Natalia. I'm not going to sit back and watch you sacrifice everything you have with her over your father. He is not your responsibility. And Ever and I will be fine. You have your own life...go back to it and live it, you understand me, boy?"

"Yes ma'am," he says.

"Good," she sighs and picks up the menu. "Okay, so what are we eatin' huh? This place is fancy. Hope there ain't fifty dollar burgers in this joint."

"Even if there were, it's worth it," he laughs. "You're my mother. If you want a fifty dollar burger, you're gonna get one."

Joy smiles, shaking her head.

O-o-O

Natalia sighs as she sits down before all the boxes she pulled out once again. She gently bites at her bottom lip as she opens one up, and tears immediately sting at her eyes. It figures she'd open the box with all of the things from her wedding, and she sniffles as she closes it, covering her face with her hands, crying.

"God...I _can't_ do this," she sobs.

She feels warm hands comfort her and she sniffles and wipes her tears.

Anya smoothes over her sister's hair and Calleigh pats Natalia's knee.

"'Lia, it's the only way you're going to be able to let him go," Anya says. "And we'll help you."

Natalia nods.

"It'll be okay," Calleigh assures. "Natalia, you've got to do this. This is part of the process...you loved him at one point in time, and you can't keep all the memories of him locked away forever. You have to face this because you've fallen in love again, and you need to start fresh."

Natalia sighs. "You're right. Okay..."

She takes out her wedding photo, and she feels fresh tears when she sees how happy she and Nick had been on that day. He looked so handsome in his tux, in the picture, he looks like the man she fell in love with. She looks at herself in her dress; it was white of course, but flowy, modern, yet conservative. She'd been heavily reliant on her Catholic upbringing, and her greatest desire of all was to be married in the church, to make that commitment in front of God and her priest, whom she'd developed a great friendship with. She was so excited to be married in her parish, and she had to fight the temptation to run down the aisle and leap into his arms.

His touch was so gentle, loving, and he was so proud to be her husband.

She was a bit more plump then, curvy, fuller, and at a healthy weight. She is much, much slimmer now, but then, she wasn't too fat nor to skinny. Her hair was long, down to the middle of her back, and it was curled and flowing around her face.

She puts that picture aside and she takes out the box with the champagne glasses and the cake knife. She smiles as she looks at it, and it surprises her that Nick held on to their wedding trinkets. That is already telling her something about him after their divorce and his release from prison; she wonders if he ever looked and reflected upon their wedding day, about the happiness they'd lost.

"You looked beautiful," Calleigh compliments. "You both look so happy..."

"We were," Natalia grins. "We were very happy...I loved him so much. A few months after we were married, he changed, and...I couldn't understand what was happening. He became a different person, and I didn't know what to do because I still loved him. I didn't want to face the humiliation of a divorce. But the abuse just escalated and escalated. It was more than physical, it was emotional and verbal. Some days, he would just look at me like I disgusted him...but the sad part was that after a while, I just became numb to it, and it was frustrating because I wished that I could have been numbed to the physical abuse. I wished so much that I could just press the rewind button and figure out exactly who he was before I married him."

Anya shakes her head. "He deceived all of us, 'Lia."

Calleigh rubs over her five month swell, moving her hands over where she feels the baby kicking.

"It's not your fault, Natalia," Calleigh says. "I'm just playing devil's advocate, but I don't think he knew what he'd turn into when he married you either."

Natalia nods.

Anya opens up another box and begins rummaging through it. She finds some books, some that belong to Nick and others that belong to Natalia mixed in. She must have thrown her own books in there over time.

Anya picks up one of Natalia's favorite novels, _The Hours_, and she grins when she sees that it has been read many times over, the cover bent, the pages dog-eared and bent. She flips through it, and a picture falls out. She picks it up and she furrows her eyebrows.

"Uh, Natalia...?"

"Yeah?"

Anya holds up the picture, and Natalia becomes physically ill when she sees it, and tears spring to her eyes once again. She holds her hand out and Anya hands the picture to her and Natalia shakes with silent sobs as she looks upon the picture.

Calleigh notices too, and she rubs over Natalia's back.

"I'm sorry..."

Natalia gets up and rushes to her bedroom and closes the door.

She sits on her bed, tangling her hand into her hair as she stared at the grainy, black and white picture in her hand.

A sonogram.

Her baby.


	18. Eighteen

_Focused mainly on this story, In the Stars will be completed soon as well. Will work on an ending for Carillon Beach, but pretty much, after this one and ITS, will be taking a break from FF for a bit. Thanks for all the great reviews! Enjoy.

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Pliant

**Eighteen**

Natalia rubs her thumb over the sonogram picture as she cries, then she holds it to her heart, feeling the pain of the grief and guilt she has been refusing to feel. Every emotion, every memory hits her, gathers her up in the violent, swirling storm that has been brewing, and she can't take it, and she knows now why she's never been able to face or deal with any of it at all. It has been easier burying and ignoring the pain than bringing it forth and casting it out of her life because she knew that she would feel like this, she would hit bottom and not know how to bring herself back up.

She felt this paralyzing fear all those years ago when Nick had first been put in prison, when he broke her arm and punched her, slapped her, yelled at her...

And now, looking at the sonogram, she _hates_ him like never before. More fervently and steadfastly than she ever has, and yet, going through his things, she realizes that she'd been in love with him, too. She is still holding on to his things because Nick's things keep her from hating him thoroughly. She is still hanging on to him because she wants so much to believe that she hadn't fallen in love with a lie, with a monster; that she hadn't been so stupid after all. How could she, after a childhood full of affirmation and love, have chosen a man that despised her almost as much as loved her. He would look at her like he despised her, he would tell her she was ugly, he would tell her that she was stupid, tell her that just because she worked for the FBI doesn't mean that she did anything worth praising. He called her names, every horrible name in the book, made her think that her past relationships and mistakes made her a whore...

And maybe they did.

She lost her virginity at seventeen, with predictable results. The guy dumped her, she became depressed, her father had been angry and disappointed, she thought she'd gotten pregnant, but thank God it had only been a scare. It took her father several years to trust her again, to forgive her for breaking his heart. Then the next man she met toward the end of college. The relationship went south, and she ended up breaking up with him because she hated that he was trying to make her into a wife and mother before she was ready. Then she met Nick, fresh from college, twenty five, just starting her career and he swept her off her feet.

Little did she know he'd turn into a nightmare of a man and torture her and rip away everything from within her.

Then Eric came along that had been a disaster and she'd gotten what she'd deserved out of that because she didn't even think she was worthy of romance, affection, and respect. Eric certainly didn't mean for their relationship to take the turn that it did, he was simply going off the information she gave him. She is sure that at the time, if she'd expected more of him, he would have stepped up, but she knew that back then, he wasn't interested in anything long term...and that he was much more enthralled with Calleigh half the time than he was with her. When she thinks back on it now, it makes her grin a bit because the man followed Calleigh around like she was a goddess and he her manservant, and he absolutely respected and took an interest in her work, worshipped the ground she walked on. The way he treated Calleigh assured Natalia that he wasn't a bad guy, nor completely commitment phobic. He didn't want to commit to just any woman, he wanted to commit to Calleigh.

And he has, and Natalia knows that he is a good man.

At the time, Eric of course apologized for treating her the way he did some weeks after the mole situation; he went to bat for her against Nick, nearly got named as a suspect in his murder.

A couple of dates, and a few one night stands to take the edge off later, and then, Ryan, with whom she had an encounter on the hood of her car. And how lucky she'd been, when he cared about not exercising his self-control for her sake. He _cared_ about her feelings, he cared about how he made her feel, and worried that he'd treated her like an object.

Why it took her so long to fall in love with him, she doesn't know because just thinking back on the remorse and tenderness in his eyes, she figures she should have fallen for him then. When they made love again, he made her feel amazing, he adored her, lavished her with his heart...

Then Zoe showed up. Then the truth came out and it has since distorted everything she thought to be true, and it has torn the seam that she'd sown over the holes in her heart. Everything that used to ache before is now excruciating, and she doesn't know if she can make it through this time. She has once again given her heart, given her body, and for what?

Natalia puts the picture down and covers her face.

_Nick was right. I am a whore._

The door to her bedroom opens and Anya comes in, sick with sadness at seeing her sister so broken. She herself begins to cry as she sits on the bed next to Natalia.

"'Lia...talk to me," Anya begs tearfully. "I'm scared...what happened?"

Anya touches Natalia's shoulder, but Natalia pulls away.

"Don't touch me," Natalia cries, getting up and going into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, locking it.

Anya tries the door, and she becomes even more distraught.

"God...she locked it," she frets to Calleigh, who comes in. "Dammit, Natalia, open this fucking door! I swear if you hurt yourself-"

"Anya, calm down," Calleigh says firmly. "Don't even put the idea in her head. Just...go sit on the bed, okay?"

"What are we going to do?" Anya asks. "I can't lose my sister..."

"You won't," Calleigh assures. "Has Natalia ever hurt herself before?"

Anya shrugs. "Once, but that was years ago, when she was in high school, over some stupid guy."

"What did she do?"

"Overdose on some pills," Anya explains. "But she was only being spiteful. She's hasn't hurt herself since then, but...this isn't the first time she's been depressed. Especially after Nick...me and my other sister Christina stayed with her for a while because we didn't know what she would do to herself if we weren't there."

"Okay," Calleigh says, then she knocks on the door. "Nat...please open the door so we can talk. Y-you don't have to go through the boxes anymore, but we can just...talk. I can have Eric bring over some of his mother's empanadas...we can eat and talk."

"No."

Calleigh sighs. "You can't lock yourself away...you have to deal with it."

"Leave me alone!"

"I'm not leaving you alone," Calleigh insists.

"I'm not going to hurt myself!" Natalia calls through. "I'm not a fucking idiot!"

"I know that," Calleigh says.

"Then go away. I just need to..."

"Grieve?"

"Yes."

"You don't have to do it alone," Calleigh offers. "Your sister is out here, worried sick about you."

There is a long moment of silence before Natalia unlocks the door and opens it up.

"Don't worry, Annie," Natalia says, wiping her tears as she goes over and kisses her little sister's forehead. "Don't worry, alright? You can trust that I won't do anything because that would take me away from you...and Mommy and Papa and Christie. I love you."

"Love you too," Anya says, sniffling. "_Promise_ me."

"I promise," Natalia grins a bit before she picks up the sonogram picture. "Just, leave me be. Just for a little while."

"W-where are you going?" Anya asks.

"I'm going to church," Natalia says, picking up her purse.

"I'll go with you," Anya offers.

"No, sweetie," Natalia says somberly. "I need to go by myself."

With that, she leaves the room, then the house.

O-o-O

The stillness and the silence of St. Helena's Catholic Church settles around Natalia as she sits in the confessional, waiting for a priest to slide open the polished dark wood of of the other side. She has on her circle lace covering, a gift from her mother to be worn at confession. It has been almost seven years since she's been to her home parish. She has been going to another, but she has missed St. Helena's, has missed the friendship of Father Ramirez, has missed her friends. Shame, mostly, has kept her from returning.

The small door slides open, and ornate shadows from the light filtering through land on her arm.

The priest offers a beginning prayer before she begins.

"Bless me Father for I have sinned...it has been...too long since my last confession."

There is a long pause from the priest, then he turns and looks at her fully through the wooden screen.

"Natalia?"

"Father Ramirez."

He sighs, thinking that he has a lot of catching up to do with her, but for now, he needs to see her through her confession.

"What is your confession?"

Natalia swallows thickly, clutching the sonogram picture.

"I have been hateful, dishonest, unforgiving...grieving," she begins. "I have..." She sniffles as she begins to cry again and she continues in a shaky voice. "_Destroyed_ possibly the best relationship I've ever had. I have judged and used the man that I'm _so desperately_ in love with. I have come to hate myself."

"Who is this man that you love?"

"His name is Ryan."

"How long have you been in a relationship with him?"

"We were together for a little over three months before I broke up with him," she explains. "Then we talked and made love again two months ago, and then he left because his father is ill."

"So you have been physically intimate?"

"Yes," Natalia says. "I miss him so much because I love him...I _need _him. But I pushed Ryan away, and I don't deserve him. I don't deserve his love because of the things I've done. I feel...thinking back on it, I just feel so disgusting, and filthy. I deserve everything that's happened because of what I've done..."

Father Ramirez furrows his eyebrows.

"It sounds like there's something more you're confessing..."

Natalia clutches the picture harder in her fingers as she covers her face with the other hand, the tears coming endlessly, it seems.

"I don't deserve anything," she sobs. "I don't deserve to be happy..."

"Natalia, you know that's not true. The Lord loves you, his Holy Spirit loves you, and he is hurting with you...you've got to face what is causing you to feel this way."

More sobs come as she begins to recount the worst day of her life.

O-o-O

"Dammit, boy, that's not-" Norman is interrupted by his own wracking coughs as he points to his medicine cabinet. "That's not the right pills!"

"I'm sorry," Ryan huffs. "I just wasn't paying attention."

"Just get me my damn pills."

Ryan clenches his jaw and he goes back to the medicine cabinet and finds the right pills. He pours the capsules into his hand then he puts them into his father's then gives him some juice.

Norman pops the pills then he takes a long drink of the cranberry juice.

"You should probably lie down," Ryan says, taking the cup from his father then helping his father over to the couch.

"I probably should've done a lot of things," Norman huffs, inhaling his oxygen. "And I shouldn't have done a lot of things. I shouldn't have smoked like a chimney, shouldn't have drank the Daniels, shouldn't have knocked up your mother...God knows that brought me more trouble than this shit I'm dealing with now."

Ryan rolls his eyes, rubbing a hand over his face.

"So that gave you the right to beat the shit out of me, hm?"

He hadn't meant for it to come out that way, but he is at his wit's end. He doesn't feel good, he feels achy, feverish, and his mother had been right-he has come down with a cold, and he has been trying to sleep, eat as much as he can and keep his temperature down, but the stress of the last two months have finally caught up with him. The aggravation from his father, plus his heartache over Natalia, plus the reality of his father's rapidly deteriorating condition has taken it's toll and he's glad his mother advised that he go home because he can't take much more.

Norman looks at his son, who looks quite haggard, annoyed, and in search of something he knows he can never give him; he is unrepentant of the things he's done. He doesn't care one way or another, and he's been able to benefit from Ryan's being here because that's one more person to take care of him in his old age. His daughter, Ever, absolutely despises him, and he could give a shit about her, too.

He looks at his son, coldness in his eyes as he chuckles bitterly.

"What? You thought by coming up here and taking care of me that what? I'd have some sort of epiphany?"

"I want to know why you treated your family worse than a dog and then abandoned us," Ryan says. "I want to know why you hurt mom and Ever, when all they did was love and respect you?"

Norman laughs rather dementedly, then he coughs a bit, looking up at him.

"You think I have an answer? Kid..." He pauses, coughing up into his handkerchief. "I don't know what to tell you. I didn't want you, your sister, nor your mom. Simple as that. You thought that if you took care of me, you'd find some damn closure or whatever other mental babble bullshit they feed you in Spic Town? Well you're not gonna get it. You have to face the fact that your old man is and always will be a miserable bastard. And I ain't gonna apologize for that."

Ryan shakes his head, then he takes his coat and walks out.

He can't wait to leave this god-forsaken city.

O-o-O

There is something so sweet about the little moments, and Eric is beginning to take stock as he looks in on Calleigh, sitting out on the porch swing. There is an absolutely _gorgeous_ smile on her face as she looks down at the swell in her belly. Her blouse is tugged up a bit, revealing her skin, and she gently presses her fingers to where their baby is kicking inside her.

Seeing Calleigh pregnant and glowing makes him love her deeper, and she just looks so completely beautiful and radiant. He admits, he has taken to staring at her breasts, but he can't help that-they're bigger now than they've ever been, and it's fascinating to him, because pretty soon, she'll be feeding their baby, connecting with their child while also nourishing him or her. He flip-flops daily over which he is beginning to prefer more: a boy or a girl. He thinks that having a firstborn son to carry on his name will be great, but then, he also thinks that having a little girl that would be just like Calleigh will be amazing too. Little girls are just infinitely adorable and they bring so much joy and pride to a father.

"You like playing around in mommy's tummy, huh?" Calleigh coos to her belly. "I feel your little feet," she gently tickles the small crest in her belly. "Mommy's tickling your feet."

She is just too sweet.

Eric steps out onto the porch and he gives her the bowl of fruit he mad her.

"I made you a healthy snack," he says as he sits next to her on the swing.

"Mm, thank you," she says, then she kisses him softly. "I love you."

"I love you too," he says before kissing him again.

He puts his hand on her belly and he feels the baby kicking.

"She's playful today," Calleigh says as she eats a strawberry. "She's been rolling around and kicking all day."

"That means she'll be athletic, like me," he says.

She nods her agreement. "Maybe. What if we had a boy and he wasn't athletic at all? What if our son turns out to be an awkward nerd?"

Eric laughs. "We'll love him anyway, and pray that he gets a girlfriend before forty."

Calleigh giggles.

"So, before I go to Home Depot, are we definitely, positively sure that we want sage green, brown, and mustard yellow?"

"Yes, because it matches the pattern on the linens I bought," she says. "It's beautiful, and so soft...do you think you'll be able to blend them well, love?"

"Yeah," he says confidently. "I promise you, it'll be perfect. Home repair and improvement is my thing."

She tilts her head to the side, a doubtful look on her face.

"Eric, you fixed a doorknob...we're not talkin' Bob Villa here."

He puts a hand over his heart. "She cuts me deep sometimes."

Calleigh laughs.

He wraps his arm around her shoulders and she rests into him as she eats.

"I hope Natalia is alright," Calleigh sighs. "She was so distraught a couple days ago...she's just _so_ heartbroken about Ryan, about Nick...I hope going to church helped her."

He kisses his wife's forehead. "I hope so too. You've been a great friend to her."

"Thank you," she says. "I hate to see both she and Ryan so hurt. The love they have for each other is...amazing. I feel helpless sometimes because people make decisions, but...I would hate it if they didn't get back together. They need each other...Natalia misses him so much, and she wants him here with her."

"All we can do _carina_, is be there for them."

"You're right," she says.

He leans in and kisses her softly, then she rests against him as she eats her fruit.

O-o-O

The flight back down to Miami had been quick, though he fell asleep as soon as the jet got up in the air. He'd taken some cold medicine, ate a sandwich, and that tided him over, but he knows that he needs to stop at the store and pick up some fresh groceries, and when the thought occurred to him in the cab on the way home, he'd groaned, thinking that he just wants to go to bed.

When he pulls up to his apartment complex, he pays the driver, then he grabs his luggage and heads upstairs. He opens up his apartment, and he walks in, glad to see that it is the way he left it. Nixing the idea of going to the store, he takes his things into his room and he puts it aside to unpack later, changes out of his clothes and gets in the bed. He sighs, glad that he is back home, back in an environment he can stand, and the relief makes him relax even more. Within minutes, he falls asleep.

A few hours later, he awakens, and he rubs a hand over his face.

He gets up and he goes into his kitchen, a glass of water and taking some more cold medicine in mind. It has been a long time since he's had a cold, the Florida climate having a lot to do with that, but he knows how to take care of himself. He's not one of those idiots that keeps working when he's contagious and coughing and full of snot. Though the dust that has collected in his apartment isn't helping. He takes some more medicine and drinks down his water before he goes over to the couch and sits down, turning the TV on low before he picks up the phone.

He contemplates calling Natalia for a moment, to let her know that he's back in town, but then again, he's not sure.

They barely spoke while he was gone, but the last time he spoke with her, she sounded better, after they really talked about the state of their relationship, but Ryan finds himself more eager to call her now because he wants to tell her about his conversation with his mother, and tell her that he will be staying in Miami.

He's learned all that he needed from his father, and though his father's blunt confession hurt him, he also feels strangely okay now.

Ryan dials Natalia's cell phone number, unsure if she would be at home.

It rings a few times, then she answers.

"Ryan?"

"Hey 'Lia..."

There is a long pause on her end, and he furrows his eyebrows.

"Natalia?"

She comes back on.

"Ryan...a-are you calling from your apartment?"

"Uh, yeah," he grins a bit, scratching his head and coughing a bit. "I just got back from New York this afternoon."

She takes in a shaky breath. "Um...God, you sound terrible..."

"I caught a cold."

"Oh...um, wow...so, I guess you've made a decision then. You need any help taking care of things?"

"Honey, I'd rather talk to you face to-" he pauses to sneeze, then cough. "Sorry. Face to face. I need to just...put everything on the table because 'Lia...all I did was think about you, and...God, I just need to see you. I've missed you so much."

Again, there is a pause, then she speaks.

"Okay," comes her shaky reply. "I'm almost finished with work, so I'll come by. I'm assuming since you've been gone that you need groceries, so I'll pick some up. Wouldn't want you to starve in your state of infirm."

He chuckles a bit. "That sounds great...I-I love you, 'Lia."

"I love you too," she says, and he can almost hear her smile. "I'm glad you're home."

Ryan nods. "Me too."

O-o-O

Natalia knocks on the door, holding two bags of groceries in her arms.

Ryan opens up the door and he takes one of the bags from her and she comes in. She feels her heart both clench then skip a beat because she is both saddened by and attracted to his appearance. He has lost weight in the time that he's been gone, though he's still well muscled, only leaner, his skin is a bit pale, but that she attributes to the lack of sunlight up in New York and most likely being unable to get out much because of his father. She wonders just how bad off his father is and what happened that made him return suddenly.

But then, she finds herself undeniable attracted to him, as if it's been renewed, and she pinpoints it exactly after a moment.

It's the goatee.

It's been a couple of years since she's seen him with one, and she admits that he looks undeniably _sexy_ with it, though she is sure that after he gets back on his feet and gets over his cold, he'll shave it off. Still, she will enjoy it, because he looks handsome.

Things are a bit awkward as they put the groceries away, and they avoid touching each other because they know that will set off emotions that will come so intense, that they won't be able to stand it.

Natalia hands him a can of chicken noodle soup and he smirks.

"What?" She asks with a smile.

"And here I thought you were going to make it for me from scratch," he grins.

She rolls her eyes. "Hey, I bought you groceries, mister. You should be grateful."

"I am," he says, resisting the urge to kiss her softly. "Thank you, honey."

"You're welcome," she says. "Now, heat up your soup so you can sit down."

She looks as beautiful as ever, and he can't help it when his eyes rake over her body when she turns to put the rest of the groceries away.

There are clear boundaries here-though neither of them have verbally negotiated setting them. They are just there, and Ryan is going to respect them, no matter how hard it is because he has missed her, and he loves her. When he thinks back on it, everything happened so fast, and he wants to go back and erase all the hurt and pain between them and just pick up where they left off.

Natalia picks up her purse, once she makes sure that Ryan is situated again, but he looks at her.

"Where are you going?" He asks, putting the bowl onto the coffee table.

"Home," she says flatly. "I'm tired."

"'Lia, I need to talk to you," he says.

"I don't want to talk," she huffs. "I'm done talking. I don't feel like talking, okay? Not right now."

He sighs, too tired to argue with her. "Fine."

"No, you know what? It's not fine," she hisses. "It's not fine! You thought that when you came back that I-I would just forget all the rest of the things you've done to me?"

"No," he says patiently, and that only serves to anger her more. "I know we have things to work out, honey. But I need to know that you'll do this with me. I know that I've done things that have hurt you, and I also know that there are things that you're still dealing with from your past, and I want to help you get through that. I-I can't do it without you, 'Lia."

"I don't want you to help me," she says tearfully. "Y-you said that I had choices...you said that I had freedom and choices, and that you'd never take that away from me...so I made a choice. I can't do this anymore..."

He steps closer to her, seeing the pain and uncertainty in her eyes, and he knows that she is hiding something from him, that below all of her insecurities lies the root of her problem. Her entire mood has shifted, and now she's running scared. From what, he doesn't know, but he will find out because he can't stand another moment of watching her force herself to suffer through something that she doesn't need to suffer through any longer. It is time for Natalia to come clean because, at this point, he can't be with her at all if she doesn't allow him to understand all that he's found out about her of late.

"What are you so afraid of?" He asks. "Natalia...I love you more than life itself, and I would give anything, _anything_ to take away the pain of these last few months. I want a life with you, I want a family with you...I want to give you everything because you deserve to be happy and you deserve love."

_No I don't_.

"Too much has happened," she sniffles. "I-I can't trust you anymore, I can't...I have to go, Ryan."

He gently puts his hands on her arms. "Whatever you're telling yourself, it's not true. Whatever it is that you've been telling yourself, it's not true. Don't make it true, 'Lia. Fine, you don't want us anymore, but we were friends before we were lovers, and I'm not going to let my friend keep torturing herself with self-destructive lies. I won't let you do it, 'Lia..."

"Stop...please stop!" She begs of him, tears flowing down her cheeks. "Leave me alone!"

"Natalia, this is going to stop right here, right now," he insists, tightening his grip as she tries to pull away, and he pulls her closer to him, trying to get her into his arms.

She fights him, hitting his chest.

"Get away from me!" She yells. "Let go of me!"

"No."

She slowly gives up the fight, weakened by the wracking sobs, causing her to become dizzy and tired from her erratic breathing and she feels his strong arms wrap around her tightly and she sinks into him, crying into his chest.

"I need you to protect me!" She sobs uncontrollably. "Protect me, please!"

He holds her tighter, caressing over her back and pressing kisses into her hair. "I've got you, honey. I've got you."

She burrows her face into his chest as she releases her tears.

O-o-O

Despite the fact that he has a cold, that didn't stop Ryan and Natalia from lying close to each other. in bed. After crying, she'd been exhausted, and he himself was exhausted and instead of her having to worry about driving home, he wanted her to come to bed with him. He assured her that it was completely innocent when she raised a suspicious eyebrow at him. She let him lead her to his bedroom and he gave her one of his old shirts to wear to bed.

Now, she is lying half on, half off of him, face nuzzled into his neck as she sleeps, and it feels so good to have her in his arms again, to be able to hold her again. He smoothes over her hair and kisses her forehead as she sleeps, probably more peacefully than she has in weeks.

"I love you," he whispers as he gently caresses over her back while she sleeps.

The sun is beginning to peek through the blinds, and he slowly, carefully gets out of bed and covers her up again before he goes out into the kitchen. He puts on some coffee, then he begins to make a bit of breakfast for her.

She emerges in the kitchen about ten minutes later, when the smell of breakfast awakened her.

He smiles because she looks beautiful, well rested, as she stretches her arms with a yawn then she whimpers a bit as she combs her fingers through her tussled hair before she hugs him, still coming out of her sleep. He kisses her softly and she sighs, feeling content and safe. The thoughts that have been screaming at her in her head are beginning to quiet and slink off into organized spaces in her mind so that she can finally begin to deal with them one by one. Being in Ryan's arms again feels so good, and she doesn't want to let him go.

"What'd you make?"

"I made some eggs and toast," he says. "Thanks for thinking about breakfast food."

"You're welcome," she says softly.

The coffee is ready, and pours them both a cup before he makes a plate for himself and Natalia. She takes hers gratefully then they sit at the table together.

"How are you feeling?" She asks.

"I'm a little better," he says. "I think it was stress more than anything."

"I'm glad you feel better," she says. "Um...thank you for holding me last night. I needed that."

"Always, 'Lia," he says softly.

They eat their breakfasts then Natalia sits back and looks into his eyes.

He reaches a hand over and caresses her cheek.

She knows she needs to talk to him, that she needs to let go of the shame and guilt she has been feeling for so long because she does trust Ryan. She trusts him with her heart, with her secrets...with her pain. The more she hides from him, the worse the pain gets, and the less of a chance she has to make things right with him. She can see that he wants to be with her and get their relationship back on the right track, that he is ready and willing, but she has to be ready.

But what if he doesn't want her anymore after what she tells him?

What if Ryan sees her for who she really is and leaves after all?

No, he wouldn't. He has put everything on the line for her, she knows that he wouldn't run away from her now. The running away is her job.

Natalia closes her eyes, sighing.

"Ryan...I'm scared," she confesses quietly.

"You don't have to be scared," he assures.

She opens her eyes.

"You wouldn't want me if you knew..." She stops as tears fall and she looks away from him.

"'Lia, whatever you tell me, whatever you did, that could never make me stop loving you," he assures. "I want to help you because I love you."

She shakes her head.

"I can't..."

"Yes you can," he insists. "Natalia, I don't want to lose you to this. Let me help you."

She cries and wraps her arms around her middle.

"I...I-I killed my baby!" She sobs. "I killed my baby!"

She gets up and she turns away from him, feeling the burden of shame and guilt. She can't bring herself to look into his eyes.

Ryan gets up and he wraps his arms around her, and she tries to resist, but he will not let her, and she cries, turning to him.

"I killed my baby," she cries.

"Tell me what happened," he says, sitting her back down again.

Natalia cries more and she delves into her memory.

"I was so _stupid_ to think that Nick had changed," she sniffles. "After all he'd done...but I wanted my marriage to work. I didn't want to go through the pain of a divorce, the embarrassment and humiliation. We separated for a while, but then we started talking again, and he seemed different. We got back together and we slept together. The peace we had didn't last long, and he was the same. He was cheating on me, and I confronted him and that's...that's when he beat the hell out of me and broke my arm. I was _terrified_, and I couldn't even leave the house...I almost lost my job. Putting Nick in prison was hard, but I had to."

"A few weeks later, I found out that I had gotten pregnant, and...I didn't know what to do. I was sick, I was still trying to recover from my injuries and then I find out that I'm pregnant. I felt so ashamed and stupid...how could I have even gotten back together with him? How could I be pregnant with Nick's baby? I was so, so confused and scared...and then I thought, I can't do this. I can't have this baby, I can't have any remnants of Nick in my life, not even his child."

She covers her face as she shakes from the coldness of her memories and thoughts, then she looks back up at Ryan.

"I decided to get an abortion," she confesses. "That was the best way because I wasn't ready for a baby, and just the _thought_ of raising Nick's child after what he did to me, made me sick to my stomach. I had nothing but pure hatred for the baby in my belly...I hated my own child."

He imagines her now, desperate, unsure of what to do, bruises on her face, cast on her arm and sitting in disbelief at the report that she is pregnant.

"On the day of the appointment," she continues. "I began to have second thoughts because it was real. It wasn't some movie I was living in, it wasn't scripted...it was _real_. I realized that I was making the biggest mistake of my life, and I was going to tell the doctor as much. He did a sonogram, to find the baby, and I asked him to turn the sound on so that I could hear the heartbeat. He did and..."

She shakes her head. "There was nothing. No heartbeat at all. The baby was already dead...had been dead for three days at that point. I'd been carrying around a dead baby inside me for three days."

Ryan brings her into a hug as she cries into his shoulder.

"They took the baby out of me that same day," she cries. "It was my fault..."

"'Lia, that wasn't your fault, you-"

"Yes it was," She insists, pulling away from and looking into his eyes. "It was my fault...I wished my baby dead! I _hated_ my baby, I didn't want it! I wanted it to die because I couldn't be its mother! I wished that my baby would die because of what Nick did to me, and it happened! My baby died inside of me because God knew that I wouldn't love my baby! I wished my baby dead and it was granted and since then, I have felt so guilty and stupid and ashamed. I wished my baby dead and it came true! You say you want to have a family, but I had the chance and I fucked it up; what kind of a mother hates her child? What kind of a mother wishes that her baby would die? A horrible, selfish mother would, and I was just that. I was horrible, selfish, self-pitying...and I lost the one thing that would make me happy! I failed at the one thing I always wanted!"

She gets up and turns away from him, covering her face.

Natalia can barely withstand all the pain that this is bringing her, but she knows that she needs to release this. She can't hold on to this anymore, because it will only make her more miserable and lonely.

Ryan gently turns her to face him and he gently brings her hands down away from her face.

"Open your eyes, honey," he says softly, and she does, revealing the pain and grief in them. "You're going to be alright," he promises with a kiss.

She shakes her head gently. "Why do you want to be with me?"

"'Lia-"

"Why would you want to be with a woman that hated her own baby?" She distresses. "Why would you want to love a woman that wanted her baby to die? You deserve better, Ryan...it was so much easier to blame you and throw all the mistakes you've made in your face because I didn't want to deal with my own. I haven't learned from my mistakes because I'm a coward, I'm selfish, and hateful. I'm-"

"Natalia **stop it**," he says firmly, cupping her wet cheeks. "Stop trying to convince me that you're something you're not. I-I can't take it anymore, 'Lia. You're still trying to push me away, and I won't let you, honey. I'm not going anywhere. _I love you_."

"Why?"

"Honey, if you have to ask me why, then you haven't been paying very much attention at all," he chuckles a bit and she sniffles, allowing for the slightest grin. "I love you because you have so much love inside you to give. I love you because you're amazingly gorgeous and beautiful. I see your beauty and strength and heart past all your pain. Our pasts make us who we are, and I love who you are. You are an intelligent, incredible woman, Natalia, not to mention sexy..."

She smiles for all of a nano second, before she turns away from him, blushing, but he gently tilts her chin to face him again.

"I went against everything I believed," she says in a watery voice. "I was going to take my baby's life..."

"You made a mistake," he says softly, as he looks into her eyes. "That was a hard time...I can't imagine how hard that was for you, but 'Lia...I love you, and I'm not going to hold that over your head, honey. I couldn't do that to you. I'm not gonna judge you for that."

"I didn't mean any of it," she cries. "I was just so angry and scared..."

"I know," Ryan says. "I'm not blaming you for that."

"I let Nick take everything away from me," she says now with angry tears. "I let him take every shred of hope and dignity that I had. He destroyed _everything_ in my life, and I'm still letting him. I'm still giving that bastard the satisfaction by not letting myself be happy. I would have been a good mother, I would have made sure to protect my baby from him...I could've been a great mom..."

"You can still be a great mom," he encourages. "You _will_ be a great mother."

"Sometimes I think that if I'd told Nick about the baby, that he would've changed," she sniffles, pulling away. "He wanted kids...he wanted us to have children. Perhaps if he'd known, maybe he would have..."

She sobs again and he holds her.

"It's okay, honey," he whispers.

"I'm so sorry for pushing you away," she cries as she rests her head onto his shoulder. "I was just so ashamed...I was afraid that you wouldn't want me anymore if you knew what kind of woman I was."

Ryan smoothes over her hair and kisses her forehead.

"I do want you, 'Lia," he says. "And I know what kind of woman you are. I'm in love with that woman. I'm so in love with you. I want you, nothing can change that."

She nods.

"I fell into that trap again," she laments. "Before Nick died, I was with him because I wanted my marriage back...I felt like a complete failure, but I couldn't stay with him because he didn't want me. He made me feel so worthless, he made me feel like...he not only called me a whore, implied to my friends that I was a whore, h-he made me _feel_ like one."

"'Lia..."

He hugs her tighter, kissing her hair.

"You and I both know that's not true," he whispers. "And I'm gonna help you get through this. We're gonna get through this together, I promise."

She nods. "I love you, Ryan. I love you so much."

"I love you too, 'Lia," he whispers, caressing her cheek. "We're going to be okay."

She nods and she rests her head onto his shoulder again she cries.


	19. Nineteen

_Almost to the end! This is coming after the short "break" from FF..."breaks" never last long...the last end of this chap was inspired by Katharine McPhee's song "Surrender" from her album Unbroken. Highly suggest giving it a listen toward the last part of this chapter. Have decided to pick up Toe Steppin'...finally found a direction for it, hope it works. Enjoy.

* * *

_

Pliant

**Nineteen**

Ryan is glad to be back at work, and he makes sure to make the rounds, saying hi to everyone before getting to work. He and Natalia arrived together, and though she is still raw from her confession last week, she is better, and he kissed her softly before they headed into the lab. He knows that from this point on, their relationship is going to be different, and that he is going to have to figure out how to love her through what she is going through now. It still hurts him to think that she would think that he wouldn't love or want her anymore because of a desperate choice she made, driven by circumstances out of her control.

What gripped him even more was the fact that she still had the sonogram picture of her baby; she showed it to him, not without tears, and in that moment, he tangibly felt her anguish. She loves children, he saw that when they watched Billy together, she is wonderful with children, so the fact that she lost a child and hadn't been able to talk about it out of shame must have been devastating. She hasn't told anyone except him about the baby, and he is thankful that she found it in her to trust him again. Her parents nor her sisters know about what happened, they didn't even know that she'd been pregnant then. He has encouraged her to tell her family, so that she can have more support, promising that he'd be there with her. There has been a huge shift in their relationship, and he is still unsure if Natalia has really committed herself to getting through this with him. In the two months that he has been gone and then seeing Natalia again and hearing all that she'd hidden away, he has only fallen deeper in love with her, and his resolve to make things better for her, for them, is stronger than ever before.

He passes by one of the layout rooms and he goes back when he sees Calleigh much more pregnant than when he last saw her, though she is still tiny, like his mother had been with Ever, olive on a toothpick. She is wearing a light blue stripped blouse that clings to her new curves, with a black sweater and a pair of jeans and heels. She is logging in some evidence, and he smirks because he knows that deep down, she is hating being inside, on desk duty and basically reduced to secretary status, even though she is a senior investigator and Horatio's second in command.

He knocks on the glass door and she looks up and smiles.

"Ryan, oh my God," she says as she comes over and hugs him. "When did you get back?"

"Last Saturday," he says as he hugs her carefully. "You look great."

"Thanks babe," she says, tilting her head to the side. "As do you...I think I'm likin' the goatee."

"Uh," he chuckles. "Yeah, I've been getting that all day."

She nods, then she turns serious. "Did everything work out with you and your father? Eric told me he was ill..."

"Uh, not exactly," he sighs. "But I'm just glad to be home."

"It's good to have you back Ryan," she says. "How are you and Nat?"

"We're good," he says. "We've got some things to work out, but...we're okay."

"I'm glad," she smiles.

"How have you been with the baby?"

Calleigh smiles brightly and she blushes. "I've been great...hungry."

"You look radiant," he compliments her. "You're glowing."

"Thank you," she says appreciatively, then she hugs him again. "It's good to have you back."

"Thanks," he says then he pulls away. "I'll talk to you later."

"Alright," she smiles then she goes back to work as he heads out.

He heads down the hallway and he runs into Horatio.

"Hey H," he says.

"Mr. Wolfe," Horatio says with a slight grin on his face. "It's good to have you back. Are you sure you're feeling up to coming back so soon? You still have some vacation time left..."

Ryan shakes his head. "Nah...I'm ready."

"Good," Horatio says. "How is your father?"

Ryan sighs. "He...he deteriorates more as the days go by, but I just couldn't uh...my dad's not the nicest person, and he pretty much told me how he felt, and...I knew I couldn't stay. He put me in a bad place, and I want to have some compassion for him, I needed to show him that I love him because I'm his son."

"That's understandable," Horatio says. "We're all glad to have you back with us."

"Feels good to be back," Ryan says. "So what've you got for me?"

"Double homicide in Calle Ocho with Jesse and Walter," Horatio says.

"I'm on it," Ryan says. "Thanks, H."

Horatio nods and then heads off.

Ryan heads around the corner to Natalia's lab, and he finds her sitting on a stool, tapping her pen impatiently, that vein popped out in the middle of her forehead. She looks adorable right now, impatient as she is for something as she gets up and crosses her arms over her chest and gently bounces on one hip, and he chuckles quietly to himself, almost thinking that she is doing it for his benefit, but she is unaware of his presence, engrossed in her work.

He knocks on the door as he walks into the lab and she looks up, smiling.

"Hey," she says softly.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm waiting for a hit on that sample Calleigh brought me," she sighs. "I've been waiting for almost an hour now, and it's driving me crazy!"

"Calm down, honey," he says, gently rubbing over her back. "Why don't you take a break?"

"No," she pouts.

"'Lia...you're tense," he whispers quietly. "Ever since last weekend after you told me everything you're still kind of emotional and stressed."

She closes her eyes and rubs her temples. "I am...it _still_ hurts...a-and suddenly, all I've been seeing are babies, people with babies...Calleigh walks by and she's pregnant and happy and I just..."

He can see that she is getting worked up now, her eyes glistening with tears.

"I have to keep reminding myself that losing the baby was out of my control," she whispers, pulling herself together.

"You're going to be alright," he assures.

She grins slightly.

He looks around quickly before kissing her softly, putting his hand on her cheek.

"I love you," he says as he pulls away.

"I love you too," she says, smiling. "I'll see you tonight."

"Okay," he says putting his hand gently on her lower back. "Take a break, 'Lia."

She nods then he heads out.

Natalia takes off her lab coat and hangs it up before she heads to the break room for a snack. She grabs a yogurt and sits down on the couch.

Ryan has been so supportive of her, and she finds herself loving him even more. She admits that she is scared, because their relationship has been pushed to an intensity that she doesn't think she's ready for; the love she has for Ryan is deeper, almost endless and that has produced new sensations within her that are powerful enough to steal her breath away. Despite everything she's hidden from him, despite trying to push him away, and accusing him of not being the man that she knows he is, he still loves her. She can see in his eyes that walking away isn't an option, and in the last week, the way he has been holding her, kissing her, talking and listening to her, proves to her that he can only love her deeper, and not less.

He doesn't _want_ anything from her except her honesty and love in return for his. Natalia realizes now that even through all that they've been through these past months, he's never taken anything from her, she has stopped him from giving what she wants and needs. She knows that she needs to be strong for herself, she needs to find her confidence and worth on her own again because he'd been right, she can't make that entirely his responsibility. It needs to be a two way street, she needs to build herself up again, and he will help to keep her strong, reinforce what she discovers to be true of herself.

Natalia got out and away from Nick, and she did get help with the immediate things, with the depression and shame of divorce and revealing the painful years of abuse, but...she hadn't been ready to deal with what'd been taken away that she dared not admit had been taken away until now. It is overwhelming, and she almost feels like not dealing with it at all because it is painful, and difficult to muddle through; it seems as though she will never get past it, that it will never go away.

She wants to just forget it and walk away because it is too much.

But Ryan won't let her, therefore, she won't.

Just like she wouldn't let him keep his past locked away from her, he won't let her do the same to him.

Both of them have been abused, Ryan had fallen into the pit of being an abuser and pulled himself out of it because he didn't want to be there. She knows who he is, he knows who he is, and she is proud of him because in the years that she's known him, he has proven himself to be level-headed, even tempered, yet confident and caring all at once. He is the man his mother raised him to be, and the respect he has for his mother, the love and tenderness he shows her shows Natalia that who Ryan _was_ is not who he _is_.

She trusts him again, wholly, implicitly.

Natalia sighs.

She just needs to learn how to trust herself.

O-o-O

Ryan catches sight of Natalia as she comes out to the patio of the restaurant. She looks incredible, with her mango colored sun dress, hair wavy and loose for the light breeze to wisp through it, and she has on a pair of brown sandals as she approaches. He stands up and he puts his hands on her hips, kissing her softly before he hugs her tightly. Natalia wraps her arm around his neck as she embraces him, pecking little kisses to his cheek and on his shoulder as she hooks her arms under his, feeling safe and comforted.

He pulls away and takes her in.

"You look beautiful," he says and she smiles, feeling her heart flutter.

"Thank you," she says, blushing.

He pulls the chair out for her and she sits down.

"This is very nice," she says.

"I thought you might like this place," he says.

They both order a drink then they talk for a long while.

Ryan plans on taking his mother's advice to heart, he wants to help Natalia get over the hurdles of her insecurities, her fears so that she can start believing in herself again. Taking her out to eat or for coffee makes her feel good because it relaxes her, he knows that she enjoys getting ready, picking out a dress or an outfit, the right shoes, and the right makeup. He knows that their date tonight made her do just that and he imagines that she basked in being able to dress up.

They fall into comfortable silence as they sip at their drinks and a pensive, concerned look crosses her features as she looks out at the beach.

Ryan notices, and he gently puts his hand atop hers, and she looks at him.

"What're you thinking about, 'Lia?"

Natalia sighs, turning her hand over, her palm kissing his.

"My baby would have been my parents fourth grandbaby," she despairs. "They would have been so excited...God, what am I going to tell Papa and Mommy?"

"Just tell them the truth," he advises.

"I'm scared," she admits quietly. "I've disappointed them so many times already...Ryan, I went against my faith, my family's faith. My parents are devout, and they taught me and my sisters to be faithful and I betrayed them."

"Natalia, I don't think you give the people in your life enough credit," he grins slightly. "Your parents love you, your sisters love you, and you love them. I don't think they're going to turn their backs on you."

She looks into his eyes, and the softness and humbleness in them melts him completely.

"I know," she says. "I do love my family, and I love you."

"I love you too," he says. "And I'm going to be with you, I'll support you when you talk to your parents."

She nods.

"Ready for a walk?" He asks, and she smiles.

"Yeah."

He pays for their drinks then he takes her hand and leads her across the street to the beach. She takes her sandals off as they go near the surf.

He kisses her softly, and she smiles again, feeling more loved and more beautiful than she has in a long time.

They talk about anything and everything and Ryan is loving hearing her laugh and seeing her smile and giggle again. She looks absolutely gorgeous, and he is glad that he's the one making her happy again, and he will continue to build her up again, he will continue to show her just how beautiful she is because he knows that deep down, she knows its true, that she believes it, he just has to get her to let it be so.

After their walk, they head back to their respective cars, and when they arrive at hers, she grins and wraps her arms around his neck.

"I had a great time, sweetie," she whispers against his lips.

He kisses her softly. "Good. I had a great time too."

She kisses him a little more insistently this time, and he caresses over her lower back.

He pulls away and looks into her eyes.

"I want to stay with you tonight," she whispers, and he puts his hands on her hips.

"'Lia, honey, I-I don't think it's a good time to-"

"I know," she interrupts gently. "I've just been enjoying you holding me...I like us just sleeping, like we did when we first started our relationship. I like that more than anything."

"Then that's what I'll do."

They head to his apartment, and he takes her hand and they go upstairs. He opens the door for her and she steps inside. He closes and locks up the door before she takes his hand and takes him to his bedroom. She is quite tired, has been of late, since her confession, since going through Nick's things, since admitting to Ryan that her fear and anxiety cost her the child she'd always wanted. She still can't quite get to the point of forgiving herself, but she knows that she will.

It has taken them much restraint and self-control to just be able to sleep together in the literal sense. It has been two months since she's last seen him, last made love with him. Her desire for him is burning within her, but she knows that there needs to be some boundaries because too much has been broken between them.

They undress and change into night clothes, then Ryan turns down the bed and they get in together.

He kisses her softly as she snuggles in to him.

"I love you," he says, caressing her cheek.

"I love you too," she sighs contentedly.

After settling in, they both fall asleep soon after.

The deep sleep only lasted a few hours for Ryan and he now lies awake, holding Natalia against him as she sleeps. He is spooning her, his arm across her waist and he kisses her shoulder softly, and she stirs ever so slightly, but then she settles as she rests again. She looks insanely gorgeous when she's sleeping, then just too cute in the mornings when she wakes up with tussled hair, furrowed eyebrows and a sleepy frown.

She whimpers slightly as she turns onto her back, cuddling into him and he rests onto his back, allowing her to rest her head on his chest and place her hand on his chest, over his heart.

After another hour, he falls back asleep.

O-o-O

Walter walks into the break room and he sees Jesse sitting at the table eating some peanuts, and Ryan is sitting on the couch, eating a cup of noodles, and this scene is slightly reminiscent of college days. Walter goes over to the fridge and grabs a soda.

"Man, I can't believe we're working on Good Friday," Walter laments. "How come the ladies got the day off? I think there's some covert sexism..."

"Actually, Calleigh's here," Jesse explains.

"And Maxine, Sam, and Kiera will be back after mass," Ryan explains.

"Oh right," Walter says, sitting down at the table. "Catholic."

"Oh," Jesse says, getting up and opening the cabinet. "I almost forgot."

"What?" Ryan asks.

Jesse pulls out a large jar full of money, decorated with pink and blue glittery paper and a pink bow.

"Dude, did you decorate that?" Walter asks.

"Hell no,"Jesse frowns. "The girls did."

Ryan shakes his head, getting up. "Oh no...have you been taking bets on Calleigh's baby?"

"Discreetly," Jesse says. "Hey, gives us something to look forward to."

"You know she's going to kill us all, right?" Ryan says. "I mean...she's got this insane, overprotective thing going...this baby is _sacred_."

"What's that got to do with the bet?" Walter asks.

"She won't appreciate it," Ryan warns. "And she won't want any part of it."

"C'mon, she'll love it, it's just for fun," Jesse says.

"What's for fun?" Calleigh asks as she walks into the break room.

When her eyes behold the jar, she furrows her eyebrows.

"What's that?"

"Well," Jesse begins. "You said that you and Eric were keeping the sex of the baby a surprise, so we were uh...making a little wager. Boy or girl, weight, inches."

Calleigh gasps incredulously. "People have been betting on my baby?"

"Because we're excited for you," Walter explains.

She glares at him and he swallows thickly.

She turns away from the men, crying.

"Cal..."

She turns to them, sobbing. "H-how could you do that? That's so-so _sleazy_ and horrible. This is my baby...not some money making scheme, you assholes!"

The men all jump at her inflection.

"Calleigh-"

"You give everyone their money back," she commands, heading to the door. She turns to them, a deep frown in her face. "Assholes!"

With that she walks, more like slightly waddles, out.

Ryan crosses his arms over his chest.

"Told you."

O-o-O

Ryan knocks on Natalia's door, and just seconds later, she opens up and she smiles.

"Hey," she says, opening the door wider to allow him inside.

He walks in and he smells dinner.

"Mm," he says, grinning at her when she comes over to him and wraps her arms around his neck. "French fry casserole?"

She smiles. "Yeah...since you had to work today."

He kisses her softly before giving her a small basket.

"Happy Easter," he says and she takes it gratefully.

There is a small, plush pink bunny, a small gold box of Godiva chocolates, and some jellybeans in a clear plastic Easter egg.

"Thank you, sweetie," she says, kissing his cheek. "I didn't get you anything..."

"No, you don't have to," he says, caressing her cheek. "I just wanted to make you happy, 'Lia. That's all I want...is to see you smiling again."

She kisses him again.

"I love you," she whispers as she hugs him tightly again.

"I love you too," he says, kissing her forehead.

After another twenty minutes, they both sit down to dinner, and Natalia serves him, despite his gentle protests.

"'Lia, you don't have to-"

"I want to, Ry," she says as she makes his plate. "I um...while you were away, I took some time off from work..."

She pauses and places his plate in front of him before she begins to fix her own.

"I had a lot of time to think," she continues. "I'm sure you did too...when you told me that I had choices, that you could never take away my freedom...that made me love you more. I knew for sure that you learned from your mistakes. I realized that you deserve as much love from me as you give. I'm sorry if I ever made you doubt the kind of man that you are."

"It's okay, 'Lia," he says, his hand gently covering hers. "And I'm sorry too...for hurting you. I don't want to be the man that hurts you. God, 'Lia...I'm so in love with you, and I want to be there for you, make you happy. I want to make you feel safe again."

She closes here eyes, trying to keep the tears from flowing.

"Ryan..."

She opens her eyes and she leans in and kisses him lovingly.

Ryan pulls away, and Natalia smiles.

He grins before they begin to eat.

O-o-O

Natalia grips Ryan's hand harder as they make their way up to walkway of her parents' house.

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?"

She takes in a shaky breath. "No, but I need to."

He kisses her cheek.

"Everything will be alright," he assures.

She knocks on the door, and her mother opens up, and when she sees that her daughter and Ryan are holding hands, she smiles brightly.

"Hi Mommy," Natalia says.

"Natalia," Lydia smiles, then she looks upon Ryan. "And Ryan...back together?"

"Yeah," Ryan says. "How are you doing?"

"I am fine," Lydia says excitedly. "Come in."

Lydia ushers them into the living room. "Wow, Ryan, you look different than when I last saw you."

Ryan chuckles a bit. "I hope that's a good thing."

"Yes," Lydia confirms.

Raul stands up.

"My beauty," he says as he hugs his daughter. "You look wonderful."

"Thank you Papa," Natalia grins.

Raul looks at Ryan, and Ryan begins to feel slightly nervous.

"You two have talked," Raul observes. "Have you been taking care of her?"

"Yes sir," Ryan says.

Raul nods before they all sit down.

"So, what is this about?" Lydia asks.

Ryan gently squeezes Natalia's hand before she begins.

"Papa," she begins nervously. "Mommy...you remember what I went through after Nick was put in prison."

Her parents both nod.

Natalia sighs, beginning to cry and she covers her face. She feels like a teenager all over again, admitting that she'd made a mistake and given herself to a boy that only wanted her body and nothing more. She remembers the disappointment, the feeling of shame, and the worst part is that losing her virginity out of wedlock wouldn't even be the biggest mistake. She doesn't want to do this, but she needs to, for herself because she needs the love of her family, she needs to know that they forgive her so that she can forgive herself.

Ryan caresses gently over her back.

"'Lia..."

He knows that a million thoughts are racing in her mind, and that the pain is bubbling up again. Her tears hurt him deeply, each drop like a shard of glass stabbing into his heart.

She sniffles and looks up at her parents.

"After Nick was put in prison," she continues. "I...I-I found out that I was pregnant."

Raul looks to his wife, who is equally stunned, before facing Natalia again.

"You were pregnant?" Raul asks.

"Yes."

"And you did not tell us?"

"No because," she pauses to wipe her tears. "Because I was so afraid, and ashamed, Papa. I couldn't believe that I'd let that happen. I couldn't carry Nick's baby. Just the thought of the baby made me sick because it was his, and I...I couldn't take it...I hated my baby, I didn't want it at all. I wanted it out of my life..."

"What are you saying, Natalia?" Lydia asks.

"I-I decided to get an abortion," Natalia says tearfully, and both of her parents, look visibly disappointed. "But...the day I went to the appointment, I changed my mind. They did a sonogram, and...the baby had already died."

"But you did not want the child?" Raul asks in a harsh tone.

"Not at first," she sniffles. "I-I was just scared and I didn't know what to do I-"

"Why didn't you come to me?" Raul asks.

"Dad, I-I couldn't..."

Raul shakes his head. "You've kept this from us..."

Natalia covers her face. "I'm sorry."

Lydia rests her head into her hand. "My God..."

"Of all the things you have done...!" Raul booms, making her start.

"Please, daddy," she sobs, looking up at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of it. I-I decided to have the baby because I knew I couldn't live with myself if I got an abortion."

"Still, you did not tell me or your mother," her father huffs. "If not an abortion, would you have given the baby up for adoption without us ever knowing? You let Nicholas keep you from your family for so long, it became second nature to hide from us!"

He gets up and walks out.

"Papa, wait," Natalia cries after him, then she looks at her mother. "Mommy...?"

Lydia sighs, coming over to the couch and hugging Natalia.

Ryan gets up and he goes out to the back patio where Raul is pacing.

He opens up the door and steps out.

"Mr. Boa Vista-"

"This is not your concern," Raul interrupts. "This is a family matter."

Ryan rubs a hand over his face. "With all due respect, sir, it is my concern because I'm in love with your daughter, and she trusted me enough to tell me this. She thought about you and her mother. She was even harder on herself because she never told you. That was on her mind when she told me. It hurt 'Lia that she never told you about the baby, but she was afraid of disappointing you again. She was afraid that you would do exactly what you're doing now."

Raul scowls. "You know nothing about me."

"That may be true," Ryan concedes. "But...Mr. Boa Vista, your daughter knows you, and that's what she was counting on. She doesn't need you to remind her of what she did to you. This isn't about you. Do you have any idea how much courage it took for her to tell not only me, but you? Natalia loves you so much, and...she doesn't need you walking away from her, she needs you to be there for her."

The father softens and he looks at Ryan.

"You saw her in there, begging you for forgiveness," Ryan continues. "I know enough about Natalia to know that if you don't show her that she can trust you, she'll never trust you again, and that would just hurt everyone."

Raul nods. "You are right, Ryan."

Ryan begins to head back inside.

"Wait."

Ryan turns back to Raul. "Yes sir?"

"Everything you have just told me," Raul begins. "And you being here with Natalia, shows me how much you love her. You've already given her happiness, you've given her the light she had back. The love you have given her is helping her heal, and for that, I thank you."

Ryan nods. "Thank you sir."

"Do you still wish to marry her?"

"More than anything."

Raul grins a bit and claps his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Good."

He goes back inside the house and Ryan follows, and Natalia is still sniffling, still crying, but softly this time, and she looks up at her father.

"Papa, I'm so-"

"It is alright," he assures. "I love you, my beauty."

Natalia stands up and she hugs her father tightly.

"I love you too, Papa," she cries. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's alright," Raul whispers, smoothing over her hair. "It is alright, Natalia."

She closes her eyes, feeling so relieved that she finally told her parents the truth, that she finally revealed her pain and she feels comfortable now, she feels loved, supported...forgiven. She pulls away and hugs her mother as well.

Lydia pulls away and kisses her daughter's cheek. "We'll give you two some privacy."

"Thank you Mommy," Natalia says.

Her parents go into the kitchen to put on some coffee, giving Ryan and Natalia some privacy.

They both sit down on the couch and Natalia rests against him as he embraces her, kissing her forehead.

"I love you," he says quietly. "And I'm proud of you, honey."

"Thanks," she says, slinking her arm over his abdomen. "I love you too."

It was difficult, but she is glad that she doesn't have to hide anymore. She is glad that the secret that has been haunting her is out now, and that is one less thing controlling her life, getting in the way of her happiness. She knows that she still has a long way to go, but she isn't afraid because Ryan has promised to be at her side, to give her the strength she needs. He knows what she wants and needs, and he is using it to build her up, not break her. That is what Nick did; he sensed all of her deepest issues, insecurities, and pain and used them against her.

It is still painful, thinking about her baby, remembering how she felt, the utter hatred she held against that innocent life. She plays around too much with _what ifs_ and _maybes_; what if she had loved her baby instead of hating it? Maybe she could have been a good mother, maybe Nick would have been a good father. What if she had the baby? What would her life be like now?

She closes her eyes, feeling her heart and stomach clench and twist with the agony of having to live with the most devastating consequence of her mistake. Everything in her told her not to let Nick seduce her with his claims of getting help, of changing. But she needed him; she didn't want to get a divorce...she didn't want to be alone. Being alone was scarier than the abuse sometimes because it wasn't all bad. There were good times that lasted for a few months; Nick would be the man she married again, not as gruff, not as volatile and he would lavish her with love and romance and gifts. She'd feel so special again, then the fantasy would end suddenly one day and the nightmare would begin again.

Natalia closes her eyes and burrows into Ryan's chest, not wanting to face the memories.

"I love you," she whispers.

"I love you too," he says, holding her tighter. "What're you thinking about right now?"

"Nothing," she sighs. "I don't want to talk anymore...just hold me, please."

"Okay."

Ryan gently caresses over her back and kisses her forehead again.

O-o-O

After having dinner with her parents, they headed to her house, and Natalia found that she was not only very full, but very tired physically and emotionally. Ryan felt tired too, and they both immediately went to her bedroom.

Natalia put on a night shirt, and she stood in the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror as she took off her jewelry. Once she puts her jewelry away, she sighs, taking herself in in the mirror. She lets down her hair and places the clip onto the counter. She tilts her head to the side, staring at herself, thinking about how far she's come. She thinks of herself in the mirror some years ago, not merely just looking at herself, but figuring out how to cover up the bruises, or wiping the blood away from her lip or nose, or gently pressing at the angry bruise on her cheek.

She takes in a shaky breath, shaking her head of those memories.

There were many good times, but they cannot compensate for the pain of the bad.

Ryan knocks on the door and he gently pushes it open, coming in.

She grins a bit as he wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her cheek.

"You're beautiful," he whispers and she blushes. "I love you, 'Lia."

"I love you too," she says.

They make sure to turn off all the lights before they get in bed together, Natalia snuggling into him.

It isn't long before they both drift off to sleep.

O-o-O

Early the next morning, Ryan wakes up, and he reaches over, only to find that Natalia is already out of bed. He rubs a hand over his face, and he gets out of bed, going in search of her.

"'Lia...?"

He doesn't receive an answer, and he becomes worried.

"Natalia?"

He goes into the kitchen, and he sees a note on the fridge:

_Ryan-_

_I went out for a bit. I'll be back in an hour or so._

_Love you_

He combs his fingers through his hair, looking at the clock. It is early in the morning, almost eight, but it is bright outside. She was quite restless last night, and he thinks that she was still on edge from telling her parents about the baby. He is glad that she finally did talk to her parents about it, and, in due time, he thinks she will probably tell her sisters.

He puts the note down, looking around the house, thinking that there is something different about it. Quickly disregarding that thought, he notices that the trash is full and he takes the bag out and he goes out to the garage. It is there that he sees the boxes, all stuffed rather haphazardly in both her garbage and recycle cans. The boxes of Nick's things, and that is what is different in the house. He sets the bag next to the can and goes back into the house.

He goes into the laundry room and sees that it is cleared out, the boxes in the hallway are gone, and the boxes in her office are gone too.

So that's what she was up to last night.

He goes back out into the garage and he looks into one of the boxes. He pulls out a picture of Natalia, a black and white wedding portrait. She looks absolutely beautiful, happy...she is just outside of the cathedral, in her bright white dress, holding her bouquet. The smile on her face is incredible, telling of the excitement and anticipation of the best day of her life. Her hair was longer then, past her shoulders to the middle of her back, and her figure was fuller then.

He grins a bit as he takes out some other pictures, her and Nick smiling in front of their house. He turns it over and sees what she wrote.

_Our first house in La Hacienda! 1999_.

He remembers that neighborhood because she stopped by a crime scene in a house just a few streets over from where she lived. That neighborhood is expensive, and he figures that Nick must have been into something successful, lucrative to afford the house.

He puts the picture back into the box, and he sighs.

She's gone through them, he can tell, and it looks as though she hasn't taken much out of them. It's clear she doesn't want too many things that remind her of her marriage, her mistakes.

He goes back into the house, and he picks up the phone, dialing her cell number.

After a few rings, she answers.

"Hey."

"Hi," he says, sitting down on the couch. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she says, her voice a little raspy, yet quavering.

"You didn't sleep much last night," he says.

"I know..."

"Where are you honey?"

He hears the small sniffle and he is worried now because he can tell that she's been crying.

"I'm just driving," she says quietly.

"How long have you been up?"

"A while."

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"Nowhere..."

"Well, you want me to meet you somewhere?" He asks. "You want to get some breakfast?"

"No. I'm okay, Ryan, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she says, taking in a shaky breath. "I'll be home in a little bit, okay?"

"Alright," he says. "Be careful. I love you."

"I love you too."

She hangs up and he sighs.

O-o-O

Natalia walks into St. Lucia's Cemetery, bundling the sweater around herself to fight the shiver that runs down her spine. The sun is bright in the sky, and there isn't a cloud to be seen for miles. She takes in the dew glistening like tiny diamonds on the grass, and she inhales deeply, loving the lush, fresh scent that fills her nostrils.

She walks along the road, remembering Nick. Remembering his funeral.

The ride in the limo with his mother, sister, and brother had been slow, tense, silent. She refused to cry in front of them because they were already upset, angry at her; his brother blamed her for his death, claiming that the nature of her job led up to the events of that day. Never mind the fact that his little habit of stealing led to a misunderstanding that led up to his murder.

But she didn't respond, only took it because she understood that Aaron was angry, but also grieving. They all knew who Nick was, what he was, only they dared not get involved. Nick came from a good family, his parents treated their children right, raised them up right, but Nick was the bad apple. Always in trouble, uninterested in his future, blowing his college money on stupid get-rich-quick schemes. But by the time Natalia met him, he had himself together, he was a businessman, successful. His family acted as if the rage he had inside him didn't exist. When the abuse began, and she ran to his mother, she didn't look surprised, but there was nothing she could do about that.

At the funeral, she didn't know what to do, how to act, what to think or say. She felt sad, but part of her was glad. It was cruel...so cruel to be thankful that he was put out of his misery because he just wouldn't let her be, Nick wouldn't let her live her life. Once again, he almost made her lose her job; it was bad enough that she had to uproot herself from their big house to the littler, more manageable one she has now because she couldn't afford to pay for the big house in La Hacienda on her income alone, especially since she transferred from the FBI to CSI. A major adjustment in her pay grade. She went from enjoying the comforts of a two hundred thousand dollar combined salary to an eighty thousand dollar salary by herself. It sounds great on its own, but this is Miami, where the cost of living is outrageous and the line between the haves and have nots is thick, clear, well defined.

She doesn't mind the house she has now, it's perfect for her, but sometimes she misses the life she had-dinner parties, shopping, prestige-but the price she paid for it all became to great. She knew that if she didn't get out, that Nick would kill her. Not because he wanted to, but because he would lose control, not know his own strength.

The devastating and shocking revelation of that came when she had trouble with her hearing after the explosion. She got her hearing examined and her ears examined, and the doctor informed her that the damage had been done not from the explosion-that only exacerbated the condition-but from the abuse she suffered. Yet another reminder of the ugly side of Nick, another residual impact of his abuse.

At the funeral, which took place on a bright day such as this, she was confused about how she should have felt; she was confused, devastated, hurt, sad, happy, scared...she didn't know which one to give the most attention to. She sat there, listening to his former coworkers, some of their friends, and his family speak about him, not touching on his marriage, barely acknowledging that she'd been his wife, that he shared a life with her, that he'd hurt her. She was just there, a bystander. No one acknowledged her pain, her confusion. They just offered simple condolences, speaking of Nick as if he'd been the same man they all knew, and not believing that he was the man he was to her. A monster. He'd been in jail, he'd hurt her severely, and no one wanted it to be true.

Natalia makes it to his gravesite, and she sighs, seeing that there are fresh flowers in the small vase. His mother's doing.

It's been a long time since she's been to the gravesite.

She has been grieving him in the time that Ryan has been gone because it was about time she did. She didn't grieve Nick when he first died. She couldn't because she didn't want to have some kind of sympathy for him. Not after what he'd done to her, not after sleeping with him again only to have her heart broken again.

She looks at the granite.

NICHOLAS TOWNSEND

BELOVED SON AND BROTHER

OCT. 5, 1970-MAY 12, 2006

She exhales deeply.

"It's been a long time," she sighs. "But I'm sure you know that."

She pushes her hair behind her ears, then she crosses her arms over her chest, feeling the tears come as the worst memories collect and organize in her mind into one long film. It was vivid, so real as she heard the slaps, felt the punches, felt the grip of hellish fear. She heard her own screams as he grabbed her hair, pulled her across the tile, scraping her back and the back of her legs...

"_SHUT UP!"_

"_Nick, please-"_

_Slap. "You've been cheating on me, haven't you? Goddamn slut. I married a whore!"_

_He kicked her in the stomach, and she gasped for air as she sobbed, crawling into the bathroom to vomit. _

She began to breathe deeper.

"_I-I'm okay," Natalia insisted to her neighbor, Jannie. "It was nothing."_

_Jannie looked at Nick, not hiding the pure hatred and disgust._

"_Natalia, I'm right here, you don't have to be scared of this asshole."_

"_Get off my property," Nick said, getting in Jannie's face._

"_What're you gonna do about it?" Jannie challenged him. "Go ahead, you bastard. Hit me. Give me the best you got because I can guarantee you, you've got a fight comin'. C'mon...you're a big man, right? So hit me mother fucker. Hit me."_

_Nick smirked, giving her a once over. "You're too pretty."_

_He backed off, then he grabbed Natalia's arm. "Get inside."_

"_Natalia, you don't have to go."_

_Natalia, utterly confused and terrified, looked between Jannie and her husband, and he snorted and pushed her, causing her to trip down the porch steps and to the ground, scraping her palms._

"_Have it your way, Nat."_

_With that, he slammed the door._

_Jannie helped her up. "C'mon-"_

"_No!" Natalia yelled. "Do you know what you just did!"_

_Natalia went back and tried the door, and it was locked. She pounded on the door._

"_Nick! I'm sorry! Please let me in! Please! I'm sorry! Baby I'm sorry!"_

She releases a sob, covering her face. He never did open the door for her, and it stormed that night, and she was soaked to the bone, showing him that she was sorry. He didn't open the door until she was cold, shivering, and she could barely stand because she was so weak and sore. She stumbled into the house, and he embraced her, warming her with a towel, and she shivered in his arms.

_She felt the crack in her arm when he grabbed her hair and jammed her into the wall. She put up her arms to stop the collision, but her bones took the brunt, and she screamed out, holding her arm, sobbing uncontrollably. _

"_Nick! OW! Please-"_

_He put his hand to her neck and squeezed._

_She felt dizzy, and she was truly afraid that he was actually, finally going to do it._

_He was going to kill her._

_Her heart was pounding in her chest._

_She blacked out, but when she woke up some minutes later, a police officer was leaning over her, praising her for coming around. She was scared because she couldn't see out of her right eye, and her lip was swollen, her arm was throbbing in unbearable pain._

Broken arm, two cracked ribs, swollen eye, bruised cheek, bloodied lip...

And through all of that, she was pregnant.

There were some good times; their wedding, getting their first house together, birthdays, holidays...but not enough to erase the hurt of the bad.

The pain she feels right now is too much, and she sinks to her knees, sobbing.

She puts her hands on the gravestone, gripping it hard.

"Why did you hurt me?!" She yells through her tears.

Her hands fall onto her knees and she shakes her head.

"Do you have any idea how much I loved you, Nick?" She asks angrily. "I was willing to do _anything_ for you. I would have given my life for you! I believed in you, I supported you when you needed it. I was...I was a good wife to you. Why did you _hurt me_?"

She wipes her out of control tears.

"And now that you're gone, you can't answer me," she says bitterly. "You never could. I would have taken anything...the least you could have given me was some bullshit excuses. At least I'd have something to go on...I was your _wife_, Nick. More than that, I'm a human being. You treated me worse than a dog, and I could never understand why...it's too late now, huh? How goddamn convenient for you, but it's not for me! I didn't do anything to deserve what you did to me...all I did was give you love and a home...and you beat the hell out of me for it!"

She stands up again, pacing.

"We could have had everything we both always wanted," she sniffles. "We could have had a family...we could have had a great life together. You chose to destroy us both and our marriage. I'm not saying that it's all completely your fault. I shouldn't have allowed you to degrade me, I shouldn't have allowed you get away with hurting me the first time. But I wasn't strong enough...sometimes, I believed that what you said about me was true. That no one would ever want me, that I was ugly, that I was a whore, a slut...I let my past relationships dictate who I was, and you stomped on my heart, Nick. You tore it apart."

Natalia takes a deep breath.

"I wanted children as badly as you did," she continues. "And we would have had them if you hadn't always been beating the shit out of me! It's kind of impossible to get pregnant or to even have sex when my body is sore and bruised. It's kind of hard to feel attractive and in the mood when your husband has just finished calling you a whore. But you took what you wanted from me anyway. Whenever you felt like it, and stupid me, I just laid there like a slug. The kind of love you gave me, wasn't the love I gave you, wasn't the love I had for you. I gave, and gave, and gave, and all you did was take! I never asked you for a fucking thing! Never! I never used you, I never cheated on you! I was faithful to you! I didn't want to leave you..."

She takes a deep breath, shaking with sobs.

"I prayed for you every night," she cries. "I went to mass every Sunday, I prayed for you, I lit candles for you, sang for you...I begged God to change your heart, to change your mind because you treated me like I was nothing. Yeah, there were some good times, but...you and I both know it was mostly bad and that at the end of the day, you didn't want me. You didn't want me, what I gave you, and you treated me like I was the worst person in the world, as if I deserved what you did to me."

"I stopped going to church because I gave up. My faith failed me, and I had nothing. I needed you, Nick. I didn't want to see you in prison, I wanted you home with me, I wanted to feel your love and respect all the time. I wanted you again, I still loved you, and then you broke my heart again, and then you take it a step further. You get yourself killed over something so stupid! And I had all these questions, all these emotions that I never got the chance to express to you. It's too late now, I'll never know why. I'll never know what was going on in your mind."

She takes out the sonogram of her baby.

"You see this?" She begins again. "This baby could have been, Nick. This was _our_ baby. A little boy or a little girl that was ours. I let my hatred for you ruin the best thing to ever happen to me. I wanted our baby, and I lost it because I hated you, and I knew that I couldn't live with a reminder of you because it would cause me too much pain..."

She pauses and folds up the picture and puts it into the vase.

"So here's our baby," she sniffles.

She sits down again, covering her face with her hands, folding over herself as she sobs.

She looks at the grave again.

"You have taken so much away from me," she sobs. "I've let you have too much power over my life. You're dead and buried and you're still holding my heart and soul hostage. You always told me that you weren't going to let anyone else have me, that no one would ever want me. You were wrong, Nick. I have a man in my life now who loves me deeply, wants me more than anything, is willing to do _anything_ for me. Ryan is..._amazing_, and I almost lost him because I was making him pay for your mistakes. You've taken a lot from me, but...I'm putting a stop to that right now because I'm not letting you take what I have with Ryan away from me. I _refuse_ to risk losing him again. I am so in love with Ryan; I trust him, I want to give myself over to him, I want to submit to him and let him completely into my heart. But the only way I can do that is if I forgive you."

She puts her hands on the stone again.

"I'm not gonna pretend that I know where your soul is," she sniffles. "I don't know where God destined you to be, but I do know this: you broke my heart, you broke my body, broke my soul...you took away my confidence, my self-esteem, my sense of worth. But you know what? I'm taking it back from you...so...I forgive you, Nick. This is me forgiving you because I need it. I need to let go of you, and what you did to me. I forgive you..."

She pauses and closes her eyes, the tears falling. "_I forgive you_...God forgive us...please forgive us...forgive _me_..."

She feels comfort settling upon her, and she feels the burden of all she wanted to say to Nick lifted from her shoulders.

Natalia sits for a few minutes longer, then she leans in and presses a gentle kiss to the cold stone before she backs away and gets up, heading back down the road to her car. She gently wipes at her wet cheeks as she walks, and she pushes her hair behind her ears. She notices as she is walking that she is looking down, and that she needs to look up. There's nothing to be ashamed of anymore, there is nothing haunting her, holding her back.

She smiles a bit.

Natalia comes over the gentle crest of the small hill and she slows a bit when she sees Ryan leaned up against his car, waiting for her. Her heart races and she walks a little faster.

Ryan begins to walk toward her and she steps into his waiting arms, hugging him tightly.

"I love you," she sighs happily.

"I love you too," he whispers, kissing her forehead.

She doesn't even ask how he knew that she was here, because she already knows the answer.

She's free. It's real, almost tangible, and she can surrender herself completely to him because he will be a guardian, not a tyrant, over her heart, mind, and soul. She can submit to him because he will show just as much respect and love, and protect her.

She is _free_.


	20. Twenty

_Thanks for all the great reviews on this story and sticking with it! Enjoy._

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Pliant

**Twenty**

"_Aaawww!"_

Frank comes out onto the back patio, frowning and shaking his head as he joins the other men at the table, beer in hand. Jesse, Walter, Ryan, Michael, Frank, and Eric have all been banished from inside the house because it is Calleigh's baby shower, a designated ladies-only affair, and all of the men were led directly out of the house onto the back porch, keeping cool with ice cold beers because the summer has been quite sweltering.

Maxine and Natalia organized Calleigh's shower, and the excitement boosted morale in the lab because Calleigh had absolutely no idea. All Eric had to do was somehow get her out of the house, because she hasn't been wanting to go out into the heat as pregnant as she is. He had a time convincing her, as she had it set in her mind that she was going to stay in her tank top and panties all day long, sitting on the couch eating pickles with salsa. On any other day, that would have been fine with Eric, because a seven month pregnant Calleigh walking around the house in a flimsy, form fitting tank top and skimpy panties that barely cover her belly is quite a sexy, gorgeous sight. However, he knew this morning that there wouldn't be a baby shower unless he argued her down about getting up and getting dressed.

Her stubborn will turned it into an hour long debate, until she finally relented, first gently pushing him to the bed and "conceding the point" for another hour before she got dressed. He took her for a walk at the beach, and she enjoyed herself, and when they returned, she'd been genuinely surprised by the shower, and the house was decorated with an array of colors and fanciful things because the theme was fairy tales.

Now, there are a bunch of women in his house, fawning and swooning, _oohs_, _ahhs_, and _awws_ floating outside.

"Man, how'd you get put out your own house?" Walter asks Eric.

"This is Calleigh's day," Eric shrugs. "As long as she's having a good time, I don't mind."

Frank shakes his head. "Ah, marriage has made you soft, Delko."

"If you want to be in there with those women, go right ahead," Eric challenges. "No one's stopping you."

Frank scowls.

"He's right, Frank," Jesse says, sitting back in his chair. "Besides, the girls need their girl time...since we're all here, this is our dude time."

"I'm cool with that," Walter shrugs.

The men all toast to that.

"Eh, when are you gonna shave, Wolfe?" Eric asks Ryan.

Ryan chuckles. "I don't know...'Lia likes it, so..."

"How's she been?" Eric asks.

"She's been good," Ryan grins. "Really good. She's been preoccupied with the baby shower, though, but it's been good to see her so excited."

"That's great," Eric says.

"So have you and Calleigh thought about names?" Travers asks.

"Aiden James for a boy, and Sara-Lynn Maria for a girl."

"I can't believe you don't want to know," Jesse chuckles. "Isn't it killing you not knowing?"

"Yeah it is, but Calleigh would castrate me if I tried to find out before her," Eric muses. "But I think we're having a girl, but it would be nice having a boy."

"_Aww,_ that is so cute!"

The men sigh.

"It's great being outside, isn't it?"

The men all toast to that.

Meanwhile, inside, Calleigh polishes off another cupcake before opening her next gift.

She smiles when she beholds a set of lullabies and a plush yellow lamb.

"This is _adorable_," Calleigh sighs. "So sweet...thank you Sam."

Natalia is collecting the cards so that she can help Calleigh with thank you cards later. So far, the gifts have been sweet, endearing, and chic so that Calleigh, in Maxine's words, can be a "Sexy, hot, fashionista CSI Momma." She received some..._unique_ gifts from Eric's mother and sisters: Russian toys, colorful, scratchy blankets that don't go with the nursery at all, and some wooden toy animals imported from Cuba. Calleigh smiled gratefully while thinking that it was a covert message of reinforcing the baby's Cuban and Russian roots, never to be forgotten. Not that she was going to anyway, she loves that her baby will have quite the heritage.

Natalia got Calleigh a baby bag that looks like a designer purse. It has blue and orange stripes, and it has so many compartments, that Calleigh almost got lost in the bag.

After the last gift is opened, the shower begins to wind down, and Maxine goes out to the back to retrieve the men.

"Alright boys, you have permission to come back inside," Maxine declares.

"Of course I cam come back inside," Eric scoffs. "This is my house. I don't need permission."

The men go back inside and take advantage of some of the food left over, then after another hour of cleaning up, well wishes, and goodbyes, everyone except for Ryan and Natalia departs.

Calleigh is munching on a pickle when Eric goes into the living room, marveling at the amount of gifts Calleigh received for the baby. He sits next to her on the couch, putting a hand on her belly, feeling the baby roll around and kick. Calleigh gasps and jumps.

"Ow," she huffs.

"What?" Eric asks, inspecting her form. "What just happened? Are you in labor?"

Calleigh furrows her eyebrows. "Okay, so how are you going to react when I'm _actually_ in labor?"

He frowns at her remark and she immediately softens.

"You know I don't like it when you do that."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes sincerely. "It's just that you're so panicky and paranoid these days."

"I just want you and the baby to be safe," he says.

"I know," she smiles. "But I'm fine. We're fine...she just kicked me in my ribs."

"It's probably because you've been eating all that salsa," Eric chuckles. "And are you sure you should be eating pickles like you have been? You need to watch your sodium intake because it can affect your blood pressure. Preeclampsia can happen to any woman."

Calleigh eyes him suspiciously. "You've been on that crazy website, haven't you?"

"No," he says too quickly.

"I knew it," she says. "Eric..."

"You can never be too careful," he says.

"Never be too careful about what?" Natalia asks as she sets the cards onto the coffee table.

"Eric has been on this crazy website called Unknown Pregnancy, where these weird people and doctors post all these strange horror stories about pregnancy."

Natalia laughs as she picks up a pillow and sits daintily on it, modestly, because of her skirt. "Are you still on that? Oh my God, you totally let that show scare you."

"What show?"

"That day me and you went shopping, Ryan came over here," Natalia laughs. "And they ended up watching a marathon of _Amazing Births_ and _I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant_. Ryan was completely freaked out when he got home."

Calleigh giggles. "Okay, no more TLC for you."

Eric chuckles. "All I can say is that I'm glad _you_ knew you were pregnant, _carina_."

Ryan comes into the living room and he kisses Natalia softly.

"You girls have a good time?" He asks, beginning to help Eric with the gifts to take upstairs to the nursery.

"Yeah, it was great," Natalia says with a smile.

"It was so sweet," Calleigh says. "And the food was great."

"You did a good job," Eric compliments Natalia.

"Thank you," Natalia smiles.

In the last month and a half since Natalia told Ryan about her baby, and her letting go of all the pain she's hidden away, he has found a deeper, even more intimate connection with Natalia because she has placed unwavering trust in him. Everyday, he can see her becoming happier, lighter, and she smiles more often, more than she did when they first began their relationship. She doesn't hold back, she is more transparent now, and her defenses are down. That is not to say that it's been easy getting to this point; she has asked him if he was willing to come to counseling with her priest, and though he is not very religious, he agreed because he needed to know how to help her, how he can improve his own life so that he can provide the proper support to Natalia. They haven't made love since he came back, since this process started. They take it one day at a time, growing closer in the process, and he's found that he can't take his eyes off of her.

He grins a bit, thinking that his increased fascination with her is becoming a bit troublesome at work because he tends to just stop and stare.

Today, she looked incredible as she made sure everything went smoothly for Calleigh; he has had to endure two weeks' worth of her buying supplies for favors, gathering recipes, and talking non stop about the shower, and while he had nothing to offer in the way of advice, he still listened, glad that she channeled her energy into something else for a change. She even bought a new outfit for today, which looks sexy on her. She has on a bright blue halter top on, with a pencil skirt that hugs her hips just right, and a pair of shiny black heels. Her hair is in a casual upsweep, and her makeup is just right.

Upstairs, Ryan helps Eric organize everything so that Calleigh won't have to worry about it later.

"I'm surprised you made it up here," Eric muses.

"What do you mean?" Ryan asks.

"You couldn't tear your eyes away from Natalia."

Ryan chuckles nervously.

"Yeah...uh, she just...she looks beautiful. More than usual. She's gorgeous, and I can't stop looking at her. She's changed."

Eric nods. "That means she's healing. There's nothing like seeing a healed woman, Ryan. When Calleigh and I got back together, she needed to let go of a lot of things, things that she never told me, things about her family, her dad, that were keeping her from having a successful relationship. When she opened up, I opened up and we were both better for it. But...I felt the same way about Calleigh as you do about Natalia. All the best parts of her aren't covered up by her pain anymore."

Ryan nods in agreement. "Natalia has got her confidence back. She loves herself again, and when I figured that out, man...it was indescribable. I was so happy for her."

"I'm happy for you," Eric says.

"I want to propose to her again," Ryan divulges. "But I'm not sure if she's ready..."

"She's ready," Eric assures. "I think you should propose to Natalia again...but you just gotta think of a different way to ask her again."

"That's not gonna be a problem," Ryan chuckles.

Downstairs, Natalia is helping Calleigh fill out thank you cards.

"So it looks like things are going well between you and Ryan," Calleigh comments as she rubs over her belly.

Natalia smiles. "Things are going very well. We've gone deeper I think, and now everything about me, about him...about us has changed for the better. I love Ryan so much, and he's been amazing. I didn't think I was going to make it, with all that I was holding in, but I trust Ryan, and he's always there."

Calleigh smiles. "We've got good guys, haven't we?"

Natalia nods. "We've got the best."

"Not to mention handsome."

"Oh yeah," Natalia agrees. "Ryan is damn sexy now with that goatee."

Calleigh laughs.

"He is," Natalia insists with a laugh.

"Thank you so much for the shower," Calleigh says gratefully. "You did an amazing job. Were you a party planner in another life?"

"Maybe," Natalia smiles. "But you're welcome, Calleigh. Now all you've got to do is have the baby so we can spoil her too."

Calleigh smiles. "If my baby turns out to be an entitled, spoiled brat, I'm blaming you and everyone else."

"You think _I'm_ bad? Wait until Horatio lays eyes on her."

"I know, beside Eric, I think Horatio will be whipped."

"Alright ladies," Ryan says as he and Eric come downstairs. "I think little Sara-Lynn is set."

"Thank you," Calleigh says.

The couples sit and talk for another hour before Ryan and Natalia get up to leave.

Eric helps Calleigh get off of the couch and they walk to the door.

The women hug each other. "Thank you, sweetheart," Calleigh says.

Ryan shakes Eric's hand. "No turning back now, Delko."

"I wouldn't if I wanted to," Eric says.

"We'll talk to you later," Natalia says before she and Ryan head out.

O-o-O

Ryan comes into Natalia's house using his key, and he grins a bit, thinking that it feels incredible to have keys again. They exchanged keys once again, and this time around, it meant so much more than it did the first time.

He finds Natalia reclining on the couch, reading a book and she looks up, smiling.

"Hey sweetie," she says. "I thought you were right behind me getting off from work."

"I was," he sighs as he comes over and sits next to her on the couch. "But I had to tie up some loose ends for the DA and got held up."

She scoots close to him and kisses his cheek. "There's some lasagna in the pan on the stove, and there's vegetables and salad if you want some."

He kisses her softly. "Thanks."

He gets up and goes into the kitchen and Natalia gets up, stretching, heading to her bedroom.

She changes into her night clothes before she goes back into the living room. Ryan has fixed his plate, and he compliments her on the dinner.

She yawns and grabs a throw blanket and covers up.

"This week has been so crazy," she groans. "It's hot as hell, and now I get to be in the field. That's just great. I get all sweaty and nasty, my hair is terrible because of the humidity."

"A rose by any other name, honey," he grins, and she lightly nudges his thigh with her foot.

"Ha ha," she smiles. "You've reached your point quota for this week."

"I like to go above and beyond," he smirks.

She grins.

He finishes his dinner and then he washes out the dishes while she puts away the food. Once that task is done, Natalia follows Ryan into her bedroom and she turns down the bed and gets into it while he goes into the bathroom to take a shower. He feels a bit grimy from the heat, the humidity.

He gets under the spray and he feels better already.

Ryan stays in the shower a long while, then he turns off the water and steps out, grabbing his towel. He dries off, then he pulls on a pair of sweat pants and a shirt before he exits the bathroom. Natalia is still reading her book, her face set with concentration. He gets into bed with her and kisses her cheek and she smiles, looking at him.

"You smell good," she says, kissing him again. "You finally got your own soap."

"Yeah," he chuckles. "I didn't really like smelling like a big flower."

She kisses his cheek. "A rose by any other name..."

He laughs heartily, gently bringing her into his arms.

"I love you, honey," he says, caressing his hands over her back.

"I love you too," she whispers before she gives him a light kiss.

Ryan slips his hands under her tank top, caressing over the warm, smooth skin of her back, and she nuzzles her head against him, kissing lightly along his neck before she kisses him deeply this time, sliding her tongue into his mouth to taste his. He moans a bit into her mouth, loving the way she tastes, feels, smells, and sounds. Her beauty has only increased as she began to let her fears, anxieties, and guilt go. Now she is a vision, and she has a spirit about her now that he's never seen before for as long as he's known her.

He combs his fingers through her hair as he kisses her, and she straddles him, caressing her hands down over his chest and under his shirt, feeling his skin. She grins against his lips as she settles more onto him, and he growls lustfully when she grinds her hips against his slightly.

He puts his hands on her hips and she kisses him again.

Natalia sits up and she takes the hem of her shirt and she slowly, teasingly brings it up and over her head, revealing soft skin, toned abdomen, full, beautiful breasts. He caresses his hands up over her abdomen, up to her breasts and he cups them gently, rubbing his thumbs over taut nipples and she sighs, tilting her head back as she hikes his shirt up.

He sits up and she helps him get his shirt off before he surprises her and rolls her onto her back, making her giggle then moan as he kisses along her neck, licking at her most sensitive spot.

"_Ryan_," she moans. "_Oh_...mm..."

He nips and she arches up into him, tilting her head back further.

"Ryan..."

He kisses her lips and she wraps her arms around his neck.

She can feel him against her pubis, hard, ready for her. She is quite happy about that, because it has been three months since they've last made love, and to find that it still doesn't take much to arouse Ryan, to heighten his desire for her, excites her.

She reaches between them and slides a hand into his pants and grips his length, stroking.

"'Lia," he groans.

She kisses him passionately as she strokes, and he moans and pulls away, stopping her hand.

"Wait," he whispers. "'Lia..."

"What's wrong?" She asks.

He gets off of her and he caresses her cheek.

"Are you ready for this?" He asks. "Because I don't want us to end up at square one. You've been through a lot, and you've dealt with a lot emotionally..."

"Ryan, I'm fine," she says, caressing her hands down over his arms. "I want to..."

"I just want you to be happy," he says. "I-I don't want to do anything to you that would set you back. I love you, and I want to protect you. If there's even the slightest possibility that this will hurt you, then I can't do it. Are you honestly sure that you want to?"

Dear God, she loves this man.

She leans up and kisses him softly.

"I want to," she whispers against his lips. "I'm okay, now Ryan. I trust you..."

She puts her hands on his cheeks.

"Completely."

With that, she kisses him hot, passionate, deep as she wraps her arms around his neck.

She licks over his lips before he moves to kiss over her neck, down her chest, then he cups her breast and licks at the nipple, making her moan and arch into his touch. He sucks at the pebbled flesh and she combs her fingers through his hair.

Ryan moves on to the other breast, giving in the same treatment, laving with his tongue, sucking gently before he kissed down her abdomen. begins to remove her pants, along with her panties, and he tosses both items aside and onto the floor. He caresses over her thighs then he kisses over them as he gently parts them. She feels a flash of heat surge through her body as she sits up against the pillows a bit, her hand reaching up to grip the headboard.

He looks up at her, smirking, and she gently bites her lip in anticipation before she gives him a smile.

He caresses his hand over her lower abdomen, then he brings it down and tucks his thumb into her folds and presses at her clit. She moans softly as he gently rubs, getting her hotter, wetter. She whimpers and gasps.

"Ryan...feels good," she moans. "Mm..."

He removes his thumb, much to her discontent, to remove his pants, but that feeling is short lived as he moves to lie beside her as he slides first one finger into her canal and she moans and turns to kiss him languidly, matching the pace of his finger. He slides another into her, and she darts her tongue out to lick at his lips before he deepens their kiss, his tongue tasting hers.

He presses his thumb to her clit again and she moans into their kiss.

"Yes," she moans.

He slides his fingers deeper inside her, reaching that delicate, most sensitive spot inside her, making her shudder and her skin form a light sheen of perspiration behind the scorching heat that courses through her.

Ryan feels himself becoming impossibly more aroused, his cock throbbing and spiking his desire to get inside her. He feels her walls tightening around his fingers as he increases the pace and she bucks against him, tilting her head back as he pecks kisses along her neck. She kisses him again, whimpering and moaning against his lips.

"Ryan," she moans. "Oh God...don't stop. Right there..."

He licks along her neck to her ear, gently nibbling at her earlobe, his hot breath against the shell of her ear.

"You're beautiful," he whispers. "I love watching you...I love the way you sound..."

"Mm," she moans.

"I love the way your hips move," he continues, making the raging fire inside her morph into molten desire as he fingers her faster, his thumb pressing her clit. "You know how many nights I spent just thinking about making love to you? I wanted you next to me, I wanted to feel your skin..."

Natalia is burning up and she turns and kisses him softly again.

"Ryan...mm...Ryan..."

"I just wanted _you_," he whispers, slowing a bit and she whimpers. "I'll _always_ want you, 'Lia."

With that, he swiftly moves and she yelps when his mouth is on her in a flash and he thrusts his fingers in a feverish pace as he opens her folds with his other hand, sucking her clit.

Tangling her fingers into his hair, she bucks against him, hurtling toward her climax.

"Yes," she moans. "Ryan...I'm close...don't stop..."

"Let go, honey," he encourages in whispers against her clit. "C'mon..."

She is panting and sweating, and she wants to hold out, enjoy his sensual assault on her a little longer, but at the same time, she is seeking release after so long. But Ryan is about to solve that dilemma.

"Let it go," he rumbles against her. "Come for me."

He sucks her clit and she arches up on a cry of his name when she comes.

"Ryan!"

She is lost as she surrenders to blinding ecstasy.

Her inner muscles spasm around his fingers and his need for her is intense; he nearly comes just watching her. He continues to lick her as she comes down, extracting his fingers slowly and giving her gentle, soothing licks, savoring her, loving her.

Natalia comes down and she sighs, a contented smile forming on her face as her heart calms and she takes deep breaths.

"Mm..."

She feels incredible, loose, and...beautiful.

He wants her, desires her, and his assurance to her that his feelings about her will never change, never waver, made her love him deeper, and she knows that she's given her heart, her everything to the right man.

Ryan kisses his way up her body, and she smiles when he kisses her, tasting herself on his lips, on his tongue. He can tell that she enjoyed herself, that she was pleasured and satisfied by the softness in her eyes and the smile on her face.

"I love you," she sighs.

"I love you too."

She gently pushes him onto his back and she straddles him. She grinds her wetness over him, teasing him with a mischievous grin. He puts his hands on her hips and groan, smiling at her.

"'Lia...you're not being fair, honey."

"How am I not being fair?"

"I didn't-"

The phone ringing interrupts him and they both look at it with scorn.

He reaches his hand over to pick it up, but she stops him.

"No you don't," she purrs, sinking onto him, making him moan.

"Natalia..."

She is tight, scorching, and he hears her whimpering, adjusting a bit on him and he looks at her with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she sighs, slowly rocking her hips. "I feel amazing."

She leans down and kisses him lovingly as he guides her hips over him.

Ryan gently rolls her onto her back, and he thrusts slowly, deeply into her. She moans, caressing over his back.

He kisses her softly, loving the way she feels inside, wanting to give her more pleasure.

He kisses her deeply, and he turns them onto their sides, and he brings her leg over his and thrusts deeper, making her gasp. He caresses over her back, placing his hand on her lower back bringing her closer to him as he thrusts, and she kisses over his shoulder, whimpering as she grinds her hips against his, building the heat between them. He kisses her neck, groaning and grunting into her ear as he moves faster, their bodies sliding together and molding together perfectly.

He feels her muscles beginning to flutter around him and he puts a hand on her ass to bring her closer.

"'Lia..."

She moans as she bucks into him.

"Ryan...don't stop..."

He kisses her grunting into their kiss as he reaches a hand between them and he flicks his thumb over her clit.

Natalia clings to him, kissing his neck and shoulder.

"Yes," she moans. "Ryan...yes, yes..."

"Natalia...so beautiful...I love you," he pants. "God, 'Lia..."

One more swipe and a hard thrust from him sends her over the edge and she scores her nails down his back, tilting her head back when she comes hard around him, crying out his name.

"Ryan!"

With one, two, three more deep, deliciously hard thrusts, he moans, groaning out her name in between tender, yet sloppy kisses as he spills his fluids into her.

"'Lia..." He sighs. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispers, kissing him softly.

They slowly come down from their pleasure, exchanging soft kisses and caressing softly over each other's bodies.

Ryan pulls out of her slowly, then they both lie onto their backs, afterglow setting in as he brings the covers up and over them before she cuddles into his side, kissing his chest. Natalia feels so safe, so valued and appreciated...and she can feel the depth of his love in everything he does for her, with her.

He kisses her forehead and she smiles.

The phone rings again, and Ryan reaches over and checks the caller ID.

"Who is it?"

"My mother," he says, answering. "Hey Ma...what's going on? Why are you calling so late?"

Natalia feels his hand stop caressing over her back and rest on her head, and she sits up to look at him, still floating and dazed and becoming sleepy with satiation. When she catches the flash of sadness in his face, and then a solemn look, she snaps out of it, becoming alert.

"Mom, you don't have to worry about anything," he sighs. "It'll be okay...I'll take care of it...okay. Love you Ma...I will. Bye."

He hangs up then he sighs.

"What?" Natalia asks. "What's wrong? Is your mom alright?"

"Yeah," he says, then he caresses her cheek and sits up and kisses her softly.

"Sweetie, tell me," she urges, looking into his eyes.

He combs his fingers through his hair then he looks at her. "My father died."

* * *

_Very happy that writing in the EC journey/comic relief to delivering the fruit of their loins worked to cut through the angst. Didn't think it was going to work, but it has because it made writing this story a little easier. Also very happy to personally find that in this story, Ryan and Natalia have become different people, and hopefully you readers out there have discovered that too because that was the aim of the writing. Had to throw in the baby shower, just a bit, didn't want it too fluffy. Two more chapters after this._


	21. Twenty One

Pliant

**Twenty One**

For the past week, Natalia has just been trying to stay out of Ryan's way as he helped his mother make arrangements for his father's funeral by phone and email. More than that, he has been incredibly stoic about it, almost numb, and she doesn't know what to say to him or what to do other than offer her love and comfort when he needs it, which she knows he will. Right now, he is just trying to take care of business, be there for his mother and sister. Still, through all of that, he is worried about her, trying to protect her feelings, protect her from the situation; he doesn't think she's aware of that, but she knows him well enough by now to recognize his protective reach. Even though he is silent about his father's death, he still treats her with the deepest love. He hasn't turned on her emotionally, and that is a good thing.

She's been staying with him at his apartment for the week, and she sees now as a good opportunity to talk because they are making dinner together. Natalia takes the bell peppers out of the refrigerator and sets them onto the cutting board and begins to cut them. Ryan is seasoning the chicken, and he goes around behind Natalia and he opens up the cabinet to retrieve the garlic powder. He kisses her cheek and she grins a bit. She turns and kisses him fully on the lips before she looks into his eyes.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yeah," he says as he gives the chicken a quick sprinkle of garlic powder on both sides before picking the pieces up with the tongs and placing them into the pan.

She gently nibbles her bottom lip. "You've been so quiet...I mean...do you wanna talk about it?"

He sighs and looks at her.

"'Lia...I-I don't want to put any of this on you," he says softly. "I don't want you to worry."

She tilts her head to the side.

"Ry, I know what you're trying to do, sweetie," she says as she steps closer to him. "I-I'm fine now. I'm okay because you saw me through my pain, my guilt...everything. You saw me through it. Let me see you through this."

He hugs her and she kisses his cheek.

"I love you," she whispers.

"I love you too," he says, smoothing over her hair.

"We're gonna get through this together," she assures.

He pulls away and kisses her before they go back to making dinner.

O-o-O

The flight up to Boston had been nice, and Natalia felt a twinge of excitement at the prospect of seeing a new place, despite the sad circumstances. They had a late flight, and they had burgers in one of the airport restaurants before their plane was set to board, and once they were in the air, they both dozed off. When the pilot announced that they would be landing in Boston soon, they both woke up and Natalia looked out the window at the city.

The plane lands, and is taxied into the terminal and Ryan gets up and opens up the overhead compartment to retrieve their bags.

Once he has their bags, he helps her up, giving her the bag she packed and then they walk off the plane together. Once they are in the hallway leading to the terminal, they link hands and walk out together. They go downstairs into the baggage claim and it is there that they see Joy and Ever. They wave as they approach his family.

"Hey," Ryan says, hugging first his mother and then his sister.

Joy then hugs Natalia. "Good to see you again."

"Same here," Natalia says with a smile.

Ever is smiling and she pushes her hair behind her ears.

"Ever, this is my girlfriend Natalia," Ryan introduces. "Natalia, this is my little sister Ever."

"It's nice meeting you," Ever says happily. "Mom has told me so much about you."

"It's nice to meet you too, finally," Natalia smiles. "Ryan talks about you all the time."

"I hope in a good way," Ever smiles.

"Of course," Natalia assures.

Ever has hazel eyes, is the same height as her mother, and she has long wavy hair, just like her mother. Ever more closely resembles Ryan; they have the same eyes, nose, and facial structure.

"Well, I'm so glad to finally get to see you in person," Ever says. "I just wish the circumstances were different..."

"I know," Natalia says. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," Ever says with a grateful nod, then she smiles. "But I'm so glad to finally meet you, and thank you for showing your support to my brother."

Natalia gently squeezes Ryan's hand, looking at him. "I'm returning the favor."

He kisses her softly.

O-o-O

Ever's apartment is in an older neighborhood, and if Natalia could choose one word to describe it, she would say it was quaint. It isn't gritty, like some parts of the area, but it is still weathered and aged. It is in a multifamily home, and she lives on the top level with the deck.

"Tabby, we're here!" Ever announces as she walks into the apartment with Joy, Ryan, and Natalia in tow. "She's going to be so excited to see you!"

Ryan takes Natalia's hand and kisses her. The apartment is nice, with hardwood floors, a great view, and pretty good space. Ever has decorated it just right, and of course, everything is pristine, and Natalia is not surprised because of their upbringing.

Tabitha, Ever's sixteen year old daughter, comes out of the kitchen and she smiles. "Uncle Ryan!"

"Hey Tabby," Ryan says as he hugs his niece and kisses her forehead. "How are you?"

"Good," Tabitha says as she pulls away and pushes her long, blonde hair behind her ears and she looks at Natalia.

"This is Natalia," Ryan introduces. "Natalia, this is Tabitha, my spunky, smart, steak eating niece."

"That's me in a nutshell," Tabitha nods as she shakes Natalia's hand. "Nice to meet you. Now you're not some anonymous chick that my mom and NuNu have been talking about."

Natalia can't help but chuckle. "Well I'm so glad to know that I have an identity in your book."

"Did I mention she's snarky?" Ever says as she smoothes over her daughter's hair. "Did you set the table?"

"Yep," Tabitha says. "Hey, Uncle Ryan, you wanna see my room? I decorated it myself."

"Why do I have this sudden sense of fear?"

"Because it probably will frighten you," Ever grins. "It certainly frightened me."

The women go into the kitchen as Ryan follows Tabby down the hallway to her room.

"I have a feeling that she gets her sarcasm from Ryan," Natalia chuckles as she moves in to help Ever and Joy.

"Yeah, it's a family trait," Ever chuckles. "But, let me tell you, compared to most teenaged girls I've seen and the ones Tabby hangs out with, she's an angel."

"That's 'cause she knows NuNu's gonna slap her one the moment she gets outta line," Joy chimes in. "You want to put this on the table, or..."

"Um, we can just leave the food on the counter and just do it buffet style," Ever says. "Natalia, would you like something to drink?"

"Sure," Natalia says, going over to the fridge and looking at the pictures on it.

She smiles when she sees a picture of Joy, Ryan, and Ever when they were younger.

_He looks adorable_, she thinks to herself.

She then looks at pictures of Ever from when she was younger, and pictures of Tabitha. It is obvious that Ever had Tabitha as a teenager because she is four years younger than Ryan, and Tabitha is sixteen. Natalia wants to be surprised, but she isn't because she knows that both Ever and Ryan had a chaotic upbringing, and when there isn't a consistent male figure in a young girl's life, it has an impact on self esteem and self worth. Natalia is so glad that her father has been so loving and supportive, even during the moments when she has made her worst mistakes. He has proven that over the years and just recently when she told him about her miscarriage. She can always trust her father, and he will always love her.

"You want water, tea, or a soda?" Ever asks.

"Um, actually, a soda sounds good," Natalia says.

Ever opens up the fridge and everything is neatly stacked and perfectly lined up. She takes out a Coke and hands it to Natalia.

"So Ever, how have you been since your dad died?"

Ever visibly tenses as she stirs the macaroni. Ryan has given her that same reaction over the last week every time she brings up the subject.

"I've been okay," Ever shrugs. "I mean...God bless Ryan for sticking it out with him...I just...it's hard for me to talk about him."

"I'm sorry," Natalia says sincerely. "I-I just...Ryan hasn't really talked about his father, not even when he came back to Miami..."

Ever nods, turning to cross her arms over her chest. "Ry has been trying to protect you."

Natalia nods.

"He does the same thing with me and Ma," Ever says.

"Before you came along, Ryan barely talked about his father at all," Joy adds. "He barely talks about his childhood..."

Joy's eyes glisten with tears. "He's been trying to block out his childhood, and..." The tears come. "I don't want him to. It's my fault...I shouldn't have put you kids through that."

"Ma," Ever says softly as she hugs her mother. "It's okay...

Joy quickly composes herself, nodding.

"I haven't known you very long, obviously," Ever smiles softly. "But um...as Ryan's sister, I'm so, so glad that you're in his life; God, I can tell how much he loves you just by the way he looks at you and I haven't seen my big brother so settled and complete. Thank you, Natalia."

Natalia feels a tear escape and she wipes it away, smiling. "Thank you, Ever."

Ever hugs her.

"Later on, we'll have girl talk, okay?"

"Okay," Natalia smiles as she pulls away.

Meanwhile, Ryan listens as Tabby explains the method to the madness that is her newly decorated room.

"I was going for like a Rubic's cube/Andy Worhal vibe," Tabby explains, and Ryan nods.

"It's...interesting," he says as he sits on her bed next to her. "But as long as you like it and are proud of it."

"That I am," Tabitha grins, pleased with herself.

Ryan loves his niece so much because she takes after Ever. He is so glad to see her, it's been far too long since he last saw her, and she has grown up so much since then. Ever has done a good job as a single mother, and he thinks that is because she takes after their mother, who dedicated herself to giving the best life possible to her children.

"So...are you gonna do the whole thing with Natalia?" Tabitha asks. "Like, marry her and have kids and stuff?"

Ryan chuckles. "If she'll have me, yes. What do you think?"

Tabby nods her approval. "I like her. She seems like a real girly-girl, though...she's Miami-ish with the tanned skin and the big boobs..."

"Tabby!"

"What? I'm just sayin'...all I see up here is winter wrinkles, dowdy clothes, and chapped lips. Can you really blame me for noticing the va-va voom in the middle of podunk Boston?"

Ryan laughs. "You are too much, you know that?"

"Good and well," Tabitha says proudly then she turns serious. "So uh...I'm going to a funeral for a grandfather I've never met."

His heart clenches and now he wishes that Tabitha would actually put a filter on that brain-mouth personality of hers.

"I know Tabby," he sighs.

"How come I never met him?" Tabitha asks. "I mean, mom barely talks about him, and whenever she does, she gets the same look on her face that you have right now."

Ryan gently pulls Tabitha into a hug and kisses her forehead. "All I can tell you is that when your mom's ready, she'll tell you about Grandpa Norman. If you don't trust her about anything else, trust her about this, okay?"

Tabitha nods. "Okay."

"So, you up for hanging out with Natalia tomorrow?"

"Sure," Tabitha shrugs. "As long as she doesn't do that whole condescending 'Hey, what's up girlfriend?' BFFL crap like Zoe did. Ugh."

"Natalia won't do that to you, I promise."

"Good, 'cause we're doing street hockey and burgers, so she better hold her own, or else, you can't marry her. She's not good enough for you anymore."

Ryan laughs. "Yeah, as if not being able to handle street hockey and burgers with a sixteen year old is a deal breaker."

"Hey, I am the master, I know the way...you have to listen and do as I say."

"Keep telling yourself that, kid."

O-o-O

Dinner was nice, and it was spent mostly talking about the funeral, then Ryan and Ever got the chance to tease each other about when they were growing up together. Natalia loves his sister, and she is so relieved that Ever approves of her as well.

She also loves Tabitha, who is funny and witty, much like the rest of her family.

Later on, after dinner, Ever and Natalia retreat outside to the deck and sit down at the table.

"So," Ever says excitedly. "Tell me everything...how'd you and my brother meet, get together...all that."

Natalia smiles nervously. "Uhm...yeah, well, we met at work. I was actually dating another man at the time, but that wasn't going well, and Ryan asked me out on a date and I went, just to make the guy I was dating jealous."

"Wow," Ever chuckles.

"Yeah," Natalia sighs. "Ryan took me out to dinner, then we went to watch Mexican wrestling."

Ever laughed. "That's hilarious!"

"Yeah, it was, actually. But we didn't go out again after that. Then, last year, we talked, and there was still a mutual attraction and we decided to date again. We got engaged on Christmas morning, and everything was going great until..."

"Zoe?"

"Yeah. We fell apart...I mean, completely fell apart. We both had some things to deal with. Actually, I had to work some things out...and Ryan helped me ever step of the way. We worked through all the hurt and pain together, and now we're strong again."

Ever nods, feeling happy for her brother that he's found the right woman, a woman that makes him happy and gives him what he needs. Still, she can see some hidden concerns in Natalia's eyes.

"How's he been since dad died?"

Natalia pushes her hair behind her ears and sighs. "Like I said earlier, Ryan hasn't talked much about his father...about when he stayed with him, and he hasn't said much since his death. I-I'm just worried that he'll close up on me, and...I know that he's trying to protect me, but I-I can't handle him not talking to me about any of this. I just really can't. He's been there for me, he has been so good to me with helping me deal with my issues, and now...I feel like he won't let me help him, especially after he supported me. It hurts."

Ever nods, looking inside at Ryan and Tabitha playing a video game, and she smiles.

"You know, all his life he's been surrounded by girls. Ma and me, then Tabby, and now you. He had to man up early...he didn't really have a childhood. I think that for a long time, it was always easier to put all his care into me and Ma than for him to take some time and deal with it. When the situation with Zoe happened, he was so heartbroken and angry at himself. But he still refused to open up about dad. It's almost like he didn't want to acknowledge that some of dad did rub off on me and him in one way or another."

"How so for you?"

Ever tugs on the sleeves of her blouse.

"My dad abused me physically and emotionally," Ever explains, looking down as she tries to hold back tears. "And when my mom finally left him, at first I was happy...but then I was angry because despite the abuse, at least was _there_, you know? I was so confused because I hated what he did to our family, but, I also just wanted him around."

Ever pauses and looks into the house again, looking at Tabitha.

"Ryan externalized, I internalized. Ryan gambled with his money, I gambled with my body..."

Natalia could see the pain in Ever's eyes as she thinks about her past.

"I was a cutter," Ever admits. "Hurt myself real bad a few times...but it was the only thing that made me feel like I had some power and control over my own body, what happens to it."

"I'm so sorry," Natalia says quietly and Ever grins a bit.

"I'm not," Ever explains. "Tabby saved my life...when I was fifteen, I found out I was pregnant with her. I was so scared, and I was at the point of not wanting to live at all...I finally had to admit that there was a tiny bit of my father in me, but I realized that I couldn't give him the satisfaction of fucking up my own life and Tabby's because I'm pissed at him. I straightened up, and Ryan stepped right in and helped me, protected me."

"Is that why it's so hard for Ryan to talk about his dad?"

"Yeah. But I can tell you that he's not doing it to hurt you. It's just that his protective instincts have kicked in with you."

"He's a wonderful protector," Natalia says. "But...I want to protect him too. When it comes to his father, Ryan just puts up this wall. I mean, beside telling me about his father abusing him, he hasn't actually told me about how he _feels_, what he was feeling. I-I don't know how to be there for him, how to love him through this. I don't know how parental abuse feels, my father was amazing to me and my sisters. I know what spousal abuse feels like, my ex husband abused me, and that was the most painful, horrible part of my life. I-I can't imagine your own parent hurting you."

Ever nods.

"I love Ryan so much," Natalia says tearfully. "I just want to be there for him. I need him to talk to me because him not even talking to me about the funeral arrangements, or the will, or anything has really put me in a bad place emotionally. God, Ever...I'm _so _scared right now."

Ever leans in and hugs Natalia.

"It'll be okay."

The women pull away then Ever smiles a bit.

"Well, even though you're not officially my sister-in-law yet...you're family, and I'll be there for you. Don't be afraid to call me, Natalia, and I mean that. I swear, if my brother doesn't do right by you at any point, I'll get on a plane to Miami and give him a swift kick in the ass Boston-style."

Natalia laughs heartily. "Aren't you the baby?"

"Yeah, but there's no law that says little sisters can't whip big brothers into shape."

"I think he'll save you the trouble," Natalia smiles.

Ever grins. "C'mon, let's go back inside."

The women get up and go back inside.

O-o-O

After spending another hour with his family, Ryan and Natalia headed to the hotel.

"Your sister is so nice," she says as she changes into her night clothes. "And Tabby's funny."

"Yeah, she's a handful," Ryan smiles as he hangs up their clothes for the funeral. "She's looking forward to spending time with you tomorrow."

Natalia sits down on the bed, pushing her hair behind her ears. "That sounds great, but...I was hoping I could come with you too..."

"'Lia..."

"Ryan, I know that you think you're protecting me by not talking to me," she begins. "But...it's hurting me. I feel like you're hiding from me again, and after everything we've worked through, I don't think I can take that. Not again."

"I'm not trying to hurt you," he says, coming over to sit beside her. "I promise you I'm not trying to hurt you, honey."

She sits closer to him. "Then why are you shutting me out? Why now when we need each other the most?"

Ryan had no idea that she felt hurt, and he feels terrible about making her feel that way.

"I don't want to shut you out," he says, gently pulling her into an embrace. "I'm not trying to, I just...I don't know. I need time to work things out, okay?"

She hugs him tighter. "Okay. I love you, sweetie."

"I love you too," he says.

Once he changes into his night clothes, he gets into bed next to her and she kisses him softly as she rests her head onto his chest. She is confident that when he's ready to talk to her about this moment in his life, he will...they've come too far together to not keep the lines of communication they've built open. Even though she is confident, that doesn't mean that she is not scared right now; emotionally, she feels isolated, and that's mostly because this concerns Ryan's family, and though his mother and Ever have welcomed her, she knows that she can't be privy to all the family business, or things concerning their father.

Still, Natalia has yet to know what Ryan was feeling, if he found closure with his father, what was said between the two...he has barely talked about his time with his father at all, and that is worrying her deeply because she wants to help him deal with that. He has been helping her with dealing with the emotional struggles she's had, and now she feels that it is her turn to step up and be there.

But she will not push him, though.

She snuggles into him and he holds her tighter.

Ryan smoothes over Natalia's hair and he closes his eyes, trying to get some sleep.

He doesn't know what to make of all this. His father is dead, and he feels no closer to the closure he wants. His father's cruel, cold answer to his questions about his parenting and the type of husband he was hurt him more deeply than he should have allowed; he half expected it, actually, but the optimistic side of him hoped that terminal illness and years of loneliness have made his father rethink things and try and make things right. Of course he was met with disappointment, and he didn't get the answers he needed or wanted.

Now that Norman Wolfe is dead, Ryan feels rather lost. He is confused because he feels numb right now. Numbness is keeping him focused on taking care of the business end of the arrangements because any other emotions that he might feel would hinder his concentration and keep him from really being there for his mother and sister.

He knows that Natalia feels a bit left out, and he honestly had no intention of doing that...the last thing he wants to do is push them backward instead of pressing them forward; they've come too far for that, and he doesn't want to push her away. He does need her, he's just not sure in what way yet. Natalia doesn't know anything about his father except what he's told her, and she's never met him, and yet, she's here, so willing to be a support to him. He loves her even more for being here with him.

He kisses her forehead and then finally lets sleep take him.

O-o-O

Calleigh feels so uncomfortable, and she frowns as she waddles slightly into the kitchen in search of something to eat. Up until this point of her pregnancy, she was feeling fine...after the nausea and weepiness faded away, she felt absolutely great, she was able to exercise again, eat whatever she wanted, and she had interesting, yet amazing, passionate sex with Eric, which was a major boost to her ego (his ego more than hers, she admits) and her mood.

But since the shower, she's been in decline and now, she's pissed off mostly, ready for her pregnancy to be OVER.

Eric is already in the kitchen, eating a sandwich while reading the paper, and he looks up and he grins at her.

"Hey _carina_. You want me to fix you something?"

"No," she says flatly, rubbing over her itchy belly.

Her back hurts, she is exhausted, her ankles are swollen, and she's had heartburn a lot more lately.

She groans when Eric wraps his arms around her expanded waist, rubbing her belly, feeling the baby roll over languidly inside her womb.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

"I'm the freakin' tenth planet in our solar system," she complains. "I have my own orbit."

He laughs, and she turns and glares at him.

"_Querida_...don't look at me like that. You're not _that _big, actually."

"Says you," she frowns. "You're not the one who's pregnant. You don't have to worry about _your_ ankles getting swollen, or-or your nipples getting so hard and gross that they get numb and feel like they're going to fall off!"

He rubs a hand over his face. "You know, I could've gone my whole entire life without that image in my head, babe."

Calleigh rolls her eyes. "I'm just so ready to have this baby..."

"I know," he grins as he kisses her softly.

She looks at him remorsefully. "I'm sorry about the nipples description..."

He laughs and gently caresses over her lower back.

"You're beautiful, Calleigh," he assures. "I think you look so amazing and gorgeous carrying our child. I love that my baby is inside you, I love seeing you filled out a bit because trust me, Cal..."

He pauses and caresses his hands down to her behind.

"It's in _all_ the right places babe," he whispers huskily into her ear.

She purrs when he brings her a bit closer and kisses just under her ear.

"How do you do that?"

"What?" He asks.

"Seduce me, even when I'm feeling like a beached whale?"

"Um, maybe because for one, you're my sexy, lovely wife, and two, you're not a beached whale, nor a planet with it's own orbit. You're pregnant with our baby and that makes you the most incredible woman in the world."

She smiles.

The phone rings and and he groans. "Great timing, whoever it is. Excellent."

Calleigh goes over and picks up the phone, looking at the caller ID. "It's Natalia."

She answers. "Hey Nat."

"Hey Calleigh," Natalia says with a sigh.

"How's it going up there with Ryan's family?"

"It's fine," Natalia says. "They're out taking care of some last minute stuff...I'm with Ryan's niece and-AHHH!"

Calleigh furrows her eyebrows. "Natalia?"

"I thought you were in time out? Tabby...and tell your friends that 'Your Uncle's Chick' has a name...thank you honey...okay, where was I?"

"Ryan's niece."

"Right. She's a handful. I was in to makeup, the color pink, and baby-doll dresses. She's in skinny jeans, a tee shirt, and playing street hockey. She's vicious, by the way."

Calleigh laughs. "Well I guess I should let you go before you get hit."

"No, I can talk," Natalia sighs.

"What's going on? How's Ryan?" Calleigh asks as she opens up the fridge and takes out the pickles.

"He's okay...I mean, I think he's having a really hard time with this," Natalia divulges. "His sister too...they're both kind of numb, I think. Joy is kind of holding things together right now."

"Well, Eric and I give Ryan our condolences," Calleigh says. "Is there anything we can do when you guys get back?"

"Just...be there. Like you always are."

"We will."

"So, how are you doing?"

"I'm uncomfortable," Calleigh frowns. "I'm ready to pop this kid out already, but I have a feeling, from the way Eric is eyeing me up, if he had it his way I'd be pregnant forever. We'd never see our little one."

Natalia laughs. "Well, make sure to get plenty of rest. She's almost here..."

"I know."

"I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"Alrighty," Calleigh says. "Love you Nat, and give our love to Ryan too."

"I will. Love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

O-o-O

Natalia walks out of the bathroom, putting on her earring, and she sees Ryan fixing his tie in the mirror. She finishes fastening her earrings then she slips into her heels, smoothing over her skirt. She is in a black skirt with a white silk blouse and she has a black jacket to go over it. She has curled her hair and she put on a plain black headband. She fastens her watch and puts on her necklace before checking to see if she has everything in her purse.

Ryan finishes fixing his tie and he grabs his jacket and pulls it on. He's been quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Natalia is giving him space, not smothering him, letting him work through the grief she knows he's feeling. He hasn't pushed her away though, not physically or otherwise, because he is concerned about how she is feeling, and he touches her softly, kisses her often.

He comes over to her and puts his hand on her lower back.

"You look beautiful," he says.

"Thank you," she smiles softly. "You look handsome. You ready?"

He nods.

It is raining outside, and he grabs the umbrella he went to the store earlier this morning and bought. They go downstairs and outside, and they see Ever's car in the car port. Ryan hugs her then Natalia. Joy is in the front seat, Harry, who came in last night, and Tabitha are in the second row of the SUV. Ryan opens the door for Natalia and she slips in to the back row, along with Ryan.

His father didn't have many close friends; Ryan called ever last number his father had listed in his phone book. Most of the numbers were no longer in service, and he only talked to about four people who agreed to come to the funeral. Other than that, it is just his immediate family.

One of his father's gambling buddies agreed to give a short eulogy, though Ryan can't imagine what he'd say; his mother is going to say a few words too, and he and Ever are curious as to what she will say as well.

The drive to the gravesite is spent in silence, and Natalia links her fingers with Ryan's and he kisses her cheek.

"You okay?" He whispers.

"Yeah," she says.

Natalia can see how hard this is on Ryan and Ever; the siblings both witnessed each other being abused, saw each other through the mistakes and joys of each other's respective lives, those lives defined by the pain of a childhood they barely had, and it is sad for Natalia to see them both trying to figure out if grief was the answer, and she can't imagine what Joy must be feeling right now, as a mother.

They all get out of the car, and Ryan holds the umbrella as Natalia hooks her arm in his.

The minister is already poised under the canopy. Some of his father's friends are already there, and she sees that they are worn with age and ill health. She imagines that Norman must have been frail too.

They make it under the canopy, and Ryan closes the umbrella.

The service begins.

Michael Lorenson, a friend of Norman got up to speak after the prayer was given by the minister.

"Norm and I kinda had a love/hate relationship," Michael begins with a slight smile. "He uh...he was the impulsive one, and I was the rational one. Night 'n day we were, and sometimes, I felt like strangling him he could be so quick to make the worst decisions...."

He pauses to look at the family.

"I knew he had a family. A wife, two kids...and I knew what he did to you. It made me sick, but...Norm was still my friend, and the guy I knew, I wish that you knew that guy. He talked tough, but inside, he wanted a normal life, he wished so much that he could be a good father, a good husband..."

Natalia looked to Ryan when he began to squeeze her hand, and she sees his jaw clenching and she rubs his arm with her other hand, kissing his cheek.

_Don't get angry, not now_, she thought to herself as she kissed him, and he seemed receptive, as he loosened his grip on her hand and released the tension in his jaw.

"Norm died without giving us a reason for any of the things he did," Michael says. "He lived his life the way he wanted to, and I have no doubt that he died a miserable, lonely old man. I say all that to say, especially to the family, the kids...things...things happen for a reason, people are put on this earth for a reason. Norman may not have been a good husband, or a good father, but...the way I see it, he was here solely to bring Ryan and Ever into this world. You got good kids, Joy, and...deep down, I believe that despite the life he led, I believe that Norm was glad his kids made something of themselves."

Ever sniffles and looks down at her hands.

"It's not easy to uh, forgive," Michael continues. "But...I think forgiveness is in order, so life, and purpose can be fulfilled. Thank you."

Michael sits down and Joy gets up.

"First of all, I just wanna say to my husband Harry, that I love you, dear. I'm glad you're here with me. Uhm...this is...this is very hard for me. Norm and I were husband and wife. We had two beautiful children together, and...I'm not gonna pretend to know what other kind of life Norm led, but I hope that he got what he wanted out of it. But I got what I wanted out of my life with him; Ryan and Ever. My wonderful kids, my babies who've made me so, so proud. You two were my angels in disguise. You lit up my life, and you two made the fight we had to fight, worth it. So yeah, Norm's your father, and be grateful for that much because I get to be your _mother_. Your mom."

Ever and Ryan both grin at their mother.

Just like that, the service is over, and they all stand up.

Slowly, the casket is lowered into the pit, and they all throw dirt into the grave as the minister read off scriptures.

Natalia gently caresses the back of Ryan's neck before she laces their fingers together again.

"I love you," she whispers.

He stares into the grave, still stoic, then they turn to leave.

O-o-O

Natalia comes into the kitchen with the plates from the early dinner they shared, and she sees Ever leaned up against the counter, arms crossed over her chest. Natalia puts the plates into the sink, and she looks over at the other woman.

"You okay?" Natalia asks.

Ever sighs. "Yeah. You don't have to wash those."

"No, I-I'll so them," Natalia insists. "You're exhausted."

"Natalia, I'll do them," Ever says a little more harshly than she intended, and she immediately regrets her tone. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay."

Ryan comes into the kitchen, and he senses the tension between his sister and his girlfriend.

"You two okay?"

"Yeah," Natalia says. "I'm gonna go check up on Tabby, if you don't mind, Ever."

"No, that'd be great, thanks," Ever says.

With that, Natalia leaves the kitchen and goes down the hallway to Tabitha's room.

Ryan looks at his sister.

"It's okay to grieve him," Ryan says.

Ever shakes her head. "As if you're grieving him."

He sighs. "I am a little, I guess. Ev, if that's what you're feeling, don't dismiss it. It's a process."

She turns from him and she begins to put away the food.

"Ev-"

"What did he say?" She asks.

"What?"

She turns back round to face him again.

"When you stayed with him," she explains. "Did you two talk? Did you ask him questions? What did he say?"

Ryan looks down at his feet.

"Ever...I did ask questions, but...the answer he gave isn't worth repeating. Especially not now."

She pushes her hair behind her ears. "I just don't know what to make of all this...I mean, Tabby didn't even know him, and half the time, I never know what to say when she asks about him. Am I...am I a bad mother for not once taking her to see her grandfather?"

"No," he says, gently pulling her into a hug. "No, Ever. You're not a bad mother. Tabby loves you, Ev. Tabby's a smart girl, and she trusts you, she loves you. I'm sure that she'll be ready to listen when you're ready to talk about dad."

She nods.

"I love you Ev," he says. "You're going to be okay."

"Love you too," she sniffles.

He kisses her cheek before he pulls away.

Harry comes into the kitchen, and he pats Ryan's back. "You doing alright?"

"Yeah," Ryan says. "Thanks."

"I just want to say I'm proud of you," Harry says with a smile. "Natalia is a lovely, intelligent woman."

"Thank you," Ryan says.

Though Ryan was seventeen and getting ready to head off to college by the time Harry came into his mother's life, he still respects the man for taking care of his mother, and being there for Ever. He didn't have a problem with Harry, was there for the wedding, and he supported his mother fully in her new life. Likewise, Harry has treated Ryan and Ever as if they were his children, and he has always wanted to be there for them. When Ever found out that she was pregnant, he stepped right in and chose to be a grandfather, though he was disappointed at first, as well as his wife. Still, Tabitha brought them all closer together.

When Ryan got into his mess, he didn't hesitate in helping his step-son start over. That changed the relationship they had, and to this day, Ryan is grateful to him for getting out of that life. Harry is glad to see Ryan happy again, glad to see that he is in love with a beautiful, supportive woman and ready to settle down and make a life with her. He has matured and is ready to take his life to the next level with someone who is ready as well.

He didn't know Norman personally, but he knew how much he'd hurt Joy and Ryan and Ever. The choices that the siblings made as teenagers and very young adults are evidence of how lost they'd been. But now they both have careers, they have people that they love and care for, and they love each other.

Harry knows that Joy worked hard for her children, and it has paid off, because she gets to see them healthy and happy.

After a while, Ryan and Natalia they both bid Joy, Ever, and Tabitha goodnight and decide to head back to the hotel, and Harry drives them back.

"Thank you, Harry," Natalia says as she hugs him. "And it was nice to finally meet you."

"Same here," Harry says. "We'll have to get you back up here real soon, Natalia."

"That would be great."

Ryan shakes his step-father's hand and gives him a quick hug.

"Goodnight Ryan," Harry says. "Love you."

"Love you too," Ryan says. "We'll see you tomorrow."

Harry nods before he gets back into the car and heads off.

O-o-O

Natalia is jarred awake from her sleep when a loud clap of thunder bursts in the sky and rattles through the room a bit. She takes in a deep breath and sits up a bit, looking at the clock. It is a little after two AM, and she sighs, turning onto her side, and it is then that she sees Ryan sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, watching the rain. She wonders if he even fell asleep; he hasn't had a good night's sleep since he got the news that his father died, and she is concerned because he hasn't talked to her, hasn't opened up about what he is feeling, about what this means for him...them.

She pushes the covers off of her, and she gets out of bed, going over to him, and he looks up at her when she gently rubs his shoulder.

"Sweetie," she whispers. "You've got to get some sleep..."

"I know, 'Lia," he says, putting his hand on her lower back.

She steps in front of him and he puts his hands on her hips, looking up into her eyes, which are glistening with tears.

"Ryan, will you please just talk to me?" Natalia implores. "You-you're scaring me...I don't know what to think, what to say...I feel like we're getting ready to take a giant step backward. I can't take that, I really can't. You haven't been sleeping well, and I-I feel so helpless...I don't know how to help you get through this."

"Honey...I'm sorry," he says quietly, his hands sliding around to her lower back. "I just...it's been really difficult. I don't know what to do myself...I want to talk to you, honey. I don't want to leave you out in the cold with this. There's so many emotions that I feel, and it's hard to sort through them and try and feel each one at a time."

She puts her hands on his shoulders. "How can I help you?"

He grins a bit. "You are helping me, 'Lia. You being here is helping me."

"I love you," she says.

"I love you too," he whispers as he gently brings her closer.

Ryan wraps his arms around her, resting his head against her abdomen and she caresses over his shoulders, lightly combs her fingers through his hair. He presses a kiss into her abdomen before resting against it, and she caresses over his arms then back up and around his neck, over his shoulders again.

He looks up at her again and she leans down and kisses him softly. He caresses his hands up and down her waist slowly, and she leans down and kisses him again. He stands up and he kisses her more insistently this time, and she puts her hands on his chest as she deepens the kiss. He caresses his hands up her abdomen and one hand gently cups her breast as the other caresses over her back. She moans softly when he squeezes her breast and rubs his thumb over the nipple. She parts her lips and invites him in and he groans at the taste of her as he caresses over the side of her breast before cupping it fully again. He moves to kiss her neck as he brings her closer to him, his arms winding around her waist as he kisses and nips along her neck.

"I love you," he whispers against her flesh. "I need you, 'Lia..."

She puts her hands on his cheeks and brings him into a loving, passionate kiss and he returns it in kind.

Ryan's hands slide under her tank top, and he cups her warm breasts in his hands before he breaks their kiss and pushes her tank top up and off and she takes his shirt off before she presses herself against his chest and kisses him deeply. He caresses his hands down her back and into her cotton pajama pants, into her panties and he pushes both down to her thighs and she gets them the rest of the way off and she steps out of them.

She kisses down his neck and over his shoulders as her hands caress over his chest and abdomen. She gives him one more sweet kiss before pulling away and getting back into bed, and he takes his pants off before joining her, caressing her cheek as he kisses her softly. She gently pushes him onto his back, straddling him. She caresses her hands over his chest, leaning down and giving him hot, sultry kisses over his flesh. She kisses her way down his body and she grips his cock in her hand, feeling just how much he wants and needs her right now. She strokes him slowly, making him groan and tilt his head back against the pillows.

Suddenly, she replaces her hand with her hot mouth, and he gasps and utters her name with a pleasured sigh. He grips the sheets in his fists when she laves her tongue over him, swirls, sucks, strokes. She caresses her hands up his chest as she releases him for all of a second before she gives him a slow lick with her tongue, her hot breath teasing against sensitive flesh. She takes his head between her lips, sucks at it before sliding her tongue over it.

"Mm," she moans. "I love you..."

"I love you too," comes his strangled reply as he gently tangles his fingers into her hair, losing all sense of thought as she pleasures him.

She takes him fully into her mouth again, sucking, licking, moaning...his eyes roll back as the sparks of desire shoot through his body, keenly feeling the wet heat of her mouth surrounding him, up and down, up and down, again, again, a little faster, a little harder...

"Uuhnh...yes, feels so good," he manages, a shudder seizing his body. "'Lia..."

"Mm," she moans as she gently strokes his balls, and he tells himself that he needs to stop her.

"Honey," he says quickly. "'Lia...I need to be inside you."

She releases him and she comes up and kisses him deeply, straddling him again and he puts his hands on her hips as she slowly sinks onto him, her scorching canal tight and slick. She kisses him softly and he caresses his hand up to her breast, gently twisting the nipple with his fingers and she moans.

"Ryan..."

He is deep inside her, throbbing, stretching, and she savors the feeling, linking their hands together.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers.

"You're incredible," she whispers with a smile as she brings their joined hands over his head. "You're so sexy and handsome...you're so wonderful, sweetie..."

She begins to move slowly over him and he groans.

"You feel so good Ryan," she moans. "I love the way you feel inside me..."

He leans up and captures her lips. "I love being inside you," he whispers against her lips.

She releases their hands and puts her hands on his chest, and his hands move to cup a breast and a hip respectively as she grinds her hips against his, building the exquisite friction between them. Slowly, the tension of the day is melting from his body, allowing him to feel the intense pleasure that is making him forget his confusion and grief for a while.

He slides his hand down from her breast, over her abdomen and down to her clit, pressing his thumb, and she gasps and she quickly removes his hand, kissing over it, licking the wetness from his thumb before she links their hands again. She is giving, doing all of the things he likes her to do, and taking care of him. This woman has given him yet another reason to fall deeper in love with her.

"You feel so good, sweetie," she purrs. "So good..."

He lets go of her hands and he rolls her onto her back, and he licks and sucks at her nipple, making her moan and comb her fingers through his hair. He moves to the other breast, laving and sucking, swirling his tongue around the hard tip of flesh before he kisses the valley between her breasts, up to her neck, over her jaw.

She drapes her calves over the back of his thighs and puts her hands on his lower back, bringing him in deeper.

He caresses her cheek as he kisses her hard, passionate as he slowly withdraws and then slides back in, angling his hips just so, hitting that spot inside her that makes her whimper, shudder, and flush with heat. He moves slowly, just enjoying the feel of her, the taste of her as his tongue duels with hers.

Ryan begins to move faster, grunting in her ear as he nibbles her earlobe.

He feels intense arousal coursing through his body, and he needs more of her, wants more of her. He caresses his hand down her thigh and under her knee as he hikes her leg up higher on his waist, thrusting deeper, harder, grinding his hips into hers, furrowing his eyebrows as he presses his forehead against hers, feeling the heat surrounding them, a light sheen of sweat forming between them.

Her tongue darts out and licks at his lips as she wraps one arm around his shoulders and the other hooks under his arm. He thrusts into her faster, harder, and he groans her name before kissing her softly.

He slides his hand down between them, and he teases at her clit again, but she stops him and he looks at her.

"Why-"

"You need this," she whispers. "I love you...let me protect you now. I'm giving you what you need. It's okay, sweetie."

He kisses her before he buries his face into her neck and moves faster, harder, and she tightens her legs around him. She can feel his hot breath against her neck coming in pants, in growls, in groans as he pushes deeper inside her.

"'Lia...God 'Lia..." He groans as he thrusts. "Feels so damn good...so tight..."

"Right there," she moans. "Yes...I love you inside me, going so deep..."

He grunts into her neck as he feels the tingle of pleasure build at the base of his spine.

Natalia kisses his cheek as he moves over her frantically, desperately, losing himself in her and in the incredible feeling of being one with her.

Ryan closes his eyes tightly as he feels closer and closer to coming.

"I love you 'Lia," he pants. "I love you..."

"I love you," she whimpers, her inner muscles fluttering around him. "Yes...Ryan...come inside me."

He thrusts hard into her, one, two, three more times before he lifts his head, grunting into the room as he comes inside her, in turn making her come around him. She brings him into a deep kiss, and he groans against her lips as he spills into her, making her feel warm and velvety. He slows to a stop as their kiss turns lazy, languid, and she caresses over his back as he pulls away and buries his face into her sweaty neck.

After a few minutes, he relaxes and she holds him, caressing softly over his back, smoothing over his hair. She feels wetness against her neck and she puts her hand on his cheek, feeling his silent tears against her palm.

"I love you," Ryan whispers. "I love you so much 'Lia."

"I love you too," Natalia says quietly, smoothing over his hair. "Get some rest, sweetie. Just rest."

He kisses her neck softly before they both drift off to sleep.

O-o-O

"What time is your flight again?" Ever asks as she begins to clean up after breakfast.

"Twelve thirty," Ryan says as he helps Ever.

Natalia is still working on her coffee, and Joy and Harry are finishing up.

"We're going to drive out this evening," Harry says. "Too bad you two can't stay the rest of the day."

"I know," Natalia sighs. "But I've got to get back to work tomorrow."

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask you," Joy says. "How are your friends? The couple having the baby?"

"Oh, they're fine," Natalia says with a smile. "Calleigh's doing well with the pregnancy...but she's getting more tired though."

"I remember those days," Joy chuckles. "Ryan over there was sweet as pie, but that one, Miss Ever, gave me a run for my money."

"Only 'cause I was meant for greatness," Ever smiles.

"What about me?" Ryan asks.

"Eh..." Ever shrugs.

"You're lucky I love you, sis," he chuckles.

Ever turns serious. "I need to talk to you outside."

Ryan nods and he follows Ever across the living room and outside on the patio.

"How'd you do last night?" He asks. "Are you alright?"

She sighs, looking out at the city. "I did okay...better than I did yesterday. You?"

"Same," he shrugs. "'Lia being here has really helped me to deal with this..."

Ever turns to look at him.

"Ry...could you forgive him? Did you forgive him?"

Ryan crosses his arms over his chest. "I wasn't sure that I could...I wasn't even sure I could find it in myself to love him, and not hate him..."

Ever tilts her head to the side.

"Ma raised us right," he says. "Even though dad hurt us, she never said a cross word against him to us. Even to this day, she still never said anything against him. I chose to forgive him because I'm my own person, Ev. I changed my life, I fell in love again, and...seeing Ma forgive him, and just watching how Natalia changed after she forgave her ex husband Nick for all the things he did to her, I knew I had to, for myself, for 'Lia because she deserves the best from me. And I couldn't give that to her, I couldn't be a good father to any my own children I may have with her if I didn't. It was hard as hell, I'll tell you that, but...it's changed the way I dealt with him being sick, with him dying. I called him...I was surprised the old man even wanted to hear me out...but he did. I forgave him, Ev, and he brushed me off. But still, at least _I'm_ okay."

She nods. "Just like that?"

"It's taken some time," he explains. "It will take some time, Ev. I can't tell you what to do or when to do it, but...I think that it'll be good for you when you do, and for Tabby."

Ever nods again then she hugs her brother. "Thanks, big bro."

Joy comes outside and Ryan grins at her, holding out his arm and she steps into the family embrace.

"My babies," she sighs.

Natalia can't help but smile when she sees Ryan comforting his mother and sister.

She knows he'll be okay.

_They'll_ be okay.


	22. Epilogue

_So here's the end. *Sniff. Tried many different possible endings...had to write and re-write, and re-write again...here's the final product, it's been great fun writing this story, and now a hot tea (don't drink, but will pretend tea is a glass of wine) is in order and now the juices can flow to get back in the E/C groove again. Thanks for all the great reviews on this story! Enjoy.

* * *

_

Pliant

**Epilogue**

Eric kisses his wife's temple again as she leans her head back against his shoulder, taking in deep breaths and letting it out slowly. By the way she is gripping the edge of the bed, he can tell that she is in a lot of pain, but he is marveling at her self control and her calm because he is completely scared and freaked out.

In the last leg of the pregnancy, Calleigh became more and more uncomfortable, unable to sleep well, and feeling achy. She became impatient to have the baby, and when she reached the middle of her eighth month, they began a birthing plan. Eric didn't want to agree to it, but Calleigh did not want to deliver their child in a hospital, and was insistent upon the Miami Central Birth Center. Eric is more traditional, preferring that the birth be done in a hospital with capable staff standing by if something were to go wrong. They argued about it, Calleigh always in tears, and Eric decided to relent because only Calleigh really knew the limits of her own body, and he trusted her judgement. He rested upon the fact that their OB/GYN gave a good report on the baby's health.

Eric has been more than a little jumpy, and Calleigh has had a good time laughing at his over-preparation. He packed her bag three weeks ago, has compulsively made sure the car had gas, he's taken the time to calculate how long it takes to get from their home to the birthing center with and without traffic, and he has read every article and every book on pregnancy, labor, and the post natal period.

She'd gone into mild labor early this morning, and he drove her to the the center so that she could be settled in and comfortable. She walked around a lot, called her family, read a couple of magazines...Eric of course hovered, and Calleigh had to tell him to leave and take a break several times throughout the day just so that _she_ could have some peace.

Finally, the contractions became more painful, closer together, and then it was time to get ready to meet their baby.

Even with all that preparation, Eric still didn't feel ready, and he certainly had not prepared himself mentally for seeing his wife in pain, for seeing his wife's..._area_ looking grotesquely and terrifyingly different.

She is perched on the side of the bed, spread-eagled and he is on his knees behind her, helping her push, counting for her, breathing with her. Lamaze class had been an essential part of their birth plan because she'd needed the breathing strategies. Since her lungs are damaged, it is easy for her to become panicked and hyperventilate in stressful situations. Lamaze helped her to learn how to control and slow her breathing, even through the hard labor, which she is in now.

"I love you," he whispers.

"Love you too," she sighs, closing her eyes, continuing her breathing.

The midwife, Sharon, and her two assistants are great, very encouraging, yet still professional.

"Okay, Calleigh, take a deep breath and push," Sharon says.

Calleigh takes in a breath, then she pushes, whimpering a bit.

"Good, good...harder, there you go," Sharon encourages. "There you go...push, push, push...and relax."

Calleigh lets out the breath she'd been holding, and she inhales slowly.

She feels calm, though the pain is intense and unlike anything she's ever experienced before. Eric is surprisingly calm, though she can only imagine what must be going through his head right now. He must be terrified, a bit frightened at the changes going on in her body right now.

"The baby's crowning," Sharon reports. "Take a deep breath and push so we can get the head out."

Calleigh inhales, then she pushes with all her might, gripping the bed harder. It is a burning, stinging pain she feels, and her muscles are strained and stretched to the limit as she pushes more.

"Good, keep pushing, keep pushing...good girl...push, push," Sharon encourages. "Rita, I need the suction."

Rita, the assistant hands Sharon the suction.

Eric can see the baby's head slowly emerging from Calleigh's body and he notices that his child has a head full of hair.

"You're doing so good, _carina_," he whispers. "You're doing great."

"And relax. Wow, this baby has lots of hair."

Calleigh smiles. "Oh my God...she does..."

"Or he," Eric whispers and she giggles a bit. "We'll know in a minute."

Sharon suctions the baby's nose and mouth then she gently grabs the head.

"Okay, Calleigh, don't push," Sharon says. "The shoulders are starting to come out, so just breathe through the next contraction and let the shoulders come out."

Calleigh nods and when another contraction hits her, she rests her head back against Eric's shoulder and breathes.

Eric watches, alternately feeling nauseous and excited as he watches the birth of his baby. It really is fascinating and beautiful, watching the woman he loves go through so much pain to give him a baby. He loves that Calleigh embraced becoming a mother, has made an effort to be willing to change some things in her life to make room for their child. She is so driven, so professional, and her job has basically defined much of who she is; Eric is interested in seeing where motherhood will take Calleigh, where he will go as a father, how they will do as parents to this tiny infant emerging from Calleigh's womb.

"Okay, the shoulders are out," Sharon says. "One more big push, Calleigh."

Calleigh takes in a deep breath and pushes again as hard as she can.

"Oh God," she cries. "It hurts..."

"I know, keep pushing," Sharon says.

"She's almost here, Cal," Eric whispers. "You're so beautiful, _querida_. She's almost here..."

Calleigh feels tears running down her cheeks and she closes her eyes tightly.

"Calleigh, open your eyes," Sharon says. "Open your eyes and reach down."

Calleigh opens up her eyes and she reaches her hands down and she catches her baby when her body completely expels the infant.

"Oh my God," she cries happily, hearing the infant scream. "Oh my goodness...Eric, our baby..."

He kisses her cheek and she turns so that she can kiss his lips before she looks down at their baby.

"Hi baby," Calleigh coos as she smoothes over the baby's thick hair. "Hi my darling...my sweet darling. Hello..."

"Congratulations," Sharon says. "Dad, you want to cut the cord?"

Eric nods and he takes the scissors and he cuts the cord, separating mother from child.

Eric kisses her again.

"I love you, Calleigh," he says, beholding his child in awe. "I love you."

"I love you too," Calleigh sniffles.

The new parents both bask in their newborn child, feeling their hearts grow that much closer together as they find resemblances of themselves in their baby. Eric's dark hair, Calleigh's eyes and nose, Eric's skin tone and lips...in a word, this child is simply _perfect_ and nothing could convince the parents otherwise.

Calleigh looks gorgeous right now to him as she holds their baby, and he is deeper in love with her.

O-o-O

Everyone is anxiously awaiting any news about the birth, and the tension is high, but it is good tension.

Natalia and Alexx are both giggly and chatty as they wait, and the men are in relative silence.

Ryan holds Natalia's hand and she smiles as she rests her head onto his shoulder, feeling so happy and joyful for their friends. She can't seem to get that word out of her head. _Joy_. She's been feeling that way more and more lately, and she also feels a sense of peace and completion. Their relationship has only gotten better since the funeral, and Natalia has helped Ryan get through grieving his father, much as he didn't want to. Since then, things have gone in fast forward, and now Calleigh is preparing to deliver the long awaited first baby for her and Eric.

Ryan is glad to see his friends so happy and becoming parents. It is an exciting thing to watch good friends start a family and grow together, and he knows that he and Natalia will one day experience that kind of joy, of having their own child and being surrounded and supported by friends and family.

His love for Natalia has deepened tremendously, and he plans on proposing to her again really soon, and he can't wait. Just the thought of making her his wife makes him even more happy than the first time. He feels more confident that they will have a good, solid marriage now that they've worked through issues that would have hindered that.

He grins a bit, thinking that life couldn't get any better, looking forward to being an uncle to his best friends' child, Natalia ready to be an aunt again.

After another thirty minutes, Eric comes into the waiting room and everyone looks at him expectantly.

"We had a baby girl," Eric announces with a smile and everyone cheers. "Sara-Lynn Maria Delko."

There are handshakes and hugs and congratulations before Eric heads back to the room with his wife and newborn daughter.

Another hour passes, and after getting a chance to take a family picture, and letting Horatio, Alexx and Natalia hold the baby, everyone departed to give the Delko family some privacy so that they can enjoy their new baby together.

Ryan takes Natalia's hand as they walk down the sidewalk to their car. She is smiling, dreamy-eyed, and he kisses her cheek.

"Sara-Lynn is gorgeous isn't she?"

Natalia nods with a smile. "Mmhm...she's a little cutie. But they've got to do something about that hair, it was sticking straight up, poor baby."

"I can't decide if she looks more like Calleigh or Eric," Ryan says.

"I'd say both," she shrugs. "But she is beautiful. Eric is going to be _so_ whipped."

"So...now what're we gonna do now that Eric and Calleigh have a kid?"

"What do you mean?" Natalia asks.

"Well, they'll be too busy for us," he shrugs. "Too tired to hang out..."

"We should find a back up couple," she says. "What about Alexx and Henry?"

"They're too good to be a back up couple," Ryan rationalizes. "In fact, Eric and Calleigh and the two of us are probably their back up couples."

"You're right...well, we could just help Eric and Calleigh stay sane because they'll be sleep deprived zombies for the next few months. That way we don't offend anyone with the whole back up couple thing, and we get to spend lots of time with Sara-Lynn, Uncle Ryan."

He smiles.

"Yeah, I like your plan better."

A soft, gentle breeze rustles the palm trees that line the sidewalk along the birthing center, and wisps through Natalia's hair, and he brushes a strand of hair from her face. When they arrive at their car, Ryan puts his hand on her hips and she hugs him.

"What're you thinking about?" He asks.

"Just about us," she sighs, looking up at him. "It's been crazy, huh?"

Ryan chuckles. "I actually think crazy is an understatement, 'Lia."

"Yeah, no kidding," she smiles. "But...it's been worth it, and I'm so thankful that you didn't give up on me and walk away, no matter how many times I wanted you to, no matter how many times I wanted to walk away."

"I'm glad you didn't give up on me," he says, kissing her forehead, then he tilts her chin up gently and kisses her passionately, and she smiles.

"Ryan..." Comes her halfhearted, gentle protest before he captures her lips again.

Ryan couldn't resist, still in awe of seeing Natalia whole, healed, and secure. He doesn't see the doubt in her eyes, he doesn't see that she is hiding away things deep in her heart. There's something new, ethereal, almost surreal about this woman before him now. She is a far cry from the woman she'd been when they began their relationship, when everything fell completely apart, when _they_ fell apart and had to take the challenge to pick up the solid bricks one by one and cement them back into place to complete the foundation for this moment.

He gives her one more soft kiss before they pull apart.

"I love you," comes her very soft whisper, nothing but adoration and contentment in her eyes.

"I love you too," he whispers.

She rests her head onto his chest, smiling, ready for anything that comes her way because she knows that Ryan will be by her side, as a friend, a lover, and eventually, her husband when the time comes. Her mind is open to so many possibilities with Ryan, and she finds herself often getting giddy at thoughts about the future with him.

For now, they are both happy and proud of each other, thankful for their team, which is also their family.

This evening, a new member of their family was born.

Natalia looks up at Ryan and he kisses her lovingly.

And another is on the way, nestled deep in it's mother's womb, it's parents completely in love, and unaware of the magnificent life they've made, and are going to have.

_**End**_


End file.
